Me and Inca. By Bessie

Ooh what a exciting weekend.  Where to start?  So on Friday Lotty didn't go to agility cos Miss Connie was busy so we stayed home and helped Mummy with the Friday clean.  Every Friday Mummy does a big clean in the hope that someone comes to buy the house.

Then in the evening Inca, MummyLouise and DaddyKeith came to stay.  Me so excited for my sister Inca to stay.  The humans had their dinner and then we all sitted in the lounge and Inca did sit on the settee with Lotty then we did go to bed.

In the morning we did all get up early and we all went for a walk so we could show Inca our castle.  We did all run around and have fun and Carly found some sheep poo and she tried to roll in it so Mummy had to chase her across the field and Carly kept stopping and looking at Mummy and she would shout NO ROLLY and then Carly would run off again.  Then we came to a field of sheeps so we all had to go on our leads and the sheeps was sat right in the path so we did run down the path and the sheeps run off then them was following us like them thought them was hard or something.  But them is not hard, them is sheeps.

Then we come home and the humans had bacon and egg rolls and then Mummy went with MummyLouise, DaddyKeith and Inca to Many Tears.

When them got there them went in and met their new doggy, Rufus and him and Inca did get on good and not bark or growl at each other and everyone was happy.  And hims foster mummy, Jane, who we did meet when we all went camping with Many Tears last year, her said to Mummy "I got a surprise for you" and them went to the car and her had the little baby basset, East in her car.  So Mummy did carry him round for the whole time them was there.  Him was wearing a little jumper and wrapped in a blankie cos him only a ten week old baby.  Mummy did love him very much and her would love to keep him forever and ever.

But then it time to go home so MummyLouise did go in the office and sign all the paperwork for Rufus and them all got in the car and Inca and Rufus did sit in the back with DaddyKeith and them was all very good and all 3 went to sleep and cuddled and it was very cute.

Then them came home and Inca and Rufus came in for a drink and them had a wee in the garden and we all sniffed each other and then it was time for them to go home.  We did have a lovely weekend and it was so nice to meet my in laws.  Me did wish Blue was there though.

Bugger off with your lifestyle survey. By Sam

Where do these piggin people get our number from anyway?  This one tonight, says her name's Mel.  Doesn't sound like a Mel to me.  So Katie answers and she says "Is this Mrs Samantha Morgan?"
So Katie says "No, I'll go and get her" and 'Mel' says "Hello my name is Mel.  I'm calling to do a short lifestyle survey".
And Katie's shouting "No, wait" but she's just wobbling on so Katie passes the phone to me and she's still going "And is this -inserts my name, address and postcode (creepy)".
"What the hell?" I ask Katie, "is this one of them answer machines?  I'm still not Alison Vettus".
"Who is this?  How did you get our number?"  I bark.
"Hello my name is Mel.  I'm calling to do a short lifestyle survey, it will only take 5 minutes".
"I haven't got 5 minutes" I say.
"It will only take 2 minutes" she says.
"I still haven't got time" - I'm in the middle of a very important game of solitaire. (I don't tell her that, I don't think she'd listen anyway).
"It will only take one minute".
"Sorry, I'm feeding the dogs" I say, waving the tub of treats so they'll bark (they don't for the first time ever in the history of my dogs world), "Bye" and as I put the phone down I hear her say "It will only take 30 seconds".

Sorry love, I know you're only doing your job but surely there must be a better way to earn a living?  Like a funeral parlour make up artist maybe?  Or emptying the sanitary disposal bins in public toilets?

And more to the point, where did they get my name, address and phone number from?

And isn't lifestyle a euphonism for swinging?  I don't do swinging.  Nobody would have me.

My name's Carly and I'm a skiwwel addict. By Bessie

My sister is properly addicted to squirrels.  Every time she sees one she shouts SKIWWEL and she runs after it.  She never caught one so we not know what she would do if she catched one.  She say she got a whole book full of recipes but I does think she would run off crying if one stopped and looked at her.

Last night Mummy bought us a fish each from Tesco for our tea.  Them was delicious but Mummy said never again, her didn't like the smell.

This morning Mummy got us up early and we went for a walk in the dark.  Then we had breakfast and Mummy went to work.  When her got home Mummy, Tom and Bryn took us for another walk.  We went down the castle and there was dozens of squirrels and Carly got very excited and did wind me and Lotty up too.  So none of us was allowed off the lead.  Me and Lotty was very cross with Carly.

Then we come home and had tea and watched some telly.

A dead squirrel coated in creosote and pooed on? By Bessie

So on Friday it was Mummy's day off from work so we had breakfast then Mummy took Lotty to agility training.  Her is good at the jumping and the tunnel and the beam and the a frame but rubbish at the weave poles.  Miss Connie say her thought if there was anything Lotty would not be good at it would be the weave poles cos her is so long.  So there not a lot we can do about that, her just has to learn how to do it.  Then they come home and we all went for a walk round our castle.  When we got to the car park Mummy put me and Lotty on leads but her say she trust Carly not to run off cos Carly a good girl.  Only Carly seen a squirrel and run off and stood in the middle of the football pitch.  Carly loves squirrels.  So we all had to go onto the football pitch and get her.  Lucky there was nobody playing on it.  Then we come home and had a sleep and Mummy went to get the minihumans from school and Katie had her friend over and we did all have a cuddle with Katie's friend.

On Saturday we did go to Tredegar Park for a run about.  We had a lovely roll about but then I may have found something to roll in.  Mummy says it smelled like someone had done a poo of dead squirrel and creosote.  So then we went to pick Katie up from her friends and we come home and we all had baffs.

Today we went to Pets at Home.  Mummy was going to buy us all a new collar but then her decided it was too expensive so her would just get one a month and Katie said Lotty should go first cos her has never had a collar what wasn't a handmedown and me say that's the way it is when you is the youngest.  But anyway Mummy did buy her a purple spotty collar

Then she got some frozen tripe for Carly's tea and then we went to Caerwent and we went for a run round the castle and we was all careful not to roll in anything cos we not want another baff.  Carly seen a squirrel and she run around shouting SKWIRREL SKWIRREL!  Her is obsessed.  Her says her going to write a cookbook of skwirrel recipes.  Here is a recipe she give me:

Skwirrel Pie:

Take one skwirrel.  Take one meat an tata pie.  Eat de miggle out de meat an tata pie.  Put de skwirrel in de pie.  Serve wiff mash tatas an gwavy.

Then we come home and had a sleep

Bessie does science. By Bessie

Me has been doing some scientific experiments to find things out.  This is what I has discovered today:

Hottest Substance in the world:
The buckle of my collar when it has been on the radiator

Coldest substance in the world:
A bassets nose when it touches the bit of skin between the bottom of a t-shirt and the top of your jeans (according to Mummy)

Fastest cooling substance in the world:
Toast

Slowest cooling substance in the world:
A scrambled egg when I is waiting for my dinner

Fastest heating substance in the world:
A metal spoon what has been used to stir pasta

Slowest heating substance in the world:
Scrambled egg when I is waiting for my dinner

Hardest substance in the world:
Dried on weetabix

Softest substance in the world:
The fur just under my ear

Stickiest substance in the world:
The glue strips what they use to glue credit cards to letters (or a bogie)

Least sticky substance in the world:
A plaster

Nicest smell in the world:
Sardines

Nastiest smell in the world:
One of them trumps Lotty does just before she goes out for a poo or the poo bin down the castle

Most easily scratched substance in the world:
The paint on Mummy's car just under the boot

Most easily ripped substance in the world:
Whatever they make ladies tights out of

Loudest noise in the world:
Carly snoring when she's wearing a cone

Quietest noise in the world:
Mummy shouting tidy your room (it must be cos nobody ever hears it)

Me has become a painting restorer. By Bessie

Me did get a new job working for the national gallery.  Them said them was bored with their paintings and could I make them any better so me did:

How Bessie had bacon for the first time, got sucked into the mud monsters lair and nearly drowned. By Bessie

Today we went out with the Basset Hound Walkers.  Mummy made picnics for the humans and Daddy said him always gets starving on these walks so Mummy made extra food and she made snossij and bacon rolls for them to eat when them got there.  We houndy girls is not allowed to eat before we go out in the car or we is sick so we not have no breakfast.  When we got there we was starving and then Mummy took the snossij and bacon rolls and handed them out.  And her had made us houndies rolls too!  Them was the tastiest things we ever tasted.  We was so happy.

Lucky we did get there first and we got a good parking spot cos the car park got full up and all the basset people did double park so we could fit more cars in.  Then we did go on our walk.  We all posed for Mr Dave's group photo and him did a count and him think there 22 bassets and 4 other dogs.  Lotty not want to walk with us cos there was some little terriers and her loves to run with them so her did run off and play with her new friends.  We went on the beach and then we walked down a VERY muddy path.  Sometimes there was massive deep puddles and the humans climbed over the barbed wire fence and went through the farmers field instead but us houndies had to get wet and muddy cos we couldn't climb over the fence.

Then we got to this bit where the water was so deep and wide that the humans all had to shimmy along a fence to get to the other side but us houndies was sposed to walk through.  Well Lotty did run through and all the other houndies ran through but me and Carly didn't want to get wet and we waited for Daddy to come back but him say no so Katie did try and come back but her couldn't reach us so everyone say we have to wade through the water.  Carly goed first and everyone did clap and cheer and then me did stand and cry and me think me has to go through cos my Mummy on the other side calling me and me really want my Mummy.  So me did wade through the deep water and it very cold and very wet and everyone cheer very loud and do lots of clapping and Mummy give me big kiss and cuddle.  Me hope Mr Dave didn't get that on his video, it be very embarrassing.  Daddy say he think the video camera was turned off while Mr Dave went through the water.

Then me did have a little snack of cow poo but me got a little bit on my chin and ears and Mummy say "Ugh Bess stinks" and Daddy say "Your breath stinks?" and Mummy say "Yes cos that's exactly the kind of thing I'm going to announce".  Anyway then Mummy not want to cuddle me anymore cos her say me smell kind of rank.

Then we walked up the mountain, it was a long way up and we was very tired when we got to the top.  The humans opened their picnics and Mummy gave us all some treats and we had a little rest but then we thought Mummy looked like her was struggling with her big picnic so Lotty ate all her pizza for her and Carly ate half her scone and I ate half her caramac.  Her was not very grateful for our help though.  Humans are very strange creatures sometimes.

Then we walked down the mountain.  Down was much easier.  Mummy was chatting to this lady and them was chatting for ages about this and that when suddenly them realised them already new each other and had spoked loads on the phone cos this lady was also a basset welfare rep.  Them was laughing and them did think it was very nice to meet each other.

When we got to the bottom of the mountain we did cross the main road and we was sposed to run fast across the road and jump through a stile.  We had to take it in turns cos the stile was right next to the road and there was only room for one human at a time to stand there without being runned over.  Anyway we was waiting when Mr Dave realised Matilda was missing so Mummy and Katie and us went back and Katie helped him go and look for her.  Katie did find her sitting in a farmers field munching on a cow poo so her brought her back and we did all line up to cross the road.  When it was our go Mummy ran with me and Carly but we did panic cos this lady was trying to pull us through the stile and we not want to go through the stile so we both backing up into the road and another lady ran over and helped Mummy push our bums through.  That was a bit embarrassing (again) and we hope Mr Dave not put that in the film (again, him was filming this time).

Then we walked through some farmers fields and over a stream and Daddy tried to wash my face in the stream but it very cold water so me did fight him and me did win.  Then we went in the tea shop and this woman what worked there came over to some of the people with us and say "who organised this outing" and someone say "Him is in the toilet" and her say "You should have phoned ahead, we might run out of scones now".  One of the men in our group says "it ok, there's not that many of us, if you run out we will have something else" and her say "Me was thinking of the people what come in after you, if I run out it be your fault".  It be 4 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon in October, it be 7 degrees out, me not think they be getting much more business in  an outdoor tea shop.

Then her realise her a cow and she say "Not that I don't appreciate your custom and I love your beagles" and then her goes off and everyone is laughing, even people what is not with us.  Then Mr Dave comes back and them tells him what her said.  So when the waitress lady (a different lady from the other one) brings his cream tea him says I only wanted one scone and her say "a cream tea is 2 scones and a cup of tea, half a cream tea is one scone and a cup of tea.  You ordered a cream tea, not half a cream tea".  So him say "But I only want one scone, can you take the other one back please?" and her say "but you already paid for it" and him say "that's OK, I only want one though so please take one back" and her say "but you paid for it, you can't have your money back" and him say "I don't want my money back but if you leave 2 scones I'll eat them both and I shouldn't eat them both.  So why don't you take one back so you don't run out" and her say "I can't do that because the records will say more cream teas have been eaten that have been eaten".  Then one of the other men picks up the scone and sticks it in his mouth and says"there you go, the scone is gone now".  And the waitress stomps off and everyone is laughing and the man and lady at the next table what is not with us comes over and says how funny that was and how rude the staff all is and them does have cuddles with us and Mummy says them should not touch my chin or ears and them gives me a stroke on the head instead.

Then the minihumans had an icecream and we had some treats and after all the other basset people had gone home we went to play on the beach on our own.  It was freezing though and Carly was sat on Mummy's lap on the beach shivering and whimpering so Mummy say her think it time to go home now so we went and got in the car and went home.

When we got home we had to have a bath and then we had our tea and then we watched X Factor.

Here's a video of our walk. 5:00 you see me nearly drown

Don't touch my muffins. By Sam

The oddest thing happened in Tesco yesterday.  We went to the bakery section at 4pm like we always do to get the reduced stuff but the woman hadn't finished marking it down yet so I said to the kids "I'll just grab this pack of muffins and we'll wait and see what else there is".

So I did grab the muffins and the woman turned round and gave me the foulest look I've ever seen.  And trust me, I know some right bitches so I'm an expert on foul looks.

So we decided to do the rest of the shopping and come back a bit later.  Well, 10 minutes later we went back and she was still s-l-o-w-l-y marking loaves of bread and packs of cakes down so I had a little rummage in the crate and again she gives me a filthy look and slams another crate down on top of the first crate, nearly taking my hand off in the process.

"OK I guess we're not allowed to touch the bread yet then, my mistake" I whisper over 50 fields.  And we go off and hide behind the tonic waters, peeking round the corner every few minutes to see if she's finished.  But then she sees us looking and goes even slower, deliberately placing things in the crate in slow motion whilst glaring in our general direction.

So we went and hid somewhere else.  By this point I should have given up and gone home but she had really pissed me off.  She was being a right cow for absolutely no reason.  Eventually she finished marking up her manky rolls and then pushes her crates towards the back of the shop.  No idea why she feels she has to move the bread, the reduced bakery crate ALWAYS lives in the exact same spot.  i.e. right where it already was.

"I'll follow her" says Katie.  So, like a ninja, Katie follows the Queen of Bread back to her lair.  Which for some godforsaken reason was at the complete other end of the shop at the end of the baby products aisle.

She was like a warrior coming back holding aloft 5 packs of chocolate muffins and a loaf of bread (all 8p, my favourite price!).

I WIN!  haha up yours bitch.

No I is not Alison flippin Vettus. By Bessie

Them peoples phoned again.  This disembodied voice (which wasn't Daddy being silly this time) said "are you Alison Vettus?   press 1 for yes, 2 for no"

So Mummy pressed 2.  And then it says "ask Alison Vettus to phone Westcott Finance on bla bla number".  so Mummy normally swears and puts the phone down at this point but she listened to the whole message this time and at the end it says "do you not know an Alison Vettus? press 3".  so she pressed 3 and this lady comes on and says "can i take your name?"  and Mummy says "no you can't but it's not Alison Vettus".  and the lady says "oh, er, right.  What number are you calling from?"  So Mummy tells her, cos they do already have our number but as a contact for this Alison woman so her thinks it OK to tell them the number.

Then the lady says "And what address are you at?"  And Mummy goes "HA like I'd tell you that".  And the lady says "it's to stop us mailing you" and Mummy says, "Don't worry, I know what address Alison Vettus lives at cos one of your representatives let slip one time and it's not this address".  And the lady says "OK I will take your number off our database now".  And Mummy says "I don't want to sound rude but will you actually do it this time please because we've been getting these calls for 2 years now and if they don't stop I'm going to report you to British Telecom and Ofcom" and the lady says "have you asked us to stop before?" and Mummy says "only about 20 times so could you actually do it this time?" and the lady says "Alison Vettus has probably got numerous accounts with us, we'll take your number off this one but we can't guarantee you won't get more calls" and Mummy says "OK but I can't guarantee we won't have this conversation again and next time I might not be so polite.  Good day to you".

So I is sure we haven't heard the end of this yet.  And if anyone does know Alison Vettus could you tell her to pay her flippin catalogue bill and stop annoying us.  I give you a clue:  She is probably quite large cos it was one of them outsize ladies clothes catalogues what used to phone all the time before they passed it on to the debt collectors and we know what street she lives in but not what number.  Mummy deliberately didn't write it down when they told her cos she doesn't want any involvement in this stupid woman's debts.

Bessie judges the show. By Bessie

So yesterday Mummy and Katie was helping at the basset hound show.  Them said they wasn't going to take any of us houndies cos we is a nuisance at these type of things and we is not supposed to be at the show anyway unless we is entered in the show.  But - just like the day Mummy went to visit Jefferson and she wasn't going to take me - she woke up and me was lay there snuggled up to her face and she thought I can't spend a whole day without my Bessie baby.  So me did go.  Lotty and Carly had to stay home cos Carly gets lairy and starts fights and Lotty would have eaten all the food in the kitchen and got a broom up the bum off Aunty Julie.  Plus she probably not even a basset really.  We thinks she a whippet with a bassets head glued on.

We did go to the show and Daddy drove us there and he come in and did all the manly jobs for Aunty Tina like setting the ring out.  Daddy is a champion show ring setter outer now.  Then Aunty Marion and Uncle Bernard come and they brought their 4 dogs and we all chatted and Aunty Marion said her dogs were all very nervy so me and Mummy sat on the floor and waited for them to come to us and them did come to us and let us cuddle and Aunty Marion was pleased that her dogs did let Mummy cuddle them.  Mummy say to Daddy after that she not know why Aunty Marion always has nervy dogs, her wonders if it not something Aunty Marion does with them that make them like that.  I say Mummy shouldn't gossip, it very unladylike.

Then Daddy did go back home to look after Carly and Lotty and Mummy did set out her stall.  Mummy always look after the breed standard stall.  We not know why it called that cos really it just basset crap what they sell.  But someone did forget most of the boxes so there was only a teeny bit of basset crap this time and Mummy only made £5.25 off her stall all day.  Daddy probably happy there was not much stuff cos Mummy didn't buy any more stuff to put in her basset crap cupboard.  Mummy put the cage and my cushion under the table so me could sit in it and have a sleep but me far too busy snoopervising to sleep.

Katie and Kristen played hide and seek.  Kristen is Aunty Tina's graddaughter.  Her is 5, she likes to play with me and we do always have cuddles.  Me not allowed to play hide and seek cos Katie say I always stand next to her hiding place and bark and that cheating.

At this point me did originally write a big paragraph about what happened when I decided I wanted to be in the show and stood in the ring during judging but Mummy made me remove it cos she said if certain people did read it then they would know me was being rude about them and they would complain to the prime minister.  Mummy I don't know who you think reads this at all.

Anyway me did like going to the show.  Me not into all that showing stuff, it looks too much like hard work but me does like being Mummy's assistant and me likes all the peoples from our basset club, them is all very nice and lovely and does deserve to be called my aunties and uncles.

Then the show was over and Daddy did come to help clean up and me did run over to my Daddy for a cuddle and him did give me a huge big cuddle.  Then we tidied up and went home and Daddy made us our tea and him made the humans tea and Katie was rude about the tea what Daddy made and everybody did tell her off.

Then we watched Countryfile and them went to the farmers market in Abergavenny and them said they was knocking it down and building them a lovely new one outside town and all the people was moaning and saying them wanted the old one to stay.  Me say they are being silly and ungrateful.  Firstly the town centre is no place for farm animals and secondly, them is farmers.  Their farms is not in the town centre so it not like they had all walked to the market so it not really matter where they have their market.  Anyway it none of my business, me only went to Abergavenny once so me not really care if peoples want to march down Queen Street with a herd of cattle.

Then we watched X Factor results (which made us cross and we didn't blame Gary Barlow for stomping off, we would have stomped off too.  That Louis Walsh needs a good slapping if you ask me).  And we watched Downton Abbey but me not allowed to tell you what happened cos me did promise my Americaland friends me would not give the story away.

The Professor D-Ream rap. By Bessie

Mummy loves professor D-Ream.  So much so that she wrote him a rap:

Yo yo listen up homies,
Here's a liddle rap about the universe,
I'll try and rhyme but it might get worse,
Pluto used to be a planet but now it ain't,
Cos to be a Planet you have to be really great,
We so sorry that was yo fate,
You was a good planet Pluto said your mates,
But you was no match for Saturn,
(It ran rings round you to be honest),
And Mars with it's firey burn,
I D-ream that things can only get better for the universe,
Except it's slowly dying and one day we will all get sucked into a white dwarf,
Yo yo yo anyway I digress,
Cos I saved this bit for last, the best,
I just wanted to say Professor Brian,
I just love Uranus

Me and the Basset Hound Walkers. By Bessie

We is members of a group called the Basset Hound Walkers.  Well we is not really members cos it's not like there's a list or anything.  Every month the venue and date is on the website, if you want to go, you go.  Sometimes we do, sometimes we is busy or it is too far away.  Anyway I tell you a bit about the walks we have been on.

Mendips, Somerset 6th March 2011     17 bassets

This was the first walk we went on, it was just me and my humans.  We didn't get Carly til 6 days later, funnily enough if it wasn't for this walk we probably wouldn't have Carly.  Seeing me having so much fun with the pack made my humans realise I needed another basset so we got Carly.  We had lunch at the peak of the hill and then we all had a chase.

Woodberry Castle, South Devon 10th April 2011     24 bassets

This was Carly's first big day out and she did very well with all them other dogs.  It was a really hot day but there were loads of puddles and streams to paddle in and drink from.  We had lunch by a stream.

Watch the video here

Hackpen Hill, Marlborough 8th May 2011     27 bassets

This was REALLY long.  Us and Mummy and another lady and her basset got lost cos her dog was very old and was walking slowly so we ended up way behind and luckily guessed our way back right.

Watch the video here

Cerne Abbas, Dorset 5th June 2011     18 bassets

This walk was a long way away so we made a weekend of it and camped the night before.  Unfortunately it rained the day of the walk but we went anyway seeing as we'd come all that way.  We had our lunch on a hill and afterwards the humans went to a tea shop for a cream tea.

Watch the video here

Kilve, Somerset 11th September 2011     14 bassets

We went on the beach and looked at fossils.  We walked up a hill and had our lunch at the top and afterwards the humans went to a tea shop for a cream tea.  It was just Mummy, Tom and Bryn that came with us today.  Daddy had taken Katie to a football tournament.

Watch the video here

Savernake Forest, Marlborough 6th May 2012     23 bassets

We walked through the forest, some people rolled in mud (but not me).  Then we had lunch under a monument and walked through the other side of the forest.

Watch the video here

Kilve, Somerset 14th October 2012     22 bassets

It was very muddy and very wet and cold but we had a good walk and it was lots of fun.  Lotty's first walk and she wasn't a bit shy.  She made friends with a gang of terriers and we didn't see her all morning.  She walked with us in the afternoon though cos she was tired and probably wanted a carry.

Watch the video here

Our auction. By Bessie

In George's Piano Bar we, well George mainly, decided to host a charity auction.  We picked our favourite charities, Little Angels Staffie Rescue and Basset Hound Welfare.

We asked people to donate things to auction.  We got some brilliant things.  The auction ran all through September, people bidded on stuff in an ebay style.  Mr Jeff made us a web page for the auction so it was very clever and professional.

We had hoped we would get £100 for each charity but when all the money came in we had made £1100, £550 for each rescue.  We were so amazed and happy.  We couldn't believe how generous everybody had been.

So me feel I want to say thank you to everybody involved.  Me give special thanks to George, Jayne, Jeff and Winston because they put so much hard work in.

Me say thank you to:
Exquisite Charms of London
Red Dog Leather
Everything 31
Love Jefferson
Whippety Doo Dah
Dogs N Dubs

Me also say thank you to all the individuals who donated items and bidded and won items and donated money.  The doggies we can help are very lucky.

How Facebook changed my life and how we met Carly and Lotty. By Bessie

We all like to have a moan about facebook and Mummy tells me it was so much better in the "old days".  She says 5 years ago there were loads of games, not just Zynga games that you have to either have a bazillion friends or buy stuff to level up.  Decent games.  And there were these apps like Top 5 where you pick your top 5 of stuff, like foodies and bands and biscuits and stuff.  And groups were much easier to use.  But anyway, me wasn't here then so me don't know about all that.  All me knows about is what happened after me joined.  So here is my story.

I came to live with my family in January 2011.  Mummy made me a facebook because Spicy the cat had been using hers for years (mind you only to send Mummy gifts on Zoo World but don't tell her I told you that) and Mummy said it was only fair for me to have one too.  Only Spicy the cat didn't actually have any cat friends, just human friends.  Mummy didn't even know this animal world existed on facebook.  So her made me a facebook and me started using it but me didn't have many friends, them were just Mummy's friends and family.  And them mostly don't want to talk to doggies about doggy stuff so me was pretty lonely on my facebook.

So me thought me can't be the only doggy on facebook, there must be other humans out there crazy enough to make a facebook for their pets so me typed basset into the search box and there was hundreds...thousands of other bassets!  So me made a couple of friend requests.  Not many, me was a little bit shy and me not sure how this whole animals on facebook thing works.  Maybe them would hate me?

So me did get my friend requests accepted.  Me remembers exactly who my very first animal facebook friend was.  His name was Beau.  Him is not on facebook anymore, that is a real shame cos him was very funny and did tell the most hilarious stories about the adventures he got up to with his daddy.

Him did put a picture of me on his wall, it did say this is my new friend Bessie Basset Morgan, she a red hot mama!  And me did get lots of friend requests after that, me think them did believe me must be a red hot mama.  Not just bassets, all kinds of doggies.  One of them friend requests was from a staffrador called George who became one of the most important peoples in my life...but more on that later...

One day one of my basset friends in Italy did put a link to a youtube video of lots of bassets on a walk.  Me did watch this video and me did notice this walk was quite near me so me did go on the website of the man what put the video on and him does organise a group of bassets that go for a walk once a month together in South West England.  Mummy did email him and ask him if we could come on one of their walks and their next walk was the very next weekend.  So we did go on this walk and we had the bestest time ever.  This was the first time my humans had ever seen another basset in the flesh (apart from me of course).  Me did have such a lovely time running with the pack that after we got home Mummy said to Daddy "do you think Bessie needs another basset?"  And her thought Daddy would tell her to shut up but him said that him had been thinking that too.

So Mummy went on the RSPCA website where me did live before but there was no bassets.  And her went on Dogs Trust but there was no bassets.  And her went on Many Tears and there was 5 bassets!  Them had all been seized from the same puppy farm.  They was all girls.  Two of them was in a foster home together in Cardiff, one of them was in another foster home and her was a teeny puppy.  One of them was in a foster home in Liverpool and the last one, with the saddest face, was at the rescue centre.  Mummy and Daddy did feel very sorry for the one at the centre because all the rest were with families and she was on her own.  So Mummy filled in an application form for her.

This was on the Monday.  On Tuesday Mummy phoned to see if they had the form but it hadn't gone through so her did another one.  Then they did phone and say someone had to come and inspect our house first.  So on Thursday a lady did come to the house.  Her walked into the kitchen, peered into the garden and said yes that's fine, I'll let them know.  Then the lady from Many Tears, Nicky, did phone and say the doggy was being spayed on Friday and we could come and see her on Sunday.  So we did wait and we was very impatiently waiting cos we was all desperate to meet my new sister.  Then on Saturday morning them phoned and said you can come today if you want.  Did we want?!  We was in that car and on the motorway before you could blink.

When we got to Many Tears we was led to the exercise area and the man said him would go and get the doggy.  After a couple minutes we did see him coming back.  Him was carrying the doggy and as he was passing the kennels we could see her little sad face looking at us.  Mummy was in love with that doggy before she even made it past the first kennel.  Then him brought her to us and put her down on the ground next to me.  Him said she didn't know how to walk on a lead so him had to carry her.  Me lay down and her lay down with her head on my back and Mummy and Daddy bent down and cuddled us and the man said "What does you think?"  and Mummy said "We're taking her".

Then Mummy went into the office to fill the forms in and Daddy and the minihumans gave us cuddles.  And when Mummy came back she had a tag that said "Carly" on it and she went to put the collar on that we had brought for Carly but it was a million times too big cos Carly was so thin and tiny.  So her said they could keep the collar for another doggy and we would stop at Pets at Home on the way home and get a new one.

Mummy had to carry Carly to the car cos she would not walk.  Me and Carly did snuggle up in the boot together.  I loved having a new sister, it is nice to be spoiled by your humans but when you has to be on your own, like in the boot of the car or in the kitchen when the humans have to go out, it is nice to have some company.  Carly did stink bad but me not mind, her was very sweet and shy.

When we got to Pets at Home Mummy had to carry Carly round the shop and everybody was stopping to admire us and talk to us, I do like being part of this family what gets admired.  We bought Carly a new small collar and a lead and a orthopaedic bed and a bowl.  Then we come home and begun our new life together.

Carly was a fast learner.  When her first arrived she could walk on her own but if you put a lead on her she just stood still and wouldn't budge.  Her hated the feel of grass under her feet.  Her couldn't climb even one step.  After a week me had taught her all these things and she was running round with me and jumping on the furniture and running up and down the stairs.  Now her has her own facebook and she has a lovely handsome boyfriend called Tiger.

Anyway back to my story about how facebook did good things for me.  After we got Carly me was looking on Facebook and we seen a page for the Basset Club of Wales.  It said them was having a show and it was the next weekend and was being held at the same community centre where my minihumans went to youth club every week.  So me did ask if me and Carly could come to the show and watch and the lady there, Aunty Tina, said we could.  So we went along and watched and we had a nice time and Aunty Tina and Aunty Julie and everybody was very nice and Aunty Tina asked Mummy if she would like to join the club and Mummy said yes please.  So we did join the club and Mummy went on the committee and at the next committee meeting Mummy got there early and was talking to a lady called Marion who is one of the reps for Basset Hound Welfare and her was telling Mummy all about it and Mummy thought her would like to do something for Basset Hound Welfare too so when her got home her did send an email to the lady what runs it to tell her she would like to help.

Well them emailed back and said Mummy could be South Wales Rep if she did like and Mummy said yes she did like so her did become South Wales Rep.  And people did start calling.  The first few times people phoned Mummy did get other reps to help her cos her was new but the first rehoming job she did all on her own was a lady who wanted to rehome a basset called Lotty.  Mummy said she would take Lotty cos she had people on her list who was interested.  So Lotty did come to our house.  Her was beautiful.  Mummy and Katie, especially Katie, did just fall in love with her.  But Mummy said no we can't keep her, we is just fostering her so she phoned the first person on her list and him said him was very interested, him would phone back.  But him never did.  So her phoned the second person on her list and them said they wasn't looking for a basset anymore.  So her phoned the third person on her list and them said them wanted a boy.  So her stayed for a bit longer.

Lotty has been here now for 5 months.  Me not think her ever going anywhere.

Me is glad to report that Mummy has done other rehomings since and none of them are still here.  Her did do them all properly and send them to new homes.  Her has rehomed Odie, Henry, Hector, Missy and Bertie.  When we rehomed Missy and Bertie Mummy and me took them to one of the other Basset Welfare Reps, her did introduce me to him as her PA!  That day we did go and have tea and cake with one of my bestest friends what I met on facebook, Jefferson Basset.  That was a good day.  And Jefferson's Mummy and Nanny have been to our house for lunch too!

In the meantime on facebook my friend George did host a party at the bacon theatre and him introduced me to lots of new people.  And me joined a few groups and met new peoples and George made a group called George's Piano Bar.  We invited all our special friends to join and on the opening night me did meet the love of my life!  His name is Blue and me loves him very very much.  Him did ask me to marry him and me did say yes.  We was going to be married on the 12th May but a very terrible sad thing happened and him was taken by the angels to rainbow bridge on the 5th May, exactly one week before the wedding.  I does remember the moment MummyLouise did tell me.  We was sat on the settee, Mummy and Daddy was watching Casualty and me was talking to my friend Giz about wedding dresses when me did get a message from MummyLouise with the shocking news.  We did cry lots that night, me and Mummy, and for a long time after and we still does sometimes.  We was so very sad and for MummyLouise and DaddyKeith and Inca.

My friends was amazing and them did give me so much support.  Me not going to name them all cos them knows who them are, the special people who make my life worth living.

Recently George had an idea to host an auction, we chose our favourite charities; Little Angels Staffie Rescue where George's baby brother Winston came from and Basset Hound Welfare.  We thought we might make £200 but we was amazed how everybody rallied round to help.  We did make £1100 in the end!  It was the most amazing thing.  George and his Humum and Hudad worked so hard and they are the loveliest people ever ever ever.

So that is the story about how thanks to facebook me did go from being just me, Bessie on my own to having 2 basset sisters in my house with me and 2044 friends in my facebook and being proud to call some of them my brothers, sisters, aunties, uncles and cousins.  Mr Zuckerbugger don't mess fb up anymore.  You don't know how important this place is to some of us.

Bring back the naughty rhymes. By Bessie

Me can't help but notice that modern day minihumans don't know any of the good naughty rhymes.  So me has made it my duty to teach my minihumans as many naughty rhymes as I can:

Milk milk
Lemonade
Round the corner
Chocolate's made

Uncle Billy had a 10 foot willy
Til he showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake
So she hit it with a rake
And now it's only 5 foot 4

Me Aunty Mary
Had a canary
Up the leg of her drawers
When she farted
It departed
To a round of applause

Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
Like a regimental soldier?
Do your boobs hang low?

Beans beans are good for your heart
The more you eat the more you fart
The more you fart the better you feel
Why don't you eat beans with every meal

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it was quite silly
She threw it up into the air
And caught it by it's willy

Willy was a watchdog
Sitting on the grass
Along came a bumblebee and stung him on the ass

Jingle bells batman smells
Robin flew away
Uncle Billy lost his willy
On a motorway

Old mother hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch the postman a letter
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
So they did it without
It was better

(From Alice)
Campbell's soup makes you poop
Down your leg and in your boot
Out your boot and on the floor
That's what Campbell's soup is for

Nanny and Grandad isms. By Bessie

Any of you that have read the page Daddyisms on my blog will know, Daddy says some very silly things sometimes.  Just in case you was wondering where he got it from, here for one day only are my special guests, Nanny and Grandad:

Walking through a shopping mall:
Daddy:     "And this is Katie's favourite shop, Hollister"
Nanny (peering through the window):     "What do they sell?"
Daddy:     "Clothes and perfume"
Nanny:     "Ooh and lamps, they sell lamps"
Daddy:     "Er no, that's just a light fitting"

Looking at the computers in an electrical shop:
Nanny:     "I'm going to look at that computer over there, I want to know how much that wallpaper is"

In a busy restaurant at 90,000 decibels as a waiter with a tattoo passes the table:
Grandad:     "Ooh look that man's got a huge bruise on his arm"

In a tiny craft shop right in front of the owner:
Nanny:     "Ugh it stinks in here"

Staying at Nanny and Grandads one christmas:
Mummy:     "I need to nip out to the chemist"
Grandad:    "What do you need?  I might have it"
Mummy:     "Er no I don't think you will"
Grandad:    "I might, I have most things"
Everyone else:     "No you really won't"
Grandad:     "But what do you need?"
Mummy:     "TAMPONS!"
Grandad (shuffling off):    "No I don't have any of them"

To a customer in an Italian restaurant:
Daddy:     "Are you open?"
Man:        "I don't work here"
Nanny"     "Are you open?"
Man:        "I don't work here"
Nanny:     "Are you serving luncheon?"
Daddy:     "He doesn't work here"
Man:        "If I worked here I wouldn't be just standing here"
Nanny:     "You might, you could be Italian"    

Reading  mini humans t-shirt that says Bring out the gimp:
Nanny:     "Bring out the jimp.   What's a jimp?"

Ordering desserts in a restaurant:
Nanny:        "The portions here are far too big"
Grandad:     "Far too big for us"
Nanny:        "Do you recommend the lemon meringue sundae?"
Waitress:     "It's the biggest pudding on the menu"
Grandad:     "I'll have it then"