Katie got her GCSE results last Thursday. She got 1 A*, 2 A, 3 B, 3 C and we was all super proud of her. She was in a sulk though cos even though she got all them really good grades she didn't do so well in Drama and was in a funny mood so Mummy said why didn't she come away in the caravan with us so she said she would.
So Saturday morning we got up nice and early to go camping and got all the caravan ready. Only me was going cos the weather forecast wasn't great and Mummy and Daddy thought Carly and Lotty would be silly if they were stuck inside a caravan all weekend.
Mummy was in the bedroom and Daddy came up and said, "Do you want the bad news or the bad news?"
Mummy said, "Erm bad I spose." "The car has a flat tyre." So he fitted the spare but he said it was only a space saver so he couldn't pull a caravan on it and off he went to find another tyre. When he got to the tyre place he had a good look and found out that there was a nail in both rear tyres. We blame them bloody gypsys who come into the car park at work at night to steal pallets and leave nails lying around all over the place. As you can imagine Daddy was extremely cross. Anyway he phoned and told us that they had to order two tyres and they would be there by lunchtime so we sat down and wondered if we would ever be going camping. We hoped so cos we had already paid for the campsite.
Then Katie came downstairs in a tizzy cos she had looked out the window and Daddy's car was gone and she thought we were mean enough to go without her. Mummy said if she had just leaned another inch to the right she would have seen the caravan was still in the drive. Anyway it didn't take as long as expected and Daddy came back about 11.30 with two new tyres and he wasn't in as bad a mood as we thought cos it had cost a lot less than he thought it would and he said he had been told at his last MOT that he would need two new tyres soon.
Mummy and Katie had finished packing the caravan while Daddy was out so they hitched it up and me and Katie got in the car and Mummy gave Carly and Lotty lots of kisses and felt bad for leaving them. She didn't feel bad about leaving Tom and Bryn cos they were invited but they would rather stay home.
The campsite was only in Ross on Wye 45 minutes away so we were there by 12.30. The campsite was down the back of Morrisons and through a bus graveyard but when we got inside it was a lovely place. We parked up outside the hut and I got out and Mummy went to leave me outside but the man said "Come in, all of you, we are all dog lovers." And the lady looked just like Shirley Williams. Mummy loves Shirley Williams, she is like her heroine. The man showed us where to park and it was all very nice and all the spots were all marked out and quite big so everyone had their own space. The toilets were HUGE and very clean and there was even a BATH! So they parked the caravan up and Mummy did all the daft stuff to make the caravan homely even though we were only staying one night like putting out cushions and a bath mat (even though we haven't got a bath, only a shower) while Daddy made cups of tea. After I had some water and the humans had some tea we went for a walk into town. It was very hot but Mummy checked and she said the ground was cool enough for me to walk so it was ok.
Ross on Wye is the most dog friendly town we ever saw in our lives. Mummy, Daddy and Katie had baguettes from Greggs for lunch and they were sat on a bench eating and Mummy was giving me bits of her baguette when Daddy said "Has Bessie not had her breakfast?" and Mummy said, "Oh no. I didn't feed her before we left so she wouldn't be sick and I forgot when we got here." So Daddy went back to Greggs and asked the lady if they had any cool snossij rolls cos it was for me. And she said I was a nice doggy and she gave him a nice cool snossij roll and when he got his money out she said it was free. How nice was that?
Then we went for a walk and we had icecream and Mummy gave me the end of her cone with some honeycomb and fig icecream in it. All the shops had water bowls outside and there were dogs everywhere for me to meet and greet. We went down by the river and I tried to make polite conversation with a Mr and Mrs Swan and their children but you can't make polite conversation with swans cos even though they look all nice and posh they are actually the chavs of the bird world and they just kept swearing at me so we went for a walk instead.
When we got back to the caravan I had a long sleep cos I was very hot and tired and Mummy damped a towel and laid it on me to help me cool down. There was a huge storm with thunder and lightning which was a bit scary and the icecream man came right in the middle of it which was a bit surreal. Then I had my tea and the humans had burgers and potato salad and coca cola and we went out again to the pub. We went to a pub called the Man of Ross and it was a nice pub and there was a greyhound in there.
When we got back it was so nice to get back in the dark to a caravan with a roof and lights and a proper bed instead of when we go away in the tent and you are scrambling round in the pitch dark.
The next day it was raining again when we got up but we decided we would stay for the day cos otherwise we wouldn't have even stayed for a whole 24 hours. So we waited for the rain and Mummy read her Jane Austen book and Daddy and Katie played Sims on Katie's laptop (they have free wifi on the campsite). Anyway it got to lunchtime and the rain hadn't stopped so we went out anyway. We drove into town but the car park we picked was so far away it was nearly as far as it would have been to walk from the campsite. We went to a restaurant called Bistro Mondo and it was dog friendly and the man brought me some water and a family came in with a beagle and he is my new best friend now and the humans had Sunday lunch. Katie was looking forward to her first Sunday lunch since she had stopped being a vegetablist but they had no chikkin or turkey today so she her and Mummy ended up having nut roast and Daddy had lamb.
After lunch it was still raining so walked back along the river to the car and then we went back to the campsite and packed the caravan up and went home to see Carly and Lotty and the boys.
Thursday 27 August 2015
That there London again. By Bessie
Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to London for the weekend. They set off on Friday morning but only got as far as Tesco cos Katie and Daddy wanted bacon rolls for breakfast. Mummy had porridge. Then they set off properly to London. They went to Louise and Dave's house first and had some lunch and cuddled with Frank, Penny and Bertie. Then Mummy, Daddy, Katie and Dave went on the tube to London and they all stopped and bought oyster cards so now they think they are all cosmopolitan now.
They went to Euston to meet Katie's friend Zoe but they got there a little bit early so they went for coffee. Mummy needed a wee but someone had projectile weed ALL over the one toilet so she said she would hold it in til they got back to Louise's. Then they went back to the station and looked on the arrivals board and it said the Glasgow train was in so they went to see and Zoe was there so they all hugged Katie goodbye and left her to wander round London on her own for a few days, Then Mummy, Daddy and Dave went back to Louise and Dave's house and Louise had made dinner and they had a lovely evening playing Cards against Humanity and drinking wine and beer. Katie and Zoe went to their hotel and their other friend who lived in London phoned and they said she should come and stay with them so her dad brought her over and then they all had a chinese takeaway for their tea.
The next day Katie and her friends went to Summer In The City at London Excell. Mummy, Daddy, Louise and Dave had brunch then went into London on the tube. They went for a walk along the south bank or is it Southbank? Anyway they went in the Tate Modern and Mummy promised Daddy that she wouldn't say "That's shit." But then accidentally broke her promise as they walked in to the first gallery. Mummy's excuse/defence was "For Gods sake, it's three dead crows skewered to the wall with arrows. Of course it's shit." Daddy - who has a degree in colouring/fine art depending on who's version you believe - was also embarrased by Mummy and Louise:
Shouting nice gash at a painting which was basically a canvas with a slash in it.
Pretending to study a painting that was just a big sheet of black.
Standing upside down to examine a painting that was - and it really was - hung upside down.
Renaming the gallery "Ten pints of Stella" on account of a) it looked like most of the art was created after consuming this and b) needing to consume this to enjoy the art.
Telling Daddy that a painting of a naked man and a dog having a nap was me and him.
Asking if an installation was actually a heating duct that had fallen off the ceiling.
Asking if another installation was a result of a leaking roof.
Declaring that their favourite piece in the entire gallery was a chair with a tissue under it and loudly discussing this piece of art. It was actually just a chair that one of the staff had vacated to go and do a wee or something.
So they left before they got forcibly removed and went to Wetherspoons for drinks. Then they went for a walk round the City of London which was the weirdest place on earth cos it was a Saturday afternoon and the place was deserted. All the shops were shut. All the pubs were shut. Daddy took loads of photos of the Lloyds building, he liked that a lot. Mummy wanted him to take pictures of a lovely Victorian shopping arcade what they used for Diagon Alley in the Harry Potter films but Daddy isn't as interested in Harry Potter as Mummy is.
Then they went to a German bar for tea. Mummy and Dave had snossijs and sauerkraut and beer, Louise had schnitzels and wine and Daddy had stew and wine. They had a nice tea anyway and then they went to Wetherspoons by the Tower of London for pudding and cocktails cos the German bar only sold apple pie for pudding and they wanted sundaes.
After tea they went on a Ripper Tour which was lots of fun and they found out all sorts of gory stuff although Mummy does keep annoying us by saying "See what a jolly bonnet I've got now" which doesn't make any sense to anyone. By the time they finished it was quite late so they went home to Louise and Dave's house and Daddy slept on the tube and lolled about all over the place and showed them all up.
On Sunday they went to see the airmans memorial which was a very nice peaceful place ruined by some obnoxious brat bouncing a football the entire time they were there.
Then they went to Windsor and had a walk round and said hi to the Queen (I don't believe this happened at all cos I know for a fact she was staying in London that weekend for the D Day parade). Then they got a picnic lunch from Waitrose and went and sat by the rive and ate their lunch and fed the ducks and saw some nuns taking photos of each other with an iPad. When they got back to Louise and Dave's house Mummy and Louise took Frank, Penny and Bertie for a walk. Then they had a Sunday Roast and some pink wine and played guess the year on the music channel.
On Monday Mummy and Daddy went into London on their own to collect Katie. They went to look at the shops first. They went to Harvey Nicholls but Mummy said they only went in there to use the toilets cos it's a horrible shop that sells fur. Anyway she said she was unimpressed with the toilets. Then they went to Libertys and Mummy bought some nice cards and then it was time to go to Euston to meet Katie and Zoe.
After they said goodbye to Zoe they went to see if there were any lockers to store Katie's bag so they could go to the museums but they were really stupidly expensive so Daddy said he would carry it. First they went to the British Museum. They had lunch at a fish and chip restaurant just outside and then they went in but Katie only wanted to look at Mummys and then leave which was a bit of a waste of a journey if you ask me. Then they went to the Natural History Museum and they had a nice look round there but there was a very long queue to get in the dinosaur room so they didn't bother with that bit. They were going to go in the Science Museum too but there was a lady standing next to the donation pot forcing everyone to put loads in and Mummy said the place was closing in half an hour so she wasn't paying all that money so they decided it was getting late and their feets were tired and Katie's bag was very heavy so they got back on the tube and went back to Louise and Dave, had a cup of tea then came home to see us. I made Mummy suffer for leaving me by ignoring her for a few days of course.
They went to Euston to meet Katie's friend Zoe but they got there a little bit early so they went for coffee. Mummy needed a wee but someone had projectile weed ALL over the one toilet so she said she would hold it in til they got back to Louise's. Then they went back to the station and looked on the arrivals board and it said the Glasgow train was in so they went to see and Zoe was there so they all hugged Katie goodbye and left her to wander round London on her own for a few days, Then Mummy, Daddy and Dave went back to Louise and Dave's house and Louise had made dinner and they had a lovely evening playing Cards against Humanity and drinking wine and beer. Katie and Zoe went to their hotel and their other friend who lived in London phoned and they said she should come and stay with them so her dad brought her over and then they all had a chinese takeaway for their tea.
The next day Katie and her friends went to Summer In The City at London Excell. Mummy, Daddy, Louise and Dave had brunch then went into London on the tube. They went for a walk along the south bank or is it Southbank? Anyway they went in the Tate Modern and Mummy promised Daddy that she wouldn't say "That's shit." But then accidentally broke her promise as they walked in to the first gallery. Mummy's excuse/defence was "For Gods sake, it's three dead crows skewered to the wall with arrows. Of course it's shit." Daddy - who has a degree in colouring/fine art depending on who's version you believe - was also embarrased by Mummy and Louise:
Shouting nice gash at a painting which was basically a canvas with a slash in it.
Pretending to study a painting that was just a big sheet of black.
Standing upside down to examine a painting that was - and it really was - hung upside down.
Renaming the gallery "Ten pints of Stella" on account of a) it looked like most of the art was created after consuming this and b) needing to consume this to enjoy the art.
Telling Daddy that a painting of a naked man and a dog having a nap was me and him.
Asking if an installation was actually a heating duct that had fallen off the ceiling.
Asking if another installation was a result of a leaking roof.
Declaring that their favourite piece in the entire gallery was a chair with a tissue under it and loudly discussing this piece of art. It was actually just a chair that one of the staff had vacated to go and do a wee or something.
So they left before they got forcibly removed and went to Wetherspoons for drinks. Then they went for a walk round the City of London which was the weirdest place on earth cos it was a Saturday afternoon and the place was deserted. All the shops were shut. All the pubs were shut. Daddy took loads of photos of the Lloyds building, he liked that a lot. Mummy wanted him to take pictures of a lovely Victorian shopping arcade what they used for Diagon Alley in the Harry Potter films but Daddy isn't as interested in Harry Potter as Mummy is.
Then they went to a German bar for tea. Mummy and Dave had snossijs and sauerkraut and beer, Louise had schnitzels and wine and Daddy had stew and wine. They had a nice tea anyway and then they went to Wetherspoons by the Tower of London for pudding and cocktails cos the German bar only sold apple pie for pudding and they wanted sundaes.
After tea they went on a Ripper Tour which was lots of fun and they found out all sorts of gory stuff although Mummy does keep annoying us by saying "See what a jolly bonnet I've got now" which doesn't make any sense to anyone. By the time they finished it was quite late so they went home to Louise and Dave's house and Daddy slept on the tube and lolled about all over the place and showed them all up.
On Sunday they went to see the airmans memorial which was a very nice peaceful place ruined by some obnoxious brat bouncing a football the entire time they were there.
Then they went to Windsor and had a walk round and said hi to the Queen (I don't believe this happened at all cos I know for a fact she was staying in London that weekend for the D Day parade). Then they got a picnic lunch from Waitrose and went and sat by the rive and ate their lunch and fed the ducks and saw some nuns taking photos of each other with an iPad. When they got back to Louise and Dave's house Mummy and Louise took Frank, Penny and Bertie for a walk. Then they had a Sunday Roast and some pink wine and played guess the year on the music channel.
On Monday Mummy and Daddy went into London on their own to collect Katie. They went to look at the shops first. They went to Harvey Nicholls but Mummy said they only went in there to use the toilets cos it's a horrible shop that sells fur. Anyway she said she was unimpressed with the toilets. Then they went to Libertys and Mummy bought some nice cards and then it was time to go to Euston to meet Katie and Zoe.
After they said goodbye to Zoe they went to see if there were any lockers to store Katie's bag so they could go to the museums but they were really stupidly expensive so Daddy said he would carry it. First they went to the British Museum. They had lunch at a fish and chip restaurant just outside and then they went in but Katie only wanted to look at Mummys and then leave which was a bit of a waste of a journey if you ask me. Then they went to the Natural History Museum and they had a nice look round there but there was a very long queue to get in the dinosaur room so they didn't bother with that bit. They were going to go in the Science Museum too but there was a lady standing next to the donation pot forcing everyone to put loads in and Mummy said the place was closing in half an hour so she wasn't paying all that money so they decided it was getting late and their feets were tired and Katie's bag was very heavy so they got back on the tube and went back to Louise and Dave, had a cup of tea then came home to see us. I made Mummy suffer for leaving me by ignoring her for a few days of course.
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