I'm not irritable. Bugger off. By Sam

How come every time Katie goes to the toilet she takes the loo roll off the holder and leaves it on top of the cistern?  And after she washes her hands she throws the hand towel on the floor instead of putting it back on the rail?

How come John can't find the bin?  His bedside table looks like the municipal tip and the whole house is littered with old receipts, scraps of paper and bottle tops.   This morning he finished a can of shaving gel and left it on my bedside table.  Presumably cos he couldn't find his own under the mountains of spare change and receipts.

This morning I needed to do a shop.  Not a big shop, I need to defrost the freezer on account of some idiot leaving the door open last Thursday and the entire contents defrosting then refrosting and it's now full of ice.  So we will be eating weird stuff until it runs down.  Like the contents of all the freezer bags and tupperware boxes that I forgot to label.  Is this mashed banana or pizza dough?

Anyway, to the point.  I needed to stock up on packed lunch foods and cleaning products but Tom said I'm not allowed to go to Asda anymore cos every time we go there I have some altercation in the car park and someone becomes my nemesis for the day then we spend our whole time bumping into nemesis down every aisle whereby I have to make a loud sarcastic comment each time.    I don't actually remember saying, "Oh look she's in the bin bag aisle, she must be looking for a new coat."   But apparently that was to the woman in the black plastic mac who jumped in and stole my parking spot.    Sounds legit.    I do remember the incident with the woman who whacked my car door TWICE then shrugged when I screamed at her.  I think pulling Tom out of the way every time we met her in the shop and shouting, "Watch she doesn't ram you with her trolley" is perfectly acceptable under the circumstances.  I like my car.  A lot.

But I took his advice on board and we went to Lidl instead and I am pleased to report there were no altercations.  Far from it, in fact I let an elderly lady go in front of us at the check out as she only had a punnet of strawberries and a loaf of bread and she called me a nice young lady.  

So there you have it.  The moral of the story is there's a much better class of person shopping at Lidl than Asda.