Yesterday Mummy had a day off. Friday is supposed to be her day off but she swapped it for yesterday cos Katie had a hospital appointment. So they went to Asda first and did half the food shop. They didn't have time to finish so they said they would come back later and finish in the chilled aisles.
They walked to the hospital and waited way longer than ten minutes. There was a sign on the wall that said "if you are kept waiting more than ten minutes after your appointment time please tell reception" but it seemed a bit rude so they just waited. Then Katie went to see the physiotherapist and she gave her some more exercises for her bad hip and checked she was doing the ones she had been given properly, which she had.
Then they went back to Asda but by now they had been nearly three hours so they couldn't stay any longer or they would get fined so they went to Lidl and got the chilled stuff, which is always a a bad move cos now the fridge is full of german snossijs which they didn't really need but couldn't resist.
Then Daddy phoned and asked Mummy if she was busy and she said she was busy but he said he needed her to come into work cos they needed to take the annual team photo for their bosses budget meeting and today was the only day everybody was in before Monday, when the meeting is. Mummy said "But everybody isn't in. I'm not in." But Daddy said she didn't count cos she was only round the corner. Except she wasn't cos she was actually in town. So Mummy said she would come later after she picked Bryn up from school.
Then she went to the chemist and collected her prescription, picked Bryn up from school and then went to work to have the photo taken. Daddy and their boss were pretending not to be annoyed cos she was wearing a Gryffindor hoody, jeans and doc martens and the day before she had been wearing a pretty dress and high heels. But she had been in work the day before, she wasn't going to walk round town dressed like that now was she? So her boss fetched a coat with the company logo on and she said "Don't you like my jumper?" And he said he was a slytherin man himself and Mummy said no he was a Hufflepuff and he knows it.
Then about an hour later they finally got everybody in the right place at the right time to take the photo but then the phone rang and someone ran off to answer it then someone else told Mummy about a really big spider that had come in that morning in a delivery from India so she went to look for it cos there was an old fishtank in the car park and she thought she could have kept it in it as a pet. But it turned out that whoever found the spider had panicked and squashed it dead so she doesn't have a pet spider this time.
Then finally the photo was taken and Mummy could go home and unpack the shopping even though all the frozen things were starting to melt. Then it was time to take us to the V E T. Me and Lotty were having our vaccinations which winds Mummy up every year cos she knows we don't need them but we can't go to softplay or in kennels - if there is an emergency - without them. Carly wanted to come along for the ride and we were all going to have our nails done. We had to wait ages in the waiting room cos it was really busy and emergencys kept coming in and by the time we got seen we had been waiting 40 minutes and Carly had decided she owned the entire waiting room and was starting to lunge at dogs coming in. We got weighed, I am 23kg, Carly 18kg and Lotty 17kg. Mummy said she thought I was loads more than that cos I am big and fat and full of poo.
We went into the V E T room and we had our jabs and then two nurses came in and cut our nails. They did a really good job and they are nice and short even if when she touched my broken toe I cried and she had to leave that one.
Then we got back in the car (that Lotty had weed in) and came home and had our tea then we watched Eastenders and a programme about the top 100 dum dum dums in Eastenders but we missed the end cos Daddy wanted to watch Silent Witness. That was a story about a man who wanted to do sex with his own sister - who only wore see through clothes - so he killed her boyfriend but all the way through everyone thought it was a story about the KGB and stuff but really it was just a jealous incesty man.
Wednesday 28 January 2015
Sunday 25 January 2015
Daddyisms
You might have noticed that a few months ago I accidentally deleted the entire page of Daddyisms by accident. So it has taken a long time but I have managed to remake the page but I made it on a different blog so I couldn't break it again. Here is the link:
http://daddyismsbybessie.blogspot.co.uk/
http://daddyismsbybessie.blogspot.co.uk/
NO CHIPS??? By Bessie
On Friday Mummy finally had her first day off all month so her and Tom went to Cwmbran to get him a new phone as his is broke and Mummy cancelled his contract. They found a good deal in the EE shop so they signed up and got the phone then went to buy shoes in the sale in Primark. Mummy got a pair of boots for £5 and shoes for £4 so she was happy. Then they went to Asda to buy a bag of salad for tea but after carrying it round all day remembered Daddy was taking them out for tea so she needn't have bothered.
On Friday night my humans went to the Beefeater for tea on account of Daddy having a half price voucher and fancying a meal out (aka being bored of eating things out of the slowcooker I bet). When the man sat them down at the same table they always sit in even though Mummy was muttering please don't sit us at that table, he said "Just to let you know we have no fillet steak, grilled salmon or fish and chips." Daddy wasn't listening properly though and went "NO CHIPS??" So the man sighed and bent right into Daddy's face and said it all again, very slowly and very loudly. Everyone else was trying not to laugh so hard they couldn't tell him what they wanted to drink for choking. Mummy said they were all going to get their drinks spat in now and it was Daddy's fault.
Then the waitress came and they all ordered and ONE WHOLE HOUR later the food arrived but the air conditioning had been turned on about ten minutes before and the place was absolutely freezing, especially for my humans as the air con unit was directly over the table. They all put their coats back on and Daddy asked the waitress to turn it off. She said someone on the other side of the room complained it was too hot so she would wait a few minutes then turn it off again.
Anyway, she did and it was all nice and cosy but then ten minutes later it went back on again so they just gave up and ate their food with their coats on. But other than that it was nice even if Daddy did complain that his portion was too small. He said it wasn't far that Tom's chicken linguine was a bigger portion than his chicken and chips but Tom said they were completely different types of food so how could the portion sizes be the same but Daddy said they should all weigh the same. Mummy said they should all shut up and look at her dinner. It was served on a chopping board. She said it looked like something Jamie Oliver had dished up and how was she supposed to eat her dinner off a chopping board. Daddy said serving food on a chopping board is unhygienic.
On Saturday Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to Ikea on a so called pricing exercise. Next job on the house is the pantry so they found some nice shelving and measured up and decided what they need. Mummy almost managed to leave Ikea without buying anything. She made it past the candles, the picture frames, the cushions, even the potted plants but then couldn't resist a hot dog.
Then they had the bag of salad for tea that Mummy had carried all round Cwmbran in her handbag.
Today we have had a nice lazy day. On Tuesday we are going to the vet to have our vaccinations and our nails cut. I broke a toenail jumping on the bed on Friday. It hurted.
On Friday night my humans went to the Beefeater for tea on account of Daddy having a half price voucher and fancying a meal out (aka being bored of eating things out of the slowcooker I bet). When the man sat them down at the same table they always sit in even though Mummy was muttering please don't sit us at that table, he said "Just to let you know we have no fillet steak, grilled salmon or fish and chips." Daddy wasn't listening properly though and went "NO CHIPS??" So the man sighed and bent right into Daddy's face and said it all again, very slowly and very loudly. Everyone else was trying not to laugh so hard they couldn't tell him what they wanted to drink for choking. Mummy said they were all going to get their drinks spat in now and it was Daddy's fault.
Then the waitress came and they all ordered and ONE WHOLE HOUR later the food arrived but the air conditioning had been turned on about ten minutes before and the place was absolutely freezing, especially for my humans as the air con unit was directly over the table. They all put their coats back on and Daddy asked the waitress to turn it off. She said someone on the other side of the room complained it was too hot so she would wait a few minutes then turn it off again.
Anyway, she did and it was all nice and cosy but then ten minutes later it went back on again so they just gave up and ate their food with their coats on. But other than that it was nice even if Daddy did complain that his portion was too small. He said it wasn't far that Tom's chicken linguine was a bigger portion than his chicken and chips but Tom said they were completely different types of food so how could the portion sizes be the same but Daddy said they should all weigh the same. Mummy said they should all shut up and look at her dinner. It was served on a chopping board. She said it looked like something Jamie Oliver had dished up and how was she supposed to eat her dinner off a chopping board. Daddy said serving food on a chopping board is unhygienic.
On Saturday Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to Ikea on a so called pricing exercise. Next job on the house is the pantry so they found some nice shelving and measured up and decided what they need. Mummy almost managed to leave Ikea without buying anything. She made it past the candles, the picture frames, the cushions, even the potted plants but then couldn't resist a hot dog.
Then they had the bag of salad for tea that Mummy had carried all round Cwmbran in her handbag.
Today we have had a nice lazy day. On Tuesday we are going to the vet to have our vaccinations and our nails cut. I broke a toenail jumping on the bed on Friday. It hurted.
Louisa's Christening
The first weekend of January Daddy, Katie and Bryn went to visit Grandad. Mummy and Tom stayed home to look after us. On the Saturday we sat and watched Food Network, went for a walk to the golf club and back and then they were inspired...not to cook. Just to eat. So they went to Tesco to choose something for their tea. We were all wondering what exciting thing they would come back with after watching Sweet Genius and Jamie Oliver and Barefoot Contessa all day long.
For their tea they had a chicken sandwich, a bag of crisps and a bottle of coke. whhhooooo.
On the Sunday me and Mummy went to do a homecheck at Tilly's house. We had to check that they had a good supply of dentastix. Check. And that the tea was good. Check. They passed and now Bertie lives at their house. Not Louise's Bertie, a new Bertie. We have now rehomed 5 Berties.
Louisa was Christened last Sunday. Mummy is now her fairy godmother. We all went to the Christening, on account of Mummy forgetting that Lotty's vaccinations were out of date so we couldn't go in kennels and it was too long to leave us at home on our own. So we all got up at 6am and the humans put their bestest clothes on and we washed our feets and then we got in the car and we drove to Aunty Mic's house and then we got out and went for a walk to the park and then we stayed at Aunty Mic's house while they went to the Christening. Louisa looked beautiful in her Christening gown. The vicar was funny, he spoke really fast and he even said he did and he was trying not to and he read everything at 400 miles an hour and the christening lasted about 30 seconds.
Then the humans came back and Mummy let us out in the garden and we had a cuddle and then they went to the pub for a couple of hours for a party and then they came back and we went for a long walk to a place called Fiddlers Ferry which sounded interesting but turned out to be a power station. It was very cold, much colder than it is in Wales but we had a fun walk and we met a friendly Boxer and a shouty Chow.
Then it was time to go home so we got in the car and we drove home. The humans stopped for tea at FranklymydearIdon'tgiveadamn services but Mummy stayed in the car to look after us. Everyone else went inside and had a burger king but she had a cup of lukewarm tea out of a flask for her dinner.
For their tea they had a chicken sandwich, a bag of crisps and a bottle of coke. whhhooooo.
On the Sunday me and Mummy went to do a homecheck at Tilly's house. We had to check that they had a good supply of dentastix. Check. And that the tea was good. Check. They passed and now Bertie lives at their house. Not Louise's Bertie, a new Bertie. We have now rehomed 5 Berties.
Louisa was Christened last Sunday. Mummy is now her fairy godmother. We all went to the Christening, on account of Mummy forgetting that Lotty's vaccinations were out of date so we couldn't go in kennels and it was too long to leave us at home on our own. So we all got up at 6am and the humans put their bestest clothes on and we washed our feets and then we got in the car and we drove to Aunty Mic's house and then we got out and went for a walk to the park and then we stayed at Aunty Mic's house while they went to the Christening. Louisa looked beautiful in her Christening gown. The vicar was funny, he spoke really fast and he even said he did and he was trying not to and he read everything at 400 miles an hour and the christening lasted about 30 seconds.
Then the humans came back and Mummy let us out in the garden and we had a cuddle and then they went to the pub for a couple of hours for a party and then they came back and we went for a long walk to a place called Fiddlers Ferry which sounded interesting but turned out to be a power station. It was very cold, much colder than it is in Wales but we had a fun walk and we met a friendly Boxer and a shouty Chow.
Then it was time to go home so we got in the car and we drove home. The humans stopped for tea at FranklymydearIdon'tgiveadamn services but Mummy stayed in the car to look after us. Everyone else went inside and had a burger king but she had a cup of lukewarm tea out of a flask for her dinner.
Things we did in December. By Bessie
Penny, Frank and Bertie came to play for the day. Apparently that's called a playdate but that sounds lame. We took them up the hill to the big house and to see the horses in the field. Bertie weed under the Christmas tree but Penny and Frank were very good.
Aunty Mic, Uncle Rob, Ben and baby Louisa came to visit us the Saturday before Christmas. We had never seen a human baby before, we like baby Louisa. She was a bit scared though and cried when we shouted hello at her. We all went for a walk, baby Louisa got to sit in a pram. I wish I had a pram.
The Sunday before Christmas was the Branch Christmas party. It was loads of fun, there was a fun dog show and we did win some rosettes but I can't remember what in. Lotty came second in prettiest girl, I do remember that. We didn't win the fancy dress though, we was absolutely gutted, we have never been beaten. I blame Mummy. Cos Daddy was in bed with the flu the whole of the week before she didn't have time to make us decent costumes cos she had to work every day and then do all the at home stuff too so she rushed our costumes the night before. We went as a primary school nativity with teatowels on our heads and a hush puppy dolly as our baby Jesus. Mummy says it was supposed to be ironic, I say it was just plain lazy. Serves her right.
There was a vet there doing eye testing for the Basset Health Group so we all had our eyes tested by the sexy (according to Mummy) and under dressed (according to Daddy) vet. My eyes were 90% abnormal so I very high chance of glaucoma but vet said that was expected in ten year old houndy. Lotty's eyes were worrysome, he said she got bad eyes for a young dog and will need testing again in a year. Carly's eyes were perfect.
We saw another baby at the party too and now we are all experts at babys and we would have babysitted and taken the baby on the field for a run about and everything but Miss Zoe didn't offer to let us and Mummy said it was rude to ask.
For Christmas I got a blue dolphin and Carly got a sheep and Lotty got a choklit flavoured bone. It wasn't real choklit, it just smelled like choklit. Mummy said it smelled like plastic and slobber but what would she know. She's no scent hound. After I ripped up mine and Carly's presents we all lined up for a chew of Lotty's bone and I was first in line but then I fell asleep and missed my turn.
This is what the humans got for Christmas: Tom got a new coat and a game called cards against humanity and a controller for his PS4. Katie got a laptop and perfume. Bryn got a remote control helicopter and a pedal for his guitar. Daddy got a tablet computer thingy and Mummy got a giant slowcooker and Daddy framed three really lovely basset pictures for her. They have pride of place in the hall now so they the first thing you see when you walk in. Actually, not the first thing. The first thing is the dead parrot holding the collection of leads. So the second thing. But anyway...
Mummy made a big fancy dinner, but not in the slow cooker but she says every other meal from now on will be cooked in the slow cooker. Katie and Bryn say they are moving out. As Katie is not a vegetablist any more she didn't have a pot noodle for her Christmas dinner, which made a nice change.
After lunch we went for a walk and then Daddy and Bryn played with Bryn's helicopter in the field and we watched.
On Boxing Day Grandma and Grandad came to stay. We had another christmas and it was loads of fun. We played Cards against Humanity and Trivial Pursuit and we went for walks and we had another christmas dinner.
Mummy went to Aunty Spam's on the 29th cos it was Aunty Spam's birthday. They went to the pub and then Ryan made buffet tea and they played games and did loud stuff and Aimee had to make a formal complaint about the loudness.
Aunty Mic, Uncle Rob, Ben and baby Louisa came to visit us the Saturday before Christmas. We had never seen a human baby before, we like baby Louisa. She was a bit scared though and cried when we shouted hello at her. We all went for a walk, baby Louisa got to sit in a pram. I wish I had a pram.
The Sunday before Christmas was the Branch Christmas party. It was loads of fun, there was a fun dog show and we did win some rosettes but I can't remember what in. Lotty came second in prettiest girl, I do remember that. We didn't win the fancy dress though, we was absolutely gutted, we have never been beaten. I blame Mummy. Cos Daddy was in bed with the flu the whole of the week before she didn't have time to make us decent costumes cos she had to work every day and then do all the at home stuff too so she rushed our costumes the night before. We went as a primary school nativity with teatowels on our heads and a hush puppy dolly as our baby Jesus. Mummy says it was supposed to be ironic, I say it was just plain lazy. Serves her right.
There was a vet there doing eye testing for the Basset Health Group so we all had our eyes tested by the sexy (according to Mummy) and under dressed (according to Daddy) vet. My eyes were 90% abnormal so I very high chance of glaucoma but vet said that was expected in ten year old houndy. Lotty's eyes were worrysome, he said she got bad eyes for a young dog and will need testing again in a year. Carly's eyes were perfect.
We saw another baby at the party too and now we are all experts at babys and we would have babysitted and taken the baby on the field for a run about and everything but Miss Zoe didn't offer to let us and Mummy said it was rude to ask.
For Christmas I got a blue dolphin and Carly got a sheep and Lotty got a choklit flavoured bone. It wasn't real choklit, it just smelled like choklit. Mummy said it smelled like plastic and slobber but what would she know. She's no scent hound. After I ripped up mine and Carly's presents we all lined up for a chew of Lotty's bone and I was first in line but then I fell asleep and missed my turn.
This is what the humans got for Christmas: Tom got a new coat and a game called cards against humanity and a controller for his PS4. Katie got a laptop and perfume. Bryn got a remote control helicopter and a pedal for his guitar. Daddy got a tablet computer thingy and Mummy got a giant slowcooker and Daddy framed three really lovely basset pictures for her. They have pride of place in the hall now so they the first thing you see when you walk in. Actually, not the first thing. The first thing is the dead parrot holding the collection of leads. So the second thing. But anyway...
Mummy made a big fancy dinner, but not in the slow cooker but she says every other meal from now on will be cooked in the slow cooker. Katie and Bryn say they are moving out. As Katie is not a vegetablist any more she didn't have a pot noodle for her Christmas dinner, which made a nice change.
After lunch we went for a walk and then Daddy and Bryn played with Bryn's helicopter in the field and we watched.
On Boxing Day Grandma and Grandad came to stay. We had another christmas and it was loads of fun. We played Cards against Humanity and Trivial Pursuit and we went for walks and we had another christmas dinner.
Mummy went to Aunty Spam's on the 29th cos it was Aunty Spam's birthday. They went to the pub and then Ryan made buffet tea and they played games and did loud stuff and Aimee had to make a formal complaint about the loudness.
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