How the only lady in work uses a shared bathroom

When there is only one toilet in work shared by eight men and one woman this is how the one woman goes for a wee:

Do a head count.  Do not approach the bathroom until every member of staff is accounted for.

Knock quietly in case you accidentally counted someone twice or a visitor is using the toilet.

Knock a bit louder in case that person is hard of hearing.

Tentatively try the handle with your cardigan sleeve because you know nobody else washes their hands.

Very slowly open the door with said cardigan sleeve whilst whispering "Hello."

Spray air freshener.

Flush the last person's poo away.

Flush the last person's poo away again as it really doesn't want to go.

Clean toilet with bleach.   

Clean sink with bleach.

Clean floor with bleach.

Put toilet paper on toilet seat just in case you missed a bit.

Decide not to sit on the toilet after all and hover above it.

Shout "Go away" at the person rattling the door handle.

Take toilet roll off the holder and replace it the right way round.

Throw the collection of discarded cardboard tubes in the bin.

Wash hands with soap and water.

Turn off tap, realise the last person who touched it might not have used hot water and soap so clean tap with bleach and wash hands again.

Throw paper towel in bin.  Pick up all the paper towels off the floor and throw them in the bin.

Wash hands again.

Water the plant on the window sill.

Spray air freshener because even though you have never done a poo in work ever, the person before you may have and it may still smell.

Open all doors using cardigan sleeve and exit quietly and swiftly worrying that the bathroom still smells from the person before and someone might think it was you.