Thursday 5th September. Nanny's funeral.

Today was Nanny's funeral.  In the morning Mummy, Daddy and Uncle Simon took their cars to the golf club and Uncle Nick drove everybody back to Grandad's cos they was going to the funeral in the big funeral cars but they needed to get home afterwards.

Then they had showers and everybody dressed in their smart clothes.  Not black though, Nanny loves bright colours and patterns.  Katie wore a blue flowery dress and Mummy wore a black and cream spotty dress.  Daddy wore his wedding suit.  Mummy wished she could still fit in her wedding dress.  The boy minihumans wore smart shirts and ties.  Then Aunty Jackie, Uncle Sid, Georgie and Andrew came and they all went outside to wait for Nanny.

Mummy, Daddy and Grandad were waiting at the end of the drive trying to be brave but when they seen the hearse come round the corner with Nanny in it they all held hands and cried.  Grandad did go in the car behind Nanny with Aunty Jacke, Uncle Sid, Uncle Simon, Georgie and Andrew.  My humans and Aunty Sue come behind and Uncle Nick and his family at the back.

Then they drove to Southport Crematorium.  Them drove very very slowly until there was the biggest traffic jam in the world behind them.  Mummy said when she dies she doesn't want a big religious funeral but she would like a really slow procession to the crematorium cos she wants to be a nuisance right up to the end.  Aunty Sue said in Uganda, where her and Uncle Simon live, when there is a funeral or a wedding they have processions all through the town and trucks and buses and everybody joins in.

When them got to the crematorium there was about a hundred people waiting.  As my humans got out of the car Grandma and Grandad come out of the crowd and everybody hugged and kissed and it was all very sad.

The funeral was very sad too.  Uncle Nick said nice things about Nanny and Aunty Sue and Georgie did bible readings and they all sang a hymm.  Nanny wasn't a very religious lady but the hymm was the one from her and Grandad's wedding so her would have liked that.  Afterwards the curtains didn't close cos Grandad said he didn't want that.  Then they went to the golf club in the funeral cars.  Katie was too upset though and her wanted a cuddle off her Grandma so she went in Grandma and Grandad's car.

While they was in the car the solicitor phoned to ask if we could move on Monday 16th so Mummy checked they could get the day off work and checked the removal people could do it and they could so they booked it for the 16th.

At the golf club there was a hot and cold buffet lunch.  Mummy said I would have liked it cos there was bacon tarts and chikkin.  Then all the family went back to Grandad's house.  Them was sad that Nanny wasn't there cos she loved having all her family around her.  After dinner Grandma and Grandad went home and then Mummy and the minihumans had to drive all the way home too.  Them really didn't want to leave Daddy and Grandad but everybody was off work the next day so she had to be in.  She was very cross about this.

There was lots of traffic on the motorway and when them got to Ross On Wye the road was closed but there was no diversion marked so Mummy had to guess the route home.  You is not going to believe this but they made it home, in the pitch black and half asleep with no satnav or road map in ONE GO.  Honest, they did.  Mummy kept driving what felt South and she made it.   When they got home after midnight they was so tired they dumped all the bags in the hall and fell into bed.

Wednesday 4th September. In which we go to Uncle Jed's hotel.

Katie went back to school yesterday.   Daddy and Tom took us houndies to Uncle Jed's hotel.  Mummy had to stay behind cos she had to go to work and the mini humans had school.  Because there was nobody to look after Bryn yesterday he went to work with Mummy and sat in the upstairs office reading the hunger games.   He looked bored Mummy said but he said he didn't mind, under the circumstances.

On Wednesday Mummy went to work, the minihumans went to school and Daddy and Tom came to get us from Uncle Jed's.  They took us to Grandad's house cos Rosie, Hannah and Uncle Nick wanted to meet us.   They said we were very cute so we let them come for a walk with us.  But then we had to go back to Uncle Jed's and Daddy and Tom went to the chapel of rest to see Nanny.   Tom didn't want to see Nanny cos he wanted to remember her how she was but he went to keep Daddy company.  Daddy said he was glad he'd gone cos now he knew Nanny's soul had left her body and that was comforting.

After Mummy finished work and the minihumans finished school they got in the car and drove the 200 miles to Grandad's house.   They stopped at Knutsford Services on the way so the minihumans could have tea.  Mummy said it was the worst services she ever saw in her whole life and she was surprised the minihumans didn't get tummy ache after eating there.

When they got to Grandad's house the grown up humans had snossijs, beans and baked potatoes for tea what Aunty Sue made.  Then they played scrabble but some people cheated and said all Mummy's words didn't exist.

Saturday 31st August. In which Bessie has her teefies cleaned.

So many things to tell you.  Where do I start?    Firstly me would like to say a big hello to all me new followers.  Couldn't help but notice how many views there have been recently.  Sorry there has been nothing to read for so long (and I fear that some of you will be dissapointed not to see their own names in print.  *waves goodbye*).

On Tuesday I went to the V E T to have my teefies cleaned.   They only had to take one out and I was a good girl and didn't bite anyone.  I did do a poo in the waiting room while Mummy was paying but the receptionist cleaned it up and said that it was OK cos I had been in my crate all day.

Daddy went up Norf to be with Grandad.  Him stayed until Friday.

Nanny part 2. By Bessie

...As I said we is on our way back from Inca and Rufus's house when Daddy's phone rings but he is driving so Mummy answers and it is Grandad.  He won't say what he wants but he says Daddy has to phone him straight back.    So Daddy is looking everywhere for somewhere to stop and typical there is nowhere and it takes ages.  Then Mummy's phone rings and it is Tom saying Grandad said we have to phone him urgently.

So Daddy pulls over and phones Grandad and Grandad says that Nanny is in intensive care and she is very poorly.  So we decides our road trip is over, we needs to get home so Daddy can get ready to go and see Nanny.  So we looks for the motorway and we goes straight home.  Daddy very worried.   Grandad says she got thin skin cos she has to take a lot of cortisone for her rheumatism otherwise she in constant agony and she caught her fingernail on her leg and cut it.  Only a little bit but it didn't heal and she got septicemia.   She been to cousin Georgie's on Friday and had a big lunch and laughing and joking around like always but by Monday she so sick Grandad had to call for an ambulance.

We gets home late and everybody goes to bed early to be ready for the next day.  But then Uncle Nick phones very early and say Nanny has passed away.  We is all devastated.   Daddy gets in his car and goes to be with Grandad.   Mummy and Daddy's boss in on holiday in Canadaland so Mummy has to go in work all week otherwise Matt is all on his own.   The minihumans and us stay home and comfort each other.

Daddy comes home on Thursday.  He is very very sad as you can imagine.    The funeral is next Thursday.   Daddy and Tom are going up on Tuesday and they going to take us houndies to Uncle Jed's hotel for discerning ladies and gentledogs.   Katie is back to school on Tuesday.  Bryn is back to school on Wednesday.  Mummy going to try and get out of work early if she can on Wednesday - it hard cos all the bosses are coming for a meeting with her boss so she has to stay in the office and help Matt but she hope they have left by three so she can go and get the minihumans and then they can go straight to Nanny and Grandads house.   Then she has to come back with the minihumans straight after the wake cos she has to go to work on Friday cos there is only one person in again.   She wishes she worked somewhere with lots of staff sometimes.  It's very awkward to arrange things in an emergency.

In other news the solicitor says we should exchange contracts early next week and we got a letter yesterday asking us to phone her to arrange a completion date.   The humans celebrated this news by dismantling the spare bed.  So don't come and stay with us before we move will you or you'll be sleeping on the floor.

Our weekend at Inca and Rufus's house

Last Saturday we went to stay at Inca's house.    Carly and Lotty stayed home with Tom again cos they are too silly for other peoples houses.  We went to Temple Newsam.  This is a massive park in Leeds.  Aunty Lynda and Aunty Kath came too with Uncle Mick and Uncle Chris and their doggies Saffie, Bracken, Jack and Annie BLUEbell.   I didn't just shout Annie BLUEbell by the way.  She has capital letters in her name in honour of Blue.

We went for a lovely walk round the park and some of us went in the pond.  Or maybe it was a lake, I'm not sure.  Anyway I didn't, I sat on the bank with Saffie and watched the others swimming.  Annie BLUEbell fell in.  I shouldn't laugh but it was funny.  

Then we went and sat outside the big house and had our picnic.   MummyLouise made a nice picnic Mummy says. Us houndies just got a few crisps and some water cos apparently dogs don't eat picnics.

Later we went to the working mans club to watch a band.   Inca and Rufus didn't come but I didn't want to stay home so I went with the humans.   I sat and watched the band, they were quite good.  Not as good as Brynny obviously.  Daddy was happy cos the beer was cheap.  A little girl wanted to play with me but she kept trying to feed me gravel.  I don't eat gravel so her and Katie put the gravel on my back instead.  Mean that is.

Then we come home and had tea and the humans played board games but me and Inca and Rufus didn't cos we are dogs and dogs don't play board games.

On the way home we decided not to just go on the motorway cos that is boring so we went on a road trip.   First we went to Wakefield and Daddy showed us the very first house he ever bought.

Then Daddy looked on a map and said Denby Dale sounded like a nice place for a picnic so we went there but there wasn't anywhere interesting to stop and eat so we carried on for a bit and stopped at some rest stop on the pennine way to eat the packed lunch that MummyLouise had made for us.

Then we got on the road again and Daddy said we was going to drive right past our friends Craig and Wanda's house and should we call in and see them.  Mummy said you can't just turn up but he said it would be OK if we just popped in for a cup of tea and anyway it's 2pm on a bank holiday so they probably be out anyway.

He was right, they were out so we went to Stone instead.  This is the town where Nanny was born.  We went to see the house where she was born and we went to the park and used the facilities (toilets for the humans, bowling green for me haha not really) and then went to the corner shop for a drink.

Then we just got back on the road and we is heading towards Stafford when Daddy's phone rings...

To be continued...

Nanny. By Bessie

I will tell you all about our weekend at Inca's house soon.  But first me tell you the bad news.  Our Nanny died on Tuesday.   She wasn't sick.  She died really suddenly and we is all very shocked and upset.

********************Just because this paragraph isn't here any more doesn't mean what was there wasn't true**************************

Anyway that's all me got to say for now.  Like me say, normal service will be resumed  as soon as possible.

hang on a minute...

NORMAL SERVICE WILL BE 

RESUMED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE

The stork rides a bike. By Bessie

Today Mummy, Katie and me went to the doggy dentist.  On the way we passed a stork carrying a baby in it's mouth riding a bicycle.   When we told Tom later what we saw him didn't believe us.  But we really did.   Mummy kept laughing all day the more she thought about it.  She say why did the stork be riding the bike in full fancy dress costume?

Anyway then we go to the doggy dentist (aka the V E T).  This is what me can report from the V E T:

1. I am 6. Not eleventyseven like Mummy tells everyone.2. I does not have an ear infection. Just dirty ears.3. I is 24.5kg precisely.4. I is fat. Parrently. Now I is on a diet.5. I is having a Hannahs-pathetic on Tuesday so them can clean my teefies.6. I does not need any teefies pulling out cos they is all nice teefies.7. I has a heart murmour.

Then we went to Pets at Home and I wanted to do a wee under the tree like I always do but all the grass has died so me just did my wee on the pavement.  Then we picked some nice food what taste good but not make me fat.  We got some soft food too in case my mouth is sore on Tuesday.Then we come home and Mummy made two chikin casseroles.  She made one with veggies in for the humans and one what was just chikin for us houndies.

Tomorrow we is going to Inca and Rufus's house.  Me will tell you all about it when me gets back.

Part 2 of why I'm glad I don't have to go to work. By Bessie

Conversation in Mummy's work today:

Matt:        "Why are brake, like brakes on a car, and break, like tea break, spelt differently when they mean the same thing?
Daddy:     "Because they don't mean the same thing."
Matt:        "Yes they do, they both mean stop."
Daddy:     "It's all part of the rich tapestry of the English Language."
Mummy:   "Ah yes I forgot you were such an expert wordsmith."
Daddy:     "I am.  I know the difference between there, their and they're.  And I'm good at spelling."
Mummy:  "Spell AMEND."
Daddy:    "A Double M..."
Matt:       "No, it's E Double M..."
Mummy:  "No you're both wrong."
Daddy:    "Who say's you're right?   You might be wrong."
Mummy:  "Mr Collins, Mr Oxford and Rogiet.   That's who."
Daddy:    "They don't know everything.  Rogiet's not even English.  And Mr Collins sounds Scottish."
Mummy:  "Kill me now."

Why I am glad I don't have to go to work. By Bessie

The car radio is playing Kings of Leon:
Mummy:     "Can we stop at a chemist on the way back from work please?"
Daddy:       "If you like.  Why?"
Mummy:     "Wait for it...wait for it...AAAHHHHHHH MY SEX IS ON FIRE."
Daddy:       "Oh."
Mummy:     "Thanks for setting my joke up for me."
Daddy:       "So do you need to go to the chemist or not?"


Mummy opens the microwave to put her lunch in and there are three boxes of cereal in there.   "Oh yes," says Daddy, "The mice can't open the microwave door."
What a classy place they work in.

Mummy goes into the warehouse to talk to the sawyer but him and the warehouse man have swapped jobs for the day.  When she asks why she is told the sawyer is being punished for having a day off sick yesterday.

Mummy:     "I need the toilet."
Daddy:       "Go then."
Mummy:    "I can't.  I don't just need a wee."
Daddy:      "So you're going to hold it in all day?"
Mummy:   "If I have to."

In which we become packet hounds, Katie becomes a store detective and Mummy becomes a lesbian. By Bessie

When we was on our walk this woman come up and asked, "Are they breeders?  My son wants one."  Tom tells her we certainly is not breeders.  Then another woman comes up and asks what we is.  The first woman tells her we is basset hounds.  "Packet hounds?" Says lady number two, "I love packet hounds."

Mummy and Katie went to the Range.   This is a shop what sells stuff for the house, not like the wild west type of range.   While they is there they has baked potatoes in the cafe.   But when the potatoes arrive them has no butter on so Mummy goes to the counter to ask for butter.  "Do you want butter or flora?" Asks the boy.   Katie says him was a man and his eyebrows was a bit too big, Mummy says him was a boy and if her was much younger and single and it was a long time ago before her had even met Daddy her would flirt with him, but her is none of them things so her didn't.  Katie says that's a lot of what ifs.  Anyway, back to the story.   So her says flora even though she really wanted butter.  When her comes back and tells Katie this Mummy say the man only ask her cos she is so fat.   Katie says, "You're not even that fat."   "Thanks for the compliment," Mummy says.   "No, I didn't mean that.  I meant you're not that fat."  Says Katie, then as Mummy gets her special notepad out that her makes blog notes in Katie says, "Don't write that down, it will make me look really bad."   So if she asks, we didn't write that down.

There was a family at the next table, Mummy, Daddy and a grown up son.   Mummy and Daddy both go to the toilet leaving grown up son at the table looking after the hot choklits.   My Mummy is sat with her back to him, Katie facing him.  Mummy gets a text and her says, "Ooh who texting me?"  Katie whispers, "It's me."  Her texts Mummy to tell her the man at the next table drank his hot choklit then swapped it with his dads cup what was nearly full.  Then drank that one too.   The funny bit is though that he was being really sneaky about it and trying to nudge the cup over without anyone seeing, like him thought someone might tell his Mummy and Daddy on him.   Mummy did BOL very loud at this.   Then when Mummy and Katie's food arrived the man shouts at the serving people because his food not arrived yet.   "You haven't ordered any food," shouts serving man.   "Yes I have," he says.   "No, there are no food orders waiting," says serving man.  "Wait til my mum gets back." Says man at table.  Serving man ignores him.  Everyone else ignores him too.   So he gets up and goes to look for his Mum and Dad.   In the meantime someone clears their table and throws away his Mum's hot choklit what he had probably been planning to drink too.   So when the whole family comes back they is very cross and they all go to the till to complain.  Well, we didn't hear what was said but them walked off without any food or hot choklits.  Katie said she saw them later looking guilty, them was probably shoplifting.  Mummy say this was a man who made drinking someone's hot choklit look as guilty as if he was stealing the crown jewels, so him had probably taken a paint sample strip and a leaflet for JML crappy products and was looking guilty about it.

After lunch Mummy and Katie went to look at the kitchen gadgets in Asda.  Mummy put two silicone egg poachers on her boobs and said it was a cupless bra.  Katie ask do she not mean a strapless bra?  A cupless bra would be pretty useless.   Mummy do laugh so hard at this her nearly weed herself in the middle of Asda.   Her is so adolescent.  Then she tried on lipsticks, Katie say this makes her a lesbian now cos she is as good as kissing all the other women who tried on the lipstick before.

13 doggies go mad in Penarth. By Bessie

Today us 3 houndies did go for a walk round Cosmeston Lakes in Penarth with Mummy, Daddy, Tom, Bryn and our friends.   Katie was sposed to be coming too but then when it came to getting out of bed she couldn't be bothered so she stayed at home.

We was driving into the car park when we seen some people standing next to their car with a basset.  We has never seen these people before but Mummy think maybe them is someone who is coming on our walk but they never rsvped.   So she parks next to them and asks "Are you with us?"   The lady goes, "Er no" and Mummy say, "Oh sorry it's just you have a basset and the basset club of Wales is meeting today."  So the people come over to talk and their basset is only a 11 month old baby and him very cute and we get out the car and do meet and greet and them Mummy says they is welcome to join us for a walk but we isn't leaving for another hour.  Then the people say "Ok Bye."  And off they go.

So we have our breakfast and then Mummy says to Daddy there is better parking spots up by where we is sposed to be meeting everybody so can he move the car over there.  So he does and then all the humans and minihumans and houndies does arrive.   There is 13 doggies and lots and lots of minihumans, me has never seen so many minihumans on a walk.  Katie did miss out on this walk me do think.   While we is waiting the people with the basset come back and Mummy says "See I told you there were going to be more".  And their little basset has a great time meeting all the bigger bassets, but then they say goodbye and walk away and everybody say doesn't they want to walk with us but they say they have finished their walk and is going home now.

When we is all arrived Daddy takes a group photo and then we goes off on our walk.  First we all has to stop for a poo.  This is the first rule of going for a walk.  It doesn't matter how long you is waiting in the car park, you has to wait until you is away from the bins and on your walk before you does your poos.

We has a great time on our walk.  We does poos and we all runs and chases and Mr Wayne offers Daddy a snossij and Daddy eats it and then Mr Wayne tells Daddy it was a doggy tripe snossij.  Oh we was so embarrassed, Daddy really will eat anything if it is free.

Then we meets that basset and bloodhound we saw when we were here the other week but him didn't want to stop and talk to us.  Him didn't last time either.    Then we went down by the lake and had our picnic.  We had loads of different kinds of snossijs and tripe sticks and the humans had sandwiches and fruit and stuff.   Some of us paddled and Louie and Rollo and some of the braver bassets even swimmed.  Shirley and Lotty win the prize for swimming furthest out.

After lunch we met another baby basset, his name was Alfie and he was only 7 months old.  Everybody wanted to love him cos him was so sweet.  Him and his humans walked with us for a little bit.  

And then we got back to the car park and Mr John and Miss Julie and Miss Louise and Mr Dave had to go but the rest of us sat next to the cars and shared Mr Wayne's picnic.  We all agreed that him had the best picnic we had ever seen.  Him had more food in his cool box than we has in our entire house (that isn't even an exaggeration).

we likes....By Bessie.

 we likes pretty collars

Mummy likes candles

Recipe for salted caramel cheesecake

Ingredients:
150g ginger nut biscuits
150g hobnobs or oaty type biscuits
100g butter
1tbsp golden syrup
500g cream cheese.   We used 2 tubs of quark cos it's virtually fat free so you don't feel quite so bad about eating it.
100g caster sugar
120g double cream.  I know you is supposed to measure cream in liquid measures but it easier to weigh it if you asks me.
1tbsp lemon juice
2tsp vanilla essence
1 jar of Tesco finest salted caramel dessert sauce.    I knows this is a very specific ingredient and if you wants to use some other kind of dessert sauce or whatever then you can but trust me when I tell you that this partikliar one is the bestest in the world.

How to make the cheesecake:

Preheat oven to 180c.Grease 8" loose bottomed cake tin.   Put the biscuits in a bag what seals and crush with a rolling pin or in the blender.  It's much quicker in the blender but we haven't got one anymore cos last time we was making cheesecake the little boy next door knocked on the front door to ask for his ball back and Mummy jumped and the top of the blender fell off the base and the cog thingy blew up and there was smoke everywhere.  So it's in the bin now.  We don't have a blender anymore.
Melt butter and syrup in a bowl in the microwave (or over a pan of hot water if you is old fashioned).
Mix with the crushed biscuits, then pack firmly into the bottom of the cake tin.
Bake for 10 minutes.
Cool for 20 minutes..
.In the meantime...
Beat the cream cheese, sugar, lemon juice and vanilla essence.
In a separate bowl whip the cream til its dead firm.
Fold the whipped cream into the cheese mixture.
Open the jar of salted caramel dessert sauce.   Lick all the sauce off the lid.   This is a very important step.Spread most of the sauce over the cooled biscuit base, remembering to save a little bit so you can eat it with your fingers or paws.
Spoon the creamy cheese topping on top of the sauce.
Put it in the fridge overnight or at least for a few hours.
EAT IT UP.   Like this OMNOMNOMNOM

*P.S.   We have made variations of this cake.   They include using raspberry or strawberry dessert sauce instead of salted caramel and one that went down partikly well with the minihumans was using 2 tubs of choklit philadelphia cheese instead of ordinary cream cheese to make a choklit cheesecake.  You can also add a layer of belgian choklit sauce but you don't need it, the creamy cheese bit is choklity enough on it's own.

Recipe for Banana and Nutella Muffins

Ingredients:

250g self raising flour
100g caster sugar
125g butter
2 eggs
100ml milk
2 large or 3 small ripe bananas, mashed
150g nutella

How to:

Preheat oven to 180c.
In large bowl mix egg, sugar and butter.
Mix in banana and nutella.
Add milk.
Add flour.
Put mixture into muffin cases in muffin tins.
Bake for 20-25 mins until skewer comes out dry.
Decorate with melted chocolate and sprinkles if you like.

Makes 12-15

Recipe for Blackberry Crumb Bars

We adapted this recipe from one we found on pinterest so we could do something with all the blackberries in the garden:

Ingredients:

1 cup caster sugar (we don't know what 1 cup is but we figured so long as we use the same ratio of flour, butter and sugar it doesn't matter so we used a teacup as a measuring cup)

3 cups self raising flour

1 cup butter

1 egg

pinch of salt

splash of lemon juice

3 cups fresh blackberries (we had frozen them and just run the under the hot tap and chopped them up)

How to:

Preheat oven to 180c.

Grease medium sized deep baking tray.

In a large bowl stir together sugar and flour.

Add salt and lemon juice.   

Add butter and egg and mix to a crumbly dough.

Pat about two thirds of the dough firmly into the baking tray to make a thick layer that covers the entire base.

Spread chopped blackberries all over the top of the crumble base.

Sprinkle the rest of the crumble over the top.

Bake for about 20-25 minutes until slightly browned.

Cool before cutting into squares.

I will never eat tangy toms again. By Bessie.

Yesterday I went down the village with Katie and Alex.  We was sat outside One Stop, minding our own business and eating chips, when this woman goes past and gives Katie a dirty look.   Katie said it was because Katie was blowing on chips for me.   Daddy said afterwards maybe it was because she was feeding chips to a fat dog.   Well, I was very cross.  I'm not fat.  I'm big boned.  It's a medical fact.  Katie said no it couldn't possibly be that, anyway I only had 10 chips.

Then another lady comes up and says "Hello Bessie."  Katie not know how this lady knows my name.  She gives the lady a puzzled look and the lady says she seen me down here the other day.  Me is very impressed cos this the first time me been out on my own without Carly and Lotty for ages so for her to recognise one of us on our own is very good.  I likes this lady.  She can be in my gang if she likes.

The night before last Mummy tried to clip our toenails.  She got 2 of Carly's before she run off, one of mine before she got bit and Lotty bit her before she even tried.  So she put the clippers away.   Then last night she gets them out again.  She gets one of Carly's and one of mine and then Lotty bit her, just in case.  So this morning she phoned Miss Judith and made an appointment.  So this afternoon we gets in the car with Mummy and Katie.  We thinks we is going somewhere exciting but all we did was drive to the car park in town and then walk to Miss Judith's house.  Katie say why do we not just park outside Miss Judith's house but Mummy said it was good exercise to walk but it was a bit too far to walk from home.  When we gets to Miss Judith's all her dogs is in the garden so we take it in turns to sit outside with Katie and play with the dogs while the others gets their nails done.  Miss Judith is better at nails than Mummy so her doesn't get bitted and we can't run off cos her has chained us to a table.  Anyway me do admit our nails does look and feel nicer.  Mummy says to Miss Judith her will see her again very soon cos her not going to try and do it herself next time.  Me doesn't like to remind Mummy that we is moving house in a few weeks and her has vowed not to step foot in this town again.   Me also does not like to remind Mummy that her dentist is here too.  Me do think we will still have to come back for human teefies and houndy feeties.

Then we walks back to the car park.   I stops to do a poo on the pavement.  Then Mummy realises she was in such a rush to leave the house that she forgot to put any poo bags in her pocket.  Katie hasn't got any either and it's a really big and really smelly poo right in the middle of a busy street.  So Mummy look round and see a crisp packet on the floor.  So her picks it up but because the poo is so big her can't pick it up by putting her hand round it and turning the bag inside out like you do with a poo bag so her has to open the crisp packet up into a big sheet and pick the poo up that way.  Then her had to carry it until we found a bin.  Luckily there was one about a hundred yards away.   Mummy says it's a good job she never liked Tangy Tom crisps.   Katie sad because she did, but she never eating them again after today.

As we walks past the village Katie ask if we can go and buy lunch but Mummy say we got food at home and anyway she is on a diet.  Katie say her doesn't need to diet, the Queen Latifa look is very now.   We think this might be an insult but we not sure.  Either way she didn't get a bag of chips bought for her.   We went home and Mummy cooked pizza for everyone.

I had a sleep cos I was soooooo tired after my being forced to go for a walk and having all my nails stolen and watching Mummy pick up my poo with a crisp packet.

What does happen if it gets stuck up your bum? By Bessie

Before me start 2 things what amused me.  Firstly, Mummy overheard an old woman say to an old man in Tesco, "But what happens if it gets stuck up your bum?"

Secondly, Mummy said she'd like to try and make a savoury cheesecake.   But she said you'd have to use cream crackers instead of sweet biscuits and you could have veggies or bacon in it.   Tom said, "So you just invented quiche?"   Her laughs and says, "Oh yeah, it's quiche."    This would have been acceptable had her not had the exact same conversation about a month later.   Tom says, "Quiche.  Remember."  And her looked at him with a vacant expression and then goes "Oh yeah haha, you already told me that."

Anyway, and please excuse me if most of this does not make sense but I is still tired from a six mile walk yesterday and my typist was up til 4.30am writing her book so she's a bit half asleep.

Yesterday we went on a walk with our friends.  The weather forecast said it would be light showers where we is going.   But as we set off to drive there it starts to rain.   It gets heavier and heavier and heavier until by the time we arrives it is raining so hard we doesn't even get out the car, we is thinking we might just wait for Mr Dave and Miss Tara and then say sorry but we is going home.   So we waits, and Mr Dave and Miss Tara comes and Miss Tara gives Mummy a bootiful blankie and cushion what she loves and some beans from the garden what her had for tea.  Mr Dave says it will blow over soon.   Then Mr Guy gets out of his car and says, "Are we walking?"  And Mummy says, "Mr Dave said it will blow over."   Mr Guy says, "What?  The weather or you?"   Her say she will probably.  Then we hounds all get out the cars and do meets and greets and a few more people arrive until there is 14 houndies and 10 humans and off we goes.    Miss Tara had to go home for a emergency, we was sad that our friends did have to leave early.   We stopped at the pub for lunch, Mr Dave went inside for a pint but most of us felt guilty going into a busy pub with so many big wet dogs so we had our picnic on the benches outside.  We shared our snossijs with our new friend Louis, who Lotty did like lots and lots and flirted with him all day.  After lunch it stopped raining and we had a nice walk for the last bit.  

Watch the video here

I don't care if I looks mad so long as I is comfy. By Bessie

Yesterday was the first day of the minihumans summer holidays and the day after Katie's birthday so Mummy said she could choose what they do.  So she said she wanted to go into Cardiff to spend her birthday money.  Mummy say first she has to go down the village to put the cheque Katie got off Aunty Jackie and Uncle Sid in the bank.   Me did try and tell Mummy there is no need for her to do that cos she can go to the bank in town but as usual she don't take no notice off me.   Anyway Mummy says her has a few jobs to do round the house first, then she take us for a walk down the village and then they can go into town.

First she wants to strip Moss's tank down and move him in with his cousins Jedediah, Rod and Freddy.   Moss is Tom's pleccypotomus, him has outgrown his tank and cos him too big for it the filter can't keep up with the amount of poops he does.  The tank stinks bad all the time.  So Mummy say even though in theory you shouldn't really keep 2 plecs in the same tank she think it be alright cos they is both about the same size, they is different types of plec and if she puts enough wood in there then they can make themselves a bedroom each.  So she puts Moss in with Jed and then she puts Moss's tank in the garden to sort out later (well it the next day now and she still not got round to doing it).    Even though Moss brought all his own bits of wood he still wants to sit on Jed's.  Jed looks cross but him not say nothing, he just goes and sits on Moss's wood.

Then Mummy put some washing in the machine and do some hoovering and then we all puts our collars and leads on and we is just on our way out the door when there is a huge clap of thunder and the sky goes black.  Mummy says we wait a minute to see if it rains.  Well, within 10 minutes it raining so hard it looks like there is a river running down our street.  So we say we will go for a walk later and we tells the humans to go and do their shopping.

When they gets to Cardiff it has stopped raining and it is sunny so them goes on the park and ride into town and poor Tom and Bryn ends up sat behind this woman who has decided to tell the elderly couple on the other side of the aisle her complete life story.  Including some far fetched story involving her pet dash-hound.  Quite frankly I do not believe that anybody would have a dog that they didn't even know the correct name of.  I think her just made that bit up.

Mummy spent the whole journey texting Tom telling him how she was lonely and she wanted to tell a stranger all her secret thoughts but Tom was ignoring her.   He say afterwards his battery was dead but we know he was ignoring her because him not want the lady to know they was talking about her.

When them gets to town Mummy finally remembers that she can go to the bank here so she does but it one of them stoopid banks with no staff, just thousands of machines.  So Mummy finds the machine for paying in cheques and then she fights with the machine for a bit.  And then after the machine spits the cheque out for the third time (First time she put it in upside down, second time she put the paying in slip upside down, third time she didn't put her card in fast enough) then she screams at the top of her voice (which is a very loud place) "ALL I WANT IS A HUMAN TO SIT BEHIND A DESK AND DO THEIR JOB.  IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"   At which point Tom puts the cheque in the machine for her and gently steeres her out of the robot bank.

Katie wanted to buy these partiklar shoes but only Treds stock them and they didn't have the size or colour she wanted (that's cos Treds is rubbish and them never have nothing you want).  Then Mummy looked on Mr Google for stockists of these shoes in Cardiff and it gave the name and address of this shop down by the stadium, so they walks all the way down there to number 8 like it said.   Number 7 is a comic shop, number 9 is a camping shop.  Number 8 is boarded up.   Katie say never mind them probably wouldn't have had what she wanted anyway, she say she will get them off the internet instead.  So they have some lunch in Burger King and then they looks in some other shops and then Katie buys some socks and they all gets a drink and some sweeties from Poundland and then they come home.

This time last year I went to Jefferson's house for tea.   Me just remembered that.   That was a good day, I wasn't supposed to be going cos Mummy was delivering Missy and Bertie to Mr John but then right at the last minute she said I could go so I surprised Jefferson with my lovely self.

Mummy says she wants to get me a buggy cos me struggles walking sometimes and she say it be a nuisance for the others cos they wants to go on a nice walk and I is doing flat basset.  Miss Deborah showed Mummy a nice buggy and Mummy found one just like it on Amazon.  But then Tom (and I thought him loved me lots) he said no way was Mummy getting one and he would be too ashamed to push it and Mummy would look crazy.  Mummy ask Tom if he knows her at all.  She ask him since when did she care what people think?   She go out of her way to look like a crazy and she will get me this buggy whether he likes it or not.   Anyway while we was out on our walk this afternoon I does my flat basset thing at the edge of the castle and Tom say this is the point when Bessie has had enough.   Mummy say that why she getting a buggy and Tom sighs and says no again.  Mummy ask him maybe if she waits til we move house and him say that's even worse cos he hardly cares what people round here thinks but he don't want the new neighbours to think we is mad.  Mummy say it alright, people will just think she has a very big hairy baby.   Tom not think that much better than a dog in a pram.

Macrame? Really? By Bessie

Today it is Katie's birthday.  She is 14.   The other humans all got up nice and early cos they thought they could go out for the day.   But Katie stayed in bed.  Mummy had to force her to get up at 11am and open her presents.   She gotted a new mobile phone off us (her family I mean, not just us houndies, we doesn't even have jobs) and she gotted a hamper of stuff - she did ask if she could have this last week so Mummy went to Mr Tesco and picked some nice things for her.  She got her a nice basket what she can put on her shelf to keep things in and some trainer socks, mascara, loads of hair and face creams and lotions and stuff and some sweeties and a can of non alcoholic strawberry daquiri so she can have a growed up drink without being irresponsible.  And hmmm what else?   Me can't remember...anyway she liked her hamper and her phone.   She got a lovely bag off Grandma and Grandad what she loved and money off everybody else so she can buy lots of nice things.

So they went to the mall, they was going to go into town but it was raining.  We said we would stay home and guard the house.   Them had lunch at Soho coffee instead of the pasty shop cos them was feeling posh.   Then them went in John Lewis and pretended to sleep in all the beds and see if they could fit an entire human in the freezers (only one was big enough for Daddy's body so Mummy say that's the one they'll have to get). Then they had to leave cos Mummy accidentally shouted how much cheaper you could buy everything in Ikea and one of the shop ladies give her a hard stare.

Then them went in HMV and Daddy tried a One Direction t-shirt on but it was too tight (on account of it being a little girls size) and Mummy was cross cos she wanted to buy Maximo Parks latest album but they didn't have any of their albums.   This, apparently, is the reason why they is doing so badly.

Then they went in Marks and Spencer and Katie rolled about on one of the settees hugging a cat cushion until the others had to drag her out.  So they went in Next and Mummy bought a big picture of a basset for over the fire in the new house.  

Katie didn't find any clothes she wanted to buy so she was sad.   Now they have come home but they say they is going to Pizza Hut for tea in a bit.

Oh and Mummy wanted to buy a macrame hanging basket to put her fly eating plant in but we think she might be 30 years too late.

How we did with the flies. By Bessie

So we have been literally infested with flies this summer, mainly house flies but also blue bottles, mosquitos and moths.   We've never had it so bad, typical as this is the one time the house needed to look really good.  So we asked for advice and we looked on the internet.  We have tried a couple of things so we thought you might like to know how we got on with them:

1.     Swatter.   The minihuman boys are a better aim than Mummy that's for sure, she even hits flies like a girl.   The manage to get about 5 in a swatting sitting, Mummy gets one if she's lucky.

2.     Candles.   We thought maybe the flies wouldn't like the heat or the smell.  But I think that probably only applies to lavender or citronella cos when we lit every single candle in the house (that's at least 14 candles on the go at once) they were still flying round everywhere.  And then a gust of wind caught the candles in the dining room and all four of them just blew down to half their height instantly and there was wax EVERYWHERE.  It was all down the candelabra, all over the tablecloth and the chairs.  What a mess.
So we went down the garden centre today to get lavender or citronella but all the citronella said they were for outdoor use only and they didn't have any lavender.   There was a lemon lavender but it smelt more lemony than lavendery.   On the subject of lavender maybe we will cut some sprigs off the bush in the garden and tie them to the light fittings to see if that works.  Although I'm sure Aunty Sally tried that a few years ago with little success.

3.     Washing up liquid.   Apparently if you put an inch of washing up liquid and an inch of water in a jar it will attract the flies.  It has to be the fruity smelling stuff though, they don't like the floral.  So we left apple scented in a jar overnight and it didn't attract a single fly.

4.     Vinegar.   We were told cider vinegar is best but we haven't got any so we put a mixture of balsamic vinegar and malt vinegar in a jar and left it overnight.  When we came downstairs the flies were dipping their ciabatta in the balsamic and discussing their last holiday in Provence.  Needless to say none of them were dead.

5.     Fly paper.  We bought a pack of 4 from the garden centre for £1.79.  It's probably cheaper in the supermarket or at the pound shop but we were in the garden centre at the time.   We hung one up from the light fitting in the dining room and within an hour there was one dead housefly attached to it.   No more so far but it's a start.

6.     Carnivorous plant.   We bought a pitcher plant.  It's a Nepenthes Ventrata.   We hung it up in the doorway of the dining room, for no reason other than because we couldn't think of anywhere else indoors to support a hanging basket so it's on the curtain rail.  Anyway I don't know if it's working or if just having something in the doorway is distracting them or if they are scared looking at the dead fly on the fly paper but there's not a single (live) fly in the house right now.   It's just started raining for the first time in three weeks so you'd think they would all have come in.

In conclusion the fly paper works, the pitcher plant seems to be working but we don't know if they'll all come in a different way if we open a window in another room.   I'll let you know....

In other news the humans went to the garden centre, like I said.  Apparently dogs aren't allowed in but the minihumans told me they say two westies in there.   Mummy says yes but two little westies is not the same as three big noisy bassets.  They looked round and chose some plants for the new house.  Unfortunately everything was on sale today but when we move it won't be.  In fact you probably won't be able to find half the plants they want like blackberry bush and rhubarb.  As well as these they chose a jasmine for the front porch and some miniature roses and hostas for the bed by the gate.   Then they went round to the pet shop and Daddy changed his mind...again...about the chickens.  I think (today) the agreement is that we can have them so long as Mummy buys them, buys their house and run and all their foodies forever and agrees to clean them out every week.  She says OK she will do that.   Tom picked a chicken with fluffy feet.  Mummy said she wanted to call it Funny Feet but Tom said that was a silly name so she said "OK Julie" and for some strange reason he said, "OK Julie the chicken it is."   Mummy picked a spotty chicken, she said she will call her chicken Spot.  Daddy was making rude comments to the chickens about fattening them up for Christmas so the others had to pull him away cos the chickens were getting offended.

Then they went in the shop and on the way they passed some red slider turtles swimming about in the outside pond.  Mummy looked at Daddy and opened her mouth and Daddy just said "Absolutely not" and walked into the shop.   They want to buy a new filter for the pond cos they are leaving the one we have here, well it has been there six years.  And they want to make the pond at the new house much bigger so they decided they need a massive filter.  Mummy stupidly suggested that you could make one yourself for much less than they are to buy, with a big plastic box and lots of filter media in compartments.  "There's a project for you," said Daddy.  Mummy said she would try but she bit worried she might not be able to do such a complicated job.

A sorry would have been nice Madam. By Bessie

Yesterday Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to a car boot sale to sell some old tat.   Them sold lots of it and what was left them took to the tip on the way home.   Then Katie finally got round to tidying that massive pile of old paper and exercise books out of her bedroom.

Two peoples was sposed to be coming to quote us for removal lorries today.   The first one was due between ten and eleven.  At 11.30 Mummy phoned to see where he was.  It went straight to answer phone.  At 12 she rang again and it went straight to answer phone.  At 12.30 she phoned their Cardiff office and said "Your rep was supposed to come between 10 and 11 and he never turned up and when I phoned twice there was nobody there."
The lady immediately went on the defensive and got all snotty, "All calls are diverted here.  If I'm too busy to answer then it goes to answer machine.  So there was somebody here.  Me."
"Oh right, " says Mummy, "So anyway, your rep never turned up."
"He got stuck in a traffic jam," she says, " He did phone all his appointments."
"No he never," replies Mummy.
"He did," the lady insists.
"Well, no he never.  Anyway it's too late to come now, I've got someone else due any time and I need to go out after."
"I'll make another appointment shall I?" says the lady sulkily.
"No don't worry about it," Mummy says, "We've got enough things to things about on the day we move without worrying whether the removal van will turn up."

So then the lady gets really snotty and gives Mummy a lecture about how it's not the reps fault if he gets stuck in traffic and that of course the removal van will turn up cos it only has one job to do that day.  But she has annoyed Mummy with her attitude, all she wanted was a simple explanation and apology and she would have let them make another appointment.  So she tells the lady she'd rather not bother and the lady puts the phone down.  Of course afterwards Daddy said Mummy should have made another appointment until her pointed out that if this was their attitude to customers she'd rather not have them in charge of all her worldly goods.

So then the next person turns up a bit early but Mummy says it's OK cos the previous appointment didn't turn up at all.  He goes round a writes a big long list of furniture and he looks in the attic and the shed and even the under stairs cupboard.   He didn't like us dogs though, we were in the garden and when he wanted to go out there Mummy tried to get us away but Lotty escaped and jumped up, getting white hair on his nice grey trousers.  He didn't look impressed.

Anyway, then he said he would email his quote tomorrow and Mummy and Katie went to the hairdressers and Tom and Bryn stayed home to look after us and Mummy finally got her hair done.   Katie said she would do the weekly shop while Mummy had her hair done.  When her come back she showed Mummy what she picked and Mummy said everything was good except she bought expensive spaghetti instead of Tesco value so Katie swapped the spaghetti and then they paid for the shopping and come home to cuddle us.

I don't think we was supposed to wee on the jigsaw puzzles. By Bessie

This morning my humans went to visit the house we are buying.    Tom hadn't seen it yet and there was things they wanted to check out so they phoned the estate agent to see if they could go and the peoples said they wanted to show my humans some stuff anyway.  

So they went to the house and stayed three hours.   The peoples was probly desparate to get rid of them in the end.  I know I would have been.  Anyway so them found out there isn't a path to work other than the one they already knew about.  There is no ghost (allegedly).   The peoples is leaving loads of stuff, curtains and blinds, 2 beds, 2 settees and loads of cupboards and wardrobes.  And some fishies and tools and of course the hot tub.   The hot tub was bubbling away and the humans wish them had brought their swimsuits cos it looked very nice in there.   Them had a cup of tea and a lovely chat and them played with next doors cat and Katie and Bryn went upstairs and jumped around in Katie's bedroom.   We can't wait to move now, we is very excited.

When them got home there was a letter on the mat from the solicitor with the draft contract to check over.  It look like things are moving along nicely now.

Tomorrow there is a car boot sale at Parkend so Mummy said she was going and her was very surprised when Daddy offered to help.   Him probly only wants to make sure she doesn't sell any of his stuff.   So them got all the stuff out they wanted to sell and laid it on the decking.   Then Lotty did  a wee on some of it.    So Mummy shouted a bit and then washed the weed on things.   Then me and Lotty took all the teddies out of the bag and played with them.  When them was nice and slobbered on we gived them back to Mummy to sell.  

Then we had a sleep before tea.

I'm a nosy neighbour. By Bessie

You know how people say you can find anything on Mr Google?   It's not true.   For instance Mr Google could not answer the following questions:

Why is there a police riot van outside my neighbours house?
Is my new house haunted?
Is there a path from my new house to Mummy's work that doesn't pass the gypsies?

So there you have it.   Mr Google isn't the font of all knowledge after all.

Don't forget to push your trolley into the wall. By Bessie

Yesterday  Mummy decides she's going to have her hair done so she takes the mini humans to school and then her and Tom go to the hairdressers in Tesco where you don't need to make an appointment.  She doesn't like making appointments.   Mummy is a fly by the seat of her pants kind of person.  But the hairdressers doesn't open until ten so they go back down to the car park and get a trolley to do some food shopping.  

There is a massive sign at the top of the escalator that says "Push your trolley when you reach the end of the travellator."   So they read it out to each other in case either of them forgets that it's not a remote control trolley.   Bearing in mind they didn't really need anything from Tesco, they only went to kill time for an hour, this is what they bought:
A tent.
A box of plasters with animal prints on them.
A box of hayfever tablets.
4 pints of milk.
6 cartons of apple juice.
3 boxes of breakfast cereal.
2 bags of pasta.
A bottle of floor cleaner.
4 under bed storage boxes.

Apparently these were all essentials.

Then they went and put everything in the car then they sat in the car for a bit but Mummy couldn't get a signal on her phone in the underground car park and she was bored watching Tom tweeting so she said she would go to the toilet.   So they went back inside Tesco.   This time they pretended to be Russian and talked to each other very loudly in pigeon Russian.   They had to get on the travellator again cos it's the only way upstairs.   This often makes Mummy cross cos it is very slow and it takes ages to get to the top, especially of you are in a hurry.   Luckily they were in anything but a hurry so they didn't mind that there were two old men in front of them with trolleys.   The first old man obviously didn't read the sign that says "Push your trolley when you reach the end of the travellator" cos when he got to the end he just stood there and his trolley swung sideways, jamming itself across the end of the travellator so the second old man crashed into him and Mummy crashed into the second old man and Tom crashed into Mummy and the lady behind Tom crashed into Tom until eventually there were dozens of people all walking on the spot crashed into each other.  And finally the first old man managed to get his trolley facing the right way and he got off the travellator and everybody stopped walking on the spot and went into Tesco to do their shopping.   Oh how Mummy and Tom laughed, them said they were laughing before because people needed reminding to push their trolley, now them think maybe the sign needs to be bigger.

Then them went to the hairdressers and the girl says she'll phone them if a stylist turns up.   Turns out there was only supposed to be one hairdresser in there today but she phoned in sick.   So Mummy gives the girl her number and they go off to waste a bit more time.   But them has nothing to do so them just wanders round the shops for an hour then them gives up waiting for the hairdresser to phone.  Anyway Mummy says her window of motivation was very small and it's gone now.  So they go home and sort out all the lego in Bryn's room into the new storage boxes instead.  We help by looking out of the window for robbers and biting the lego mini figures.

Then Mummy went to pick up Katie and Bryn from school and Tom stayed home and looked after us.   Katie notice Mummy didn't get her hair done so Mummy tells her what happened and Katie says why don't they go now.  So them go to the hairdressers and there is a different woman there and Mummy asks if the hairdresser is there now.   The lady says she is the hairdresser so Mummy asks if she can have a cut and colour.   "Not at this time of day," the lady tuts, looking meanfully at her watch.   It's only 3.20pm and the hairdressers doesn't close til 8pm.
"If someone had phoned me back at ten would you have been able to do it?"  Mummy asks.
"Of course," says the lady, "But we were very busy."
Hmmmm.   Not very good service if you ask me.
"Never mind, it doesn't matter."  Says Mummy and they walk off.
"It does really matter,"  Whispers Katie over 50 fields and her and Mummy stomp across the shop complaining loudly about poor customer service and generally being treated crappily by people.

Today Katie has gone to Nando's for her friends birthday.   The rest of the humans had snossijs and mash but they didn't share with us.   They know that's our favourite.

First World Problems. By Sam.

Having to crawl on your hands and knees in front of an open window naked because you went in the shower without your towel and nobody can hear you shouting for help.

Having a shower when it's still light outside.   Don't want to wear dirty clothes, don't want to dirty a new set so put jammies on at 7pm.

Going to the hairdressers in the morning.   Hair not dirty enough to go to all the trouble of washing but don't want the hairdresser to think I'm dirty.   Dry shampoo to the rescue.

Don't fancy alcohol but I opened a bottle of wine yesterday and it's going to go off if I don't drink it.

Don't want to watch telly but don't want to listen to neighbourhood children play screaming either.   Spotify to the rescue.

Lotty is taking the best spot in the bed but if I move her she will wake up and start running round the house.   It's OK, if I just bend my knee like this and put the other leg slightly like this it's almost comfortable.

Got headache from wearing hair in ponytail all day but if I leave it down it gets sweaty and frizzy.

Phone needs charging but the charger is downstairs.   If I go downstairs then someone will steal my spot in the bed.

Thirsty but see above.    Drinks water out of bathroom tap.   Doesn't taste right.   But at least I made it back to bed before anyone got comfy.

In which Bryn has a birthday, we gets sweared at and Mummy tries to steal someone else's rubbish. By Bessie

Yesterday is Brynny's birthday.   He is 12.    He got a pair of jeans and 2 t-shirts and money off us and he got a t-shirt and money off Grandma and Grandad and money off everybody else.   So of course he had to go out and spend his money.  Well it very hot yesterday so Mummy say it too hot to leave us home in our princess cage on our own and all the humans was going out so we all went too.   We went to Bristol.  So we is driving along to the car park what we always go to and Mummy and Daddy say it probly be full but we check anyway but when we get there we see there is hardly any cars parked there.   Hmm this very strange them think, until they go to the pay machine and realise them has changed the fees.  Now you can't park all day for £3 any more, it is £5 for 5 hours and you can't stay any longer.  So we gets back in the car and drives off and parks down a side street for free.

We took 2 massive bottles of water and sun cream and a blanky for naps.   We did stop lots for drinky breaks and to sit in the shade and have cold water splashed on our faces and feeties and we sits in the shade for lunch, the humans has pasties and we has chewies.

Bryn did get a nice geetar with his birthday money but then the humans say it too hot to walk so we starts to walk back to the car, we is going to find somewhere cool to sit and wait while Daddy brings the car round.  So we is on a pedestrian crossing when these scumbags driving past lean out their windows and him shouts, in front of his own children and our children, "Get them F-in dogs inside" and she shouts, "Yeah, get them f-in dogs inside."   We is so cross, Mummy and Daddy did want to punch their faces in.   We knows it is getting hot so we is already on our way home.  We has been looked after good in the warm and there is loads of other dogs out today.   Anyway we does ignore them cos we is not massive chavvy scumbag pikeys like them and we goes and sits in a closed down shop doorway and Daddy goes to get the car and then we goes home and has a nap before dinner.

Mummy asks Daddy to blow the wimmy pool up for us.  Him say he thought that was to put the fish in when we move and she say it is but we can borrow it for now.  So him blowed it up.   Katie did put her bikini on and get in and Lotty did go in for a second but me and Carly did go and hide inside cos we not want to go wimming.

For birthday tea the humans has a tex mex feast, them has fajitas and nachos and tato wedges and all sorts of little mini cheesy things and meaty things and them has soured cream and guacomole and humous, which is not mexican or texican but Mummy likes it so she put it on the table anyway.   Then they had choklit gatto but we didn't have any birthday candles so Bryn said him not mind and him blew the candlebra candles out instead.  Then after tea it was still hot so Katie, Bryn and Lotty went wimming in the pool.

Today Katie and Bryn went to the pictures to see Despicable Me 2 and them went to McDonalds.   Mummy and Daddy took them but we stayed home with Tom.

After Mummy get some money out the cash machine and Katie steals it all off her then the minihumans go off to the pictures and Mummy and Daddy went to the shop to see how much the kitchen table is they want for the new house.   Them is walking into the shop and this man parks in the disabled spot in a big BMW.   Mummy say (like she always does in a sarcy voice) "Oh look, he's disabled.  Bless him."   Then her says (like she always does), "If he's only got one leg I'm going to look like a right bitch."

Normally this is OK and the person is perfectly able bodied, just lazy, and her doesn't look like a right bitch.  But as she's holding the shop door open for the man with the prosthetic leg she feels very bad and hopes him didn't hear her slagging him off over 50 fields.   Daddy say him probly a war hero.   Mummy say Daddy has permission to kick her in the head if him wants but him say him alright, her has already done it to herself.

Anyway the kitchen table is still there and them say they will get the 6 matching chairs too but not til after they move in.   Then them come out the shop and Daddy does the big laugh at Mummy he's been holding in and them do laugh hard til snot comes out their faces cos they is yacky like that my parents.   Then Mummy says they should go and look in the furniture shop over the road what they have never been in.  Daddy say he thinks it's shut cos there is not a single car in the car park but Mummy say it must be open cos she can see the lights is on.   So them go and it is open, just they have no customers.   The reason why they have no customers is because the shop was playing over the tannoy a really awful radio station.  It was some posh woman wobbling on about opera and classical music and playing really really really awful music like the phantom of the opera and show tunes from the olden days.  It was probably radio 3 or classic fm.  Anyway Mummy say the choice of radio station just about summed up the clientelle the shop was trying to attract and her say that definitely not her and maybe if they'd been playing a normal station like real radio or something then the furniture wouldn't have seemed like it was so revolting but the music just made everything look even more old person.  So them got out of there fast and them went to the tip on the way home with a load of stuff what Daddy took out of the attic this morning.

Normally Mummy is super lazy and just sits in the car at the tip but her decided to "help".  Mainly cos she wanted to inspect what he was throwing away in case it was stuff she wanted.   She managed to save a puter monitor (I can sell that at a car boot sale) and a plant pot (I can put my herbs in that).   When she started looking in the bins for other peoples rubbish she could rescue then Daddy think it time to get her back in the car and them comes home.   Daddy shows Mummy the big sign that tells you not to steal other peoples rubbish.   Her think this is probly not the law, just the tip men wanting to keep the best stuff for themselves.   We does think it is funny how they have decorated the tip with dead hanging baskets and broken garden ornmanents.

Then we has a nap and waits for the minihumans to come home.

Right now the house opposite has every single window open and is playing Rihanna so loud you could probably hear it from another country.   I hate Rihanna.  Last night someone in our street had a party.   A very loud party.   At 3.30am they were still in their garden shouting and screaming.   We were wide awake.

Writers block. Bugger. By Sam.

I have reached a massive block in my book.   I wanted it to be a light read.  Not big belly laugh comedy, just seeing the funny in every day things.   The way I like to be in real life.   But it's just not flippin working.   Because it's semi autobiographical some of the stuff is so dark I just can't make it glib and it kind of stops me making other parts of the tale funny.   I feel like I can't go from really depressing one minute to telling jokes the next. I know that's what I do myself but it doesn't work in person (I know that from the amount of humourbypass victims who think I'm a dick) so it sure as hell ain't going to work in paper.

Bollocks.   Now what?

*Deletes 79,000 words and starts again.*

Brynny is a rock star! By Bessie

On Saturday we took Katie to her friends house cos it was her friends little brothers birthday party.   They had a bouncy giraffe.   I would like to bounce on an inflatable giraffe.    Then we went for a walk round the village where we are moving to.   We parked up near the golf club and we walked down the lane and we said hello to a shetland pony, a horse and a field of cows.   Then we went to the pub and had chips and coca cola in the beer garden.

On Sunday we was going to go to Dorset to see the big willy man in Dorset.   But it was too hot for a long drive and a long walk so we went to Penarth instead and walked round Cosmeston Lakes.   I went for a paddle in the lake and Lotty swam in the lake and Carly sat on Mummy's lap and watched.   Then we had bacon butties and Mummy had brought an umbrella for us to sleep under and a spray bottle to spritz us when we got too hot.

Today it was the summer concert at Katie and Bryn's school.   Katie said she would join the choir if they didn't make them sing Abba medleys.   Bryn is in a band and they did a song.  Them was the best band me ever seen.  Me is going to buy their album.

This is them:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=495092157235271&set=vb.100002034728856&type=2&theater

Horace and Lyndsey are together again. By Bessie

This is Horace.    He left us for the rainbow bridge yesterday.   We are heartbroken.

 When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. All the animals who have been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Her bright eyes are intent; her eager body begins to quiver. Suddenly she begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, her legs carrying her faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated.'

Pink cake? For me? You shouldn't have. By Bessie

You want to hear something disgusting?   Right now Daddy is eating sugar puffs out of a red plastic bowl.   Dry sugar puffs.  He isn't using a spoon, he just keeps shoving his face into the bowl and bringing it out with sugar puffs stuck to it.  I would like to say I have better eating habits than Daddy.  Also he has only just finished a huge plate of chikin curry.  He shouldn't need a bowl of dry sugar puffs.   Daddy thinks he should have a pudding after every meal (that includes the three breakfasts he has every day).  Firstly because he has the eating habits of a toddler and secondly because Nanny has a pudding after every meal.

By the way have you ever heard the noise a grown man makes when he's eating dry sugar puffs out of a plastic bowl using only his face as a spoon?   It's not a nice noise, trust me.

So today is Saturday.    Daddy paints the back step and then puts our car ramp over it so we can get in and out without getting white paint on our feeties.   Then him and Mummy and us go for a walk down our castle. Mummy puts me and Lotty in the harnesses but let's Carly walk along without even a lead on.   This is not fair.  I show her my disgust by walking a hundred yards then sitting down in the middle of the pavement.   She comes back and takes the harness off and lets me walk without a lead.   But then Daddy gets cross because we are walking too slow for his liking so Mummy says we all have to go on a lead.   But when we get down the castle we are allowed off for a run about.   Even norty Lotty.  Carly rolls on a pile of dandelion seeds.   She will regret that when she's itching all night.   Lotty rolls on a poo, luckily it is a dry poo so Mummy manages to get her off before she gets through the crust.

Then we meet and greet with a whippet and a golden retriever and then we go home and me and Mummy go to the Basset Club of Wales committee meeting.

Mummy gets a big comfy orange chair and puts my pink blankie on it so I can sit round the table and join in the meeting.  I like to join in.   Mummy makes everyone a cup of coffee and Aunty Tina bought cake but Mummy says I'm not allowed a slice of cake because it's got raisins in it so she gets a pink sponge cake out of her bag and says I can have that instead.   It is very nice pink cake.   Mummy says she is going to arrange a walk so apparently we is going to go on a walk and a picnic in Penarth in August.  We hopes people come on our walk.   It be very embarrassing if nobody turns up.

Nutella is not a good look. Trust me. By Bessie

Tom has finished college now so we has him home all day.  We likes this, he takes us for a nice walk every day and then when Mummy comes home from work we go for another walk.

The people who are buying our house are back off holiday now so we hoping they get on with all the solicitor stuff and that and we can get a moving date soon.  We is ready and keen to get on with it now.  Actually we has been ready and keen for over a year.

Last night after school Katie asks if she can go and get her hair cut so Mummy and her and Bryn go to Tesco.    Not to buy scissors, they has a hairdressers in there and everything.   So they go to the hairdresser and ask if they has any appointments but they can't do it for another hour so they wanders round the shop for a bit.   They look at all the make up.   They give each other make overs.   Mummy goes for a poo.   Bryn goes for a poo.   They read the magazines.    They buy drinks and birds eye potato waffles waffly versatile for tea and cereal for breakfast.  They choose new hair colours.   Mummy likes bright orange.   Katie likes brown.   Mummy says every pack of dye she picks up is exactly the same as Katie's own hair.   They buy hair gel.    They spray perfume until a perfume girl comes over to help.   So Katie says she wants this particular perfume but she can't remember the name but she has a little one that she got out of a set for christmas.   "I have it here," she says and starts pulling things out of her blazer pocket.    This is what Katie had in her pocket (bearing in mind she's been to school, this is what she thinks she needs in school):    2 biros (one leaking and has leaked on everything else in her pocket), bottle of perfume, mascara, eyeliner pencil, Mummy's watch.   And all the time she is pulling things out of her pocket the girl is waiting to sell them some perfume.   Anyway she is disappointed cos they don't sell the perfume that Katie had in her pocket, or the other two perfumes that she has on her wishlist.

Then they go back to the hairdresser and Katie has her hair cut while Mummy reads Grand Designs magazine and Good Housekeeping magazine and Bryn kicks the chairs until Mummy screams at him to stop.

While Mummy and Bryn are waiting they see a lady go into the tanning booth normal colour and come out looking like she got dipped in nutella.   We do not recommend you do this to yourself.  It doesn't look nice.

After Katie has finished having her hair done, which takes ages cos she is so fussy, she says to Mummy that she thinks Bryn should have his done while they are there.   Mummy looks at Bryn's massive quiff and thinks Katie is probably right but wishes she had said this 3 hours ago cos there is now a queue.   So Mummy pays for both haircuts and they sit down and wait for the hairdresser.    Katie shows the hairdresser a picture on her phone of a haircut that she likes and Mummy says it's OK for Katie to choose so long as a) Bryn likes it and b) He doesn't look stupid.

So the hairdresser is doing Bryn's hair and Katie keeps going over with "helpful" suggestions and the hairdresser looks like she is getting a bit fed up of being told how to do her job by a teenager.  So Mummy tells Katie to leave the poor woman alone and Katie says she is going to look at the hair sprays but while she is gone the hairdresser comes over to Mummy and Mummy thinks she is going to ask Mummy if the haircut is OK but no, she wants to know where Katie has gone so she can ask Katie if it OK!   Haha, Mummy think she is the one paying for the flippin haircut.  So Mummy goes to fetch Katie and Katie approves of the haircut and they leave, finally three and a half hours and a box of defrosted potato waffles later.

Then they come home and make our tea and have their tea and we go upstairs to watch Eastenders but Carly and Lotty are in a silly mood and play fight all the way through Eastenders so we watch but not hear.   Some girl got drunk and fell over.  Some woman got sad and fell over.  Some man got cross and kicked over a bin.   The end.

The Fancy Dress Champion of South West England at your service. By Bessie

hmmm so many things happened.  Where do I start?   On Saturday we went to the basset club summer fun day.   Miss Louise came with Frank and Penny, Mr Wayne and Ben brought Ronnie, and Miss Sophie and Mr John came with their minihumans and Gracie and Wanda.   We was so happy to see Wanda again, she looked great and her and Gracie are getting on good and Gracie is all bettter.

It was a shame that Miss Tara couldn't come but we will see her and the houndies soon.    We had a good day,  I won first prize in the fancy dress third time running.   Lotty came 2nd in the best dog and best rescue. We laughed lots with all our friends.

Yesterday it was Fathers Day and Mummy's birthday.  Mummy got a candelabra what she been hinting at for like ever off Daddy, Katie made her a bag with a picture of me on it and Tom and Bryn bought her some white choklits.   For fathers day Daddy got some crabbies alcoholic ginger beer off the mini humans and us houndies bought him a picture of us what we did get blowed up big.   Mummy and Daddy had to go to the estate agents in town to take some forms in so we went for a walk with Tom and Bryn and Mummy, Daddy, Katie and Cerys went into town.  They went to the estate agents and then they went to Starbucks and left after somebody did a massive burp and embarrassed everybody else.   *shakes head at Mummy*.

Then them bringed McDonalds home for everybody.

Today we went for a walk with Mummy then we had a nap while she filled all her financial returns in for Basset Welfare and did some housework.  Then Mummy went to get the minihumans from school and when Daddy got back they went out for dinner to the Indian Restaurant.

Oh yeah and we sold our house.

My very own pet chikin. By Bessie

So the people who came on Tuesday never phoned to make an offer and now they won't return the estate agents calls.   That very silly.  Just tell them you not interested, don't be big babies about it.

On Thursday it was Lotty's third birthday.  She got a squeaky phone, a ball and a tuggy toy.  I broke the ball and I got told off.   Mummy defrosted some fish to make us a birthday fish pie but then she remembered she had someone coming to view the house the next day so she said we can have fish pie on Friday cos she don't want the house to smell bad.  Anyway you supposed to eat fish on a Friday, it says so in the bible or something.

The wife of the man what came on Friday came to see the house on her own yesterday.   Nobody could get time off work though so Mummy had to do all the cleaning, well actually there wasn't any cleaning - just mopping the floor and hoovering, by herself and then cos it was a warm day she didn't want to put us in the car so we had to be home when the lady came.  Mummy hated doing that cos she don't want people to smell doggyness.  That so cheeky, we doesn't smell.   Anyway the lady said she liked dogs.  Mummy said we can fill the pond in if you don't like it but her said she did like it.  After she gone Geoff the estate agent say she really liked the house and her husband really liked the house so it looks promising.  Mummy get all excited and then he drops the bombshell...they got three houses that they are deciding between.   Oh...
The fish pie was lovely.  It was cod, sardines mashed potato and coconut oil.  We loved it lots.

So today nobody was coming to look at the house so Daddy drove Mummy to the dentist and then they went out to drop Katie off at her friends house and to buy a plant pot to replace the one what has split.
They thought they would have a look in this new furniture shop what has opened.  It looked a bit cheap and nasty from the outside but it was amazing inside.  They had all the furniture Mummy and Daddy want for the new house, even the suite for the lounge that Mummy invented in her head.    Them wished them had sold the house cos them would have bought the lounge suit, a new memory foam mattress, a coffee table and a dining table and chairs.    The shop was having a 50% off sale too but it finishes tomorrow.  But them say they can't commit to buying stuff if they haven't got anywhere to put it.   Them was sad.

Then they went to the garden centre and bought a really big plant pot.   Mummy managed to control herself and didn't buy a single candle.  Mind you she did say this morning she needs to go to Ikea to stock up on scented tealights.  I think she might be slightly addicted to candles.  Then the estate agent phoned and said her hasn't managed to get hold of the people from yesterday.   *Big sigh*   It like a never ending cycle of disappointment.  

Did I tell you Daddy said we could have some chikins if we move to that cottage?   Mummy and Daddy were in the fish shop last week and they sell chikins now and Andy what works there was telling Mummy and Daddy all about the chikins and them went to look and them was lovely.  Mummy want these big brown ones called gold laced barnevelders.  Daddy say he could build a good coop out of pallets what him could "borrow" from work.   Mind you then Daddy changed his mind after and said us houndies might eat the chikins.  We wouldn't.  We are good girls.

In which we meet all our friends and go to see a windmill. By Bessie

On Saturday we has another viewing in the morning.    While the big humans is showing the people the house we go to our castle with the mini humans.   When we come home we sit on Tom's bed and watch him and Bryn play on the xbox.    The big humans, Katie and Cerys go out to buy picnic food for our day out tomorrow.   The estate agent phones and say the man from yesterday wants to come back next week with his wife and the other people from yesterday are thinking about it.

Them have their lunch at the cafe in The Range and then they go to Lidl and buy some nice snossijs for us houndies to have as treats tomorrow.

When them get back Mummy makes everybody's picnic and cooks our snossijs, then we has tea.  I have kibble and gravy.  The humans have pizza.

On Sunday we get up nice and early for our day out with the pack.   Tom and Bryn want to stay home so the big humans, Katie and Cerys and all us houndies do go.

We stop on the way to go for a wee.   When we gets to the place, it is in Wiltshire next to a canal, Miss Tara is already there so we go and talk to Issy, Monty and Bert.  We has not met Bert before, he is very handsome and sweet.  Then Miss Louise and Mr Dave come with Frank and Penny.  We all have hello hugs and then it time to go on the walk.  Miss Diane and Miss Denise are leading the walk.   It is a lovely walk, we have a good time with all our friends.  We meet Mr Wayne and his minihuman and George and Ronnie and we meet Miss Sam and Mr Ryan and their minihumans and Shirley and Olly.   We go to a windmill and eat our lunch, then we go to the pub and all the humans have a drink.  While we is having our picnic the estate agent phones and tells us that the people from yesterday aren't quite ready to make an offer but when they do it will be £*secret money* and would we accept that?  So we say we would consider it but we can't say if we definitely accept it.  So her say her will let them know.

After the walk we is sad to say goodbye to all our friends.   Miss Louise and Miss Tara is good fun and all their houndies are lovely.  We can't wait to meet up with everyone again.

Then we gets in the car and has a sleep.  We stops at the motorway services for a wee on the way home and have a little lie down on the grass to cool down cos it a warm day.

On Monday the estate agent phones and says the people from Saturday who may or may not make an offer would like to come for another view tomorrow evening.   Then we goes for a walk before Mummy goes to get the minihumans from school and college.   Katie, Cerys and Bryn did go swimming then they come home and we all had tea.  I had meat and gravy and the humans had baguettes.

Today, Tuesday, the people come for another viewing.   We go out for a walk with the minihumans.   Katie and Bryn take Lotty down the village and me and Carly go to the castle with Tom.   While we are out Mummy and Daddy say they will sit in the garden and let the people look round on their own.  Them has a good look round and then they ask some questions and then they leave.  Then we come back and have tea.  I have kibble and meat and gravy and the humans have pasties and baked potatoes.  Then Daddy and Bryn play football in the street and we watch for a bit then we bark at some birds and then it is time for bed.

We just got to sit and wait now and hope them people make an offer.  Daddy phoned the estate agent what is selling the house we want to buy today to make sure it was still for sale and it was so we is happy...so far.