Pink cake? For me? You shouldn't have. By Bessie

You want to hear something disgusting?   Right now Daddy is eating sugar puffs out of a red plastic bowl.   Dry sugar puffs.  He isn't using a spoon, he just keeps shoving his face into the bowl and bringing it out with sugar puffs stuck to it.  I would like to say I have better eating habits than Daddy.  Also he has only just finished a huge plate of chikin curry.  He shouldn't need a bowl of dry sugar puffs.   Daddy thinks he should have a pudding after every meal (that includes the three breakfasts he has every day).  Firstly because he has the eating habits of a toddler and secondly because Nanny has a pudding after every meal.

By the way have you ever heard the noise a grown man makes when he's eating dry sugar puffs out of a plastic bowl using only his face as a spoon?   It's not a nice noise, trust me.

So today is Saturday.    Daddy paints the back step and then puts our car ramp over it so we can get in and out without getting white paint on our feeties.   Then him and Mummy and us go for a walk down our castle. Mummy puts me and Lotty in the harnesses but let's Carly walk along without even a lead on.   This is not fair.  I show her my disgust by walking a hundred yards then sitting down in the middle of the pavement.   She comes back and takes the harness off and lets me walk without a lead.   But then Daddy gets cross because we are walking too slow for his liking so Mummy says we all have to go on a lead.   But when we get down the castle we are allowed off for a run about.   Even norty Lotty.  Carly rolls on a pile of dandelion seeds.   She will regret that when she's itching all night.   Lotty rolls on a poo, luckily it is a dry poo so Mummy manages to get her off before she gets through the crust.

Then we meet and greet with a whippet and a golden retriever and then we go home and me and Mummy go to the Basset Club of Wales committee meeting.

Mummy gets a big comfy orange chair and puts my pink blankie on it so I can sit round the table and join in the meeting.  I like to join in.   Mummy makes everyone a cup of coffee and Aunty Tina bought cake but Mummy says I'm not allowed a slice of cake because it's got raisins in it so she gets a pink sponge cake out of her bag and says I can have that instead.   It is very nice pink cake.   Mummy says she is going to arrange a walk so apparently we is going to go on a walk and a picnic in Penarth in August.  We hopes people come on our walk.   It be very embarrassing if nobody turns up.

Nutella is not a good look. Trust me. By Bessie

Tom has finished college now so we has him home all day.  We likes this, he takes us for a nice walk every day and then when Mummy comes home from work we go for another walk.

The people who are buying our house are back off holiday now so we hoping they get on with all the solicitor stuff and that and we can get a moving date soon.  We is ready and keen to get on with it now.  Actually we has been ready and keen for over a year.

Last night after school Katie asks if she can go and get her hair cut so Mummy and her and Bryn go to Tesco.    Not to buy scissors, they has a hairdressers in there and everything.   So they go to the hairdresser and ask if they has any appointments but they can't do it for another hour so they wanders round the shop for a bit.   They look at all the make up.   They give each other make overs.   Mummy goes for a poo.   Bryn goes for a poo.   They read the magazines.    They buy drinks and birds eye potato waffles waffly versatile for tea and cereal for breakfast.  They choose new hair colours.   Mummy likes bright orange.   Katie likes brown.   Mummy says every pack of dye she picks up is exactly the same as Katie's own hair.   They buy hair gel.    They spray perfume until a perfume girl comes over to help.   So Katie says she wants this particular perfume but she can't remember the name but she has a little one that she got out of a set for christmas.   "I have it here," she says and starts pulling things out of her blazer pocket.    This is what Katie had in her pocket (bearing in mind she's been to school, this is what she thinks she needs in school):    2 biros (one leaking and has leaked on everything else in her pocket), bottle of perfume, mascara, eyeliner pencil, Mummy's watch.   And all the time she is pulling things out of her pocket the girl is waiting to sell them some perfume.   Anyway she is disappointed cos they don't sell the perfume that Katie had in her pocket, or the other two perfumes that she has on her wishlist.

Then they go back to the hairdresser and Katie has her hair cut while Mummy reads Grand Designs magazine and Good Housekeeping magazine and Bryn kicks the chairs until Mummy screams at him to stop.

While Mummy and Bryn are waiting they see a lady go into the tanning booth normal colour and come out looking like she got dipped in nutella.   We do not recommend you do this to yourself.  It doesn't look nice.

After Katie has finished having her hair done, which takes ages cos she is so fussy, she says to Mummy that she thinks Bryn should have his done while they are there.   Mummy looks at Bryn's massive quiff and thinks Katie is probably right but wishes she had said this 3 hours ago cos there is now a queue.   So Mummy pays for both haircuts and they sit down and wait for the hairdresser.    Katie shows the hairdresser a picture on her phone of a haircut that she likes and Mummy says it's OK for Katie to choose so long as a) Bryn likes it and b) He doesn't look stupid.

So the hairdresser is doing Bryn's hair and Katie keeps going over with "helpful" suggestions and the hairdresser looks like she is getting a bit fed up of being told how to do her job by a teenager.  So Mummy tells Katie to leave the poor woman alone and Katie says she is going to look at the hair sprays but while she is gone the hairdresser comes over to Mummy and Mummy thinks she is going to ask Mummy if the haircut is OK but no, she wants to know where Katie has gone so she can ask Katie if it OK!   Haha, Mummy think she is the one paying for the flippin haircut.  So Mummy goes to fetch Katie and Katie approves of the haircut and they leave, finally three and a half hours and a box of defrosted potato waffles later.

Then they come home and make our tea and have their tea and we go upstairs to watch Eastenders but Carly and Lotty are in a silly mood and play fight all the way through Eastenders so we watch but not hear.   Some girl got drunk and fell over.  Some woman got sad and fell over.  Some man got cross and kicked over a bin.   The end.

The Fancy Dress Champion of South West England at your service. By Bessie

hmmm so many things happened.  Where do I start?   On Saturday we went to the basset club summer fun day.   Miss Louise came with Frank and Penny, Mr Wayne and Ben brought Ronnie, and Miss Sophie and Mr John came with their minihumans and Gracie and Wanda.   We was so happy to see Wanda again, she looked great and her and Gracie are getting on good and Gracie is all bettter.

It was a shame that Miss Tara couldn't come but we will see her and the houndies soon.    We had a good day,  I won first prize in the fancy dress third time running.   Lotty came 2nd in the best dog and best rescue. We laughed lots with all our friends.

Yesterday it was Fathers Day and Mummy's birthday.  Mummy got a candelabra what she been hinting at for like ever off Daddy, Katie made her a bag with a picture of me on it and Tom and Bryn bought her some white choklits.   For fathers day Daddy got some crabbies alcoholic ginger beer off the mini humans and us houndies bought him a picture of us what we did get blowed up big.   Mummy and Daddy had to go to the estate agents in town to take some forms in so we went for a walk with Tom and Bryn and Mummy, Daddy, Katie and Cerys went into town.  They went to the estate agents and then they went to Starbucks and left after somebody did a massive burp and embarrassed everybody else.   *shakes head at Mummy*.

Then them bringed McDonalds home for everybody.

Today we went for a walk with Mummy then we had a nap while she filled all her financial returns in for Basset Welfare and did some housework.  Then Mummy went to get the minihumans from school and when Daddy got back they went out for dinner to the Indian Restaurant.

Oh yeah and we sold our house.

My very own pet chikin. By Bessie

So the people who came on Tuesday never phoned to make an offer and now they won't return the estate agents calls.   That very silly.  Just tell them you not interested, don't be big babies about it.

On Thursday it was Lotty's third birthday.  She got a squeaky phone, a ball and a tuggy toy.  I broke the ball and I got told off.   Mummy defrosted some fish to make us a birthday fish pie but then she remembered she had someone coming to view the house the next day so she said we can have fish pie on Friday cos she don't want the house to smell bad.  Anyway you supposed to eat fish on a Friday, it says so in the bible or something.

The wife of the man what came on Friday came to see the house on her own yesterday.   Nobody could get time off work though so Mummy had to do all the cleaning, well actually there wasn't any cleaning - just mopping the floor and hoovering, by herself and then cos it was a warm day she didn't want to put us in the car so we had to be home when the lady came.  Mummy hated doing that cos she don't want people to smell doggyness.  That so cheeky, we doesn't smell.   Anyway the lady said she liked dogs.  Mummy said we can fill the pond in if you don't like it but her said she did like it.  After she gone Geoff the estate agent say she really liked the house and her husband really liked the house so it looks promising.  Mummy get all excited and then he drops the bombshell...they got three houses that they are deciding between.   Oh...
The fish pie was lovely.  It was cod, sardines mashed potato and coconut oil.  We loved it lots.

So today nobody was coming to look at the house so Daddy drove Mummy to the dentist and then they went out to drop Katie off at her friends house and to buy a plant pot to replace the one what has split.
They thought they would have a look in this new furniture shop what has opened.  It looked a bit cheap and nasty from the outside but it was amazing inside.  They had all the furniture Mummy and Daddy want for the new house, even the suite for the lounge that Mummy invented in her head.    Them wished them had sold the house cos them would have bought the lounge suit, a new memory foam mattress, a coffee table and a dining table and chairs.    The shop was having a 50% off sale too but it finishes tomorrow.  But them say they can't commit to buying stuff if they haven't got anywhere to put it.   Them was sad.

Then they went to the garden centre and bought a really big plant pot.   Mummy managed to control herself and didn't buy a single candle.  Mind you she did say this morning she needs to go to Ikea to stock up on scented tealights.  I think she might be slightly addicted to candles.  Then the estate agent phoned and said her hasn't managed to get hold of the people from yesterday.   *Big sigh*   It like a never ending cycle of disappointment.  

Did I tell you Daddy said we could have some chikins if we move to that cottage?   Mummy and Daddy were in the fish shop last week and they sell chikins now and Andy what works there was telling Mummy and Daddy all about the chikins and them went to look and them was lovely.  Mummy want these big brown ones called gold laced barnevelders.  Daddy say he could build a good coop out of pallets what him could "borrow" from work.   Mind you then Daddy changed his mind after and said us houndies might eat the chikins.  We wouldn't.  We are good girls.

In which we meet all our friends and go to see a windmill. By Bessie

On Saturday we has another viewing in the morning.    While the big humans is showing the people the house we go to our castle with the mini humans.   When we come home we sit on Tom's bed and watch him and Bryn play on the xbox.    The big humans, Katie and Cerys go out to buy picnic food for our day out tomorrow.   The estate agent phones and say the man from yesterday wants to come back next week with his wife and the other people from yesterday are thinking about it.

Them have their lunch at the cafe in The Range and then they go to Lidl and buy some nice snossijs for us houndies to have as treats tomorrow.

When them get back Mummy makes everybody's picnic and cooks our snossijs, then we has tea.  I have kibble and gravy.  The humans have pizza.

On Sunday we get up nice and early for our day out with the pack.   Tom and Bryn want to stay home so the big humans, Katie and Cerys and all us houndies do go.

We stop on the way to go for a wee.   When we gets to the place, it is in Wiltshire next to a canal, Miss Tara is already there so we go and talk to Issy, Monty and Bert.  We has not met Bert before, he is very handsome and sweet.  Then Miss Louise and Mr Dave come with Frank and Penny.  We all have hello hugs and then it time to go on the walk.  Miss Diane and Miss Denise are leading the walk.   It is a lovely walk, we have a good time with all our friends.  We meet Mr Wayne and his minihuman and George and Ronnie and we meet Miss Sam and Mr Ryan and their minihumans and Shirley and Olly.   We go to a windmill and eat our lunch, then we go to the pub and all the humans have a drink.  While we is having our picnic the estate agent phones and tells us that the people from yesterday aren't quite ready to make an offer but when they do it will be £*secret money* and would we accept that?  So we say we would consider it but we can't say if we definitely accept it.  So her say her will let them know.

After the walk we is sad to say goodbye to all our friends.   Miss Louise and Miss Tara is good fun and all their houndies are lovely.  We can't wait to meet up with everyone again.

Then we gets in the car and has a sleep.  We stops at the motorway services for a wee on the way home and have a little lie down on the grass to cool down cos it a warm day.

On Monday the estate agent phones and says the people from Saturday who may or may not make an offer would like to come for another view tomorrow evening.   Then we goes for a walk before Mummy goes to get the minihumans from school and college.   Katie, Cerys and Bryn did go swimming then they come home and we all had tea.  I had meat and gravy and the humans had baguettes.

Today, Tuesday, the people come for another viewing.   We go out for a walk with the minihumans.   Katie and Bryn take Lotty down the village and me and Carly go to the castle with Tom.   While we are out Mummy and Daddy say they will sit in the garden and let the people look round on their own.  Them has a good look round and then they ask some questions and then they leave.  Then we come back and have tea.  I have kibble and meat and gravy and the humans have pasties and baked potatoes.  Then Daddy and Bryn play football in the street and we watch for a bit then we bark at some birds and then it is time for bed.

We just got to sit and wait now and hope them people make an offer.  Daddy phoned the estate agent what is selling the house we want to buy today to make sure it was still for sale and it was so we is happy...so far.

What is that stinky smell? By Bessie

Today we has someone come to view the house so we watch Mummy do some cleaning and then we is getting ready to go out when the estate agent phones and says the lady who came on Tuesday wants to come for another look.  So we say she can come after the other peoples has gone.   Then we goes out for a walk with Tom and Bryn.   We meet some posh old people who say they used to have a basset and ask if they could stroke us.  We say they can.   We want to know how  come everyone used to own a basset.  Why doesn't they have one anymore?

In the meantime Mummy goes out to check for poo outside and notices it smells nasty so she quickly throws disinfectant all over the decking and brushes it.

Then the first man comes and has a look round then he goes outside and stands right in the smelly bit and mummy trying to discreetly move him back inside but he wants to talk right there.  And it still stinks just as bad.

Then him say he like the house but his wife will need to see it so him might come for a second viewing.

Then after him gone Mummy go and throw more disinfectant on the decking then the second peoples come.  The lady brings her two daughters.   Mummy wish everybody would bring their children cos them is so easy to sell houses to.  Them likes everything.   Anyway the Mum asks if she can take some photos and then they goes outside and the children do play with Horace and the Mum ask Mummy lots of questions.   Luckily the whole time both sets of people are here it is completely quiet in the garden, nobody angle grinding.  No yapping dogs.  No trampolining.  But while they is in the garden that horrid smell is still there.  

Then them go home and Mummy phone and say we can come home.   Then her go in the garden and make up a big bucket of strong disinfectant and brushes the entire decking down.    Then we come home and the humans have some lunch and we have a nap on a sleeping bag in the garden.  It hot in the garden and we has a nice time.  

Then Daddy come home from work and him bring Katie and Cerys.   Mummy was hoping them would stay at Cerys's cos the house is too tidy for them to mess up but them wants to come home so them under strict instructions not to make a mess.

Daddy go in the garden and him say the smell is gone.  We is happy the smell is gone.  We fed up of Mummy brushing disinfectant everywhere.  Then we has tea and the humans has some slop out of the slow cooker.  Then Katie, Cerys and Lotty go to play out.  When them come back Lotty still got loads of energy and her running round howling for hours.  We do wish she would shut up and go to bed.

Then it's time for bed.

In which someone steals a hotdog but it's not Bessie this time. By Bessie

On Friday Brynny went to Paris.   Daddy took him to school very early and waved him off.

At 9.30 Wanda Basset come to the house.   Mummy took us all for a walk.   She said it's very hard work walking four of us but she still took us all round the castle cos we needed some exercise.    Then her and Wanda went off to meet Miss Sophie at the motorway services.     When they got there they went and sat on the hill what overlooked the car park cos it was very busy and she knew Miss Sophie would see them as soon as she got there.  Well her did cos her come running up the hill to see Wanda.   Her loved Wanda and her took her back to the car to meet her family and then Wanda went off to Devon to start her wonderful new life.

Mummy was just about to pull out of the car park when her thought her better go and have a wee in case she get stuck in traffic later cos it bank holiday so motorway might be busy.   So her gets out the car just in time to see a tree trunk snap and land on a cars roof completely blocking the only exit to the car park. The car was only a few cars behind Miss Sophie's car so they was very lucky and Mummy was very lucky too that she changed her mind and didn't drive off or it could have been her.

So Mummy went to get some lunch cos her thought it might be a long wait.   Then her sat in the car and she phoned Wanda's old Mummy to tell her that Wanda had gone to start her new life.  Wanda's old Mummy was very happy to hear this.  Them are going to live abroad so them can't take bootiful Wanda with them.

After a while the fire brigade come and pulled the tree off the car and out of the road but there was so much traffic waiting to get out the car park that it was still an hour before the road was clear.  Then Mummy come home.   Her got stuck in a massive traffic jam gettting on the motorway and another one coming over the bridge but amazingly her still managed to get back to school in time to pick Katie and Tom up.

Then them come home and we had tea.

On Saturday we didn't leave til 10am cos we was hoping someone might want to come and view the house but the estate agent didn't phone so we left to go on our holiday to Yorkshire.    At 12.30 we was somewhere near Birmingham when the estate agent phones and says someone wants to come and view the house today.   Mummy tells them we has gone away for the weekend.   Them can't come anyway cos Tom is home alone with Lotty and Carly.   So them arrange to come on Tuesday at 4pm.  Mummy and Daddy say it just ironic, them wait all this time then someone wants to come when we is not there.

We do stop at the motorway services for a wee and then we stop at Asda in Dudley and Mummy and Katie go and buy sandwiches for lunch while me and Daddy go for a walk.    Katie bringed me some snossijs, then were nice.   Mummy bringed me some biskits.   Them were not nice.   Lotty can have them.  I will take them back and pretend they is a present from holiday.

Then we get back in the car and carry on our big long journey.  We don't need to stop again.   I goes to sleep.   There is lots of traffic and it takes six hours to get to MummyLouise and DaddyKeith's house.   When we gets there I does meet and greet with Inca and Rufus.   The humans is a bit worried that we might shout at each other but we is all very polite and does not growl or shout.    We goes for a walk and Inca shows me her park and the tennis courts where Rufus likes to do zoomies.   I doesn't like to do zoomies so I let DaddyKeith give me a belly rub instead and Katie throws sticks for Rufus.

Then we has our tea and the humans has a barbeque and drinks wine (the lady humans) and beer (the man humans).    After tea the humans play board games and me and Inca and Rufus watches.    I does not remember who winned the games.   It wasn't me though.

On Sunday we goes to a different park for a walk and after that it time for MummyLouise's birthday party.   We meets lots of new peoples but me and Inca and Rufus is all very well behaved.   Well, Inca did eat Aunty Lynda's hotdog but me not tell you that cos it's a secret.   I didn't eat anyone's hotdog.  I was a good girl.   Aunty Lynda give me lots of cuddles and Uncle Mick too my photo.  Katie be the DJ at the party.  Her play lots of music what is called dubstep.   I think this Carly's kind of music cos she likes to go dubba dubba dubba.

When all the peoples has gone home it very late.   We does all watch DaddyKeith clean up cos we likes watching people clean up.  Then we goes to bed.

On Monday we do say goodbye to everyone and we promises we will come back in August and we goes to Uncle Paul's and Aunty Carolyn's house.    Them lives about half a hour away from MummyLouise and DaddyKeith.   My Katie and their Katie take me for a walk down the canal and then me comes back and sits on Mummy's lap and steals biskits.

Then them has lunch and talks grown up stuff.   Uncle Paul and Aunty Carolyn has also been trying to sell their house for a year, them said they has had 83 viewings!  83!  Imagine that.

Then it time for us to go home.   We do get back on the motorway and there is loads of traffic jams and we stop at Stafford Services and the humans has a McDonalds and I has a little walk and a biskit.    Then we goes home and Lotty and Carly is very excited to see us and they jump up and down and I think Tom is excited too but he doesn't jump up and down cos he is a grown up.  Then even though it was ten o'clock Mummy and Daddy stayed up late cleaning the house ready for tomorrow.

Today, Tuesday Mummy and Daddy went to work and Tom and Katie stayed home cos it is half term.   We have a viewing at 4pm so Mummy went in to work half an hour early so she could leave early.   Tom and Katie did most of the cleaning and tidying so Mummy only had to mop the floor and hoover when she got home.   Katie was very ill all day and her was sick five times.  We not know what wrong with her.   Poor Katie.   Then we all got in the car and Mummy drove round the corner.  We sat in the back and Katie went to sleep and Tom looked after us all.   Mummy went back home and then Mr Geoff the estate agent come and the people come and he showed them round the house.   We not know if they liked it, we can never tell.  We just wait for the estate agent to phone tomorrow and tell us what the people thought.  We hope they liked it.

Now we is sat enjoying the lovely clean house.  We is going to have our tea soon.  Then at about ten o'clock Brynny will be back from Paris.   We very excited to see Brynny, we did miss him lots.

Ooh La La. By Bessie

We has been so busy and we got a very busy weekend coming up.   Nanny and Grandad came to visit.   Daddy always tries to make us stay in the kitchen when Nanny and Grandad is here but Mummy say that not fair, it our house so her let us out but we has to remember not to jump on Nanny and Grandad cos them not like it.

We rehomed a basset for Basset Hound Welfare.   Normally we likes to do it all ourselves but the peoples wanted to do the rehoming on a day when Mummy was in work so her let them make the arrangements themselves.   Anyway this was a bad idea cos it did all go very wrong and was very upsetting.   We did even think about giving up rescuing for good cos we was so upset.   But anyway me will tell you more about this after the weekend.   So now the basset is coming back and Mummy going to rehome her herself this time on Friday.

Littlest minihuman is going on a school trip to Paris on Friday.   Him going to Parc Asterix - this a theme park about the cartoon character, Asterix, in case you not guess that.   Them is going up the Eiffel Tower and on a tour of the sights and to Euro Disney.  It do sound very exciting.

Then after him has gone off to Paris then Wendy the basset is coming.   Then we has to take her to meet her new family.   Then on Saturday we is going to stay with Louise, Keith, Inca and Rufus.   We is very excited about that.    It Mummy Louise's birthday so her having a party on Sunday.   On Saturday we go to the pub. Then on Monday we is going to visit Uncle Paul and Aunty Carolyn.   Then home, then littlest minihuman be home on Tuesday night.

Middle minihuman is helping littlest minihuman pack for his holiday.   Her just brought this massive pile of clothes in that apparently all need washing for his holiday.   Hmm Mummy is not impressed.

A guest appearance. By Carly and Lotty

Bessie do say we can wite a stowy in hew blog.   Hewe is de stowy:

On Fwiday Gwandma and Gwandad came to bisit.   On Saturday we went to Twedegar Park for a wawk.   It was much colder dan de webber fowecast said it would be, we didn't stay too long.   Den de humans got dribe fru McDonalds and we had a nap.    We wike it when we hab bisitors cos we get to sit in de wounge.  Normally we don't use dat room at all cos we wike to stand in de window and bark at people.

Den Gwandma and Gwandad went home and we had our tea and went to bed early cos some of us had to get up early de next day.

On Sunday we do get up bewy eawly cos we is goin on a wong wawk.  Bessie do stay home wib Tom an Tatie cos hew say hew too old an tiwed fow a big wawk.   Mummy say hew goin to miss hew Bessie but Bessie say hew not mind and hew gets in Tom's bed an goes back to sweep.

We goes fow a bewy wong dwibe in Daddy's caw to Debon.   It lubbly and hot in Debon.  When we gets to ouw wawk we meets de ubber bassets in de cwub.  Der bees 16 bassets an 3 wikkle tewwiews an a lubbly cowwie cwoss wot wooks wike a wolf an Fewn, hew is a wikkle old beagle.   Hew is bootiful.

Den we goes on ouw wawk an de man wot is weadin de wawk, not Mr Dabe, a diffewent man, him says it be kwite steep in pwaces so we do fink it a gud job Bessie not come, hew would not wike dat.

As it appens it is onwy steep in one wikkle pwace, wen we is goin down dese stone steps.   Me Cawly did hab a cawwy off Mummy cos me scawed but me Wotty me not scawed.   Den we orl chased Will.   cawly not join in wif de chasing, hew wikes to wawk wif Mummy, me Wotty wikes a gud chase dough.

Den we stopped fow wunch.   Me Wotty did steal a bonio and go do meet an gweet wif de wild horses.   Me Cawly did steal a chewy stik an hawf a bag of pwawn coktail pombeaws.

After de wawk we went to de pub an had a dwink.   Den we went to de beach.   De fiwst beach we went to was cubbered in glass.  We not wike dat beach so we say Daddy take us to anudder beach.  SO we gets bak in de caw an Daddy finds a nicer beach but dat one is cubbered in pebbles so Mummy do cawwy me Cawly down to de sea an we does do paddlin in de sea.   Den we does go to find a fiss an cip sop fow ouw tea but di town be too poss fow fiss an cips so we dus hab a icecweam instead an stops at McDonalds fow tea at de motoway serbices.

Wen we gets home Bessie be bewwy cited to see us an we orl habs wubbwy snuggles and hew dus cuggle up wif Mummy and we goes to bed.

Yestewday it beed a bank holiday.  Dis means de hoomans habs a day off skool so we pways in de gawden an Daddy paints de fence.   Bessie do get a wikkle bit of paint on hew eaw.   Den Mummy an Daddy takes some pikshurs and puts dem on a memwy cawd an takes dem to de state agent.  We goes too.  We wawks up de high stweet and Bessie do hab 2 lies down.  Den aftew we posts de pikshurs in de state agent wettew box we wawks down de high stweet an Bessie habs 2 more lies down.  Den we goes to a coffee sop an we orl habs a lie down an de hoomans had a miwk shake.  Den we go home an hab tea an go to bed.

Dis de end ob ouw bwog.  Fank oo Bessie fow wetting us hab a go.

Put them boobs away. By Bessie

Friday morning we are sat in the lounge watching out for burglars/delivery men when we seen the strangest sight walk past our window.   Two women walk past in identical outfits except one is all in black so she looks fine but the other one is wearing the exact same outfit, even down to the logo on her body warmer, but every item is a different shade of pink.   She looked like a summer pudding.    Very bizarre.   Anyway on to the interesting (in my head) stuff...

We didn't have any viewings this weekend so Mummy and the boy minihumans decide they will sell some old tat down a car boot sale.   Daddy wants to work on the garden so we houndies say we will help.  Katie is staying at her friends for the weekend.

Saturday morning Mummy and the boys go to the car boot sale.  Tom never been to one before so he didn't know what we meaned when we said watch out for the zombies.   Well, him does now.    Oh him really does.   Them backed the car into their spot and before they has even got out the zombies has the boot open and is pulling stuff out.

"Have you got any lego?"
"Have you got any stickle bricks?"
"Have you got any boys clothes age 7?"
"Have you got any priceless antiques that you might accidentally sell to me for 20p?"

They has to keep pushing the crowd back so they can put the trestle table up.   Tom is a bit freaked out, him is hyperventilating a lot and looks scared.  Mummy and Bryn do just laugh cos them is used to this zombie behaviour.   Anyone who has never sold at a car boot sale before, you has to do it just once in your life.   Put it on your bucket list, it's a crazy experience.

After the initial zombies have moved on to the next person it is pretty quiet after that.   It's the first car boot sale of the season so not many people come and it freezing cold but them stick it out til lunchtime then they pack up the car and come home and count their pennies.   Them made £24.57 after them took the £5 off for the pitch.   It not going to make us rich but it money for old rope Mummy say, it not like she had anything better to do today.

Mummy and Bryn decide while they still got all the stuff in the boot they will go on the internet and find another car boot sale to go to tomorrow.   The lady next door used to like one in Lydney so Mummy look and find one every Sunday morning there.

That evening at dinner Tom telling Daddy about these foam boobies what was in the dressing up box.   Mummy had filled a washing basket with old dressing up clothes, including these plastic comedy breasts that her bought from poundland years ago but can't remember why. Anyway Tom was just telling Daddy after dinner how embarrassing it was that the only people that looked in that basket were little girls and old ladies and that Mummy shouls spray paint them gold and sell them as Blackadder merchandise (that will make sense to anyone who remembers the episode where Blackadder's aunty comes to stay). So Daddy says "'Ere have a look at these naughty parchments" cos it was the first Blackadder line what come into his head. And Mummy says "If you want naughty parchments you can have a go on my boobs." And then the minihumans go white and Daddy drops the washing up sponge and Mummy realises what her said and her did laugh and laugh and laugh. Nobody else did though. We just thinks her is very rude and is embarrassed.

Saturday night is Lola's hen party.   We watch some boys doing dancing for us and drink lots of pink drinks and dance lots.   Me can't wait for the wedding next week.   It going to be the best wedding ever I think.

So the next day we stays home with Daddy and Tom.   Tom say he never ever going to another car boot sale in his life, it was horrible.   Mummy and Bryn goes off to find this car boot sale.   Them doesn't have a clue where it is though, all them knows is it's in the car park of one of them cheapo supermarkets.  Anyway, eventually after going up and down the high street a couple of times then find it in the car park of a Nisa supermarket.  Well, me say IT, what me means is 3 cars with people pulling rubbish out and laying it on wallpaper pasting tables.  So Mummy do go in and park up and go to talk to the people in the car next to us.  Them a old couple and them say them not been here for 10 years but it used to be good but if it not good there another car boot sale in the next village what starts at 11.  So Mummy and Bryn decide them will stay for an hour and if it rubbish them will pack up and go to the other one.  

This is the total sum of the car boot sale:   5 cars.   3 people on foot (not even got cars or car boots) selling what looked like stolen goods to feed their heroin habits off dirty bed sheets.   We does think everyone in Lydney is related to each other but not in a good way.
The whole time there was only about 10 visitors to the car boot sale and them was people what had come to shop at the crappy supermarket and was just having a nosy before them went back home.  One man bought a box of crackers what we finded in the attic for £1.  The man what run the burger van come over for a look and bought two bent frying pans for £1.   When him walked off with them bryn was laughing cos there was a rubber casing for a xbox controller stuck on one of the handles.  Him said the man proply thinks it a pan handle protector and was laughing at the thought of the man with his thumb in one end and his finger in the other thinking him has a fantastic handle holder.   Mummy say well her hope him not let it get near the heat cos it will melt onto his hand.

Then Bryn go and buy Mummy and him a burger from the burger van and Mummy say the white dog hairs in her onions looks familiar and Bryn say yes that's cos the man cooked them in her frying pan and then them laughs a lot.

Then the old people next to them pack up and go to the other car boot sale and Mummy say her will come too seeing as they only made £3.50 but at least it was free to go to.   Her said her would have asked for a refund if they'd been charged.  So them pack up and go to the next car boot sale.

When them gets there it is amazing.   It massive and people is queueing to get in.   Them park up and there so many peoples milling around, like zombies but a slightly more polite version of zombies than the ones yesterday, it takes them 20 minutes just to unload the car.   In the end them makes £31.80 after the £5 fee.  So them is happy and them doesn't have too much to take home.   Them says it was a good day out and them coming again in a couple of weeks.  

Oh and Mummy sold the foam boobies.   To an old lady.   Her said one of her friends wore a pair once to a fancy dress party and everybody thought they was hilarious so her wanted some (me don't ask).  Anyway she ask Mummy if she got a bag but Mummy say her only got pedal bin liners and the lady say anything will do and Mummy say "You just don't want to walk round with your boobs out do you?"
Lucky the lady laughs and not slaps Mummy for being so rude AGAIN.

And that's about it for the weekend.

Boring week but at least nobody has measles. By Bessie

We've not done much this week.   The weather finally warmed up so we have been having some nice walks. Our minihumans have all been ill this week.   We thought Katie was coming down with measles again, even though you not supposed to be able to catch it twice and she has had the two MMRs.   But luckily it looks like it was just a bug cos even though she's had all the symptoms except the mouth spots and the rash since Wednesday, the rash would have come out by now.   Phew.

Yesterday Mummy and Katie and us went out in the car.  First we went to Mummy's work to use the scales.   Lotty did disgrace herself by doing a wee in front of Mr Steve's desk.  Luckily Mr Steve is nice and him gived her a snuggle while Mummy cleaned it up.   I is 23.2 kilos,   Lotty is 20.3 kilos and Carly is 15.7 kilos.   That means she put on a whole kilo.  We is very happy about that.

Then we went to Tredegar Park, we used our new ramp so we didn't have to jump in and out of the car.   The humans had a bag of chips for their lunch and then we went for a run round the lake.   Lotty paddled but me and Carly didn't want to.

Then we went to get Bryn and Tom and we come home and had tea.

Today we had no viewings so in the morning the humans took some more photos of the house to send to the estate agent and then  they went out to the shops.   Tom wanted to buy a xbox game but he was cross when he got home cos even though it was a brand new game what only came out yesterday it wasn't working so him going to take it into town tomorrow and get him money back.   Then we went for a walk down our castle.   We seen lots of other dogs.  Some of them was nice like the baby labrador we seen by the park and the springer spaniel who's house we had to walk past but some was growly like the golden retriever who wouldn't share the footpath and them horrid red setters that always shout at us.

Then we come home and had a sleep.

Busy Saturday. By Bessie

Yesterday we had some people come to see the house.   So me and Carly and Lotty went out with Tom and Bryn.  We went down the village and got Mummy's prescription for her.   Lucky it didn't rain but it started raining just after we got back and it rained all day and all night and is still raining now.

Then Mummy and Daddy went shopping and we stayed home with our human brothers.   Our human sister is staying at her friends house.   Her did tell us her seen kittens being born.   We would like to see kittens being born too.

Mummy and Daddy bought a new microwave while them was out cos the old one blew up a couple of weeks ago and Mummy did say her wasn't going to get one til after we moved house but then when her was trying to defrost a pound of minced tripe for our breakfast yesterday and failing miserably, her decided her would buy a cheap one so if it don't look right in the new house her can get a new one.   Oh her mixed the tripe with gravy in the end to defrost it if you was wondering.   I wouldn't recommend you do this with human food.  Mind you I wouldn't recommend humans eat black tripe anyway, it smells like manure.   That don't bother me, I is a dog, I love manure.   But humans not so much.

So Mummy and Daddy went to Asda and they bought a microwave and a flat screen telly cos them has decided it is time them started to get rid of all the big fat tellys what embarrass Katie so much.   Grandma and Grandad is giving us their old one, it be a big one I think.   So them got one for Bryn's room.   And them bought a picture for over the fireplace cos Daddy had taken some new pictures in the morning to send to the estate agents and him said the photos over the fireplace do look too small.   So him bought  a nice picture.   It long and thin and a picture of a woods.   Mummy likes pictures like that.   Her keeps asking Daddy to paint her a picture and if him can't paint her one then will him go to Moscow and steal a Shishkin.

Them bought some cushions for the lounge and some pretty throws for the minihumans beds and a bottle of coke for the boy humans cos the boy humans asked them too.   I think that everything.   Them did spend a lot of money but Mummy been watching Phil Spencer Secret Agent and him says you has to speculate to accumulate, or something.

Then them come home and putted all the new things in the house and them did look nice but we wasn't allowed to play with the cushions or lie on the throws even though them looked very comfy.  So me and Lotty went upstairs and brought the sheepskin rug down and played with that instead.   But then Daddy got really cross and took it off us.

For tea we had tripe and chikin and gravy and kibble and charcoal biscuits.  Lotty doesn't like the charcoal biscuits, her spitted them out.   Me and Carly liked them though.   And we had our worming tablets.   Not cos we has worms you understand, just cos it was time.   Anyway Carly has one and a half, Lotty has two and I have two and a half.   But then me left one in my bowl and Mummy tried to pick it up but Lotty got there first.   So her had three and me only had one and a half but me think it will be OK.  It not like her ate a whole packet or anything.

Then I went to George's stag party.   I know it only supposed to be for boys but as me is the best man at him and Lola's wedding then me is allowed to come.   I wore my disco pants and a boobtube.

Sir Bentley Art grows from charitible hobby into i.e.* startup finalist - Work It, Richmond: News

Sir Bentley Art grows from charitible hobby into i.e.* startup finalist - Work It, Richmond: News

My Bentley!

And then there were five. By Bessie

On Friday Bonnie and Bertie came to stay for the weekend.   Their daddy dropped them off at lunchtime.   In the afternoon we went for a walk down the castle.  

On Saturday Daddy came out for a walk with us, we met Bertie the cav from next door, down the castle so we had a good run about with him.

On Sunday we got up very early and we all got in the car.   Bonnie jumped right in but Bertie didn't want to be the only boy sat with four girls so he whinged and growled and he had to get pushed in.

Bertie whined all the way to Somerset, but we were all good and nobody pooed, weed or sicked in the car. We got out and had a drink and a dentastik and then Miss Tara came with Monty and Issy and she had snossijs so we had some of them.   Then all the other people came and Miss Jackie and Miss Lauren were there with Reggie, Foxy and Florence.   There were 26 of us dogs in the end.   So we set off on our walk.  We went up a hill and then we came to a big flat bit so Daddy said this was a good place to try Bonnie and Bertie off the lead.  Bonnie was good as gold and just ran about with the rest of us.  Every so often she would stop and look around for Mummy and Mummy would shout her and she would come trotting back for a cuddle.   Bertie ran off over the edge of the hill straight away and Daddy had to chase him and put him back on the lead.

For lunch we stopped at a pub that lets dogs inside.   But we stayed in the garden cos there was quite a lot of us and we didn't want to push our luck.    Then Miss Kim and Mr Boots came to pick up Bertie and Bonnie.  We only had a few minutes with them though cos the rest of the walkers were keen to go.   We would have liked to stay and play with Mr Boots but we wouldn't have been able to find our way back.   So Bertie and Bonnie got in the car with Miss Kim and Mr Boots and we said goodbye and off they went to start their wonderful new life.

*sighs*  I hate to admit it but I do miss them, they were really fun.

After lunch we walked through some fields and we had a run about and Daddy said it was much easier with just three of us and he thought maybe Mummy planned this whole weekend so he would never complain that three was hard work again.   Mummy just do a evil laugh.

And then we were back at the car park.   And Miss Jackie brought this ramp over for us to get in the car and we did all use it and Mummy bought it off her.   Then we went home, had our tea and went straight to bed.   We was very tired.

There's nowt as queer as folk. By Sam

Strange sights and sounds I heard today in town:

Woman gets on the bus, waves and shouts "Good Morning" to everybody sat on the bus.

Woman sat in KFC eating a meal deal she bought from Boots.   She's alone.   She's not sat with someone who bought their food in KFC.

Very very loud Chinese family having what sounds like an argument while their baby screams in its pram and every single other person in the restaurant glares at them.

Two girls in Primark:  "I'm not liking this buying things for myself.   Not one bit".

Two different girls in Primark:  "I'm not being funny, but £7 for a pair of jeans is a good price".

Two decorators openly leering at a teenage girl in a short skirt.   One even made a Carry On style phwoar noise.

Effeminate boy looking at girls underwear with his female friend:  "She's a right bitch she is", then flounces off.

Since when was all this tat vintage? By Sam

Apparently the 90s is now retro or vintage or something or other.    Katie says she wants to dress in a 90s style.   Tom said that she should wear red cords and hand knitted jumpers with a bowl haircut because that's what he was wearing in the 90s.    I suggested she wear my knackered old doc martens with a woolly hat and dungarees cos that's what I was wearing in the 90s.    But apparently we weren't very fashionable back then (or now for that matter).  

Anyway I still don't know what 90s vintage is.   She did try and explain it to me but it just sounded like my wardrobe Katie was describing.   So every time she told me about something I said "Ah you mean like this?"  But no, they were not quite right.

In which Daddy's car broke, Aunty Mic and Uncle Rob came to stay and Carly disgraced herself...again. By Bessie

So them people never did make an offer on the house.    The estate agent told us on Tuesday they still haven't decided.   It not the end of the world anyway, there is plenty more peoples looking for a nice house.  

On Thursday Daddy's car broke.   Him don't know what's wrong with it.   Him came out of work, drove round the corner to Asda and when him come out of Asda not 10 minutes later his car wouldn't start.   So him phoned the AA and when them eventually turned up the AA man couldn't start it either so them brought it home on the back of a truck and parked it in the road.   And it's been there ever since.   

On Saturday some more people came to view the house.   Them didn't know the area and had already been to lots of other houses and had one more left after ours.     The estate agent phoned today, Monday, to say her not been able to get hold of them yet to find out what them thinked of the house.

Today Aunty Mic, Uncle Rob and our cousins Sasha and Ben came for the day.   The adult humans and us houndies went for a nice walk but the minihumans stayed home and did minihuman stuff.   We likes our Aunty Mic and Uncle Rob.   Uncle Rob is lergic to us so we not allowed to lick him but him said we could sit next to him.   Mummy was sat on the armchair with Carly on her lap and her got up to open the door for me and her must have squeezed Carly in the wrong place cos Carly emptied her anal glands all over Mummys jeans.   STINKY!

Now them has gone home and we is just having a relax.

In which my humans view some houses and Mummy loses her rag. By Bessie

On Friday we had some people come to view the house.   Them stayed for half an hour and they asked millions of questions and wanted to look at everything.   The estate agent phoned on Saturday to tell us they liked the house and them is deciding between ours and another one and will let us know on Monday.   Typical the other one is in the same street in that awful village that the people who made the low offer want to live in.   It do make us laugh a lot to know that our road must be our villages equivalent to that road.   And the people who live there think they is so special haha.

Anyway while Mummy was showing the people round the house Tom and Bryn took us for a walk round the village.   It was raining and we got very wet and very cold.   When we came home Mummy got a massive sleeping bag out of the drying machine.   It was all soft and warm so we had a sleep.

Yesterday afternoon Mummy, Daddy, Katie, Cerys and Bryn went to view three houses.   The first house they went to the estate agent had told them the house was empty and him would meet them there.  So them pulls into the drive and there's a car but it not look like an estate agents car.   It very old and very dirty.   So Daddy say him think something wrong.  So Mummy goes to the house, her looks in the car as her walks past and it got a dog cage in the back and is just full of rubbish; old pop bottles and dirty socks and weird stuff.   And there's wellies and childrens toys scattered all over the front step.   Her think this is very strange for an empty house.   So her knocks on the door and this man, who is definitely not an estate agent, answers and looks at her strangely.
Mummy:   "We've come to view the house"
Man:        "No"
Mummy:   "Yes, we're meeting Matthew from Davis here at 3.15"
Man:        "No"
Mummy:  *sighs* "Is this house no longer for sale?"
Man:        "I don't know, I'm renting it"
Mummy"  "Oh.   OK.    There must be some mistake.   Sorry to bother you.   If Matthew from Davis turns up, tell him we've been and gone."

So they get in the car and drive round the corner and Mummy phones the estate agents:
Mummy:   "We were supposed to meet Matthew at a house at 3.15 but when we got there he was nowhere to be seen and the person in the house knew nothing about it."
Lady:       "No, he's waiting for you at the bungalow."
Mummy:  "No he's not cos I can see the house from here and he's not there."
Lady:       "2 bedroomed bungalow in *insert name of village here*?"
Mummy:   *sighs*   "No, 6 bedroomed."
Lady:       "We don't have a 6 bedroomed bungalow."
Mummy:  "Well you must have cos when I went on rightmove and clicked phone agent this is the number it rang".
Lady:       "Lemme have a look".....5 minutes later....."That's on with our Caldicot office, you've rung the Newport office."
Mummy:  "I rang the number on rightmove."
Lady:       "No it says ring *******, that's the number for Caldicot."
Mummy:  "That's the number I rang."
Lady:       "let me try"..... 2 minutes later...."Oh yes, it comes through to us.   How strange.  Anyway, that's not our house.   Do you want to view the 2 bedroomed?"
Mummy:  "Not really, I've got 3 children in the car."
Lady:       *to someone in her office* "Can you tell Matthew the lady has cancelled the viewing at 3.15."
Mummy:  *crossly*  "I haven't cancelled.   I'm outside the house I wanted to view.   It's not my fault rightmove have got the wrong number listed."
Lady:      "Do you want to me to put you through to the Caldicot office so you can make an appointment to view the house?"
Mummy:  "No, it doesn't matter.   It looked pretty shabby anyway."

So them has 40 minutes to kill.   It not worth going home.   It not enough time to go to Costa Coffee (No Katie it really isn't).    It not enough time to go to Subway (No Bryn it really isn't).   So them go to the house but Mummy say Daddy shouldn't sit outside and wait cos if they is anything like Mummy that would freak her out.  So them go and sit in the pub car park for a bit.   But then Katie starts being all silly like she does when we're waiting for Tom on a Thursday afternoon.   She says she needs a wee, she's hungry, she's thirsty, she's bored.   In the end Daddy gives her a pound and tells her to go in the pub and buy some crisps and then use the toilet.   So all the minihumans get out the car.   Then Daddy says to Mummy that them probably won't be allowed in on their own and Mummy should go with them.   But Mummy too cold to get out the car so her say her can't go in a pub on her own cos people will think she is a prostitute.  So Daddy does a big sigh and goes in the pub.
Daddy:     "Do you have any crisps?"
Lady:       "We don't sell any bar snacks sorry."
Daddy:    "Oh...erm... what kind of things do you do here?"
Lady:       "On Monday we do karaoke and on Tuesday we have a quiz and on Wednesday..."
Daddy:    "To be honest they just need the toilet."
Lady:      "Go on then."

Then they got back in the car and Daddy asks for his pound back.
Katie:     "I dropped it down the toilet."
Daddy:   "No you never, can I have my pound back please?"
Katie:     "I dropped it down the urinal"
Daddy:   "They don't have urinals in the ladies.  Can I have my pound back please?"
Katie:     "I know that now.   That's where I went wrong."
Daddy:   "Can I have my pound back please?"
Katie:     "I dropped it in the sanitary bin."
Daddy:   "No you never."
Katie:     "It got stuck in the tampon machine."
Daddy:   "Don't say tampon in front of Bryn."
Katie:     "It got lost in my pocket lining."
Daddy:   "Can I just have my pound back?"
Katie:     "No.   I lost it."
Mummy:  "GIVE HIM THE BEEPIN BEEPIN BEEPIN BEEPIN POUND BACK BEEPIN NOW YOU BEEPIN BEEPIN LITTLE BEEPER"
Katie:     "God calm down.   You only had to ask."

At which point Katie gave Daddy his pound coin back and it was time to go and see the house.   So the estate agent is waiting outside.   A different estate agent from a different company.   he is in a suitable estate agents kind of car and has got the right house.   My humans do think things is looking up already.   The house looks very nice, much bigger than it looks in the photo.   The estate agent knocks on the door and they all waits...and waits... and waits.   So he knocks again, louder.   And they wait...and wait....and Mummy and Daddy tell them what happened at the last house and he tells them how he had appointments booked all morning from 9am to 12pm and not one of the people viewing the houses turned up.   We do think that is terrible and very rude that people would make appointments and just not turn up.

Anyway eventually him knocks REALLY REALLY hard and this old lady answers the doors and says "Is the bell not working?"   And he lies and says "Yes, I rang it three times".

The house is lovely.   It very neat and tidy and smells clean, this makes a nice change.   And there is millions of cupboards.   My humans have a good look around and then it is time to go to the 3rd house.   them is meeting the same estate agent so him speeds off first in his speedy boy car.    On the way them do say they like the house but they think it a little bit far out of town and they is concerned that it be expensive to heat cos they has an oil boiler and no gas mains out there.   But them say them would still consider the house if the dream cottage got sold.

And so on to the dream cottage.   Even though them has already viewed it before them decided them wanted to come back cos it had been so long, 11 months to be precise that them had forgotten lots of things about the house and them wanted to be absolutely sure this was the house of their dreams.

The cottage did not disappoint.  It was even more perfect than they remembered.   Every room seemed bigger.  Even the kitchen which Mummy had said originally she definitely would have to have replaced immediately, even that looked nice and Mummy say other than the worktops which she would change, her did like it.   And them all said them could totally imagine themselves living there.   Them stayed for ages, the lady who lives there, Marion was so lovely again and offered them all drinks and my humans could quite happily have snuggled down on the settee and had a cup of tea but the estate agent was hovering by the door hopping from foot to foot so them said they better go and them all left.

Mummy and Daddy say this is the house.   Even if they get a low offer on our house they will just make a low offer on this one before they say no.   And them might even consider making the budget slightly bigger if they have to just so they don't lose it.

So we has our pawsies crossed.   That's all we can do.

Little clever clogs. By Bessie.

Me just wanted to say quickly before me goes to bed; me is very proud of my minihumans.    Them teachers all said such nice things at parents evening and them is so clever and talented.

Who said it had to be healthy? By Sam

Steph very kindly gave me a voucher code for a free Graze box so I went on the website, crossed out all the stuff I definitely don't like or can't eat and asked for a surprise.  When it came I was a bit disappointed in the size.  It was a lot smaller than I expected.   In the four compartments I had:
BBQ pistachios.  They were really nice.
Mini garlic breads and breadsticks.   They were nice too.
A flapjack.   That was tasty but could have been three times the size.
Eton Mess.   I didn't like that.  I took a couple of bites then gave the rest to Johnny to sprinkle over his weetabix.

So I decided I could make my own graze boxes for a lot cheaper.   I'm thinking haribo gold bears, cocktail sausages, a pot of humous, carrot sticks and a milky bar.

YUM.

Our walk with the pack at Alfreds Tower

On Sunday we went on a long walk to Alfreds Tower.  Tom and Katie didn't want to come but Bryn came with us cos him isn't completely ashamed of his parents yet.  There was 16 houndies and Tinks.

We had only walked about a hundred yards before Lotty jumped in a ditch that was full of wet clay.  It was like quick sand and her started sinking and the more she struggled the more she sank and Mummy was trying to pull her out and thinking she was going to have to go in and save her when Lotty managed to get a hold of the bank and climbed out.  Then she spent the rest of the day with her bottom half orange and everyone laughing and saying she looked like an Essex girl.   Bryn say her is now a fake tan and white basset.

Then we seen some deer in the woods and two of the other girls ran off into the woods after them but we didn't. So we all had to wait for ages for them to be found.   One of them come back on her own but the humans had to find the other one.

We walked through a field of sheeps and baby sheeps.  We was all on leads and we was keeping away from the sheeps but then this one sheep come over with her baby and wanted to meet and greet so we did stop and say hello and the sheep mummy did kiss Lotty on the nose.  It was the cutest thing ever.

We stopped for lunch at this nice National trust place that was a courtyard with a pub, icecream shop and cafe.  The humans all had a hot choklit.  We had water and gravy bones and some crisps.   Lots of humans stopped to take our photos cos we is all so bootiful.

After lunch me was quite tired cos me is getting on a bit and after a while I did decide to sit down.  Unfortunately the adult humans was up ahead and me had stayed at the back of the pack with the minihumans; Bryn, Alfie and Molly.   The adult humans was too far ahead so Bryn did carry me and Molly and Alfie run ahead to fetch Mummy.   Mummy came back and me decided me would walk for a little bit so long as Mummy walked with me.   By the end me and Mummy and Carly was right at the back and everyone else was completely out of sight and we had to guess the way back to the car park.  I did keep sitting down and Mummy would have to carry me for a bit til I got too heavy.  It was snowing heavy by the time we got back to the car.   But Daddy had made the car nice and warm for us so we got in the back and went to sleep.

Watch the video here

I know. I'm a penius. By Sam

I put my skirt on inside out.
I ate a whole tub of cream brie for breakfast.
I lost a beta blocker on the journey between my hand and my mouth.
I lost two invoices.    Then found one in the filing cabinet and the other in the bin.

nein, ich nicht haben eine ahnung, entweder. By Bessie

Mummy's boss has got it into her head that she speaks fluent German.   She doesn't, she just knows more than other peoples in the office.  So anyway, him wants to buy some stuff from Germany so he asks Mummy to email the supplier and ask them for prices so her does.   And her gets the price and gives it to him and then him asks her to get some more information off them so her emails the Germans again.  But by the time her finishes work her not got a reply so her says her will forward all the emails to her boss so he can deal with it and her goes home.

Only her didn't tell him what her email said or what the reply said.   Haha.  Me hope him knows about Google translate.

Oh we did LOL and BOL.

Thanks Outlook. Now I'll go and cry. By Bessie

Mummy said from now on she will answer to the following names:   Anne, Sharon, Sarah, Sara, Sandwich and Salmon.   But not Sam...and definitely not Samantha.  

Also she would like to know who gave the PPI man her mobile number so she was forced to have this inane conversation:

PPI man:      "Hello Madam, have you claimed your PPI back yet?"
Mummy:       "My what?"
PPI man:      "Your PPI.  Have you claimed it back yet?"
Mummy:      "I'm not owed any"
PPI man:      "Oh you must be"
Mummy:      "No I mustn't"
PPI man:      "You must.  Everybody is"
Mummy:      "Not me.  I don't take out loans.  Good day"

AND FINALLY:    Do you think Outlook express is being sarcastic when it sends you this message?:


Hi. This is the qmail-send program at apm-internet.net.
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.


I feel like I just got dumped.  WAHHH

When we met Aunty Penny. By Bessie

On Saturday morning my humans went to view a house that they had seen on rightmove and wanted to know if they liked it.  There was a little tiny whippet sat on one of the beds when them went upstairs so them had a nice cuddle with her then she showed them round the house.  Anyway they said they do like the house but they not sure it worth what they asking cos it needs a bit of work.  So them has put it on the shortlist.  It a very short list.  there only two houses on it.

In the afternoon we went to Cardiff.  Aunty Penny was over from London visiting with Mamgu so we met up with Aunty Penny and Uncle Martin and Ellie and Grace.  Kara and Alfie and their humans, Connie, Gareth and Steph did come too and we all went for a walk on Llandaff fields.  It was good fun and we were really well behaved.  I didn't growl at anybody, Lotty didn't run off and Carly only rolled in one thing which turned out to be a clod of earth and not a poo.

Cerys came too and her and Katie was walking along in the park when their Welsh teacher ran past in her jogging clothes.  That was funny, them wasn't expecting to see their teacher.

After we been for our walk we went to the cafe and had chips and tea.

Today Mummy fell down the stairs because Lotty tripped her up on the way to open the back door for wee wees - again.  She hurt her knee, ankle, big toe and both arms.  So her went back to bed for a bit and when she got up she wasn't hurting any more but throughout the day her arm started hurting.  We helped Mummy bake a carrot cake and Lotty went out for a walk with Katie and Cerys but me and Carly didn't want to so we ran round the garden for a bit and we think that was good exercise.  Then Mummy's arm did swell up lots and her fingers was tingling so her took two ibuprofen and we is sitting in bed now watching Countryfile.

SHUT UP. By Bessie

So I invited Bentley over to my princess cage for a romantic dinner.  We had chicken and pancakes.

At dinner Katie keep telling Bryn to shut up for no reason so Daddy say her is a bit easily wound up and her shout "No I'm not.  he's just REALLY annoying".  We did laugh.  Me and Mummy do think we should start a new page on the blog called "Minihumans being silly"

Daddy. No. Not nice. By Bessie

I has to tell you this cos it made us BOL. Daddy went on a first aid course today and as an icebreaking exercise they had to say 3 people they would invite to their fantasy dinner party. Daddy could only think of 2 (him was going to say the ones Mummy always say but him could hardly say it cos him fancies them like Mummy always says). So him say James May cos them can talk about cars and man stuff. And Nigella Lawson so her could cook the dinner! When him told us this story Mummy did spank him hard and Bryn say would Daddy sit next to her so him could look down her top and Daddy say him would make sure him got the odd chair what didn't reach the table - like when you is at your Grandma's for Christmas dinner and one of you has to sit on a footstool - so him would be low enough to look down her top. Mummy say Daddy is a chauvinist pig, a pervert and a big pikey for having a posh dinner party and not having enough matching chairs.

CAKE! I like a bit of cake. By Bessie

After tea yesterday Mummy says who wants cake so all the humans say they want cake so her cuts the cake into four and passes the plates to everyone.  Only her didn't measure it very well and her accidentally give littlest minihuman the biggest slice.  Well, you'd have thought her had committed a genocide the fuss the other minihumans made.  Them was pouting and huffing and puffing and Mummy say "Oh I'm SO sorry your cake wasn't quite as big as Bryn's cake.  Would you like my cake instead?"  (Mummy didn't have any cake).  Then Daddy do laugh at the minihumans and him say that at least Bryn was enjoying his cake.  And the other minihumans say that a stupid argument and Tom say it a shame Hitler was such a bad man but at least him had fun while he was invading Poland.  Then Katie say Bryn not got much to say and Bryn say "Why would I complain, I got the biggest piece".  And Mummy and Daddy laugh and say that the quote of the day.

Then them was arguing about who made the big mess in the bathroom what Mummy had to clean up.  All the minihumans was blaming each other and Tom say it couldn't possibly be him cos him didn't even get up til 12 o'clock.  And Daddy say no, that was the quote of the day.

This morning we took the minihumans to school then went to get petrol.  We seen a man driving through Tesco car park, stop, lean out the window and spray windowleen on the windscreen.  Then we seen a grubby looking woman asking if they sell dry shampoo in the petrol station.   Them didn't.  Anyway, I think her had gone beyond dry shampoo what does say on the can "for between washes".  BETWEEN WASHES NOT INSTEAD OF WASHES.

Anyway me was thinking if they do a bacon scented dry shampoo I could use that instead of having so many baffs.

Oh I is sorry. Were you trying to play? By Bessie

So them people never made another offer on the house.  Mummy and Daddy went out for dinner on Wednesday with thems friends.  On Thursday it Valentines.  Carly got a card and present off Tiger and Horace got a card off Daisy and Mummy got a card and white choklits off Daddy.  Me got nothing.  But then Bentley did ask me to be his Valentines.  Me likes Bentley lots.

Yesterday we did go for a walk.  We only walked round the village though, we not go down the castle cos it too muddy.

Today Mummy looks on google satellite and her says her thinks there is a path what goes all the way from the house we want to buy to minihumans school so her says we should go and explore.  So we drives there and parks in the village and goes for a walk.  And there is a path!  it only took 11 minutes to walk and that was with me, so them think it much quicker when the humans is on their own.  The path goes round the edge of the golf course and we is standing there looking round when we looks behind and realises we is standing in the middle of the green and these three golfers is all watching us waiting for us to get out the way.  So we hurries out of the way and we walks out the golf course and through a patch of trees and we is on the school rugby field so we goes for a walk round the outside of the school then we walks back to the village but Mummy says her will let Carly off the lead cos her is such a good girl.  So her does and Carly immediately lies down on a fox poo and starts rolling round and round.

So we all had to have baffs when we got home.  I don't know why we should all have baffs.  Me and Lotty didn't roll in fox poo.  Carly had tomato ketchup and malaseb rubbed in her cos her smelled so bad.  Me and Lotty just had our normal purple shampoo.

Carly runs away with the circus this time. By Bessie

Yesterday Mummy says we should all go out for the day but Daddy asks her if she looked out the window yet and her looks and it is tipping it down.  Well we houndies don't want to go out in the rain so we do our wees in the garden and go back to bed.  So Mummy, Daddy and Bryn go out to Maplins to buy something for the telly.  I not know what, something manly.  When them get there Daddy is standing staring at the boring things for ages and Mummy keep asking him to hurry up but him say if he hurries up he will pick the wrong thing.  So anyway eventually like ten seconds before the shops shut him buys something and then they go to look at the kitchens and bathrooms in this posh shop.  The kitchens was all too fancy, not what them was looking for at all.  But them had some nice bathrooms.  Except this one where there were two toilets sat next to each other.  Mummy says the family that poo together stay together and her gets Bryn to take a photo of them pretending to poo together.  But them is having trouble trying to get the facial expression right for constipated but in love.  Then them left before they got thrown out and went to KFC.

Today we went out in the car.  First we went to Pets at Home.  We bought some pleccy food for Jedediah and Moss and we all was allowed to choose a crocodile chew.

Then we was going to go to Tredegar Park and Mummy asked Bryn if he had his gloves and he said he forgot them.  So us houndies and Bryn waited in the car and she went in TK Maxx and Next Clearance to see if they had any gloves but them both had summer stock in already.  In February.  It was 4c and sleeting.

Then they went to Asda and Mummy got Bryn a pair of gloves.  It was either Phineas and Ferb gloves with matching hat and scarf or mens gloves, so she got the mens gloves.  Then she got a tortilla wrap each for her and Bryns lunch and some milk.

Then we went to Tredegar Park.  We was walking round and Mummy and Bryn was eating their wraps and drinking their milk.  Then Katie phoned and asked Mummy what she wanted and Mummy said nothing and Katie said her had a missed call and Mummy said her phone was in her pocket and it not phoned anyone.  Anyway then Katie ask if her can stay one more night.  I think her has officially moved out now.  We hasn't seen her since Thursday morning and it now Monday afternoon.

Then a minute later the phone rang again and Mummy thinking what now but it the estate agent saying the people what viewed our house had an offer.  But the offer was too low so Mummy say no.  Anyway them never phoned back so they mustn't have a better one.

Then Carly ran off.  Her never runs off, her never leaves Mummy's side but her must have seen a skiwwel or something cos her was off.  Her was missing for 10 minutes.  This not a very long time but it felt like forever. Mummy was frantic, her was running and shouting and then eventually she seen Carly standing in the bushes a few hundred yards away and she shout her and Carly come running.  Then cos Carly had spoiled all the fun we had to go on leads and we went back to the car.

Then we come home and ate our crocodile chews and had a sleep before tea.

Daddy runs away with the circus. By Bessie

Monday

Daddy going on a training course for work in Manchester tomorrow so he leaves straight from work and goes to the hotel.  We went for a walk with Mummy then she went to get the minihumans from school then they had to wait an hour for Tom to finish college so they went window shopping.  Them didn't come back with any windows though.  We already had windows.  Then them picked Tom up and Mummy says him needs a haircut so them go to the hairdressers and has a haircut and then them comes home and we all has tea.  The humans has pasta bake.  After tea we watches some stuff on telly that Daddy would probably hate then Daddy phones and says him just got there and him going to have his tea.  Then Katie comes and sleeps in Daddy's spot in the bed and we cuddle with her.

Tuesday

The humans has pittas with chicken burgers and chips for tea.  We watches telly.  Katie sleeps in Daddy's spot again.  Daddy phones and says him had lamb and eight chips for his tea and it cos £16.50.  Mummy is disgusted.

Wednesday

The humans has supernoodles for their tea.  Them eats them out of them plastic bowls what you get microwaveable sponge puddings in.  Mummy says her is seeing how long she can go without turning the dishwasher on.  What this really means is she doesn't know how to turn the dishwasher on.  Daddy goes to Nanny and Grandads after hims course is finished.  Him phones and tells us the course was rubbish and the food in the hotel was expensive.  Mummy tells Daddy them had Chinese for tea.  Supernoodles is not Chinese.  I bet Daddy thinks them had a proper Chinese takeaway.  Katie does sleep in Daddy's spot again.  We does like Katie, her is small and doesn't make any noise when she's sleeping.

Thursday

The minihumans has a teacher training day tomorrow so their school is closed so Katie sleeping over at her friends house tonight.  The estate agent phones and asks if someone can come and view the house tomorrow afternoon.  Then her phones back and says them is one of the people what came in the summer coming for a second viewing.  Mummy can't remember anybody coming in the summer who was interested enough to come back.  So her looks back on here to see if she wrote anything on the date she said and it says the people who came that day said they didn't like the style or layout.  So we doesn't know why them is coming back.  Maybe them forgot and will walk in and say oh yes we hated this one.   Mummy goes to get her prescription....finally.    We get a £10 voucher of McCains and a letter saying them don't know how the piece of rubber got into the wedge cos it wasn't off any of their machinery.  Hmmm likely story.   Mummy, Tom and Bryn has omelette and baked tatties for tea.  We does too cos we likes that.  Mummy and Tom work out how to put the dishwasher on.  It a good job really cos them had their dinner off side plates and eated it with dessert forks and drank their squash in sherry glasses.  Mummy think her is going to get the best nights sleep ever cos there just her and us doggies in the bed but her realises her doesn't like sleeping with no other humans and her is awake most of the night, fidgeting and annoying us.  Mummy did text Daddy to tell him about the viewing but him doesn't phone us tonight.

Friday

Mummy and Bryn take Tom to work then them come home and clean and tidy ready for the viewing.  Them makes the house extra specially nice, them thinks.   Mr Geoff, the estate agent is coming to show them round so just before them comes us doggies and Bryn goes in the back garden so Mummy can hoover the hair off the hall floor.  Then Mummy waits for Mr Geoff so her can tell him we is all going for a walk but him is late so Bryn has to take us round the corner all on his own and wait for Mummy.  Then Mr Geoff turns up at the same time as the people so Mummy not got no chance to tell him about us so her has to hang around the house while the peoples look round.  Then it starts to rain so Mummy texts Aunty Sally to see if us and Bryn can go in her garden and her says yes so Mummy tells Mr Geoff her will be one minute and her runs down the street and tells Bryn but him says him will take us for a walk round the block instead.  Then Mummy comes back and tells Mr Geoff a big lie about how her neighbour had locked themself out and her had the spare key.  Her think it make the people think we is all nice neighbours to each other.  Then the people is telling Mr Geoff how them first come to see our house on the same day them saw their dream house.  So them didn't like it cos them loved their dream house.  So when their house was sold them was going to buy the dream house but then it all went wrong and now them has nowhere to live and is sleeping on a friends settee.  Anyway we does not think them will buy our house cos them really wants to live in the village where their dream house is.  We does not like this village but me not say what the village is cos me knows that me has some readers what hates us but uses this blog to spy on us (Why does you do that?  It can't possibly be of any interest to you, you strange peoples.  If you wants to spy on us, why don't you peer in through our windows like a normal stalker?)  Anyway, back to the point, some of them people live there and them is the kind of people what takes everything personally.  We does actually feel very sorry for the peoples what come to view our house (even if them does want to live in a weird village) cos we would be heartbreaked if we was going to buy our dream house and it all went wrong.

After the peoples has gone, Bryn and us does come home and we dry off and then we all goes to get Tom from work.  Then we comes home and has tea.  The humans has cheese toasties.  The estate agent doesn't phone to say the people want to buy the house and Daddy doesn't phone again.  We does think maybe him has run away with the circus.  Him has actually gone to stay with his friends tonight.  Them does live on a mountain so him probably got no phone signal.

Saturday

We all has a really good nights sleep.  Mummy sleeped right through.  This might have been because we did too and we not needed to get up and go toilet once.  Not even Lotty.  Her wakes up and 10.20 and her looks at the clock and says the estate agent not phoned yet then.  And then at that exact moment the phone rings but it only Bryn's friends Grandma asking if him wants to come over.  So Mummy goes to wake him up and him does want to go over.  Then Mummy making breakfast and Tom come down and Mummy says the estate agent not phoned yet and that exact moment the phone rings again!  But it Daddy.  Him finally remembered where him lives.  Him says it taked him two hours to get from hims friends house to the main road cos the snow so deep him had to dig hims way out.  And him couldn't phone cos him got no phone signal.  Anyway him say once him got to the main road there was no snow so him on his way home now.

Then Mummy puts our foodies down but her not notice me and Carly did swap.  Carly did have my kibble and gravy and me did have Carly's tripe and scrambled egg.  It nice to have a change once in a while.

Bryn gone to his friends house.  Tom playing on his xbox, Mummy helping me write this, I lying on her lap watching.  Carly and Lotty is asleep.  They is both snoring.  Daddy be home in a few hours.  We not know when Katie want to come home, her likes staying at her friends house.  The estate agent not phoned so we knows them people won't be buying our house.  We did almost get excited for a bit yesterday.  Mummy even went on rightmove and bookmarked all the houses we would view if we did sell our house.  Anyway *sighs*  It not matter.  It not like we're homeless or anything.

There is a chicken casserole in the slow cooker.  See how them eat silly food all week then have a proper dinner when Daddy home.

Can you get TB from rolling in or eating badger poo? By Bessie

Today we went for a walk with the basset hound walkers.  We went to Wiltshire.  There was 16 bassets and  a spangle called Bruno.  Lotty liked him.  It was only Mummy and Bryn what went with us this time cos Daddy has a bad knee, Tom has a broked arm and Katie was at her friends house.  Them wore wellies cos it was very muddy.  We didn't wear wellies.  We got very dirty.  We found lots of poos to roll in.  we found horse poo, cow poo (the biggest pile of cowpoo you ever seen, when Mr Dave loads the video you will probly see Mummy climbing the pile of cowpoo to catch Lotty), sheep poo, deer poo, rabbit poo and badger poo.  The badger poo was the best.  We all had a roll in that, all 17 of us.  Even the two that were wearing coats.  The walk was six miles long.  We was very tired by the time we got back to the carpark.  Even Lotty had stopped running about and Gilbert had stopped barking.

When we got home Mummy scraped the dried badger poo off Carly's coat into the carrier bag what she brought it home in and put it in the washing machine with her and Bryn's clothes then her put all the picnic rubbish in the bag and put it in the bin.

Then us three houndies had a B A T H.  Lotty was so dirty she had to get out halfway through so they could change the water.

Then Mummy needed to take her beta blocker but she couldn't find the tablets.  She remembered having one at lunchtime then putting the blister pack in her backpack so she looked but it wasn't there.  Then she looked in the car but it wasn't there.  Then she looked in the bin and it was in the bag with the dried up badger poo.  So she washed the badger poo off and took her tablet.  I wonder if you can get TB from rolling in badger poo or eating badger poo coated tablets?  Mummy went to the doctor on Friday cos every year her has to get the doctor to sign a new prescription.  Him tried to make her change to a different dose but Mummy say NO and him say OK and him write a new prescription for another year.  But her was busy so her never took the prescription down the chemist, her will do it tomorrow.  Anyway, that is why she had to eat the badger poo tablets instead of throwing them away.

Then we had a sleep while we waited for Mummy to make tea.  Her said she would just have a sit down for a minute.  The next thing her fell asleep and slid off her chair onto Lotty's bed.  Lotty was asleep in her bed and she was not impressed to find Mummy on her head.

So Mummy does some star jumps to wake herself up and she made our tea.  Her bought Carly some new kibble to try on Friday, it was salmon and potato and claimed to have no ingredients what she is allergic to.  But by Saturday evening, after three meals on it, her skin was so bad she had to have fusiderm on an open wound on her face and her cone and pyjamas back on.  Mummy very upset that she made Carly's skin bad again.  Her was only trying to help cos Carly so very teeny tiny and needs fattening up.

So anyway, me and Lotty had some of Carly's new kibble with our own kibble and Carly back on the no kibble diet.  Her had tripe, pilchards, three new potatoes and peanut butter.

watch the video of our walk here

Little and large. By Bessie

Yesterday I had to go to the V E T to have a needle stuck in my neck and some nasty stuff squirted up my nose.  We all went cos Mummy wanted to have us weighed.

I am 22.2kg / 49lb

Lottys is 18.2kg / 40lb

Carly is 15kg / 33lb

Today is Daddy's birthday.  We had someone come to view the house first thing so we went for a walk with the minihumans while Mummy and Daddy showed them round.  Then the humans went out for lunch.

Tomorrow we are going on a long walk with the basset walkers.