Basset Rescue Christmas Party. By Bessie

Last Sunday was our Christmas party.   On Friday Carly and Mummy baked dog treats for the party. They made pilchard and sweet potato, liver and apple sauce, and peanut butter, banana and honey.  Then they put them in pretty Christmas gift bags with ribbons.

On Sunday we all got in the car and drove to Leicestershire.   The party was awesome.  There were 34 bassets, Fanny the Cocker Spaniel and I finally got to meet one of my most bestest friends in the whole world Gunner and his mummy Zoe.    Gunner is amazing, we all loved him loads and Zoe is just lovely and kind and pretty and she even let Mummy fiddle with her hair.

We played party games and we had a fun dog show and me and Gunner won the fancy dress in our Simba and Nala costumes.    All the humans had baked potatoes and snossijs and curry for their lunch and we had treats and snossijs and everyone was very well behaved (except grumpy Carly) unless you count all the wees and poos (which I don't) or Carly being grumpy (which I do).   Ooh and Santa came and we all got a present.

Double Ooh and Harley and Burton came and they had Christmas jumpers and they looked really happy.

Things that happened in November. By Bessie

So since Spicy went to the bridge what have we been up to?  Tom had a birthday, Mummy took him out for lunch and then the humans went to their favourite restaurant for tea.  They said they had a lovely tea but the waitress's BO was a little bit off putting, and not very ladylike.   Katie wouldn't come in and sit at the table though, she wanted to sit outside on the cold cobbles and cuddle with this cat that took a fancy to her.   Then Katie asked Daddy if we could have a cat and Daddy told her not to be so bloody ridiculous and Mummy had to tell him off cos even though we can't get another cat he didn't have to be so rude.

Grandma and Grandad came to stay for the weekend.   We all went for a walk and the humans went out for dinner and Lotty tried to get in Grandma and Grandad's bed.

Harley came to stay for the night.  Mummy and Tom went to Lesley's to collect him and he slept in Tom's room, like all the foster dogs do.  They all love Tom.   His new humans and his new brother Burton came to pick him up on Saturday morning but Harley scared Burton a bit cos he was playing too rough and Burton sicked up his breakfast.  Luckily Carly was there to eat the sick.  Bleugh.  Daddy emptied a bowl of water over the sick but it wasn't quite enough to clean it all up so he emptied an entire bath over it.   We did wonder if he couldn't have found something in between a bowl and a bath; a watering can or a bucket maybe?

My humans helped at the village Christmas Fair.  Everyone was a bit worried nobody would turn up like the big lunch in the summer but it was absolutely packed in the hall, they were worried they were going to run out of selection boxes for the grotto but luckily there was just enough.   Anyway the fair was a huge success and they will definitely do it again next year.

Spicy and Typsy

Spicy cat and Typsy cat were cousins but they never met each other on account of them being cats and living 200 miles apart.  So they both didn't know that the other was poorly too.  Typsy was so sick he knew it was time to make his way to Rainbow Bridge.  

When he got there his aunties Robin and Flo and his uncles Patty and Alfie were waiting by the gate but Typsy wouldn't come in.  He knew something wasn't quite right.  "Are you expecting anybody else?" He asked the aunties and uncles.  They said Spicy was coming too but she wouldn't leave.  So Typsy called down to Spicy.  Spicy said she was scared. She didn't want to leave her humans.  She said she was sat on the bed watching when Katie was born and she was cuddled up in Katie's bed right now.  Typsy said he was scared too but the aunties and uncles that they had heard about from their humans were waiting for them.  They would look after them until they could be reunited with their humans again.  "Just one more night then I will come" promised Spicy.

So Typsy waited outside the gates to Rainbow Bridge and the aunties and uncles came out to wait with him.   The next day when Spicy's mummy asked what she could do to make her better Spicy looked into her eyes and her mummy knew the time had come.  So everybody said goodbye to Spicy and she made her trip to Rainbow Bridge.   When she got there Typsy held her paw and the aunties and uncles took them in to Rainbow Bridge to meet all the animals and there was a big feast and Spicy and Typsy had pilchards and salmon and milk and it was the best they had ever tasted and their humans knew they were ok now and they would meet again one day.

AGM weekend. By Bessie

We had our AGM on the 18th October.    We booked the village hall next door for the afternoon so we could have the meeting all proper and professional and then we came back to our house for a party.   There were 12 houndies.   Seven of us cuddled up on Tom's bed while they was having their meeting and four of them went to the meeting with their humans and Tilly came later with her mum and dad.   We also had a foster dog for the night, Baby Daisy.  She came with Johanna and Super Stanley.

The meeting was good and people had some great ideas of things we could do to make the rescue even better.   The humans had chilli and baked potatoes for their tea and hotdogs for the mini humans.   Us houndies all took it in turns to go in the pantry for our dinner so there wasn't a big fight at tea time.

Johanna was the dog whisperer and she sat on our bed with houndies all over her feeding us snossijs and clipping toebones.    Lotty stole her potato though cos she is an evil dog.

Baby Daisy stayed the night, she snuggled with Sam and Louise on the air bed.  Of course Lotty had to get in there too cos she is so nosy.   The next morning we all had breakfast then Lisa and Paul came back and we all went for a walk to Tredegar Park.  Then Baby Daisy went home with them, they are going to foster her.

Ot oo affin at? By Sam

I chipped a tooth at the weekend, one of my front bottom teeth - that's the tooth at the front of my mouth not in my front bottom like in that weird film Teeth.   Anyway I went to the dentist yesterday and he gave me an anaesthetic so he could break off the broken bit, file it down and put a filling in.

For some god forsaken reason instead of going straight home I decided to pop into Tesco.   On the way up the travellator an old man asked if he could squeeze past.  I attempted to smile and say "Sure".  But on account of numb mouth what I actually did was grimace at him and growl. "Grrrr".  I'm sorry sir.  I would have apologised at the time but that was not possible.

Then I went to pick the minihumans up from school.  "You're early," they said, "Haven't you been to work?"

"Nmm," I said, "I een oo a enniss.   Ot oo affin at?  Oo I oun unny?"

"No, you sound fine," said Katie."

Oh ud, I urried I oun eerd" says I as they collapse in laughter.   Pigs.

Many Tears. By Bessie

On Sunday morning Mummy saw a post on Facebook by Many Tears Animal Rescue - the rescue who saved Carly's life - saying they had 65 dogs dumped on them that morning and they needed all the help they could get.   So her and Tom got in the car and went down to help.   There was loads of people there, the car park was full and there was cars everywhere.  

As soon as they got inside, Sylvia the owner was walking past and she asked if they had come to help.  "We have if you need us," said Mummy.   So Sylvia asked if they could manage three small dogs.   Mummy said she could handle three any size dogs so another lady brought them three dogs, a little tiny yorkie, a pomeranian cross and a little black cross breed.  They didn't have names yet cos they were so new - as well as the 65 dogs from the Irish puppy farm they had 18 other dogs arrive last night.   Mummy and Tom named the dogs Arnold, Noodles and Billy.   Sylvia said to go for a walk and keep turning right,  After three quarters of an hour they would be back at the centre.

Arnold, Noodles and Billy were very good, they didn't pull or do flat basset or have projectile diorrhea everywhere.   But we think they must have got lost cos it took them two hours to walk round the block.  Arnold got tired and had a carry for some of the way.  

When they got back they saw some of the Irish puppy farm dogs being carried into the grooming room.  It was the most awful sight, Mummy and Tom were shocked,   You see these dogs on cruelty programmes with their fur so matted it looks like dreadlocks and they are barely recognisable as living beings, but to actually see them in real life, dozens and dozens of them.  They were covered in lice and fleas  All the dogs had to be shaved and doused in delouser.  Most of them were poodles.

One of the volunteers offered to give Mummy and Tom a tour round the kennels, they saw hundreds of sad little dogs.  If they had been going to choose a dog they would never be able to just pick one.  After they had their tour they sat in the kennels with some of the dogs who need socialising to make them more adoptable.  First they sat with Arnold, Noodles and Billy and then they went and sat in a kennel with six dogs; two cocker spaniels, two shitzus, a westie cross and a teeny tiny little chihuahua who climbed onto Tom's lap and went straight to sleep.

They could have stayed there all day snuggling but they had to go home.  It was very hard to say goodbye to all the beautiful doggies and they gave us extra big snuggles that night.

Oh and by the way Arnold, Noodles and Billy have names now.   They are called Tom (how cool is that?), Sid and Dolly.

Millie. By Bessie

On Thursday lunchtime Mummy texted a man who was advertising his Basset free to a good home on Gumtree.    At 2.30 he rang and said would she tell him more about the rescue cos most of the other messages he had sounded like they were from psychos.  So Mummy told him how Millie Basset would go to a lovely foster home and get spayed and vet checked and then we would find the perfect home for her.  She told him to go and have a look at the success stories on the website and call her back.  Half an hour later he phoned back and said come at 5 so she picked Katie and Bryn up from school and took Bryn home then Mummy and Katie went to pick Millie Basset up.

As it happens Millie Basset was more Beagle than Basset and maybe a little bit of Whippet thrown in there too but they brought her home anyway.   Daddy said, "What did you do that for?"  But Mummy said, " I couldn't leave her.  Of course I brought her home."

Millie stayed until Saturday morning.  She is very sweet and pretty and tiny but very bouncy and jumping off the settee and leaping onto the windowsills, stealing food and weeing everywhere.   But she will stop it soon, Mummy said she was very eager to learn so that makes her very trainable.  On Saturday morning Mummy and Millie drove to Sam's house.    Millie had a good run round the garden with Shirley, Ollie and Snoopy and then Louise and Dave came and they all had lunch and Millie stole some tomato but she didn't like it so she spat it on the rug.   Then Millie went back with Louise and Dave to Lisa's house to stay until after she has been spayed on Wednesday.

Nelson goes to his new life, Bryn joins the army and the humans don't buy a watering can. By Bessie

On Friday Mummy and Katie went to Cardiff to meet Lesley and Nelson.  Then they brought Nelson back with them for the night.   He was excellent as always.  He is always a very good house guest.  Bryn was at cadet camp all night.

On Saturday morning Miss Hannah and Mr Hannah came to collect him.  They brought their baby Basset Tibs with them.  He had a plaster cast on his leg but him and Nelson still wanted to play.  Mummy had to tell Nelson to chill out though, cos he is much bigger than Tibs and Tibs has a baddy leg.

Then Nelson went off to start his wonderful new life.   I think he is going to make them very happy, he is such a perfect boy.   

Then Mummy and Katie went to fetch Bryn and they came back, had a bit of lunch.  We went for a walk then the humans went to B&Q to look at wallpaper for the hall but they didn't like any of them so they came home.

Yesterday they went to Leekes and chose some nice duck egg blue wallpaper with a pattern of trees and birds and some paint for them wooden panels in the hall.   Then they went to Ikea and had a slap up lunch of dried up bun with a tiny snossij, cold chips and a flat coke.   But the cinnabuns were nice so that is ok.

As usual they came home with a million things they didn't know they needed and nothing they did.   What they wanted to buy was a pretty watering can for the kitchen windowsill, a soap dish and a picture frame but what they actually bought was two laundry hampers for Katie and Bryn's rooms - They were only £1.95 in the sale though -  four plant pots, two latte glasses and a solar powered light for outside.   Note, none of the things they wanted.

In the meantime Tom took us for a walk.     But then Katie had a strop on the way out cos Mummy wouldn't buy her a milkshake and called Mummy names cos she's 15 and she's like that.  So they weren't speaking to each other by the time they got home.  But Tom was happy cos he missed it all and Mummy bought him a cinnabun.

Mummy made a roast chikkin for tea.  Daddy wished they had roast dinner more often until he saw the amount of washing up.   I bet he's glad she makes dinner in the slow cooker most nights.

South East Basset Fun Day. By Carly.

Bessie said seeing as my last post was Ok apart from insulting her I can write another one.  But I have to say nice things about Bessie.  I can say anything mean about Lotty I like though.

So on the Sunday morning we didn't have to get up so early cos the fun day didn't start til one.  So we had our breakfast and the humans had a big cooked breakfast that Uncle Dave cooked.   Then we went to Crawley for the fun day.   This time Bertie and Frank came too but Uncle Dave had to go to work.

Miss Lisa and Mr Paul organised an amazing day.    We think they were more organised than the people who ran Pup Aid.   There was a barbeque and quiche and some cakes and even a cake just for the houndies.  And a dog show.    I don't really like dog shows though and Mummy was very concious that I had been very good all weekend with no growling or snapping so she only entered me for one round so I didn't have to pretend to be good.
 
There was loads of people came to the fun day, Mummy tried to do a head count of dogs.  She thinks there were about 40.   Our foster dogs Sasha and Sonny were there too.  They are both really lovely.  Mummy especially liked Sasha, she was sat on the floor cuddling me, Sasha and Sonny at one point and she was in houndy heaven.  Everytime she stopped stroking Sasha she would nudge her hand for more.

I think everybody was very well behaved.  Nobody escaped under the gate.  One child may have got hit over the head with a saucepan at some point but maybe I dreamed that.  I does sound to bizarre to have really happened.  And Bertie may have had a bit of quiche.   And I think someone did a wee up the stereo.   A boy.  Obviously.   I'm not saying who.  I know who.  But I'm not a grass.

Oh yeah and we all missed Bessie loads.   *sigh*.  Will that do?

After the funday was over we drove back to Aunty Louise's and Mummy and me and Aunty Sam and Shirley got back in our own cars and we went home.   It was very late when we got home so I had my tea, cuddled with my sisters and went to bed.

Pupaid. By Carly

Bessie said I could write this blog post but only if I talk properly.  No baby talk.   Sulking I am.   But here goes.

Me and Mummy got in the car and drove to London.    The G8 summit was on so we had to go the back road to get to the next motorway junction.  I did a poo in the car just before we got to the next village.  We had been in the car for about 2 minutes.  She was not a happy mummy.  She stopped the car and I said "Oh goody we are here."   "No Carly," Mummy sighed, "We are not here."  Then she put my poo in a bag and threw it in a hedge cos she didn't want to drive all the way to London with a poo on the seat next to her.  

When we got to Reading we stopped at the motorway services.  They have a nice services there.  There is a massive dog walking area with woods and fields to run on and a big picnic area.   Mummy went in and got us a burger king dinner then I got out the car and we went for a walk and ate our dinner.  I had half a rodeo burger and half a bag of chips but Mummy had all the coke to herself and I had a bowl of water.

Then we drove to Aunty Louise's house.   My friends Penny, Bertie and Frank were there.  Mummy told me I had to be on my best behaviour.  No snapping or growling.  I said I would try but no promises.    Mummy and Aunty Louise had to go and do a homecheck so they said I could come too.   They said it would be good practice for the lady and her Basset to meet a six year old girl cos that it what I am and that is what they are adopting if the homecheck went well.   Which it did.   And the Basset was lovely and cute and I didn't snap or growl and she showed me her toys and her garden.  I didn't want to play though.  I don't play much.  Except with Lotty.  But not Bessie cos she scares me when we play.

When we got back to Aunty Louise's house we houndies had our tea and I won the fastest eater competition.  Mummy said it wasn't a competition and did the others not look like they were enjoying their dinner first.  I don't care.  Fastest eater gets the best spot on the sofa.

After the humans tea Aunty Sam and Shirley came and we all went for a walk round the block.  A stoned Lithuanian man tried to kiss us all.  We all got a bit high from the smell of the drugs him and his friend were trying to hide so we went home and ran round the garden for a bit before bed.

On Saturday morning we got up super early and Uncle Dave drove me, Penny and Shirley and the mummies to Primrose Hill.  He found the best parking spot ever right outside the park gates and we went to Pup Aid.  This is a big charity dog show about puppy farming.   We got there a bit early though and the show wasn't open yet so we we walked to the top of the hill and took some photos and watched the joggers.   Apparently nobody says joggers anymore, they are called runners.  Pah.   While we were sat there this man came over and said "Is that the dog show down there?"  And we said it was but it wasn't open yet.  He walked off then came back a minute later and asked us if Hannah was there.   We said we didn't know but Dave was.    Haha.  Still don't know who Hannah is.

Then we went to sign up for the dog show.   They were only letting 50 people into each category.   Shirley didn't want to enter but me and Penny entered prettiest bitch and best rescue and the lady said we could join in with the rescued brood bitch parade later.    After we got our numbers we went for a walk to look at the stalls.  Most of them were selling very expensive stuff but Mummy bought a bag of dried whitebait for me to share with my friends.  We met another Basset.  She was pretty but very grumpy.  She growled at me but I didn't growl back.   In fact I didn't growl or snap at anyone all day.  Mummy and the Auntys said they was very proud of all of us cos we were such good girls.

There was a stall doing grooming.  Penny had hers done last week by Spongedog but me and Shirley needed our nails doing.  Shirley didn't really like it though so she only had one nail. I let them do all mine and they didn't even charge.  We was super pleased with my maniped.  

We met loads of people who was useful to our rescue and Mummy and the Auntys had their Basset Rescue Network t-shirts on and lots of people asked about our rescue.  We met some celebrities too.    The compere was Annabel Giles.  And the guest judges were Sue Perkins off the bake off and Peter Egan who used to be in Keeping up appearances and now he does tons for animal welfare.   We met Marc the vet.    Penny had her photo taken with him.  And Rachel Reilly who does the maths on countdown was there too but we didn't see her.  Annabel Giles was very funny.   She made us laugh lots.

We didn't win anything in the dog show and the brood bitch parade was a bit embarrasing cos even though they said we could join in and there were a few others that joined in, the lady who was reading out the cards about the dogs just read out what was on the card even though the dogs were stood in the wrong order and didn't come and ask about the extra dogs that had come in.  There were only three extras it would have taken two minutes to talk to us.   And all the people behind were going, "Which one is she talking about now?"  We wish we hadn't bothered really.   But then a lady came to talk to us later, we don't know who she was but she said she went to parliament with Marc the vet about the petition to ban the sale of puppies and kittens in pet shops so we think she must have been one of the organisers.  Anyway she was very nice and asked about our rescue.

We had a lovely day out and by the time it was home time we were all very tired and Uncle Dave drove us all home.  The boys were cross cos they had to stay home but we gave them some of our dried fishies and they were happy.  

Here comes the Presidents. By Sam.

The G8 summit is coming to town in two days.  This means total shutdown for the entire town,  more so for us as we are precisely 1.3 miles from where it will take place.    According to the Welsh Mail 9,500 Police Officers have come from all over the UK.    This is true, we saw Merseyside police guarding the motorway roundabout at the top of our road and tonight whilst cycling home - yes that's right, but hang on - I passed a Nottinghamshire police van parked outside school.  This was just before I saw two of Bryn's friends.  They looked at me funny so I said "You didn't see me in this stupid helmet right."

There are police literally everywhere.  On the way to work I passed a bloke having his rucksack searched outside Tesco cos he had a camera.  Lucky for me they didn't stop me and search my rucksack cos it contained a complete change of clothes and the entire contents of the fridge, nearly.   On Thursday school is only open 10-2.   The doctors surgery is closed and the bin men are coming on Saturday instead.   It was in the Argus yesterday that Presidents Obama and Cameron are planning on visiting a school.   They haven't said which one on account of the world press flocking there to have a gorp but it has to be our school surely.  It's the closest one to the summit, it cost £29 million to build so it has to be fit to show to the presidents and Katie said she's only going in if she can meet them. 

On account of the road lockdown I decided it was a good incentive to finally buy a bike to go to work on.  So on Saturday we went to Halfords and I picked a rather splendid bike.   John and I went for a bike ride on Sunday, after Tom helped me bath the dogs.  Which was a complete waste of time cos Lotty has rolled in something stinky today and needs another one.   We rode to the next village and back.   Halfway home I cried like a baby and begged John to fetch the car but he wouldn't and by the time I got home I was actually almost dead.  Nearly.    Then this morning I rode my bike to work.   It was OK actually.  My backside is still killing from Sunday but it was my knees that hurt the most.  I will get used to it though apparently.   I don't know if that means used to the pain.  I don't want to get used to pain.   The hardest bit was lifting the bike over the two kissing gates at the edge of the golf club.   That was almost impossible.   This bloke came over to help me on the way home but I said no I have to learn to do it myself.  Then he said to lift it over the farmers gate further up next time cos it's slightly lower.   Anyway it was fun once but I think I will drive everywhere again now.

I made the mistake of baking a cake on Saturday.  Now I'm expected to provide pudding after every meal.  how ridiculous.  I'm supposed to be on a diet.   We had lemon meringue pie on Saturday, Bread and Butter pudding on Sunday, Banoffee pie last night and Chocolate brownies tonight.   Tomorrow no cake.  They can bugger off.

On a separate note do you think exercise releases happy endorphines or is that a load of crap.   After a long bike ride on Sunday we sat and wet ourselves laughing at X Factor.   And all day today everything in work has been hilarious.    Maybe I'm just hysterical?   I mean like crazy not like haha look at me.

That there London. By Bessie

Weekend before last Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to London.   They drove to Louise's house and had fajitas for their tea.  Then all the adults and Katie went to this bit of London what is called Highgate cos that is where the hotel is that Katie was staying in.   On the way there Mummy and Louise were trying to sort out Maggie's transport run in the back of the car but then Mummy got really travel sick and her battery ran out so she had to swap seats with Daddy so she could sit in the front and hang her head out of the window like a dog (I never hang my head out of the window by the way and I'm a dog).  

When they got to the hotel Katie's friends were waiting outside so she went off with them and the humans went back to Louise's.

On Saturday Dave drove Mummy and Daddy to the airport where they got the tube into London.    Mummy has a morbid fear of the underground but she was trying to be brave and not be a massive baby.    They went to Covent Garden first.  Mummy says this is the scariest underground station cos it is 15 floors underground.  They had a look round and then they walked past the Savoy Hotel and went down to the river but there was some bike thing going on and they couldn't cross the road to get near the London eye so they went to Trafalgar Square and looked at all the pictures in the National Gallery.   Mummy wanted to go and ogle over Whistlejacket.  She has a thing for Whistlejacket.

Then they had lunch in a really nice restaurant near Trafalgar Square then walked down Whitehall and they saw some nice horses and soldiers and Downing Street where that David Cameron fella lives and then they went to see the houses of parliament and they stood under Big Ben as it chimed two o'clock and they went to see Westminster Abbey and Buckingham Palace and they walked round St James Park.

Then they got back on the tube and they went to Harrods but it was full of rich Arab ladies buying handbags and they didn't have anything interesting to look at it in there.   Then they walked down to Hyde Park and had a drink and paddled in the Serpentine.  Then after that they were tired cos they had walked all over London so they went back on the tube and Louise picked them up from the airport.  

In the meantime Katie was at Summer in the City at Alexandra Palace.  This was like some big fan thing for Youtubers.  All of Katie's friends were there and she was having a great time.  She met Dan and Phil off of Radio One.  They are her favourite Youtubers.

On Sunday Mummy, Daddy, Louise and Dave all went into London.    They parked at the car park at the airport where Dave works right next to where the Concorde lives.    But as they got out of the car it started raining really hard and they tried to run to the station but Dave's umbrella blew apart and he was left holding the frame as the fabric bit flew past Daddy's head.  Mummy and Louise laughed their heads off.   So Dave out his umbrella in the bin outside the station and they got on the train and went to the Tower of London to see the ceramic poppies.   They was beautiful, there was millions of them.   Then they went to a pub across the road and had some lunch.

After lunch they went to Whitechapel and went on a guided walk about the old East End.  A pug called Bobby came too and when his mum popped into a shop to get a sandwich she asked Louise to look after him.  Her and mummy were thinking about stealing him.  Then they decided they were going to change the name of the rescue to Pug Rescue Network cos they could rescue loads of pugs and keep them in their handbags.    This man did a good tour and afterwards they went to Spitalfields market and down Brick Lane.    But during the walk Mummy got a bit of a tummy ache and by the time they finished the walk she was in agony but she didn't want to spoil everybody's day so she was pretending she was ok.    They walked back through the East End and into the City of London and by the time they got to the tube station Mummy was dying in pain so she decided she would use the toilet (she doesn't do public toilets as a rule so you have a clue about how much her tummy was hurting).   But there was a sign in the station saying there were no toilets so they got on the train and then they had to change to another line but there were no toilets at that station either and then by the time they were on the last train Mummy realised that there was no way she was going to make it all the way back to the last station and back to Dave's car and back to Louise and Dave's house without having some kind of accident.  So she finally owned up and told everyone she was dying in pain and Louise looked on her phone for stations on their route with toilets.   So they got off at Hounslow and Mummy hobbled downstairs to the toilet while the others waited on the platform.   There were two toilets and neither of them had locks but she didn't care, she was so desperate to go to the toilet.   Anyway the good news is that she did make it home safely and there were no accidents.    Mummy didn't have any food or drink for the rest of the day though just in case.

When it got dark it was time to drive into London to get Katie.  Mummy and Daddy went to Alexandra Palace and there were millions of teenage girls running about but they found Katie and her friend and then they had to go back to the hotel to get her stuff.    Then Katie went in to say goodbye to everybody but Mummy and Daddy had to wait outside cos they are too embarrassing.  

Daddy and Katie stopped at the services to get some tea but Mummy waited in the car cos her tummy was still hurting.   But there was no food being served so they got choklit instead.

When they got home we had all missed them.   Tom and Bryn looked after us good and we went on lots of walks and had good cuddles though.

In which Katie had a birthday. By Bessie

On Saturday Mummy and Katie went to visit Aunty Mic and see baby Louisa.    They put the garmin sat nav thingy in the car and Daddy said "Don't take the motorway.  It took us six hours just to get to Stoke last weekend."

So they went up the Monmouth road.  But the garmin was being stupid and only wanted to find the motorway.  Now I'm not saying Mummy is some kind of navigational genius, far from it, but she generally doesn't need sat nav to find the motorway.   The massive blue signs are normally a big clue where the motorway is.  So she ignored the sat nav and thought, it's ok, soon it will work out that we are now too far from any motorway and it will find the A49.

She was wrong.    They left the house at 8:10am.   They arrived at Brecon at 9.10am.   The sat nav spent the entire journey trying to make her turn round and go back the way they come.   So they stopped to look at a map.  But they had no road map in the car and neither of them could get a mobile signal.   So they decided as they were way too far west and with no way of navigating east without getting stuck in the mountains the only thing they could do was do as the sat nav said and go back the way they came.  So they did.  They drove back all the way to Abergavenny at which point they saw a sign for Hereford and Katie remembered that the route they needed to take took them right through Hereford.  So they took the Hereford road.   Incidentally the sat nav was still trying to get them to go back to the motorway.  If they had done this they would have ended up back at the motorway junction one mile from our house.

At 10.20 they reached Hereford.  A journey that should have taken one hour.  Not two hours ten minutes.  Anyway by this point they felt they deserved a McDonalds breakfast (I beg to differ.  You can't blame the satnav for your own stupidity).    There was something wrong with the air conditioning inside McDonalds and the noise was drilling into Mummy and Katie's heads so they took their food to the tables outside and ate while watching three children misbehaving in a car while their parents sat inside eating their food.  Strange family.

Then they drove to Aunty Mic's.  As they left McDonalds car park they got behind a truck.   It was doing an ok speed though so they were happy to stick behind it singing their lame soft rock ballads.  Mummy said it was like Thelma and Louise except nobody got to sleep with Brad Pitt and they didn't have to kill themselves at the end.    Mummy needed to put petrol in the car but as they got to the petrol station the truck pulled in and Mummy said she couldn't go after him cos she had been sat behind him for the last hundred miles and he would think he had a stalker.  So instead they limped to the next petrol station on fumes.

look what Mummy found in the petrol station

They passed a sign that said "Cats eyes removed."   Katie was horrified until Mummy told her it wasn't a warning, they weren't in Wickerman territory (they probably were though, it was Shropshire).

They got to Aunty Mic's at 2pm and had cuddles with baby Louisa.   Katie had never held a real life baby before, not that she could remember anyway.   She loved baby Louisa.    Uncle Rob couldn't remember her name and kept calling her Charlotte.  Grandad called her Isabella.

They had tea at Grandma and Grandad's and slept on Grandma and Grandad's couch.  The next day Mummy and Grandma took Katie to Manchester to buy some clothes for her birthday.    She got loads of stuff.  She got shoes and three t-shirts and two pairs of shorts and a shirt and a vest and a necklace and some badges and blue hair dye (which looks very nice and cool) and some posters for her bedroom.   And they went to the Arndale Centre which Mummy used to go to all the time when she was young but hadn't been since a few weeks before the bombings.  And they went to Afflecks Palace which Katie loved.  Mummy knew she would, it was always her favourite place when she was a teenager.   There was some funny people in Manchester.   A man who looked like a Roy Orbison tribute act in Druckers cafe.  A man selling little blow up things on a cart in the street shouting "Mickey Mouse Minnie Mouse" in a comedy accent.   (It probably was his real accent, maybe Mummy is being racist telling it like that), a busker who only knew two songs, a girl in shakeaway who put her bag on Katie's chair while Katie was getting her drink.  Then glances up and says, "You can have your chair back in a minute" and carried on rooting round in her back.   Mummy said, "Oh right, that's good of you."   By the way Shakeaway is the most amazing milkshake shop.  You can have practically anything you want in a milkshake.  Mummy had white kinder bueno with marshmallows and white choklit buttons.    Katie had something with ferrero rochers in and Grandma had a latte but she said it tasted funny.  Mummy said it was probably made with icecream too.

I'm not saying Grandma's a bad parker but she had Mummy and Katie guide her into this spot

When they got back to the car park it was £20 for parking!   £20!!!    It costs £3 in Cardiff and that's a capital city.   When they got home Grandad had cooked Sunday dinner and then they had cake and Katie had candles in hers for her birthday.

Mummy and Katie drove home and got back at about 10pm.   We was all very pleased to see them.   The boy humans had lived on McDonalds all weekend cos Daddy can't cook.  He says he can cook but he never proves it.

On Monday it was Katie's birthday.   Mummy and Daddy had to go to work.  Mummy was supposed to be off but they had done stocktake on Friday and something had gone wrong so her boss asked her to come in.   She finished at three and the minihumans asked her to meet them in Tesco cos they had gone for a walk so she went and got something for tea.  There was a Lego movie cardboard cut out to put your faces in so she made them kneel in it so she could take their photo but then Bryn tripped over and pulled the Lego thing over and the security guard got cross so they ran off.

When Daddy got home Katie opened her presents and then they went out to dinner at Red Hot World Buffet in Cardiff.    This is a restaurant that sells everything.   The humans had for their tea:  chikkin tikka, chikkin, korma, chowmein, lasagne, cottage pie, enchiladas, beefburger, bhajis, icecream and cheesecake.

Yesterday Mummy and Daddy were in work again but the minihumans took us on the field for a run about.   Today Mummy had the day off but she didn't have any money to go anywhere cos she doesn't get paid til tomorrow so we stayed home and played in the garden while she did housework.

Spotted in Tesco.

Spotted in Tesco today:
Two elderly women having a debate about how to use a door mat.
A couple parked across a pedestrian crossing in their stupid monster truck so they can put their tiny baby into a tiny baby trolley.   What about all the other tiny babies that could get run over as a result of your pointlessly large car thing blocking the crossing?
A man who was the spitting image of Mr angry pants from that cbbc programme about Nev the bear.
A woman bending over to look at flowers showing everything inside her vest.  Literally everything.  She may as well have been naked from the waist up.
An entire family in beach wear.  Newport is not a holiday town.   Granted its a coastal town but coastal and seaside does not mean the same thing.   Also they were just stood there in the frozen potato products aisle in their swimwear. I wanted some hash browns but I didn't want to have to brush against naked flesh.
A little kid with measles.  Nobody wants your spots.  Go home.

Our super lazy weekend, our friend Nelson and our baby cousin. By Bessie

This weekend Daddy, Katie and Bryn went to stay with Grandad.   Well, I say Katie did, she stayed one night then she went to her friend in Blackburn for the rest of the weekend.   Daddy, Bryn and Grandad went to an Italian restaurant for their lunch.    Bryn said he felt overdressed.  Mummy said he shouldn't worry, it's quite a novelty to see a thirteen year old in a cravat these days.  He swears he wasn't wearing a cravat.  But Grandad probably was.  In fact when they got home Mummy described the outfit Grandad wore to the restaurant and said even though it was 40 degrees out he still had an umbrella.   Daddy said he was wearing the outfit Mummy described and he did have an umbrella.  And he offered Daddy and Bryn an umbrella each and they declined.  But when they got there he took three umbrellas out of the boot and tried to get them to take one each.

Katie texted Tom and Mummy the same text.  Even though she knew they were together.  She does things like that.  The text said, "What do I order from McDonalds?"
Mummy replied with, "How should I know?   A quarter pounder?"
Tom replied with, "A MacMeat burger."
Mummy told Tom he had to phone her straight away and tell her not to order a MacMeat burger.   Tom said, and he was right it turned out, that Katie would never order a MacMeat burger anyway.  She would think it sounded disgusting.  He was right, she did think it sounded disgusting.

Daddy, Katie and Bryn were gone from Friday lunchtime to Monday evening.   This is what us houndies, Tom and Mummy did in three and a half days:

Nothing.  haha.

Well almost.  Friday we went for a walk.   Then we had tea.  Mummy and Tom had half a bag of chikkin nuggets each.  Then we watched Masterchef.  Then we went to bed early cos Mummy had a migraine.

Saturday Mummy and Tom went to Tesco and bought a bag of linguine.   Then we went for a walk.   Then Mummy did some cleaning before tea.   Then we watched a film called Bridesmaids that was really funny and now Mummy has a big crush on Roy out of the IT crowd.

Sunday we went for a walk.  Lotty rolled in fox poo.   Lotty had a bath.  We played in the garden.    Tom had a bagel for his tea.  Mummy had a baked potato.    Then we watched a film called Love and other drugs.  We didn't like it much.  

Monday Mummy and Tom went into town.  Tom went to the job centre then went to buy shoes with his friend Emily while Mummy went to buy some chinese herbs off a funny lady.   Then we went for a walk.    Then we all fell asleep on the settee and was woken up by Daddy, Katie and Bryn coming home.   They had Nelson with them.   This is the exciting bit.   Daddy met Susan's dad in Blackburn in the morning and brought Nelson the foster dog home with him.     We all had a good run round the garden and had some tea and the humans had chikkin casserole out of the slow cooker.   Then Mummy and Daddy went to a committee meeting for at the hall next door and Tom looked after us.  

Today Mummy had to go to work so Tom looked after everyone and made sure Carly and Nelson didn't fight.   She was ok, in the end she even let him lay next to her on Tom's bed.  When Mummy got back from work she took Nelson to Aunty Lesley's in Bridgend.   Katie was supposed to go with her but she forgot and went out with her friends instead.  So Mummy went on her own then she stopped at Sainsburys in Bridgend on the way back for petrol and got some snossijs for the humans tea as well.   We miss Nelson, he is cute.

In other news Aunty Mic had a baby girl.   Her name is Louisa Catherine.   We haven't seen her yet.  Mummy and Katie are going this weekend.  They were going to go on Friday but now Mummy has to work instead.  Boo to working.  Yay to overtime pay.

What the future will be like. By Bessie

At dinner last night the humans were discussing what the future of the planet will be like left in the hands of this generation of teenagers.  It started, well actually I can't remember quite how it started.  You know what these things are like, but at some point Mummy said her mother's generation worked so hard for equality and this generation of teenage girls are throwing it all back in their faces.  Which then moved onto a conversation about what the world will be like in the future.  The following predictions may or may not come true:

In the future there will be no police force as everyone will be too scared to be a grass.    Crimewatch and the news will be there just to show us how great criminals are.    For example,  "Aya welcome to the news blud innit.  Some geezer robbed the crown jewels.   Sweeeet."

Everyone will swear during conversation at all times.  Including characters in childrens tv shows.  Like the telly-f-in-tubbies.

There will be no road signs or traffic lights, if you want to go, you go.

The 150 year old Queen will still be going.  It will be acceptable for the royal reporter to refer to her as "banging" or "smoking hot".

School uniform will consist of a crop top and micro shorts.  That's for the boys and girls.

Oh I just remembered how the conversation started.  Katie said that the lower the year group in school the less clothes the girls had worn on the school trip to the theme park.  Her year, year ten, wore shorts with leggings or tights underneath and cardigans.   The year nines wore shorts and t-shirts.   The year eights wore shorts and crop tops and the year sevens came in their bikinis (or something).

Not a born chef. By Sam

I don't know if you've noticed.  But I love food.  I love eating it most but I also love watching cookery programmes.  But not those scare mongery things where they show you how things are made.  I know chicken kiev is made from beaks and bumholes mashed up into a big pink blob.  But I still eat it.

I like the food network with a particular fondness for Guy Fieri cos he's basically a big douche but he's kinda cute and he looks like he really enjoys his nosh.    Oh and Barefoot Contessa but to be fair mainly for the comedy value.   And of course Pioneer Woman, but I wish they would show the dogs a bit more.  I like the dogs.  And I like Masterchef and the Food show.  What's that fella called, the one with the really French name but he doesn't sound French at all?  I'm thinking Jean Michelle Jarre but I know that's not right.  Anyway he's nice.  Maybe he could come and cook my tea...

...Only that's where it all goes wrong.  I would never eat the stuff they cook on these programmes, well except diners, drive thrus and dives and maybe man vs food.    I like real food.  I want someone on Masterchef to dish up a big plate of mashed potatoes with lovely thick chicken gravy.     Quite frankly 6 chips served up like jenga and a piece of salmon that looks like it may have come out of one of them posh sachets for cats, well that's not going to fill anyone up is it?

And you do not turn anything into foam.  Food should not appear in front of you looking like it was coughed up by a cuckoo.

So I watch all these cooking programmes and I have a load of boards on pinterest full of recipes and bookshelves full of recipe books.  But really I just throw the contents of the fridge into the slow cooker every morning and hope something tasty has appeared by dinner time.

In conclusion you probably shouldn't come round for dinner after I've been watching the food network.   Because you're either going to get a four foot high burger or a green bean dipped in salt.  Either way you will go home with stomach ache.

How the only lady in work uses a shared bathroom

When there is only one toilet in work shared by eight men and one woman this is how the one woman goes for a wee:

Do a head count.  Do not approach the bathroom until every member of staff is accounted for.

Knock quietly in case you accidentally counted someone twice or a visitor is using the toilet.

Knock a bit louder in case that person is hard of hearing.

Tentatively try the handle with your cardigan sleeve because you know nobody else washes their hands.

Very slowly open the door with said cardigan sleeve whilst whispering "Hello."

Spray air freshener.

Flush the last person's poo away.

Flush the last person's poo away again as it really doesn't want to go.

Clean toilet with bleach.   

Clean sink with bleach.

Clean floor with bleach.

Put toilet paper on toilet seat just in case you missed a bit.

Decide not to sit on the toilet after all and hover above it.

Shout "Go away" at the person rattling the door handle.

Take toilet roll off the holder and replace it the right way round.

Throw the collection of discarded cardboard tubes in the bin.

Wash hands with soap and water.

Turn off tap, realise the last person who touched it might not have used hot water and soap so clean tap with bleach and wash hands again.

Throw paper towel in bin.  Pick up all the paper towels off the floor and throw them in the bin.

Wash hands again.

Water the plant on the window sill.

Spray air freshener because even though you have never done a poo in work ever, the person before you may have and it may still smell.

Open all doors using cardigan sleeve and exit quietly and swiftly worrying that the bathroom still smells from the person before and someone might think it was you.

Biscuits for guide dogs. By Sam

We have an ongoing dare, Tom and I, to strap a suitcase handle to a harness and wander round the shops pretending Bessie is a guide dog.    Of course we wouldn't really do it...

This morning in Tesco - by the way if you ever want to murder me just hang around Tesco at 8.30 on Thursday morning, I'm always there - I was at the checkout behind a man with a guide dog.  He wasn't a trainee guide dog, he was a fully trained guide dog.   Beautiful long haired German Shepherd.  When the man had paid and tried to move away the dog sat down and refused to move.  The man said he wouldn't move until he had a gravy bone, then he said how his friend has a guide dog too but the two dogs don't like each other, they are going on holiday together soon and it's going to be chaos.   Anyway, the dog got his gravy bone and off they went.   I saw them a few minutes later downstairs.  The man was trying to exit the lift but the dog wouldn't move without his biscuit.

I don't know why but that cheeky guide dog made my day.   Nothing will spoil my mood.  Not even being left to take all the sales calls while my colleague has his hour long morning poo.

I'm not irritable. Bugger off. By Sam

How come every time Katie goes to the toilet she takes the loo roll off the holder and leaves it on top of the cistern?  And after she washes her hands she throws the hand towel on the floor instead of putting it back on the rail?

How come John can't find the bin?  His bedside table looks like the municipal tip and the whole house is littered with old receipts, scraps of paper and bottle tops.   This morning he finished a can of shaving gel and left it on my bedside table.  Presumably cos he couldn't find his own under the mountains of spare change and receipts.

This morning I needed to do a shop.  Not a big shop, I need to defrost the freezer on account of some idiot leaving the door open last Thursday and the entire contents defrosting then refrosting and it's now full of ice.  So we will be eating weird stuff until it runs down.  Like the contents of all the freezer bags and tupperware boxes that I forgot to label.  Is this mashed banana or pizza dough?

Anyway, to the point.  I needed to stock up on packed lunch foods and cleaning products but Tom said I'm not allowed to go to Asda anymore cos every time we go there I have some altercation in the car park and someone becomes my nemesis for the day then we spend our whole time bumping into nemesis down every aisle whereby I have to make a loud sarcastic comment each time.    I don't actually remember saying, "Oh look she's in the bin bag aisle, she must be looking for a new coat."   But apparently that was to the woman in the black plastic mac who jumped in and stole my parking spot.    Sounds legit.    I do remember the incident with the woman who whacked my car door TWICE then shrugged when I screamed at her.  I think pulling Tom out of the way every time we met her in the shop and shouting, "Watch she doesn't ram you with her trolley" is perfectly acceptable under the circumstances.  I like my car.  A lot.

But I took his advice on board and we went to Lidl instead and I am pleased to report there were no altercations.  Far from it, in fact I let an elderly lady go in front of us at the check out as she only had a punnet of strawberries and a loaf of bread and she called me a nice young lady.  

So there you have it.  The moral of the story is there's a much better class of person shopping at Lidl than Asda.

Diets. And why they suck. By Sam

My boss came in to work on Thursday raving about this new diet that he had started.  He called it the 8/2 diet but we worked out he meant the 5/2 diet.   Basically, his version was that you eat whatever the bloody hell you like for five days a week and then are restricted to 500 (for a lady) and 600 (for a man) calories for two days a week, but not consecutive days.  He says his niece is on it and she has lost loads of weight and was pigging out on Chinese takeaways and McDonalds the rest of the time.    So Thursday was his fast day, or his 600 calorie day, depending on whether you think 600 calories is enough to live on.    Well, I hadn't eaten yet, since it was only 8.30 in the morning so I thought, you know what?  I can do this.  I won't think about it, I'll start right now.    I won't fast today cos I'm in work and it might give me a migraine.  I'll do it tomorrow, I've only got to go to the dentist.    So, just to start myself in the right way, I didn't eat much on Thursday.    I had a banana for breakfast, a cup a soup for lunch and a tiny plate of pasta for tea.

Friday morning came and cos I knew this was my fast day all I could think about was food.  Normally I'm not even hungry til about 10.30 but today I woke up 6am starving hungry.    I went downstairs and had a large glass of water.   Then after the kids had gone to school I had three slices of turkey ham at eight calories each.    Then went to the dentist.  Tom came and we took the dogs so we could go for a walk round the castle seeing as they hadn't been back there since we moved house.

Lying in the dentist chair my stomach was rumbling so badly it hurt and I felt sick with hunger.   I came out and the chipshop next door smelt so appetising.   But we got in the car and we drove to the castle.   Luckily there is nowhere selling food nearby, unless you count the town centre which we couldn't get near cos of the massive roadworks in the centre of town that we got stuck in for twenty minutes with Lotty whining in the back.  And anyway we moved away for a reason, I don't want to spend my spare time wandering round the town centre hoping I don't bump into anyone I don't like.

The dogs had a lovely time down the castle and we met our old next door neighbour and her dog, Bertie.  The girls were ever so excited to bump into him and we walked with them for a while.

Then we came home and it was no good.  I took two anadin extra and an imigran and ate half a turkey baguette with cream cheese and Tom and I shared a bag of fruit pastilles.   I felt so ill that evening I didn't have any dinner and went to bed at 9 o'clock.

The moral of the story is fasting is stupid.  Don't do it.  You will die.  If God wants me to be fat then I will be fat.     I told Johnny this and he said that was ridiculous and you can't blame God for all your problems.    I told him he didn't have to take everything I say quite so literally.

So you don't love animals any more? By Bessie

So after eight years Katie suddenly announced last week that she's not a vegetablist anymore.    Daddy was pleased, he said it's much easier now when we go to Grandad's.  Mummy said that was ridiculous.  She has catered for Katie every day  for eight years, it doesn't hurt Grandad to feed her twice a year.  

So the first night she said she was looking forward to tasting meat again and she wolfed her enchiladas down.  Mummy didn't like to tell her that she was actually eating quorn.  We have a freezer drawer full of it, someone has to eat it.  Anyway as soon as Daddy realises he's eating quorn he suddenly decides he's not enjoying his dinner anymore.  So Mummy usually just pretends it's chikkin.     Everyone loved the quornish pasties she made the other day, I don't think they have realised yet.

Mummy is finding it harder to adjust to Katie not being a vegetablist than Katie is.  Katie is all like "Raaar meat."  And Mummy is still checking the labels and trying not to store meat and veggies near each other in the freezer.   Like yesterday they were in Poundland and Katie was looking at the haribos and Mummy told her she couldn't eat them.  Katie said she wasn't anymore, Mummy said as a recovering vegetarian she shouldn't be stuffing her face with meat or she'll get sick.

So I guess Katie doesn't like animals anymore?   Not once in her list of pros and cons did she mention the animals.  Maybe we need to take her to see some pigs going to market to remind her.   I wouldn't mind but right from the start she was a really good vegetablist.  Not one of them pictothingies who still eat fish but pretend to be vegetablists (fakers).   She never had fish or cochineal or anything she shouldn't.    Oh well, it was her decision to be a vegetablist and her decision to not be a vegetablist.   Maybe I could become a vegetablist?  Someone has to eat all the soya mince.

30 bassets and Molly the Superdog invade Llanwern

So I can't remember if I told you about Ruby but just in case, the other week we got a call from an animal charity to say there was a Basset in a pound in Yorkshire and if she wasn't given a rescue place by 6pm then she was going to be put to sleep.  This was 4pm.  Mummy didn't hesitate, she said tell them she's safe, we will get her.   Even if it meant we got in our car right now and got drove to Yorkshire we wasn't letting her get put to sleep just cos the pound was full.  So the lady phoned the pound and said we would pick Bella (for that was the name the pound had given her) up in the morning.   But then at 6.30 we got a call to say there had been a mistake and Dogs Trust had been in to the pound but they only had three rescue places and they had accidentally been given our dog.   Well we tried to phone the pound and Dogs Trust but nobody was answering cos it was too late and we were all ever so upset cos we knew that a healthy dog had lost that precious rescue place.    Well the next morning Miss Susan managed to get hold of Dogs Trust and explained the mix up.  As you can imagine they were as upset as we were when they realised a dog had died that needn't have and they said we could have our Bella back if we came to get her straight away so they could go back to the pound and rescue another dog.  So Miss Susan sent her friend to fetch Bella and Bella went to stay at Miss Susan's house for a while.

Couple of days before our party we found a lovely home for Bella with a lovely lady, her children and her sweet old Basset.   So we asked very nicely and some of our wonderful helpers managed to transport her all the way from Lancashire to South Wales.    I keep banging on but we don't half have some amazing people who do these things for us out of the goodness of our hearts.   So Mr Pete met Mr Tim who met Miss Rachel who looked after Ruby overnight.  At this point I need to tell you that the other Basset in her new family is also called Bella and seeing as she didn't answer to anything anyway seeing as that is the name the pound gave her then the new family asked us to start calling her Ruby.  Then Miss Rachel and Mr Martin, who were coming to stay with Martin's family near us the night before our garden party, brought Ruby to us on Friday.   Mummy called her RubyBella then changed it to Rubella then changed that to Measles.  At that point I said she had to stop.  So she did.

We all went for a nice walk to meet Katie and Bryn from school and Ruby was a good girl.  She is very confident and just joined in with our pack.   That night Ruby and Lotty slept in Tom's bed with him and Ruby slept right through.

On Saturday it was our garden party.   The sun was shining when we got up.  The forecast was for rain so we put both the gazebos up and moved the furniture in the conservatory just in case it rained later.    Then Louise came with her three hounds and Katie helped her ice the cupcakes.   We had to do a bit of quality control, just to make sure they were ok to eat.   She even brought little rice paper toppers with our logo, Daisy, on.   They were the best cupcakes ever.  Then Sam, Ryan, Aimee and Elle came at the same time as Mr John so that was another five hounds.  And then it was time for the party.   All together we had 30 bassets and Molly the Superdog.    Everyone was very well behaved though, well almost.  Lotty was embarrassed cos her boyfriend Bertie was being a bit pervy with all the girls except her.  I told her it was her own fault cos she's been in a funny mood ever since she had those two fits last week.   

After an hour or so the sky was getting blacker and blacker and then suddenly it really started raining.  There was thunder and lightning and hailstones the size of cats (maybe, small cats anyway).  We all sheltered though and after half an hour the sun came out again and it was lovely and warm and we all played on the agility course and ate our picnics.    It was lovely to see so many of our own rescue dogs at the party too; Ruby, Poppy, Snoopy, Bertie, Fred, Tonks, Flippy and Floppy.   Even Jefferson came.  He was allowed to sit on the table so he could watch everybody and we had to be careful not to jump up and hurt him.   Ruby stole Heidi's prawn sandwich and Lotty stole Cheryl's cheese sandwich.   I didn't steal anybody's sandwich.

After the party Theresa, Douglas and Poppy took Ruby back with them cos they live near Ruby's new family and they were going to take her to her new home on Sunday.   We had the best day ever ever ever and we can't wait to do it all again next year.

On Monday Bryn had his school concert.  His band played Californiacation by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.  I'm not sure this is an entirely appropriate choice for twelve year olds to play but ho hum, they were really good anyway.   Only Mummy left her phone at home so she couldn't video it.  She was so cross with herself.

Ooh I have to tell you, remember Uncle Jack?  You know, Uncle Jack.  No, me either.  Well anyway, he died in a plane crash and this bank in gawd knows where has been trying to find his next of kin.  And you'll never guess, go on have a guess.  Yep, that's right.  It's me.  All I have to do is give my bank details to this bank and they will put 5.5 MILLION EUROS in my bank.  I'm so excited.  I love Uncle Jack.  I wish I'd known him when he was alive, I bet he was a fun Uncle.  A funcle if you will.

Don't eat the ginger cake. By Bessie

On Saturday we were all settling down for a nice lazy day when Bryn reminds Mummy that she promised to take him to buy new clothes today.  So Mummy, Katie and Bryn went to Cardiff on the bus to choose some new clothes.    He got 2 pairs of shorts, jeans and a t-shirt.   Katie was cross cos she thought he should have spent at least a thousand pounds but that's just her.    Then they went to Poundworld and bought drinks and some bungee cord for the new fence.    By the till in Poundworld was a basket of out of date foodies being sold off for 25p a packet.  The biscuits had today's date, the Frosties had next friday's date and the ginger cake said 12th April 2014.  They decided not to buy any ginger cake on account of it probably killing us if we ate it.

Then they come home and Bryn put his new clothes on, like mini humans do when they get new clothes.  Mind you if I got a new collar I would want to wear it straight away.

On Sunday it was the Big Lunch at the village hall.    Not many people came but it was fun.   Dogs aren't supposed to go in the hall but Carly was allowed to sit in the garden at the back and me and Lotty stood by the wall and shouted at everybody until they noticed us.  Mummy won a £30 voucher for a new pub in the raffle so her and Daddy are going to go out for dinner sometime.   Louise works there and she said it's dead expensive, especially considering it's in Pwll.

Mummy is off work all this week, she said she was going to get all the jobs done in the house ready for the garden party on Saturday.   Yesterday she cleaned out all the kitchen cupboards and sorted the laundry room out and did some gardening in her vegetable plot.   Today she spent most of the morning doing a job for the rescue trying to organise a transport for Bella Basset.   Then she did a load of washing, made two baked caramel cheesecakes and a batch of pasties.

Tomorrow she is going to the Lysaght Institute with Caroline from the village hall committee cos there is a funding fair so they are going to see if they can get any funding to fix the boiler and the wall at the hall.

It's all very boring and grown up.  Roll on Saturday, we have our basset rescue garden party.  We can't wait. 30 bassets running about will be loads of fun.   The weather forecast isn't great but we are going to put up a couple of gazebos and move all the furniture from the conservatory into the lounge so we can put the garden chairs and loads of doggy beds in there.   The rain isn't going to spoil our fun.

welcome to Tesco. By Bessie

Between 8.30 and 8.40am on a Wednesday morning in a 24 hour Tesco the following observations were made:

A member of staff trying to jump start their car using a ride on floor sweeper.

A window cleaner getting annoyed because customers kept walking through the sliding door that he was cleaning.

A man standing in Tesco asking, "Where is the actual Tesco?"

Four aisles so full of boxes that you couldn't get a trolley down them.

Basset Fun Day. By Bessie

By the way.  I have to tell you.   These brown tiles are going to look a lot nicer than they sound.   They are natural stone, not pooey or beigey brown.

Anyway, swiftly moving on, today was the basset club fun day.  We got in the car and drove to Somerset.  Although Mummy kept telling everyone it was in Wiltshire cos she's dumb at geography.   Everybody except Katie came, she was busy with her friends apparently.

The humans had burgers and salad and doughnuts and scones.  We had snossijs and Carly had half a packet of cream crackers on account of someone accidentally dropping them on her head.  She was dead impressed by that.

Carly has hurt her leg so she has to be lifted like a baby and treated like a princess.  We thought it was her back she had hurt until she found a bird poo today and tried to roll in it but she couldn't get her leg round.

We all won some prizes in the show, us and Penny, Frank and Bertie and Poppy and Hudson.   Ronnie didn't cos Mr Wayne fell over Ronnie's food bowl then got stuck in traffic and arrived too late to register.   I lost my fancy dress crown to Carly.    I was not impressed.   Her costume was lame too.  Bryn had to hold her hat on.

Lotty is now the current snossij race champion.     Mummy may have accidentally spat cream cracker all over Tom.    Served him right for beating her.

Our stupid floor. By Bessie

Yesterday Katie had her last GCSE which she is very happy about.  She says if she passes then she doesn't have to do any of them subjects next year.  We say if she gets any less than an A then shouldn't she do them again anyway and try and get a better grade.  She just rolled her eyes at that.

On Thursday B&Q phoned and said the floor tiles we ordered eight weeks ago have finally arrived and they would be with us between 11.30 and 1.30 on Friday.   We needed to get our nails done at the groomers but we waited in for the tiles first.   At 2.30 a van backs into the drive and mummy asked the men how they were planning on getting the pallet off.  Handball it they say so Mummy sighs and starts helping them.   There were 59 packs and each one weighed about 20kg cos they were stone tiles.   Anyway Mummy takes the first pack off and goes "Stop, these aren't right.  We didn't order grey."  So she went inside and got the order form and checked and the bar code on the boxes of the wrong tiles matched the code on the order form.   So Mummy thought maybe she was going mad and she did order grey tiles.  It was two months ago, maybe she forgot.  Maybe they looked different in the shop light.   Anyway, they start pulling the boxes off and they get about halfway down the pallet when suddenly there is one box that has completely different coloured tiles in.   And this one has a sticky label on with our name.    So she gets this box and checks and it also has the same barcode.  So they look at all the other boxes still on the pallet and they are all grey.   One of the men suggests maybe it's a natural colour variation.   Mummy says maybe it is, but if 58 boxes are grey and one is brown then it's not going to look very nice is it.   Then Mummy and the delivery men all stand around scratching their heads and wondering how one box ended up on the pallet with completely different tiles but the same barcode.  And they decide that what must have happened is that a whole batch had come in labelled up wrong and this one box was the last of it.   Cos when they ordered the tiles there was one box in stock.  They must have taken this box and stuck a sticker on it with our name on.

Anyway, Mummy makes them put all the boxes back in the van and sends them away and they say they will get the manager to phone her when they get back.  She goes back inside and tries to phone the shop herself.  But after the initial message that says press 3 to speak to someone, it just rings and rings.  For six minutes.   So she phones Daddy in work and he says he will go down and demand to speak to a manager on his way home from work.   When Daddy comes home he says he went in but they told him there were no managers available on a Friday afternoon but the girl on customer service agreed it was bad service and promised a manager would phone us today.

To cut a very long and boring story short, a manager phoned this morning and has said he will ring round all the stores to get the other 58 packs of the brown tiles urgently.   Daddy is going to go in on Monday morning and make sure he did.   Mummy is not happy cos that means they have to go to B&Q on her birthday.  She thought Daddy took the day off work to take her out somewhere nice.   He says they will go somewhere nice too.   It better not be Homebase.

In which the Queen didn't go to the pub. By Bessie

Last weekend we went on a walk with the pack.  Us houndies, Mummy and Tom went to Great Bedwyn.    It was lovely and warm and we had a lovely time, we went to the windmill and the pub and it was dead fun.  Shirley rolled in foxy poo.  AGAIN.

This weekend Mummy went to Loobys for the weekend with Spamula.   They went to Windsor for a night out.  They had tea at Wetherspoons and went on a pub crawl and went to the Queens local but she wasn't there (probably cos they were playing Keane and that's dreary).  So they went and took some photos of themselves in front of her castle instead.    Then Mummy and Looby's feets were hurting so Dave came and picked them all up and they come home and had a cup of tea and went to bed.

In which we went on a road trip. By Bessie

On Sunday Tonks, Mummy, Katie and me got in the car and drove to Sam's.   Then all of us and Louise went on a road trip to Cheryl and John's house.   On the way we stopped and the big humans had snossij and bacon rolls and Katie had a hot choklit and a yumyum.   When we got to Cheryl's house me and Tonks had a play in the garden with Phoebe, Archie and Molly.   Cheryl has a lovely garden, they have a pond and an aviary with love birds and all kinds of pretty birdies.   Cheryl made lunch for the humans, they had quiche and cakes and all sorts of lovely things.

Then we left Tonks with Cheryl and John and we went to Heidi and Justin's house.    They live on an army barracks so we had to go to the gate first and sign in.   Mummy and Sam went to the gate and they didn't know there was a camera taking your photo and they got these ID cards.  Sam looks like a murderer and Mummy looks like a vegetable and they put the wrong name on the first card so Louise had to pretend to be Sam but she couldn't get her hair into a giant bun.

When we got to Heidi's house Betsy Basset wanted to play with me but I was tired and I didn't want to play but Mummy told me I had to be nice so I went in the garden.   Luckily Katie wanted to play so she lay on the kitchen floor and had a wrestle with Betsy.   Heidi made afternoon tea with likkle sandwiches and cream cakes and proper china cups and saucers.  It was dead posh and lovely.  And she made all these pretty bandanas for us to sell to raise money for the rescue.

After a bit it was time to go home so we got back in the car.  I sat on Louise and Sam's lap for a change which was much nicer than sitting in the boot on my own.   The humans sang to entertain me.  I wasn't all that entertained to be honest but they were trying hard.

By the time we got back to Sam's it was after 7pm so we dropped Sam and Louise off and then Louise got in her car and went home and Katie needed a wee but Aimee was in the bath so we stopped at the services instead and Mummy and Katie had a burger king and I ate most of Katie's chips.

By the time we got home it was about ten o'clock so we just went straight to bed.   We had a good day and we are missing Tonks but Cheryl and John are looking after her good and posting loads of photos so we can see how happy she is.

Now we have two more bassets to rehome.  Five year old girls who are very cute and pretty so hopefully they will find a lovely home very soon.

Tonks. By Bessie

Weekend before last we went for a pack walk to Cosmeston Lakes.   It rained but it wasn't cold and we still had a good time.   I think there was 15 bassets, I can't remember now.   We were going to stop by the lake and have our picnic like we did the last time but when we got near the lake Mummy showed everyone the gap in the hedge and she started walking towards the lake when this godawful smell started drifting towards her.  Well all us houndies were running towards the lake to see what the smell was and she was running really fast but trying not to be too fast in case she couldn't stop when she got to the edge and there it was on the bank.  A massive, very dead fish.   Half of it was missing but the half that was there was about two feet long.  And it smelled very very strong.   Sam ran over and kicked the fish back into the lake and one of the houndies jumped in and pulled it out again.  Then we all decided we would roll in the guts and scales.  Mummy had to stand in them in her wellies but quite a few of the houndies got a good roll in before she stopped them.   Shirley and Ronnie got the worst of it though.  Shirley had scales stuck to her and they looked like petals but stank like a thousand deaths.

So we didn't stop there and have our picnic, we walked back to the cars but by the time we got back the rain had set in for the day so we lay on the grass and then Sam, Louise, Aimee and the houndies came back to our house for a bit.  We had to sit in the conservatory, we weren't allowed in the house on account of the bad smell.

Our new kitchen was finished on Friday and Grandma and Grandad came to stay on Saturday.   The humans went out for dinner and to the garden centre, where Katie found a cat to cuddle and sat in a garden chair cuddling with it while the grown ups looked at boring plants.  Mummy bought a lavender.

We had a foster dog come to stay with us today.  Her name is Tonks and she is really sweet.  She is quite shy and doesn't know how to play with other dogs, she thinks Lotty wants to hurt her when she barks and play bows but she only wants to play.  Tonks is sat on Bryn's lap right now.

Daddy said to Mummy the other day, "We sleep in a giant dog bed don't we?"
Mummy said, "Yeah I know.  It's great isn't it."
Daddy said, "No.  I think you missed my point."

15 dogs go camping. By Bessie

Last weekend we went camping with the bassets.   We met up with everybody at the motorway services and had a meet and greet in the doggy area.  We met an Italian Greyhound.  We thought he was a baby whippet.  None of us had ever seen an Italian Greyhound before so we didn't expect one to be quite so tiny.  I think all the mummies fell in love with him a bit.   Then the humans went inside and had a burger king while we waited in the car park.  Mr Wayne got his lunch and waited by the cars to make sure nobody tried to steal us cos you never know who might be wanting to steal 10 basset hounds.   The humans had to queue for ages for their food even though there was only one other person in front of them.   The man behind the till said to the person in front that he was sorry the food took so long but they was ever so busy, at which point Mummy, Daddy and Louise all did a big comedy looking round for the crowd.  And when they did finally gets served they got the order wrong and had to start again.   Mummy would like it to be known, she had already announced this back in September but had it reiterated on Saturday:  Knutsford Services is the worst motorway services in Britain.  I challenge you to find a worse one.

That reminds me of a story from a few weeks ago.  And it also reminds me that I never told you about Mummy, Tom and Katie's trip to Doncaster.  I will tell you about that later.  Anyway, on the way to Doncaster they stopped at a motorway services for lunch just outside Sheffield and Mummy said to Katie "If you like celebrity spotting motorway services is the best place to do that.  You're unlikely to see a celebrity in Tesco in Newport but everybody has to wee and eat."   Katie didn't believe her and then not five minutes later they were walking towards the footbridge when they passed Seann Walsh.  OK so he's not exactly A list but he's very funny and all three of them were very excited to see them.  And just to be sure it was really him and not some lookylikey Tom checked his tweeter and he had just tweeted "Just left Doncaster, going for something to eat."   Tom said he was looking at Seann with an expression that said "Is that Seann Walsh?"  And Seann Walsh was looking right back at him with the same expression haha.  Anyway, more about that trip later.  I am telling you about my camping holiday.  I don't care about Doncaster, I didn't go.

So after the humans finished their lunch they went in convoy to the campsite.  Mummy said she knew the way cos it was in Warrington where she lived like her whole life nearly.   Except when they got to the junction where they should turn right someone had flipped the sign round so it said campsite 100 yards straight on.  So everybody had to turn round at the next junction and get stuck in a massive traffic jam at the roadworks.   By the time they got to the campsite it was 2.58.   They stopped and all the human ladies and Mr Wayne went to book in and the rest of us waited in the cars.   Mummy phoned Susan cos she had made the booking and was already there and she said she would walk over.  While they was waiting for Susan some woman came out of the shop and said "Do you want owt?"    Mummy said they wanted to book in.  The lady said they had better hurry then cos the shop shuts at three.  Luckily Susan arrived at that moment so they all went in the shop.   The woman behind the desk was really annoyed cos it was now three and she wanted to shut the shop.  She didn't make the slightest effort to pretend she wasn't annoyed and was incredibly rude to everyone.   Then she got annoyed cos Mummy tried to pay with a £20 note and she claimed to have no change.  Which is a bit strange considering it was supposed to be a shop that had been open all day.  Anyway they had a whip round and found enough of the right change to pay everybodys money and then the lady said we could pitch ANYWHERE we liked.   So we drove the cars round to where Susan's caravan was and we all got out and us dogs had to be on leads the whole time in the campsite, which we was not impressed about but ho hum.  So Louise got some stakes and tied us all up to them and the humans started pitching their tents.  Anywhere they liked, liked the lady said.  I don't know why I keep calling her a lady.  She was no lady.   The woman.   Within 5 minutes this man who was the campsite manager came over and screamed at us, literally screamed at us, to be quiet.  He said the campsite was for humans not dogs and we were rude.  The humans tried to explain that we had only just got here and had been sat in cars for 4 hours and if he gave us time to settle down we would be quiet.  But he just gave us a load of abuse and stormed off.    Then the woman thing came over and told us we couldn't put our tents where we had put them and we had to move them.  So we did.   Then the man came over again to just stand and stare at us for making a few barks.

Inside the toilets was signs that said (and I paraphrase cos I can't remember the exact wording but I will try and be as accurate as I can remember):
If you foul the toilet use the brush to clean it.
Don't steal the soap.
Don't get grass on the floor.
Mop the floor after showering.
Don't foul the toilets.  It is disgusting.  We know who you are.
Somebody has stolen all the paper towels.
Don't steal the soap.  We know who you are.

Then Diane and Ann came to visit with Millie and Lola.    We loved to meet them and Diane brought snossijs for us all to share.   We went for a walk but it started raining while we were out.  By the time we got back to the campsite we were almost completely drowned.  Everybody was soaking wet and muddy.   Diane, Ann, Millie and Lola had to go so we gave them all hugs and then Mummy, Mr Wayne and Mr Dave went off to look for food while the rest of us tried to get dry.  

Mummy said they could go to the chip shop where her and Jenny used to get their lunch from when she worked in Warrington cos it was the closest to the campsite.  Only when they got there the chippy was shut.  At 6pm on a Saturday.  So they went to look for another one but every chippy they came to was shut.  Eventually they went into a co-op and asked and they were sent to a chippy next door to the railway station and luckily they managed to get everything they wanted except Sam's beans turned out to be mushy peas which is her most hated food in the world so she swapped it for Mummy's gravy.

By the time they got back to the campsite it had stopped raining and everyone was drinking and they had a nice evening.   The other people on the campsite were very nice, just the staff that were vile.   It was freezing cold though so we all went to bed at 9.30.   It was very cosy in our tent with five humans and six hounds but we had an ok nights sleep until 5.30 when Lotty woke everybody up.  So all six dogs went for a wee and a poo in the pitch black and Mummy and Louise were staggering round in their pyjamas looking for poo in the dark.

When we got up we had breakfast and we packed up the tents and the woman from the shop gave Mummy a dirty look in the toilets cos there was grass on the floor, which was really annoying cos Mummy had wiped her feet about forty times cos she didn't want to get interrogated by the SS.

Then we went to Tatton Park to meet the pack for a walk.   Luckily Mummy directed everyone the right way and there were no U turns.   Grandma and Grandad came on the walk with us and it was lovely to see them.   Jayne and Winston came too, Winston was scared of all the bassets though, he was so cute.    And Miss Donna came to see us at the beginning which was really nice of her.   Her and Jayne brought us some stuff to sell or raffle to raise money for the rescue.    We met Martha and Ruby and tonnes of other people.   There were 24 bassets and 4 honoury bassets on our walk.  We charged a pound a hound and we raised enough money to pay for a vet visit.   The weather was beautiful and we had a lovely walk, it was very long but it was lovely.

Here are some of the things we heard on our walk:
Are they the same dogs the Queen has?
They must really like beagles round here.
Oh look a beagle convention.
Oh look a beagle club.
Are they beagles?
Are they sausage dogs?

So anyway I was going to tell you about Doncaster.  So Tom had this assessment weekend so Mummy drove him up there on the Friday and her and Katie booked a hotel in Wakefield and arranged to go and visit Aunty Gilly, Sadie and Fudge.   On the way they stopped for lunch, I told you about that already, and then they took Tom to the outward bounds centre.  I think he must have been very nervous cos just as they were pulling into the road where it was he suddenly shouted that he really really needed a wee and Mummy had to stop right now.  So she did and he ran to the nearest bush and did an enormous wee which he said another second and it would have been in his pants.   They dropped Tom off, there were about 60 people at this weekend.

Then Katie and Mummy went to Wakefield to see Aunty Gilly,Sadie and Fudge.   Sadie and Fudge are so sweet, they loved to cuddle and Aunty Gilly is lovely and kind.   They had tea and cake and a chinese takeaway for their tea.  Then Mummy and Katie went to find the hotel.  But Wakefield has had a massive makeover and the town centre has been rebuilt since they bought the sat nav so it couldn't find where they were staying.   They were driving round and round and ended up in the city centre at 9pm on a Saturday night.  There was drunken tarts falling out of doorways all over the place and gangs of lads, it was not a nice place to be.  Eventually after driving down a bus lane, through the pedestrianised area and backing the entire length of a one way street they found the hotel.   It was a newly refurbished hotel so was supposed to be all super duper lovely.  It was not.   These are the things Mummy commented on booking.com about the hotel:
There was a pub across the road which was playing loud music until 3am, at which point all the customers came outside to have a fight.  In the middle of the road.  Right next to where Mummy's car was parked.  The police came.  It was also a gay bar but that is not relevant.
The website said the restaurant was serving breakfast.   There is no restaurant, and therefore no breakfast.
The television took half an hour to turn on and the picture was crackly.  It was like watching telly in the 1980s.
The toilet leaked and they had to mop the floor with toilet roll everytime they flushed it.
There was no soap or toiletries of any kind in the bathroom.
The carpet was filthy.
The bedside lamp had no bulb.
The walls were so thin every time anybody on the same floor or in the rooms above and below closed a door the walls shook.
At 8am on Saturday morning somebody was hoovering the corridor directly outside the room, banging it against the door as they did so.
The website said wi-fi in every room.  It failed to mention this would cost £5 for the access code.
They had put them in a room at the front directly across from the noisy pub with the fights and the police and the noise and the flashing lights.  Even though they knew it was a family staying there.

Mummy and Katie finally got to sleep about 4am and were woken at 8 by hoovering, doors banging and other people farting.  So they gave up trying to sleep and got up and dressed and left the hotel.  They went into the town centre to find some breakfast.   They went to McDonalds and then they looked round the shops for a bit and Katie bought some shoes and a jumper in New Look and then they went over to Aunty Gilly's and spent the morning with Sadie and Fudge and then they decided they ought to be getting back to Doncaster to pick Tom up.   Katie tweeted in the car and it came up with her location and a friend of hers who lived in Doncaster saw it and said she wished Katie could visit her.  So Mummy said she could if she wanted cos once she had picked Tom up he would probably want to go and get some lunch so Katie could go to her friends for a couple of hours.  So they got the address and Mummy took Katie to her friends house and met her Mum and checked Katie's friend was a 14 year old girl and not some paedo and then she went to get Tom.   He was very tired and hungry so they went to Asda and got some sandwiches and Tom told Mummy all about his weekend and about the funny things people had chosen to do their presentations about.  Everyone had been told to prepare a five minute presentation.  Tom did his about basset hounds.   Some other topics were:
The rules of cricket
The rules of rugby union
An accident I had on my motorbike
Fishing
The day I met Kate Middleton
Famous people I have met as a bouncer (that one actually sounded quite interesting)
Jamaican Martial Arts

Then they went to pick Katie up and they all came home and gave me lots of cuddles cos they missed me most.

So anyway, back to the present, we are having a kitchen fitted.   It will be where the dining room is cos Mummy said that room is too big for just a dining room and the kitchen is so small it is useless as a kitchen.  It is only 5 foot by 8 foot so she's probably right.  When the new kitchen is finished she is going to turn the old one into a pantry.  So far all the cupboards are built and the sink, hob, oven and microwave are working.  But the cupboard fronts aren't on yet and the worktop doesn't arrive til Thursday cos it had to be made to order.   Then when that is done they can tile the walls and put the slate floor down.   Mummy, Daddy and Bryn went to Ikea and B & Q today.   They bought:
A barbeque.
4 Rods to put on the wall to hang pans and stuff on and some hooks to go on them.
2 new pans.  One for beans and one for when you just want to cook half a tin of beans (according to Daddy.  Mummy said he's not right in the head).
teatowels with roses on cos Mummy said we can't live in Rose Cottage and not have a single thing in the house with roses on.
8 cushions for dining chairs (but no dining chairs or table cos there wasn't room in the car, they are going back next week for them).
A glass with flamingos on it cos Mummy said she needed it.
An apple candle cos Mummy can't go to Ikea without buying a candle.
2 recycling boxes.
spotlights for the kitchen and bulbs.
And hotdogs.  Of course.

Yesterday we went to the groomers to get our nails cut.  Kate, the groomer, hurt my toe and I bit her.   Not hard.  She didn't bleed.  Honest.  But she did muzzle me.   Lotty always gets muzzled anyway cos she would bite for fun.  Carly is a girly swot and just gives Kate kisses while she is cutting her toe nails.

Then we went outside and Hope Rescue had a stall outside so we bought a biscuit each and Carly got a new jumper.  It is pink and sparkly.   I want a pink sparkly jumper.