South Wales Dog and Family Fun Day. By Bessie

Bank holiday Monday was the South Wales Dog and Family Fun Day at which we, the Basset Rescue Network of Great Britain were having a stall.  It was our first show and we were all terrified it would be a complete disaster.   On Sunday Jeffersonmummeezellen, Jeffersondaddeezdarren, Bumble and Bridget came for Sunday dinner.  After dinner Sam came with our new foster doggies Chalky and Revel.    We 7 houndies helped the humans wrap all the prizes for the doggy lucky dip.

The next morning we had to get up at 6am to go to the show.   Looby and Dave came and then it was time to go to the show.  We had to be on site and set up by 8.30.  Carly and Lotty stayed home with Daddy and the rest of us and Katie went to Barry.  

We got there at 8.20 but the gazebo popped up fast and we was set up nice and quick.   It was a good show, loads and loads of people came and bought our doggy pick n mix.   That was good cos Mummy had been baking every night for an entire week and she would have cried if nobody had bought any.   And the lucky dip was popular.

Everyone wanted to cuddle with Chalky and Revel.  Mummy and Sam took them into the ring for the dogs looking for homes parade.  It was all a bit embarrassing really.  They didn't know there was going to be a parade so they never wrote a speech.  Mind you they wouldn't have had one ready anyway cos Chalky and Revel only came to us at the very last minute.  So when the lady gave Mummy the microphone she didn't have a clue what to say and muttered and stammered and said about 3 words.  When they got back to the stand Looby and Jeffersonmummeezellen were still laughing at her speech.

Theresa and Doug came too with Poppy, Bella and their foster dog Navi and we now have someone wanting to adopt Navi, which is super awesome.

We had a VIP area at the back of our stand and there was 11 houndies in there in the end.  Apart from the gazebo blowing away and knocking the entire contents of the table over and it being cold and windy we had an amazing day and made loads of money and got loads of people wanting to adopt bassets.

Then we went put all our things in the cars and we went home and had tea and Chalky and Revel are staying at our house for the week.  They are very good foster dogs and Carly loves them which is a big bonus.

Basset Picnic. By Bessie

On Sunday we went to a Basset party at Miss Paula's house.   Us houndies went with Mummy, Tom and Katie.  Bryn stayed home to help Daddy with the pond.

We wanted to get there at 11.30 to help set up.  Well first we were running 15 minutes late cos Katie wouldn't get a move on then we got stuck in a classic car rally about two miles away from Paula's house.   It took 45 minutes to drive the quarter mile through this village.  All the people had come out of their houses and were sitting on the kerb on their garden chairs waving flags.  Mummy waved at the people and Katie was embarrassed.  She was most embarrassed when this man was taking photos of the classic cars then put his camera down when he saw our car.  Mummy wound down the window to shout "OI TAKE MY PHOTO" and Katie said "NO. There's a line and you SOOO crossed it".

Anyway when we got to Paula's house we went for a walk in the woods with our friends.  There were 32 bassets and 2 non bassets.    Some people said 31 bassets and 3 non bassets but they counted Navi as a non basset and that is mean.    There was a couple eating their lunch in the middle of the path and they wouldn't move or pick up the bag with their food in it.  So, naturally, 32 bassets and 2 non bassets stuck their heads in the bag and the people were very cross.    We say very stupid though.

When we got back the humans had lunch and we had snossijs and there was a raffle and we all had our photos taken.  We had good fun playing with our friends.

On the way home the M4 was closed at junction 13 so we had to do an enormous diversion and we didn't get home til 7pm.   Daddy had taken Bryn to McDonalds for tea cos they couldn't possibly cook.

Goodbye Nelson. By Bessie

Daddy and the small minihumans went away for a long weekend.  Mummy and Tom took Nelson to his new home.  First they went to Miss Liz's house to pick Tibs up.   Tibs and Nelson were very pleased to see each other.     Then they went to Nelson and Tibs new home to do the homecheck which was a big success so Nelson and Tibs got tot stay forever and ever and ever.    

We miss Nelson but we are very happy him and Tibs are back together and their new mum and dad are lovely.

Last weekend we went on a pack walk to Cotswold Water Park.   It was a nice walk but it was very cold.  We met some people - Oscar and Max - what we are friends with on the facebook and now in the real true life too.  We like it when facebook friends become real true life friends.  And we got to play with our friends Shirley and Ollie.   Carly always shows off when she sees Shirley cos they had that weekend in that there London together last year so she thinks Shirley is her friend and not mine. Poor Mr Guy had to do the whole walk twice cos he thought we had got lost so he went to look for us but we had just taken a short cut.    Good job he is fit and healthy, I would probably have dropped dead if I had to do the walk twice.  

Home made Instant Porridge recipe. By Sam

Finally I have perfected my home made instant porridge recipe.  You know those little sachets or tubs of porridge that you can buy?   The ones where you just add water are about £1 each to buy in the supermarket.   Here it is:

4 dessert spoons oats
1.5 dessert spoons skimmed milk powder
half teaspoon brown sugar (sugar to taste really, I don't like it too sweet)
and whatever the bloomin eck you want to put in to make it interesting:    I like mixed spice and raisins one day, freeze dried strawberries the next, anything dry really, nuts, dried fruit.  You don't want to put anything wet in if you're saving it to heat up later.  

I put my ingredients in a little thermal mug and take it to work, when I'm ready for brekkies quarter fill with boiling water, stir and leave for 5 minutes.

Save yourself a fortune if you're like me and don't want breakfast at home but then realise you're starving hungry when you get to work...

...in theory.   Then the sandwich man comes in his little dingaling icecream van and I NEED a potato dog NOW.

What we did for Easter. By Bessie

On Thursday Mummy and Daddy went to fetch Gertie from Aunty Lesley's and then on Friday Mummy took Gertie to Looby's house.   It was Looby's birthday and Spam and Ellen came too and Spam said she thought Mummy would have brung Bessie.  But she never brung Bessie, she brunged Gertie instead.   Bessie was a sad girl being left behind.

It was Looby's birthday so they bought her some nice presents and she opened them all and then Gertie's new mummy and Grandma came to pick her up and some of Looby's friends came over for birthday tea.

In the evening the humans drank a bit of wine and vodka and stuff and played silly buggers.

On Sunday it was Easter and we went for a walk with the pack to Somerset.   Nelson came too.  He was very good and went off lead and didn't shout or snap at anybody.  There were 15 bassets and Chester the Doberman and we went to the pub and Mark made fudge and apparently it was the best fudge ever.

Nelson has a new home to go to.  Daddy is going to Grandad's house tomorrow with Katie and Bryn and Tom and Mummy are taking Nelson to his new home on Saturday.  We will miss him.  Mummy is already a big blubbery mess thinking about him leaving.

photos and video of our pack walk

Things what happened lately. By Bessie

Hi Guys!  (as all the best bloggers say).  I have been so busy I haven't had time to blog in forever.   We have a foster dog at the moment, Nelson.   He's been here for two weeks now.  

But I will get to that later.    In February we had our youngest dog ever come into rescue.  Honey was only 14 weeks old.   Looby picked her up from her home and brought her to our house and she stayed overnight.  We were all a bit nervous about having such a young baby in the house but she was very good.   The next day Mummy and Katie took her to her new home in Oldham.    They stopped on the way to see Aunty Diane, Millie and Lola.    Millie was in a good mood and let Mummy give her cuddles.   Honey got a bop on the nose off one of the puddytats, she didn't like that.

Then Aunty Diane went to Rachel's house with Mummy, Katie and Honey.   Lulu and Bill loved Honey and the humans too of course so Mummy said ok she can stay with you forever and ever and ever.  Then they took Aunty Diane home and went to Grandma and Grandad's.   When they got there baby Louisa was there cos Aunty Mic, Uncle Rob, Sasha and Ben had gone to the pictures and Grandma and Grandad were babysitting.   Baby Louisa must have thought Mummy was Aunty Mic though cos she kept getting excited then looking again and crying so Mummy had to try and sit where Baby Louisa couldn't see her.  

After Aunty Mic had taken Baby Louisa home they had tea and watched telly and stuff.  The next day they went to Wigan to do a homecheck.  Mummy and Grandma did the homecheck while Grandad and Katie went for a drive.  It was snowing in Wigan but not anywhere else, which was a bit weird.  Then they went to The Range and had hot chocolate and bought stuff they didn't really need.    And after that it was time for Mummy and Katie to come home to see their favourite dog in the whole world.  

On the way Katie wanted to go to Ikea Birmingham cos, well it was there.   Tom said Daddy was doing a job in the kitchen and there was dust everywhere so they decided they would go to Ikea then.   Ikea in Birmingham was very strange.   Even though it was 5pm on  a Saturday and it should have been super quiet, it was busier than a Saturday in December in Cardiff Ikea.    They shuffled round for a bit, decided not to have tea cos the restaurant and the hot dog stall were both chaos, then they left and stopped at KFC instead at the end of the M50.   But this man who looked like homeless Jesus was hanging his skanky long hair and his skanky long beard all over the food on the counter, including the two cokes they had poured out even though the food was nowhere near ready (Mummy hates that).  So when the man gave her the tray of food she said he forgot the cokes and he pointed to the two cokes on the counter and said they were hers.  Mummy said no they weren't she would like fresh ones please.  And homeless Jesus, swung his hair and muttered that they were hers.  Mummy just glowered at him and waited for her new drinks.   Then homeless Jesus decided he wanted to sit at the very next table.   Pffff.

I had to go to the vets cos I had another ear infection.  The vet was mean and I was scared and growled at him the whole time and he sat on the table and told me to shut up.  Then he told Mummy I was probably completely deaf in that ear.  He was a quack.   When he opened the door I ran so fast into the waiting room I knocked over a cat box and a King Charles Spaniel.   Their mummy was not impressed but I blame the vet.  He was mean and I didn't like his accent.

Looby invited Mummy, Spam and Ellen to lunch so Mummy took Lotty too cos she thought she might like a day out.  First they went to Spams and then they all got in Spams big red bus and went to pick up another rescue dog, Charlie.   Then Charlie got in the big red bus with Lotty and they went to pick up Looby and Ellen.  Then they all went to a park in Windsor to meet Lisa and Paul and the mini humans and bassets.  Charlie was going to stay with them for a few days before going to his new home in Devon.

Then they went back to Looby's and she had made a most stupendous lunch and they all had a lovely time and Lotty played with her boyfriend Bertie and Frank.   Penny had a bad leg so she couldn't play but Lotty cuddled on her bed with her to make her feel better.  I wish I had been there, I am a qualified nurse and everything.

The next day there was a basset walk in Wiltshire but Daddy didn't want to come cos he was finishing the pantry and Mummy didn't feel like driving all that way twice in a weekend so we just went for a walk up the hill instead.

Mummy and Daddy had a wedding anniversary so they went out to dinner.  We weren't invited but neither were the minihumans so that's ok.

Carly had a gotcha day.  Mummy baked biscuits in the shape of little bones and we had a tea party.

Tom doggysat for Beau, Bones and Loki.    Mummy had to go and look after them for a bit cos Tom had a job interview.    Then she had to go to Cheltenham to meet Ryan at the holiday inn.   To pick Nelson up, not for no funny business.  She did say shall we get Nelson to take our photo going in but Nelson was a spoilsport and said no.   So Ryan went home to his home and Mummy and Nelson came home to our home.  And he has been here ever since.

Daddy went away for the night with work last week so we had the whole bed to ourselves.  Of course we still all slept on Mummy's head though.

Yesterday we had the Basset Hound Takeover at the indoor dog park in Cardiff.   Some of the people came over to our house first for a pre party party.  So we had 9 dogs in the house and then we all went to Cardiff in convoy.  We got there a bit early to set up the raffle but we weren't allowed in til 4 cos they had to let all the other dogs out first.  Two German Shepherds were the last to leave.   I bet they wished they hadn't left it so late though cos when they came through the gate there were 40 basset hounds waiting in the entrance.  I bet they never expected to see that.

It was good fun at the dog park, we could all run about off the lead for two hours and run and chase and Elle was teaching all the dogs agility.  She is a good agility teacher, especially for a six year old human.  We met loads of friends and some new people we were friends with off facebook but never met before like Poppy and Matilda.   We can't wait to go again.   Nelson was a bit grumpy but he has got an ear infection and I think it was a bit overwhelming for him with so many dogs wanting to play.

Next week is Easter Holidays so we have the minihumans home all day and we are going to Somerset with the walking club on Sunday.

Who is Robert Wagner anyway? By Bessie.

On Saturday we had a committee meeting at our house but really just an excuse to drink too much and eat too much.    Spam, Looby, Jeffersonmummeezellen and Jeffersondaddeezellen came with Penny, Bumble, Bridget and Daisy.    The mens went to the pub to watch the football and the ladies had a meeting.  They did talking about important things and stuff despite what the photos that I can't show you might imply.

Then the mens came back and everybody did tequila shots and we houndies had our dinner and then the humans had party tea.   Then we went in the lounge and played games.     Board games I mean, not throwing your car keys in a bowl type games.  We don't have enough beds for that and even if we did there would be houndies asleep on all of them.

Looby painted a moose-tache on Spam's face then labelled her own boobies Phil and Grant.   Like you do.  Mummy said after it would have been funny to swap the dry wipe marker for a permanent marker but I think Aunty Spam would probably not agree.

And Robert Wagner won at Trivial Pursuit.  Who would have guessed?

It's all go at Houndy HQ.    I don't know how we manage to fit in running round like feral beasts on top of everything else we have to do.

50 shades of shut the f*** up. By Sam.

I am bored bored bored of all this 50 shades talk.   There's something a little distasteful about a load of middle aged women all giggling about potentially having the crap beaten out of them by the serial killer from The Fall.

UGH.   Behave.   Be different.

And I will most definitely not be buying anything from the bondage underwear department in Tesco.  If I did want to buy bondage underwear I would choose somewhere a bit more niche...who am I kidding?    Primark all the way.

Happy Valentines you bunch of weirdos.

this is why I won't be going to the cinema

Childhood ruined. By Sam.

I wanted to read the Enchanted Wood again to see if it was as good as I remember.   Bad idea.  Childhood ruined.    When I was little this trilogy was my favourite.  I reread them over and over.   I remember being terrified of the Snowman and Dame Slap and actually feeling real terror, when your heart starts pounding and you go boiling hot.    I thought the children were so amazing and Moon Face was kindly.  

But now I realise it was all a con.   Jo is a rude obnoxious little boy who needs a good slap.   Their parents are lazy and irresponsible.   Bessie is a doormat who is made to do all the work just because she is a girl and she just sits back and takes it.   Moonface is rude and disrespectful.    The danger is non existent, the snowman is less menacing than Winnie the Pooh.   The tree doesn't even seem so big.  Now as I'm reading the only danger I can sense is the branches snapping under the weight of them or being bitten by a wild animal.   I wish I had never read it again.    I'm sad now.  

Maybe tomorrow I will reread Malory Towers and realise that Alicia is a big slag and Darryl is a lesbian.

I know these books were written for a different time but were things so old fashioned when I was a child that I thought the family dynamics in these stories were normal?   No wonder modern day children refuse to read Enid Blyton.  She wasn't right in the head.

Tuesday wrote Mr Kipling. By Bessie

Yesterday Mummy had a day off.  Friday is supposed to be her day off but she swapped it for yesterday cos Katie had a hospital appointment.  So they went to Asda first and did half the food shop.  They didn't have time to finish so they said they would come back later and finish in the chilled aisles.  

They walked to the hospital and waited way longer than ten minutes.  There was a sign on the wall that said "if you are kept waiting more than ten minutes after your appointment time please tell reception" but it seemed a bit rude so they just waited.  Then Katie went to see the physiotherapist and she gave her some more exercises for her bad hip and checked she was doing the ones she had been given properly, which she had.

Then they went back to Asda but by now they had been nearly three hours so they couldn't stay any longer or they would get fined so they went to Lidl and got the chilled stuff, which is always a a bad move cos now the fridge is full of german snossijs which they didn't really need but couldn't resist.

Then Daddy phoned and asked Mummy if she was busy and she said she was busy but he said he needed her to come into work cos they needed to take the annual team photo for their bosses budget meeting and today was the only day everybody was in before Monday, when the meeting is.  Mummy said "But everybody isn't in.  I'm not in."  But Daddy said she didn't count cos she was only round the corner.  Except she wasn't cos she was actually in town.  So Mummy said she would come later after she picked Bryn up from school.

Then she went to the chemist and collected her prescription, picked Bryn up from school and then went to work to have the photo taken.  Daddy and their boss were pretending not to be annoyed cos she was wearing a Gryffindor hoody, jeans and doc martens and the day before she had been wearing a pretty dress and high heels.  But she had been in work the day before, she wasn't going to walk round town dressed like that now was she?  So her boss fetched a coat with the company logo on and she said "Don't you like my jumper?"  And he said he was a slytherin man himself and Mummy said no he was a Hufflepuff and he knows it.

Then about an hour later they finally got everybody in the right place at the right time to take the photo but then the phone rang and someone ran off to answer it then someone else told Mummy about a really big spider that had come in that morning in a delivery from India so she went to look for it cos there was an old fishtank in the car park and she thought she could have kept it in it as a pet.  But it turned out that whoever found the spider had panicked and squashed it dead so she doesn't have a pet spider this time.

Then finally the photo was taken and Mummy could go home and unpack the shopping even though all the frozen things were starting to melt.  Then it was time to take us to the V E T.  Me and Lotty were having our vaccinations which winds Mummy up every year cos she knows we don't need them but we can't go to softplay or in kennels - if there is an emergency - without them.   Carly wanted to come along for the ride and we were all going to have our nails done.   We had to wait ages in the waiting room cos it was really busy and emergencys kept coming in and by the time we got seen we had been waiting 40 minutes and Carly had decided she owned the entire waiting room and was starting to lunge at dogs coming in.   We got weighed, I am 23kg, Carly 18kg and Lotty 17kg.  Mummy said she thought I was loads more than that cos I am big and fat and full of poo.

We went into the V E T room and we had our jabs and then two nurses came in and cut our nails.  They did a really good job and they are nice and short even if when she touched my broken toe I cried and she had to leave that one.

Then we got back in the car (that Lotty had weed in) and came home and had our tea then we watched Eastenders and a programme about the top 100 dum dum dums in Eastenders but we missed the end cos Daddy wanted to watch Silent Witness.  That was a story about a man who wanted to do sex with his own sister - who only wore see through clothes - so he killed her boyfriend but all the way through everyone thought it was a story about the KGB and stuff but really it was just a jealous incesty man.

Daddyisms

You might have noticed that a few months ago I accidentally deleted the entire page of Daddyisms by accident.  So it has taken a long time but I have managed to remake the page but I made it on a different blog so I couldn't break it again.   Here is the link:

http://daddyismsbybessie.blogspot.co.uk/

NO CHIPS??? By Bessie

On Friday Mummy finally had her first day off all month so her and Tom went to Cwmbran to get him a new phone as his is broke and Mummy cancelled his contract.    They found a good deal in the EE shop so they signed up and got the phone then went to buy shoes in the sale in Primark.   Mummy got a pair of boots for £5 and shoes for £4 so she was happy.  Then they went to Asda to buy a bag of salad for tea but after carrying it round all day remembered Daddy was taking them out for tea so she needn't have bothered.

On Friday night my humans went to the Beefeater for tea on account of Daddy having a half price voucher and fancying a meal out (aka being bored of eating things out of the slowcooker I bet).    When the man sat them down at the same table they always sit in even though Mummy was muttering please don't sit us at that table, he said "Just to let you know we have no fillet steak, grilled salmon or fish and chips."   Daddy wasn't listening properly though and went "NO CHIPS??"    So the man sighed and bent right into Daddy's face and said it all again, very slowly and very loudly.    Everyone else was trying not to laugh so hard they couldn't tell him what they wanted to drink for choking.  Mummy said they were all going to get their drinks spat in now and it was Daddy's fault.

Then the waitress came and they all ordered and ONE WHOLE HOUR later the food arrived but the air conditioning had been turned on about ten minutes before and the place was absolutely freezing, especially for my humans as the air con unit was directly over the table.  They all put their coats back on and Daddy asked the waitress to turn it off.  She said someone on the other side of the room complained it was too hot so she would wait a few minutes then turn it off again.

Anyway, she did and it was all nice and cosy but then ten minutes later it went back on again so they just gave up and ate their food with their coats on.   But other than that it was nice even if Daddy did complain that his portion was too small.  He said it wasn't far that Tom's chicken linguine was a bigger portion than his chicken and chips but Tom said they were completely different types of food so how could the portion sizes be the same but Daddy said they should all weigh the same.   Mummy said they should all shut up and look at her dinner.  It was served on a chopping board.  She said it looked like something Jamie Oliver had dished up and how was she supposed to eat her dinner off a chopping board.   Daddy said serving food on a chopping board is unhygienic.

On Saturday Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to Ikea on a so called pricing exercise.  Next job on the house is the pantry so they found some nice shelving and measured up and decided what they need.   Mummy almost managed to leave Ikea without buying anything.  She made it past the candles, the picture frames, the cushions, even the potted plants but then couldn't resist a hot dog.  

Then they had the bag of salad for tea that Mummy had carried all round Cwmbran in her handbag.

Today we have had a nice lazy day.  On Tuesday we are going to the vet to have our vaccinations and our nails cut.  I broke a toenail jumping on the bed on Friday.  It hurted.

Louisa's Christening

The first weekend of January Daddy, Katie and Bryn went to visit Grandad.  Mummy and Tom stayed home to look after us.   On the Saturday we sat and watched Food Network, went for a walk to the golf club and back and then they were inspired...not to cook.  Just to eat.  So they went to Tesco to choose something for their tea.  We were all wondering what exciting thing they would come back with after watching Sweet Genius and Jamie Oliver and Barefoot Contessa all day long.

For their tea they had a chicken sandwich, a bag of crisps and a bottle of coke.   whhhooooo.

On the Sunday me and Mummy went to do a homecheck at Tilly's house.   We had to check that they had a good supply of dentastix.  Check.   And that the tea was good.  Check.    They passed and now Bertie lives at their house.  Not Louise's Bertie, a new Bertie.  We have now rehomed 5 Berties.

Louisa was Christened last Sunday.  Mummy is now her fairy godmother.  We all went to the Christening, on account of Mummy forgetting that Lotty's vaccinations were out of date so we couldn't go in kennels and it was too long to leave us at home on our own.  So we all got up at 6am and the humans put their bestest clothes on and we washed our feets and then we got in the car and we drove to Aunty Mic's house and then we got out and went for a walk to the park and then we stayed at Aunty Mic's house while they went to the Christening.   Louisa looked beautiful in her Christening gown.  The vicar was funny, he spoke really fast and he even said he did and he was trying not to and he read everything at 400 miles an hour and the christening lasted about 30 seconds.

Then the humans came back and Mummy let us out in the garden and we had a cuddle and then they went to the pub for a couple of hours for a party and then they came back and we went for a long walk to a place called Fiddlers Ferry which sounded interesting but turned out to be a power station.   It was very cold, much colder than it is in Wales but we had a fun walk and we met a friendly Boxer and a shouty Chow.

Then it was time to go home so we got in the car and we drove home.  The humans stopped for tea at FranklymydearIdon'tgiveadamn services but Mummy stayed in the car to look after us.  Everyone else went inside and had a burger king but she had a cup of lukewarm tea out of a flask for her dinner.

Things we did in December. By Bessie

Penny, Frank and Bertie came to play for the day.   Apparently that's called a playdate but that sounds lame.    We took them up the hill to the big house and to see the horses in the field.   Bertie weed under the Christmas tree but Penny and Frank were very good.

Aunty Mic, Uncle Rob, Ben and baby Louisa came to visit us the Saturday before Christmas.  We had never seen a human baby before, we like baby Louisa.  She was a bit scared though and cried when we shouted hello at her.  We all went for a walk, baby Louisa got to sit in a pram.  I wish I had a pram.

The Sunday before Christmas was the Branch Christmas party.   It was loads of fun, there was a fun dog show and we did win some rosettes but I can't remember what in.   Lotty came second in prettiest girl, I do remember that.    We didn't win the fancy dress though, we was absolutely gutted, we have never been beaten.  I blame Mummy.  Cos Daddy was in bed with the flu the whole of the week before she didn't have time to make us decent costumes cos she had to work every day and then do all the at home stuff too so she rushed our costumes the night before.  We went as a primary school nativity with teatowels on our heads and a hush puppy dolly as our baby Jesus.  Mummy says it was supposed to be ironic, I say it was just plain lazy.  Serves her right.

There was a vet there doing eye testing for the Basset Health Group so we all had our eyes tested by the sexy (according to Mummy) and under dressed (according to Daddy) vet.    My eyes were 90% abnormal so I very high chance of glaucoma but vet said that was expected in ten year old houndy.  Lotty's eyes were worrysome, he said she got bad eyes for a young dog and will need testing again in a year.  Carly's eyes were perfect.

We saw another baby at the party too and now we are all experts at babys and we would have babysitted and taken the baby on the field for a run about and everything but Miss Zoe didn't offer to let us and Mummy said it was rude to ask.

For Christmas I got a blue dolphin and Carly got a sheep and Lotty got a choklit flavoured bone.  It wasn't real choklit, it just smelled like choklit.   Mummy said it smelled like plastic and slobber but what would she know.  She's no scent hound.   After I ripped up mine and Carly's presents we all lined up for a chew of Lotty's bone and I was first in line but then I fell asleep and missed my turn.

This is what the humans got for Christmas:   Tom got a new coat and a game called cards against humanity and a controller for his PS4.  Katie got a laptop and perfume.   Bryn got a remote control helicopter and a pedal for his guitar.   Daddy got a tablet computer thingy and Mummy got a giant slowcooker and Daddy framed three really lovely basset pictures for her.  They have pride of place in the hall now so they the first thing you see when you walk in.  Actually, not the first thing.  The first thing is the dead parrot holding the collection of leads.   So the second thing.  But anyway...

Mummy made a big fancy dinner, but not in the slow cooker but she says every other meal from now on will be cooked in the slow cooker.   Katie and Bryn say they are moving out.  As Katie is not a vegetablist any more she didn't have a pot noodle for her Christmas dinner, which made a nice change.

After lunch we went for a walk and then Daddy and Bryn played with Bryn's helicopter in the field and we watched.

On Boxing Day Grandma and Grandad came to stay.  We had another christmas and it was loads of fun.  We played Cards against Humanity and Trivial Pursuit and we went for walks and we had another christmas dinner.

Mummy went to Aunty Spam's on the 29th cos it was Aunty Spam's birthday.  They went to the pub and then Ryan made buffet tea and they played games and did loud stuff and Aimee had to make a formal complaint about the loudness.

Basset Rescue Christmas Party. By Bessie

Last Sunday was our Christmas party.   On Friday Carly and Mummy baked dog treats for the party. They made pilchard and sweet potato, liver and apple sauce, and peanut butter, banana and honey.  Then they put them in pretty Christmas gift bags with ribbons.

On Sunday we all got in the car and drove to Leicestershire.   The party was awesome.  There were 34 bassets, Fanny the Cocker Spaniel and I finally got to meet one of my most bestest friends in the whole world Gunner and his mummy Zoe.    Gunner is amazing, we all loved him loads and Zoe is just lovely and kind and pretty and she even let Mummy fiddle with her hair.

We played party games and we had a fun dog show and me and Gunner won the fancy dress in our Simba and Nala costumes.    All the humans had baked potatoes and snossijs and curry for their lunch and we had treats and snossijs and everyone was very well behaved (except grumpy Carly) unless you count all the wees and poos (which I don't) or Carly being grumpy (which I do).   Ooh and Santa came and we all got a present.

Double Ooh and Harley and Burton came and they had Christmas jumpers and they looked really happy.

Things that happened in November. By Bessie

So since Spicy went to the bridge what have we been up to?  Tom had a birthday, Mummy took him out for lunch and then the humans went to their favourite restaurant for tea.  They said they had a lovely tea but the waitress's BO was a little bit off putting, and not very ladylike.   Katie wouldn't come in and sit at the table though, she wanted to sit outside on the cold cobbles and cuddle with this cat that took a fancy to her.   Then Katie asked Daddy if we could have a cat and Daddy told her not to be so bloody ridiculous and Mummy had to tell him off cos even though we can't get another cat he didn't have to be so rude.

Grandma and Grandad came to stay for the weekend.   We all went for a walk and the humans went out for dinner and Lotty tried to get in Grandma and Grandad's bed.

Harley came to stay for the night.  Mummy and Tom went to Lesley's to collect him and he slept in Tom's room, like all the foster dogs do.  They all love Tom.   His new humans and his new brother Burton came to pick him up on Saturday morning but Harley scared Burton a bit cos he was playing too rough and Burton sicked up his breakfast.  Luckily Carly was there to eat the sick.  Bleugh.  Daddy emptied a bowl of water over the sick but it wasn't quite enough to clean it all up so he emptied an entire bath over it.   We did wonder if he couldn't have found something in between a bowl and a bath; a watering can or a bucket maybe?

My humans helped at the village Christmas Fair.  Everyone was a bit worried nobody would turn up like the big lunch in the summer but it was absolutely packed in the hall, they were worried they were going to run out of selection boxes for the grotto but luckily there was just enough.   Anyway the fair was a huge success and they will definitely do it again next year.

Spicy and Typsy

Spicy cat and Typsy cat were cousins but they never met each other on account of them being cats and living 200 miles apart.  So they both didn't know that the other was poorly too.  Typsy was so sick he knew it was time to make his way to Rainbow Bridge.  

When he got there his aunties Robin and Flo and his uncles Patty and Alfie were waiting by the gate but Typsy wouldn't come in.  He knew something wasn't quite right.  "Are you expecting anybody else?" He asked the aunties and uncles.  They said Spicy was coming too but she wouldn't leave.  So Typsy called down to Spicy.  Spicy said she was scared. She didn't want to leave her humans.  She said she was sat on the bed watching when Katie was born and she was cuddled up in Katie's bed right now.  Typsy said he was scared too but the aunties and uncles that they had heard about from their humans were waiting for them.  They would look after them until they could be reunited with their humans again.  "Just one more night then I will come" promised Spicy.

So Typsy waited outside the gates to Rainbow Bridge and the aunties and uncles came out to wait with him.   The next day when Spicy's mummy asked what she could do to make her better Spicy looked into her eyes and her mummy knew the time had come.  So everybody said goodbye to Spicy and she made her trip to Rainbow Bridge.   When she got there Typsy held her paw and the aunties and uncles took them in to Rainbow Bridge to meet all the animals and there was a big feast and Spicy and Typsy had pilchards and salmon and milk and it was the best they had ever tasted and their humans knew they were ok now and they would meet again one day.

AGM weekend. By Bessie

We had our AGM on the 18th October.    We booked the village hall next door for the afternoon so we could have the meeting all proper and professional and then we came back to our house for a party.   There were 12 houndies.   Seven of us cuddled up on Tom's bed while they was having their meeting and four of them went to the meeting with their humans and Tilly came later with her mum and dad.   We also had a foster dog for the night, Baby Daisy.  She came with Johanna and Super Stanley.

The meeting was good and people had some great ideas of things we could do to make the rescue even better.   The humans had chilli and baked potatoes for their tea and hotdogs for the mini humans.   Us houndies all took it in turns to go in the pantry for our dinner so there wasn't a big fight at tea time.

Johanna was the dog whisperer and she sat on our bed with houndies all over her feeding us snossijs and clipping toebones.    Lotty stole her potato though cos she is an evil dog.

Baby Daisy stayed the night, she snuggled with Sam and Louise on the air bed.  Of course Lotty had to get in there too cos she is so nosy.   The next morning we all had breakfast then Lisa and Paul came back and we all went for a walk to Tredegar Park.  Then Baby Daisy went home with them, they are going to foster her.

Ot oo affin at? By Sam

I chipped a tooth at the weekend, one of my front bottom teeth - that's the tooth at the front of my mouth not in my front bottom like in that weird film Teeth.   Anyway I went to the dentist yesterday and he gave me an anaesthetic so he could break off the broken bit, file it down and put a filling in.

For some god forsaken reason instead of going straight home I decided to pop into Tesco.   On the way up the travellator an old man asked if he could squeeze past.  I attempted to smile and say "Sure".  But on account of numb mouth what I actually did was grimace at him and growl. "Grrrr".  I'm sorry sir.  I would have apologised at the time but that was not possible.

Then I went to pick the minihumans up from school.  "You're early," they said, "Haven't you been to work?"

"Nmm," I said, "I een oo a enniss.   Ot oo affin at?  Oo I oun unny?"

"No, you sound fine," said Katie."

Oh ud, I urried I oun eerd" says I as they collapse in laughter.   Pigs.

Many Tears. By Bessie

On Sunday morning Mummy saw a post on Facebook by Many Tears Animal Rescue - the rescue who saved Carly's life - saying they had 65 dogs dumped on them that morning and they needed all the help they could get.   So her and Tom got in the car and went down to help.   There was loads of people there, the car park was full and there was cars everywhere.  

As soon as they got inside, Sylvia the owner was walking past and she asked if they had come to help.  "We have if you need us," said Mummy.   So Sylvia asked if they could manage three small dogs.   Mummy said she could handle three any size dogs so another lady brought them three dogs, a little tiny yorkie, a pomeranian cross and a little black cross breed.  They didn't have names yet cos they were so new - as well as the 65 dogs from the Irish puppy farm they had 18 other dogs arrive last night.   Mummy and Tom named the dogs Arnold, Noodles and Billy.   Sylvia said to go for a walk and keep turning right,  After three quarters of an hour they would be back at the centre.

Arnold, Noodles and Billy were very good, they didn't pull or do flat basset or have projectile diorrhea everywhere.   But we think they must have got lost cos it took them two hours to walk round the block.  Arnold got tired and had a carry for some of the way.  

When they got back they saw some of the Irish puppy farm dogs being carried into the grooming room.  It was the most awful sight, Mummy and Tom were shocked,   You see these dogs on cruelty programmes with their fur so matted it looks like dreadlocks and they are barely recognisable as living beings, but to actually see them in real life, dozens and dozens of them.  They were covered in lice and fleas  All the dogs had to be shaved and doused in delouser.  Most of them were poodles.

One of the volunteers offered to give Mummy and Tom a tour round the kennels, they saw hundreds of sad little dogs.  If they had been going to choose a dog they would never be able to just pick one.  After they had their tour they sat in the kennels with some of the dogs who need socialising to make them more adoptable.  First they sat with Arnold, Noodles and Billy and then they went and sat in a kennel with six dogs; two cocker spaniels, two shitzus, a westie cross and a teeny tiny little chihuahua who climbed onto Tom's lap and went straight to sleep.

They could have stayed there all day snuggling but they had to go home.  It was very hard to say goodbye to all the beautiful doggies and they gave us extra big snuggles that night.

Oh and by the way Arnold, Noodles and Billy have names now.   They are called Tom (how cool is that?), Sid and Dolly.

Millie. By Bessie

On Thursday lunchtime Mummy texted a man who was advertising his Basset free to a good home on Gumtree.    At 2.30 he rang and said would she tell him more about the rescue cos most of the other messages he had sounded like they were from psychos.  So Mummy told him how Millie Basset would go to a lovely foster home and get spayed and vet checked and then we would find the perfect home for her.  She told him to go and have a look at the success stories on the website and call her back.  Half an hour later he phoned back and said come at 5 so she picked Katie and Bryn up from school and took Bryn home then Mummy and Katie went to pick Millie Basset up.

As it happens Millie Basset was more Beagle than Basset and maybe a little bit of Whippet thrown in there too but they brought her home anyway.   Daddy said, "What did you do that for?"  But Mummy said, " I couldn't leave her.  Of course I brought her home."

Millie stayed until Saturday morning.  She is very sweet and pretty and tiny but very bouncy and jumping off the settee and leaping onto the windowsills, stealing food and weeing everywhere.   But she will stop it soon, Mummy said she was very eager to learn so that makes her very trainable.  On Saturday morning Mummy and Millie drove to Sam's house.    Millie had a good run round the garden with Shirley, Ollie and Snoopy and then Louise and Dave came and they all had lunch and Millie stole some tomato but she didn't like it so she spat it on the rug.   Then Millie went back with Louise and Dave to Lisa's house to stay until after she has been spayed on Wednesday.

Nelson goes to his new life, Bryn joins the army and the humans don't buy a watering can. By Bessie

On Friday Mummy and Katie went to Cardiff to meet Lesley and Nelson.  Then they brought Nelson back with them for the night.   He was excellent as always.  He is always a very good house guest.  Bryn was at cadet camp all night.

On Saturday morning Miss Hannah and Mr Hannah came to collect him.  They brought their baby Basset Tibs with them.  He had a plaster cast on his leg but him and Nelson still wanted to play.  Mummy had to tell Nelson to chill out though, cos he is much bigger than Tibs and Tibs has a baddy leg.

Then Nelson went off to start his wonderful new life.   I think he is going to make them very happy, he is such a perfect boy.   

Then Mummy and Katie went to fetch Bryn and they came back, had a bit of lunch.  We went for a walk then the humans went to B&Q to look at wallpaper for the hall but they didn't like any of them so they came home.

Yesterday they went to Leekes and chose some nice duck egg blue wallpaper with a pattern of trees and birds and some paint for them wooden panels in the hall.   Then they went to Ikea and had a slap up lunch of dried up bun with a tiny snossij, cold chips and a flat coke.   But the cinnabuns were nice so that is ok.

As usual they came home with a million things they didn't know they needed and nothing they did.   What they wanted to buy was a pretty watering can for the kitchen windowsill, a soap dish and a picture frame but what they actually bought was two laundry hampers for Katie and Bryn's rooms - They were only £1.95 in the sale though -  four plant pots, two latte glasses and a solar powered light for outside.   Note, none of the things they wanted.

In the meantime Tom took us for a walk.     But then Katie had a strop on the way out cos Mummy wouldn't buy her a milkshake and called Mummy names cos she's 15 and she's like that.  So they weren't speaking to each other by the time they got home.  But Tom was happy cos he missed it all and Mummy bought him a cinnabun.

Mummy made a roast chikkin for tea.  Daddy wished they had roast dinner more often until he saw the amount of washing up.   I bet he's glad she makes dinner in the slow cooker most nights.

South East Basset Fun Day. By Carly.

Bessie said seeing as my last post was Ok apart from insulting her I can write another one.  But I have to say nice things about Bessie.  I can say anything mean about Lotty I like though.

So on the Sunday morning we didn't have to get up so early cos the fun day didn't start til one.  So we had our breakfast and the humans had a big cooked breakfast that Uncle Dave cooked.   Then we went to Crawley for the fun day.   This time Bertie and Frank came too but Uncle Dave had to go to work.

Miss Lisa and Mr Paul organised an amazing day.    We think they were more organised than the people who ran Pup Aid.   There was a barbeque and quiche and some cakes and even a cake just for the houndies.  And a dog show.    I don't really like dog shows though and Mummy was very concious that I had been very good all weekend with no growling or snapping so she only entered me for one round so I didn't have to pretend to be good.
 
There was loads of people came to the fun day, Mummy tried to do a head count of dogs.  She thinks there were about 40.   Our foster dogs Sasha and Sonny were there too.  They are both really lovely.  Mummy especially liked Sasha, she was sat on the floor cuddling me, Sasha and Sonny at one point and she was in houndy heaven.  Everytime she stopped stroking Sasha she would nudge her hand for more.

I think everybody was very well behaved.  Nobody escaped under the gate.  One child may have got hit over the head with a saucepan at some point but maybe I dreamed that.  I does sound to bizarre to have really happened.  And Bertie may have had a bit of quiche.   And I think someone did a wee up the stereo.   A boy.  Obviously.   I'm not saying who.  I know who.  But I'm not a grass.

Oh yeah and we all missed Bessie loads.   *sigh*.  Will that do?

After the funday was over we drove back to Aunty Louise's and Mummy and me and Aunty Sam and Shirley got back in our own cars and we went home.   It was very late when we got home so I had my tea, cuddled with my sisters and went to bed.

Pupaid. By Carly

Bessie said I could write this blog post but only if I talk properly.  No baby talk.   Sulking I am.   But here goes.

Me and Mummy got in the car and drove to London.    The G8 summit was on so we had to go the back road to get to the next motorway junction.  I did a poo in the car just before we got to the next village.  We had been in the car for about 2 minutes.  She was not a happy mummy.  She stopped the car and I said "Oh goody we are here."   "No Carly," Mummy sighed, "We are not here."  Then she put my poo in a bag and threw it in a hedge cos she didn't want to drive all the way to London with a poo on the seat next to her.  

When we got to Reading we stopped at the motorway services.  They have a nice services there.  There is a massive dog walking area with woods and fields to run on and a big picnic area.   Mummy went in and got us a burger king dinner then I got out the car and we went for a walk and ate our dinner.  I had half a rodeo burger and half a bag of chips but Mummy had all the coke to herself and I had a bowl of water.

Then we drove to Aunty Louise's house.   My friends Penny, Bertie and Frank were there.  Mummy told me I had to be on my best behaviour.  No snapping or growling.  I said I would try but no promises.    Mummy and Aunty Louise had to go and do a homecheck so they said I could come too.   They said it would be good practice for the lady and her Basset to meet a six year old girl cos that it what I am and that is what they are adopting if the homecheck went well.   Which it did.   And the Basset was lovely and cute and I didn't snap or growl and she showed me her toys and her garden.  I didn't want to play though.  I don't play much.  Except with Lotty.  But not Bessie cos she scares me when we play.

When we got back to Aunty Louise's house we houndies had our tea and I won the fastest eater competition.  Mummy said it wasn't a competition and did the others not look like they were enjoying their dinner first.  I don't care.  Fastest eater gets the best spot on the sofa.

After the humans tea Aunty Sam and Shirley came and we all went for a walk round the block.  A stoned Lithuanian man tried to kiss us all.  We all got a bit high from the smell of the drugs him and his friend were trying to hide so we went home and ran round the garden for a bit before bed.

On Saturday morning we got up super early and Uncle Dave drove me, Penny and Shirley and the mummies to Primrose Hill.  He found the best parking spot ever right outside the park gates and we went to Pup Aid.  This is a big charity dog show about puppy farming.   We got there a bit early though and the show wasn't open yet so we we walked to the top of the hill and took some photos and watched the joggers.   Apparently nobody says joggers anymore, they are called runners.  Pah.   While we were sat there this man came over and said "Is that the dog show down there?"  And we said it was but it wasn't open yet.  He walked off then came back a minute later and asked us if Hannah was there.   We said we didn't know but Dave was.    Haha.  Still don't know who Hannah is.

Then we went to sign up for the dog show.   They were only letting 50 people into each category.   Shirley didn't want to enter but me and Penny entered prettiest bitch and best rescue and the lady said we could join in with the rescued brood bitch parade later.    After we got our numbers we went for a walk to look at the stalls.  Most of them were selling very expensive stuff but Mummy bought a bag of dried whitebait for me to share with my friends.  We met another Basset.  She was pretty but very grumpy.  She growled at me but I didn't growl back.   In fact I didn't growl or snap at anyone all day.  Mummy and the Auntys said they was very proud of all of us cos we were such good girls.

There was a stall doing grooming.  Penny had hers done last week by Spongedog but me and Shirley needed our nails doing.  Shirley didn't really like it though so she only had one nail. I let them do all mine and they didn't even charge.  We was super pleased with my maniped.  

We met loads of people who was useful to our rescue and Mummy and the Auntys had their Basset Rescue Network t-shirts on and lots of people asked about our rescue.  We met some celebrities too.    The compere was Annabel Giles.  And the guest judges were Sue Perkins off the bake off and Peter Egan who used to be in Keeping up appearances and now he does tons for animal welfare.   We met Marc the vet.    Penny had her photo taken with him.  And Rachel Reilly who does the maths on countdown was there too but we didn't see her.  Annabel Giles was very funny.   She made us laugh lots.

We didn't win anything in the dog show and the brood bitch parade was a bit embarrasing cos even though they said we could join in and there were a few others that joined in, the lady who was reading out the cards about the dogs just read out what was on the card even though the dogs were stood in the wrong order and didn't come and ask about the extra dogs that had come in.  There were only three extras it would have taken two minutes to talk to us.   And all the people behind were going, "Which one is she talking about now?"  We wish we hadn't bothered really.   But then a lady came to talk to us later, we don't know who she was but she said she went to parliament with Marc the vet about the petition to ban the sale of puppies and kittens in pet shops so we think she must have been one of the organisers.  Anyway she was very nice and asked about our rescue.

We had a lovely day out and by the time it was home time we were all very tired and Uncle Dave drove us all home.  The boys were cross cos they had to stay home but we gave them some of our dried fishies and they were happy.  

Here comes the Presidents. By Sam.

The G8 summit is coming to town in two days.  This means total shutdown for the entire town,  more so for us as we are precisely 1.3 miles from where it will take place.    According to the Welsh Mail 9,500 Police Officers have come from all over the UK.    This is true, we saw Merseyside police guarding the motorway roundabout at the top of our road and tonight whilst cycling home - yes that's right, but hang on - I passed a Nottinghamshire police van parked outside school.  This was just before I saw two of Bryn's friends.  They looked at me funny so I said "You didn't see me in this stupid helmet right."

There are police literally everywhere.  On the way to work I passed a bloke having his rucksack searched outside Tesco cos he had a camera.  Lucky for me they didn't stop me and search my rucksack cos it contained a complete change of clothes and the entire contents of the fridge, nearly.   On Thursday school is only open 10-2.   The doctors surgery is closed and the bin men are coming on Saturday instead.   It was in the Argus yesterday that Presidents Obama and Cameron are planning on visiting a school.   They haven't said which one on account of the world press flocking there to have a gorp but it has to be our school surely.  It's the closest one to the summit, it cost £29 million to build so it has to be fit to show to the presidents and Katie said she's only going in if she can meet them. 

On account of the road lockdown I decided it was a good incentive to finally buy a bike to go to work on.  So on Saturday we went to Halfords and I picked a rather splendid bike.   John and I went for a bike ride on Sunday, after Tom helped me bath the dogs.  Which was a complete waste of time cos Lotty has rolled in something stinky today and needs another one.   We rode to the next village and back.   Halfway home I cried like a baby and begged John to fetch the car but he wouldn't and by the time I got home I was actually almost dead.  Nearly.    Then this morning I rode my bike to work.   It was OK actually.  My backside is still killing from Sunday but it was my knees that hurt the most.  I will get used to it though apparently.   I don't know if that means used to the pain.  I don't want to get used to pain.   The hardest bit was lifting the bike over the two kissing gates at the edge of the golf club.   That was almost impossible.   This bloke came over to help me on the way home but I said no I have to learn to do it myself.  Then he said to lift it over the farmers gate further up next time cos it's slightly lower.   Anyway it was fun once but I think I will drive everywhere again now.

I made the mistake of baking a cake on Saturday.  Now I'm expected to provide pudding after every meal.  how ridiculous.  I'm supposed to be on a diet.   We had lemon meringue pie on Saturday, Bread and Butter pudding on Sunday, Banoffee pie last night and Chocolate brownies tonight.   Tomorrow no cake.  They can bugger off.

On a separate note do you think exercise releases happy endorphines or is that a load of crap.   After a long bike ride on Sunday we sat and wet ourselves laughing at X Factor.   And all day today everything in work has been hilarious.    Maybe I'm just hysterical?   I mean like crazy not like haha look at me.

That there London. By Bessie

Weekend before last Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to London.   They drove to Louise's house and had fajitas for their tea.  Then all the adults and Katie went to this bit of London what is called Highgate cos that is where the hotel is that Katie was staying in.   On the way there Mummy and Louise were trying to sort out Maggie's transport run in the back of the car but then Mummy got really travel sick and her battery ran out so she had to swap seats with Daddy so she could sit in the front and hang her head out of the window like a dog (I never hang my head out of the window by the way and I'm a dog).  

When they got to the hotel Katie's friends were waiting outside so she went off with them and the humans went back to Louise's.

On Saturday Dave drove Mummy and Daddy to the airport where they got the tube into London.    Mummy has a morbid fear of the underground but she was trying to be brave and not be a massive baby.    They went to Covent Garden first.  Mummy says this is the scariest underground station cos it is 15 floors underground.  They had a look round and then they walked past the Savoy Hotel and went down to the river but there was some bike thing going on and they couldn't cross the road to get near the London eye so they went to Trafalgar Square and looked at all the pictures in the National Gallery.   Mummy wanted to go and ogle over Whistlejacket.  She has a thing for Whistlejacket.

Then they had lunch in a really nice restaurant near Trafalgar Square then walked down Whitehall and they saw some nice horses and soldiers and Downing Street where that David Cameron fella lives and then they went to see the houses of parliament and they stood under Big Ben as it chimed two o'clock and they went to see Westminster Abbey and Buckingham Palace and they walked round St James Park.

Then they got back on the tube and they went to Harrods but it was full of rich Arab ladies buying handbags and they didn't have anything interesting to look at it in there.   Then they walked down to Hyde Park and had a drink and paddled in the Serpentine.  Then after that they were tired cos they had walked all over London so they went back on the tube and Louise picked them up from the airport.  

In the meantime Katie was at Summer in the City at Alexandra Palace.  This was like some big fan thing for Youtubers.  All of Katie's friends were there and she was having a great time.  She met Dan and Phil off of Radio One.  They are her favourite Youtubers.

On Sunday Mummy, Daddy, Louise and Dave all went into London.    They parked at the car park at the airport where Dave works right next to where the Concorde lives.    But as they got out of the car it started raining really hard and they tried to run to the station but Dave's umbrella blew apart and he was left holding the frame as the fabric bit flew past Daddy's head.  Mummy and Louise laughed their heads off.   So Dave out his umbrella in the bin outside the station and they got on the train and went to the Tower of London to see the ceramic poppies.   They was beautiful, there was millions of them.   Then they went to a pub across the road and had some lunch.

After lunch they went to Whitechapel and went on a guided walk about the old East End.  A pug called Bobby came too and when his mum popped into a shop to get a sandwich she asked Louise to look after him.  Her and mummy were thinking about stealing him.  Then they decided they were going to change the name of the rescue to Pug Rescue Network cos they could rescue loads of pugs and keep them in their handbags.    This man did a good tour and afterwards they went to Spitalfields market and down Brick Lane.    But during the walk Mummy got a bit of a tummy ache and by the time they finished the walk she was in agony but she didn't want to spoil everybody's day so she was pretending she was ok.    They walked back through the East End and into the City of London and by the time they got to the tube station Mummy was dying in pain so she decided she would use the toilet (she doesn't do public toilets as a rule so you have a clue about how much her tummy was hurting).   But there was a sign in the station saying there were no toilets so they got on the train and then they had to change to another line but there were no toilets at that station either and then by the time they were on the last train Mummy realised that there was no way she was going to make it all the way back to the last station and back to Dave's car and back to Louise and Dave's house without having some kind of accident.  So she finally owned up and told everyone she was dying in pain and Louise looked on her phone for stations on their route with toilets.   So they got off at Hounslow and Mummy hobbled downstairs to the toilet while the others waited on the platform.   There were two toilets and neither of them had locks but she didn't care, she was so desperate to go to the toilet.   Anyway the good news is that she did make it home safely and there were no accidents.    Mummy didn't have any food or drink for the rest of the day though just in case.

When it got dark it was time to drive into London to get Katie.  Mummy and Daddy went to Alexandra Palace and there were millions of teenage girls running about but they found Katie and her friend and then they had to go back to the hotel to get her stuff.    Then Katie went in to say goodbye to everybody but Mummy and Daddy had to wait outside cos they are too embarrassing.  

Daddy and Katie stopped at the services to get some tea but Mummy waited in the car cos her tummy was still hurting.   But there was no food being served so they got choklit instead.

When they got home we had all missed them.   Tom and Bryn looked after us good and we went on lots of walks and had good cuddles though.

In which Katie had a birthday. By Bessie

On Saturday Mummy and Katie went to visit Aunty Mic and see baby Louisa.    They put the garmin sat nav thingy in the car and Daddy said "Don't take the motorway.  It took us six hours just to get to Stoke last weekend."

So they went up the Monmouth road.  But the garmin was being stupid and only wanted to find the motorway.  Now I'm not saying Mummy is some kind of navigational genius, far from it, but she generally doesn't need sat nav to find the motorway.   The massive blue signs are normally a big clue where the motorway is.  So she ignored the sat nav and thought, it's ok, soon it will work out that we are now too far from any motorway and it will find the A49.

She was wrong.    They left the house at 8:10am.   They arrived at Brecon at 9.10am.   The sat nav spent the entire journey trying to make her turn round and go back the way they come.   So they stopped to look at a map.  But they had no road map in the car and neither of them could get a mobile signal.   So they decided as they were way too far west and with no way of navigating east without getting stuck in the mountains the only thing they could do was do as the sat nav said and go back the way they came.  So they did.  They drove back all the way to Abergavenny at which point they saw a sign for Hereford and Katie remembered that the route they needed to take took them right through Hereford.  So they took the Hereford road.   Incidentally the sat nav was still trying to get them to go back to the motorway.  If they had done this they would have ended up back at the motorway junction one mile from our house.

At 10.20 they reached Hereford.  A journey that should have taken one hour.  Not two hours ten minutes.  Anyway by this point they felt they deserved a McDonalds breakfast (I beg to differ.  You can't blame the satnav for your own stupidity).    There was something wrong with the air conditioning inside McDonalds and the noise was drilling into Mummy and Katie's heads so they took their food to the tables outside and ate while watching three children misbehaving in a car while their parents sat inside eating their food.  Strange family.

Then they drove to Aunty Mic's.  As they left McDonalds car park they got behind a truck.   It was doing an ok speed though so they were happy to stick behind it singing their lame soft rock ballads.  Mummy said it was like Thelma and Louise except nobody got to sleep with Brad Pitt and they didn't have to kill themselves at the end.    Mummy needed to put petrol in the car but as they got to the petrol station the truck pulled in and Mummy said she couldn't go after him cos she had been sat behind him for the last hundred miles and he would think he had a stalker.  So instead they limped to the next petrol station on fumes.

look what Mummy found in the petrol station

They passed a sign that said "Cats eyes removed."   Katie was horrified until Mummy told her it wasn't a warning, they weren't in Wickerman territory (they probably were though, it was Shropshire).

They got to Aunty Mic's at 2pm and had cuddles with baby Louisa.   Katie had never held a real life baby before, not that she could remember anyway.   She loved baby Louisa.    Uncle Rob couldn't remember her name and kept calling her Charlotte.  Grandad called her Isabella.

They had tea at Grandma and Grandad's and slept on Grandma and Grandad's couch.  The next day Mummy and Grandma took Katie to Manchester to buy some clothes for her birthday.    She got loads of stuff.  She got shoes and three t-shirts and two pairs of shorts and a shirt and a vest and a necklace and some badges and blue hair dye (which looks very nice and cool) and some posters for her bedroom.   And they went to the Arndale Centre which Mummy used to go to all the time when she was young but hadn't been since a few weeks before the bombings.  And they went to Afflecks Palace which Katie loved.  Mummy knew she would, it was always her favourite place when she was a teenager.   There was some funny people in Manchester.   A man who looked like a Roy Orbison tribute act in Druckers cafe.  A man selling little blow up things on a cart in the street shouting "Mickey Mouse Minnie Mouse" in a comedy accent.   (It probably was his real accent, maybe Mummy is being racist telling it like that), a busker who only knew two songs, a girl in shakeaway who put her bag on Katie's chair while Katie was getting her drink.  Then glances up and says, "You can have your chair back in a minute" and carried on rooting round in her back.   Mummy said, "Oh right, that's good of you."   By the way Shakeaway is the most amazing milkshake shop.  You can have practically anything you want in a milkshake.  Mummy had white kinder bueno with marshmallows and white choklit buttons.    Katie had something with ferrero rochers in and Grandma had a latte but she said it tasted funny.  Mummy said it was probably made with icecream too.

I'm not saying Grandma's a bad parker but she had Mummy and Katie guide her into this spot

When they got back to the car park it was £20 for parking!   £20!!!    It costs £3 in Cardiff and that's a capital city.   When they got home Grandad had cooked Sunday dinner and then they had cake and Katie had candles in hers for her birthday.

Mummy and Katie drove home and got back at about 10pm.   We was all very pleased to see them.   The boy humans had lived on McDonalds all weekend cos Daddy can't cook.  He says he can cook but he never proves it.

On Monday it was Katie's birthday.   Mummy and Daddy had to go to work.  Mummy was supposed to be off but they had done stocktake on Friday and something had gone wrong so her boss asked her to come in.   She finished at three and the minihumans asked her to meet them in Tesco cos they had gone for a walk so she went and got something for tea.  There was a Lego movie cardboard cut out to put your faces in so she made them kneel in it so she could take their photo but then Bryn tripped over and pulled the Lego thing over and the security guard got cross so they ran off.

When Daddy got home Katie opened her presents and then they went out to dinner at Red Hot World Buffet in Cardiff.    This is a restaurant that sells everything.   The humans had for their tea:  chikkin tikka, chikkin, korma, chowmein, lasagne, cottage pie, enchiladas, beefburger, bhajis, icecream and cheesecake.

Yesterday Mummy and Daddy were in work again but the minihumans took us on the field for a run about.   Today Mummy had the day off but she didn't have any money to go anywhere cos she doesn't get paid til tomorrow so we stayed home and played in the garden while she did housework.

Spotted in Tesco.

Spotted in Tesco today:
Two elderly women having a debate about how to use a door mat.
A couple parked across a pedestrian crossing in their stupid monster truck so they can put their tiny baby into a tiny baby trolley.   What about all the other tiny babies that could get run over as a result of your pointlessly large car thing blocking the crossing?
A man who was the spitting image of Mr angry pants from that cbbc programme about Nev the bear.
A woman bending over to look at flowers showing everything inside her vest.  Literally everything.  She may as well have been naked from the waist up.
An entire family in beach wear.  Newport is not a holiday town.   Granted its a coastal town but coastal and seaside does not mean the same thing.   Also they were just stood there in the frozen potato products aisle in their swimwear. I wanted some hash browns but I didn't want to have to brush against naked flesh.
A little kid with measles.  Nobody wants your spots.  Go home.

Our super lazy weekend, our friend Nelson and our baby cousin. By Bessie

This weekend Daddy, Katie and Bryn went to stay with Grandad.   Well, I say Katie did, she stayed one night then she went to her friend in Blackburn for the rest of the weekend.   Daddy, Bryn and Grandad went to an Italian restaurant for their lunch.    Bryn said he felt overdressed.  Mummy said he shouldn't worry, it's quite a novelty to see a thirteen year old in a cravat these days.  He swears he wasn't wearing a cravat.  But Grandad probably was.  In fact when they got home Mummy described the outfit Grandad wore to the restaurant and said even though it was 40 degrees out he still had an umbrella.   Daddy said he was wearing the outfit Mummy described and he did have an umbrella.  And he offered Daddy and Bryn an umbrella each and they declined.  But when they got there he took three umbrellas out of the boot and tried to get them to take one each.

Katie texted Tom and Mummy the same text.  Even though she knew they were together.  She does things like that.  The text said, "What do I order from McDonalds?"
Mummy replied with, "How should I know?   A quarter pounder?"
Tom replied with, "A MacMeat burger."
Mummy told Tom he had to phone her straight away and tell her not to order a MacMeat burger.   Tom said, and he was right it turned out, that Katie would never order a MacMeat burger anyway.  She would think it sounded disgusting.  He was right, she did think it sounded disgusting.

Daddy, Katie and Bryn were gone from Friday lunchtime to Monday evening.   This is what us houndies, Tom and Mummy did in three and a half days:

Nothing.  haha.

Well almost.  Friday we went for a walk.   Then we had tea.  Mummy and Tom had half a bag of chikkin nuggets each.  Then we watched Masterchef.  Then we went to bed early cos Mummy had a migraine.

Saturday Mummy and Tom went to Tesco and bought a bag of linguine.   Then we went for a walk.   Then Mummy did some cleaning before tea.   Then we watched a film called Bridesmaids that was really funny and now Mummy has a big crush on Roy out of the IT crowd.

Sunday we went for a walk.  Lotty rolled in fox poo.   Lotty had a bath.  We played in the garden.    Tom had a bagel for his tea.  Mummy had a baked potato.    Then we watched a film called Love and other drugs.  We didn't like it much.  

Monday Mummy and Tom went into town.  Tom went to the job centre then went to buy shoes with his friend Emily while Mummy went to buy some chinese herbs off a funny lady.   Then we went for a walk.    Then we all fell asleep on the settee and was woken up by Daddy, Katie and Bryn coming home.   They had Nelson with them.   This is the exciting bit.   Daddy met Susan's dad in Blackburn in the morning and brought Nelson the foster dog home with him.     We all had a good run round the garden and had some tea and the humans had chikkin casserole out of the slow cooker.   Then Mummy and Daddy went to a committee meeting for at the hall next door and Tom looked after us.  

Today Mummy had to go to work so Tom looked after everyone and made sure Carly and Nelson didn't fight.   She was ok, in the end she even let him lay next to her on Tom's bed.  When Mummy got back from work she took Nelson to Aunty Lesley's in Bridgend.   Katie was supposed to go with her but she forgot and went out with her friends instead.  So Mummy went on her own then she stopped at Sainsburys in Bridgend on the way back for petrol and got some snossijs for the humans tea as well.   We miss Nelson, he is cute.

In other news Aunty Mic had a baby girl.   Her name is Louisa Catherine.   We haven't seen her yet.  Mummy and Katie are going this weekend.  They were going to go on Friday but now Mummy has to work instead.  Boo to working.  Yay to overtime pay.

What the future will be like. By Bessie

At dinner last night the humans were discussing what the future of the planet will be like left in the hands of this generation of teenagers.  It started, well actually I can't remember quite how it started.  You know what these things are like, but at some point Mummy said her mother's generation worked so hard for equality and this generation of teenage girls are throwing it all back in their faces.  Which then moved onto a conversation about what the world will be like in the future.  The following predictions may or may not come true:

In the future there will be no police force as everyone will be too scared to be a grass.    Crimewatch and the news will be there just to show us how great criminals are.    For example,  "Aya welcome to the news blud innit.  Some geezer robbed the crown jewels.   Sweeeet."

Everyone will swear during conversation at all times.  Including characters in childrens tv shows.  Like the telly-f-in-tubbies.

There will be no road signs or traffic lights, if you want to go, you go.

The 150 year old Queen will still be going.  It will be acceptable for the royal reporter to refer to her as "banging" or "smoking hot".

School uniform will consist of a crop top and micro shorts.  That's for the boys and girls.

Oh I just remembered how the conversation started.  Katie said that the lower the year group in school the less clothes the girls had worn on the school trip to the theme park.  Her year, year ten, wore shorts with leggings or tights underneath and cardigans.   The year nines wore shorts and t-shirts.   The year eights wore shorts and crop tops and the year sevens came in their bikinis (or something).

Not a born chef. By Sam

I don't know if you've noticed.  But I love food.  I love eating it most but I also love watching cookery programmes.  But not those scare mongery things where they show you how things are made.  I know chicken kiev is made from beaks and bumholes mashed up into a big pink blob.  But I still eat it.

I like the food network with a particular fondness for Guy Fieri cos he's basically a big douche but he's kinda cute and he looks like he really enjoys his nosh.    Oh and Barefoot Contessa but to be fair mainly for the comedy value.   And of course Pioneer Woman, but I wish they would show the dogs a bit more.  I like the dogs.  And I like Masterchef and the Food show.  What's that fella called, the one with the really French name but he doesn't sound French at all?  I'm thinking Jean Michelle Jarre but I know that's not right.  Anyway he's nice.  Maybe he could come and cook my tea...

...Only that's where it all goes wrong.  I would never eat the stuff they cook on these programmes, well except diners, drive thrus and dives and maybe man vs food.    I like real food.  I want someone on Masterchef to dish up a big plate of mashed potatoes with lovely thick chicken gravy.     Quite frankly 6 chips served up like jenga and a piece of salmon that looks like it may have come out of one of them posh sachets for cats, well that's not going to fill anyone up is it?

And you do not turn anything into foam.  Food should not appear in front of you looking like it was coughed up by a cuckoo.

So I watch all these cooking programmes and I have a load of boards on pinterest full of recipes and bookshelves full of recipe books.  But really I just throw the contents of the fridge into the slow cooker every morning and hope something tasty has appeared by dinner time.

In conclusion you probably shouldn't come round for dinner after I've been watching the food network.   Because you're either going to get a four foot high burger or a green bean dipped in salt.  Either way you will go home with stomach ache.

How the only lady in work uses a shared bathroom

When there is only one toilet in work shared by eight men and one woman this is how the one woman goes for a wee:

Do a head count.  Do not approach the bathroom until every member of staff is accounted for.

Knock quietly in case you accidentally counted someone twice or a visitor is using the toilet.

Knock a bit louder in case that person is hard of hearing.

Tentatively try the handle with your cardigan sleeve because you know nobody else washes their hands.

Very slowly open the door with said cardigan sleeve whilst whispering "Hello."

Spray air freshener.

Flush the last person's poo away.

Flush the last person's poo away again as it really doesn't want to go.

Clean toilet with bleach.   

Clean sink with bleach.

Clean floor with bleach.

Put toilet paper on toilet seat just in case you missed a bit.

Decide not to sit on the toilet after all and hover above it.

Shout "Go away" at the person rattling the door handle.

Take toilet roll off the holder and replace it the right way round.

Throw the collection of discarded cardboard tubes in the bin.

Wash hands with soap and water.

Turn off tap, realise the last person who touched it might not have used hot water and soap so clean tap with bleach and wash hands again.

Throw paper towel in bin.  Pick up all the paper towels off the floor and throw them in the bin.

Wash hands again.

Water the plant on the window sill.

Spray air freshener because even though you have never done a poo in work ever, the person before you may have and it may still smell.

Open all doors using cardigan sleeve and exit quietly and swiftly worrying that the bathroom still smells from the person before and someone might think it was you.

Biscuits for guide dogs. By Sam

We have an ongoing dare, Tom and I, to strap a suitcase handle to a harness and wander round the shops pretending Bessie is a guide dog.    Of course we wouldn't really do it...

This morning in Tesco - by the way if you ever want to murder me just hang around Tesco at 8.30 on Thursday morning, I'm always there - I was at the checkout behind a man with a guide dog.  He wasn't a trainee guide dog, he was a fully trained guide dog.   Beautiful long haired German Shepherd.  When the man had paid and tried to move away the dog sat down and refused to move.  The man said he wouldn't move until he had a gravy bone, then he said how his friend has a guide dog too but the two dogs don't like each other, they are going on holiday together soon and it's going to be chaos.   Anyway, the dog got his gravy bone and off they went.   I saw them a few minutes later downstairs.  The man was trying to exit the lift but the dog wouldn't move without his biscuit.

I don't know why but that cheeky guide dog made my day.   Nothing will spoil my mood.  Not even being left to take all the sales calls while my colleague has his hour long morning poo.

I'm not irritable. Bugger off. By Sam

How come every time Katie goes to the toilet she takes the loo roll off the holder and leaves it on top of the cistern?  And after she washes her hands she throws the hand towel on the floor instead of putting it back on the rail?

How come John can't find the bin?  His bedside table looks like the municipal tip and the whole house is littered with old receipts, scraps of paper and bottle tops.   This morning he finished a can of shaving gel and left it on my bedside table.  Presumably cos he couldn't find his own under the mountains of spare change and receipts.

This morning I needed to do a shop.  Not a big shop, I need to defrost the freezer on account of some idiot leaving the door open last Thursday and the entire contents defrosting then refrosting and it's now full of ice.  So we will be eating weird stuff until it runs down.  Like the contents of all the freezer bags and tupperware boxes that I forgot to label.  Is this mashed banana or pizza dough?

Anyway, to the point.  I needed to stock up on packed lunch foods and cleaning products but Tom said I'm not allowed to go to Asda anymore cos every time we go there I have some altercation in the car park and someone becomes my nemesis for the day then we spend our whole time bumping into nemesis down every aisle whereby I have to make a loud sarcastic comment each time.    I don't actually remember saying, "Oh look she's in the bin bag aisle, she must be looking for a new coat."   But apparently that was to the woman in the black plastic mac who jumped in and stole my parking spot.    Sounds legit.    I do remember the incident with the woman who whacked my car door TWICE then shrugged when I screamed at her.  I think pulling Tom out of the way every time we met her in the shop and shouting, "Watch she doesn't ram you with her trolley" is perfectly acceptable under the circumstances.  I like my car.  A lot.

But I took his advice on board and we went to Lidl instead and I am pleased to report there were no altercations.  Far from it, in fact I let an elderly lady go in front of us at the check out as she only had a punnet of strawberries and a loaf of bread and she called me a nice young lady.  

So there you have it.  The moral of the story is there's a much better class of person shopping at Lidl than Asda.

Diets. And why they suck. By Sam

My boss came in to work on Thursday raving about this new diet that he had started.  He called it the 8/2 diet but we worked out he meant the 5/2 diet.   Basically, his version was that you eat whatever the bloody hell you like for five days a week and then are restricted to 500 (for a lady) and 600 (for a man) calories for two days a week, but not consecutive days.  He says his niece is on it and she has lost loads of weight and was pigging out on Chinese takeaways and McDonalds the rest of the time.    So Thursday was his fast day, or his 600 calorie day, depending on whether you think 600 calories is enough to live on.    Well, I hadn't eaten yet, since it was only 8.30 in the morning so I thought, you know what?  I can do this.  I won't think about it, I'll start right now.    I won't fast today cos I'm in work and it might give me a migraine.  I'll do it tomorrow, I've only got to go to the dentist.    So, just to start myself in the right way, I didn't eat much on Thursday.    I had a banana for breakfast, a cup a soup for lunch and a tiny plate of pasta for tea.

Friday morning came and cos I knew this was my fast day all I could think about was food.  Normally I'm not even hungry til about 10.30 but today I woke up 6am starving hungry.    I went downstairs and had a large glass of water.   Then after the kids had gone to school I had three slices of turkey ham at eight calories each.    Then went to the dentist.  Tom came and we took the dogs so we could go for a walk round the castle seeing as they hadn't been back there since we moved house.

Lying in the dentist chair my stomach was rumbling so badly it hurt and I felt sick with hunger.   I came out and the chipshop next door smelt so appetising.   But we got in the car and we drove to the castle.   Luckily there is nowhere selling food nearby, unless you count the town centre which we couldn't get near cos of the massive roadworks in the centre of town that we got stuck in for twenty minutes with Lotty whining in the back.  And anyway we moved away for a reason, I don't want to spend my spare time wandering round the town centre hoping I don't bump into anyone I don't like.

The dogs had a lovely time down the castle and we met our old next door neighbour and her dog, Bertie.  The girls were ever so excited to bump into him and we walked with them for a while.

Then we came home and it was no good.  I took two anadin extra and an imigran and ate half a turkey baguette with cream cheese and Tom and I shared a bag of fruit pastilles.   I felt so ill that evening I didn't have any dinner and went to bed at 9 o'clock.

The moral of the story is fasting is stupid.  Don't do it.  You will die.  If God wants me to be fat then I will be fat.     I told Johnny this and he said that was ridiculous and you can't blame God for all your problems.    I told him he didn't have to take everything I say quite so literally.