So now I'm disabled. By Sam

On Tuesday I had to go to an Inventory Controllers meeting with work (yes this is as dull as it sounds).    It was in Nottingham so I had to stay at the hotel overnight.  I was picking my Mancunian counterpart up (ie the Inventory Controller from our Manchester branch) from the railway station.  Her train was due in at 11.30.  I arrived at 11.29.  There was, quite literally, not a single place to park so I drove round the block five times.    There was a lady sat in the window of a Costa Coffee by the traffic lights and she had tattoos ALL over her face. Like a Maori.    By the third trip she was staring at me as weirdly as I was staring at her.

On my fifth circuit Leanne phoned just as I was about to pass the station again so I screeched to a halt on the double yellow lines right outside as she ran out and jumped in.    We just made it, there was a traffic warden chatting to a community support officer and they were starting to walk towards us as we wheel skidded round the corner, waving to the Maori lady.

When we arrived at the hotel the car park was so full that loads of dimwits had parked across the junctions so I practiced my reversing skills for a while (they're not great) until we eventually found a spot only half a mile walk from the hotel (almost.  Disclaimer:  I have no concept of distance...or time, age, weight...)

Lunch was served straight away.  We went to the restaurant and it was a buffet.   Very odd buffet.   Salad but no cold meats, lamb (bleugh) some slimy fish with skin on (bleugh) and extra cheesy and extra dry macaroni cheese.   There were other people in the restaurant who must have come from the spa cos they were wearing dressing gowns and slippers and looked very uncomfortable.

Then we had our meeting which was interesting to me but I would not bore you with any details.  And then we booked in to our rooms.    Mine was on the ground floor.   After having to go back to reception to get someone to show me how to work the door card I finally got in my room.   It was a disabled room!  Why??   There was no bath.  No shower.  Not even a shower cubicle.   A bath chair!   A bloody bath chair!     The toilet was so high my feet were dangling, the sink was so low I had to kneel to brush my teeth.  So I did not have a lovely relaxing bath, or a lovely refreshing shower.

I had a kneel down wash at the sink and got changed into my jeans for dinner.    Everybody else had a bath and shower in their room.   I HAD NEITHER.  We had dinner.   The starter arrived on a roof tile.   If we had turned them over there was probably pigeon poo on the other side.    The main arrived on a bathroom tile.  The pudding in a tea cup.  It was nice food though.  Better than lunch.

Then we went to the bar and had drinks and then went to bed.   All nice and civilised.  Not like the drunken nights we used to have on training courses in the 90s.   Thank God.

The training course started at 8.30 so I set my alarm for 7 but I never over sleep, certainly not in hotel rooms, I'm normally wide awake at 6am.   So in the morning I woke up and thought it must be nearly 7, I will get up now.  So I casually get up and open the blinds.   It was bright sunlight.  OH SHIT thinks I.  This is not good.  I checked my phone.  8.50AM!    I checked the alarm.  It was set to wake me up at 7am...on Saturday.  OH SHIT.   I have never got washed and dressed so fast in my life.  I put on the dress that I had painstakingly ironed the night before and the zip wouldn't go up.  I took it off and tested the zip.  Fine.  Tried again.  Nothing.  On...off...on...off.   I thought I will not zip it up so I just put my cardigan on but I looked like a hunchback.   I had a choice.  I could wear last nights jeans or the dress I wore yesterday which was now creased with no time to iron, plus I had spilt coleslaw down it at lunchtime yesterday.  I figured if I wore the jeans I would look like I had pulled and not even been back to my room so it was yesterdays dirty dress.   I threw the rest of my belongings into my bag and ran to the meeting room.  Arrived 40 minutes late, slightly hungover, no make up and in a creased stained dress.   Definitely the image I was going for.    Not my finest hour.    Plus, and this is the worst bit, I missed breakfast.  
After half an hour we stopped for a tea break but because we were sharing facilities with the room next door they had all come out just before us and taken all the tea and danish pastries.   "Never mind" says our leader, "we will crack on."

By the time we left, thank god it was 11.30 and not 5pm, I was so hungry and thirsty I thought I might die.  I drove Leanne back to the station then set off home, stopping at the first services for a KFC.    The KFC was a big disappointment.   The chips and burger were cold and the coke was flat and syrupy.  So I read my book for half an hour instead then went home for a nap.  I like home.  I might stay there forever.

My new mobility scooter. By Bessie

Mummy bought me a buggy cos sometimes I can't keep up on long walks but I get sad if the others go without me.   We went for our first walk on Saturday and I had a little go in it when I got tired.  Mummy says I'm not allowed to just sit in the buggy all the time, I have to have a walk and then if I get very tired and my leggies start to collapse under me like they do sometimes then I can go on the mobility scooter.

On Sunday we went to Sluff to meet Frank, Penny, Bertie and Daisy and lots of other Bassets for a walk.  We got lost on the way there cos the road was closed and there was no diversion.  The sat nav was being silly and took us round Sluff town centre twice.  When we got home Mummy actually threw the sat nav in the bin.   Anyway, luckily Uncle Dave waited for us in the car park with big Frank.  So we all set off to find the pack and I wanted to go in the buggy and Mummy said oh go on then cos we will be able to walk faster.  But then I needed a poo but I forgot I needed to ask to get out and I jumped and it was higher than I thought and I did a roly poly and landed on my head.  But I was OK.  

Then we met the pack and we met a tiny baby Basset called Lenny and a huge big Bloodhound called Bertie and we had lots of fun.   Afterwards we went to the cafe and the humans had hot drinks and we had snossijs and then we went back to Aunty Louise's for lunch which was lots of fun except that Daddy drank too much polish lager and Mummy had to tell him no more.

Big Bessie and Little Bessie

We had a foster dog last week, her name is Bessie so we had to be Big Bessie and Little Bessie.  On Friday me, Mummy and Little Bessie went on a roadtrip to Louise's house.  We stopped in Bristol to do a homecheck on the way.  Little Bessie did a poo on the lovely people's landing but they were not cross so we thought they was probably good Basset parents and they passed.

Then we went to that there London to Louise's house.  All her humans was out so we had a girls night in (plus Frank and Bertie) and Louise made Mummy's favourite tea; bangers and mash with mushy peas.

The next morning we went to the South East Basset Fun Day in Crawley.  It was a lovely day and very hot and we had loads of fun.  I think there was about 40 bassets maybe, too many to count anyway.   A very nice lady and her two daughters liked Little Bessie a lot and they spent all afternoon with her and then asked if they could adopt her so Louise said she would do their homecheck in the week and if it was OK they could adopt next weekend.  Then Mummy and Louise thought about it and that would mean Little Bessie coming all the way back to Wales for a week then coming all the way back to that there London next weekend.  Or they could go and do the homecheck today and let Little Bessie stay with the nice people who she had spent all afternoon with and not snapped at so she must like them.

At the fun day I met Meldrew Answers who is like a proper Tweeter celebrity and everything.   None of us won any prizes in the dog show, not even when I wore my belly dancer costume but Freda and Mabel won the best rescue dogs so we was happy cos we like Freda and Mabel lots.

After the fun day had finished we went back to Louise's and four of us houndies stayed home with Annie and Little Bessie went with Mummy and Louise to do the homecheck and of course it went well just like we knew it would - except for the satnav kept losing it's brain and they drove round in circles for a bit - so she stayed there and they adopted her.  

When they got back Annie had made our tea so Louise did Pizza and chips for her and Mummy and they talked about lady stuff and moaned and stuff then we went to bed early cos we was all tired after a very busy day.

The next day me and Mummy went home in the morning and when we were near the Swindon turn off Mummy said we should pop along to Mr Guy's walk and say hello if we could find the pack but we were very late and nobody we passed had seen a pack of bassets so we gave up and went for our own little walk then the pack came down the path and everyone said "oh look another basset" and they didn't know that we was planning on being with them anyway except Mr Guy who said he felt bad that we missed them but Mummy said it was OK, she was nearly half an hour late after all.

Then we came home and Carly and Lotty was very pleased to see me and Carly wondered where her best friend Little Bessie was so I told them what happened and they was happy for Little Bessie.

Aunty Mic's wedding

On Friday 4th September Mummy and Daddy were off work.  We packed our caravan up for the whole family. We never been camping with the whole family.  Carly and Lotty were very excited but the boy humans not so much.   At lunchtime Mummy went to fetch Tom from work, then she picked Bryn from school at 3pm - Katie was off anyway cos she's in 6th form now so they do what they want (I think).   Then Tom and Katie took us houndies for a walk while Mummy and Daddy hitched the caravan up.  When we got back it was time to go.  

We stopped at Strensham and Mummy waited in the car with us while the rest of the humans went inside for tea.  Katie brought Mummy a big mac for her tea.    By the time we got to Grandma's house it was dark so Grandad and Daddy put the car in the drive and the rest of us went inside and we had our tea had cuddles with Grandma.     Then Mummy made the beds up and the boy humans and us went to bed and the rest of them went in Grandma and Grandad's house for a bit.

The next morning we had to go to Hop Pole Hotel for discerning ladies and gentledogs.     Mummy was sad to leave us and we was sad to be left but she said it's ok, it's only for one night.   So we had kisses and then we were left to rot in the kennels for EVER.

In the meantime my humans put on all their best clothes and went to church to watch Aunty Mic and Uncle Rob get married.  It was a lovely wedding and baby Louisa was on her best behaviour and was very cute and Aunty Mic looked very beautiful and Uncle Rob looked very handsome.

After the wedding they had a reception at a nice golf club.  Aunty Tracy and Uncle Alan took all the photographs and there was a lovely dinner - I think they call it breakfast but there was no coco pops or toast - and lots of funny speeches.

Then a DJ came and they had a disco and most people had far too much to drink but they had the most fun they ever had at a wedding and Mummy danced all night and helped her Aunty Tracy and her Aunty Jacq to drink about 50 million bottles of prosecco.

In the meantime we houndies were starving to death left in the kennels to rot with only two meals a day and as many walks and cuddles as we needed.     The next morning after sitting around drinking tea ALL day and not coming to get us at the crack of dawn....oh wait...what?  Oh ok it was the crack of dawn...Mummy and Daddy came to fetch us and they were very happy to see us and we were very happy to see them.  So we went back to Grandma and Grandad's and had a little walk round the woods where Mummy used to play hide and seek and had her first snog a long time ago with Ian Worrall but that's a whole other story.

At lunch time we houndies, Mummy and Daddy went to meet Diane and Debs with Lola, Albert and Pluto at a nice country park where there was lots of deers (so we had to be checked for ticks when we got back but there were none although Mummy did find one flea which might have come from the kennels so we all got fumigated).   We had a lovely time and it was lovely too see Diane and Lola again and to meet Debs, Albert and Pluto.   We walked round the park and we said hello to the deers and we went to the cafe.   Then we came home, picked the mini humans up, hitched the caravan up and kissed Grandma and Grandad goodbye and it was time to come home again.

The end of our big adventure

In which Katie gets her GCSE results and goes caravanning. By Bessie

Katie got her GCSE results last Thursday.  She got 1 A*, 2 A, 3 B, 3 C and we was all super proud of her.    She was in a sulk though cos even though she got all them really good grades she didn't do so well in Drama and was in a funny mood so Mummy said why didn't she come away in the caravan with us so she said she would.

So Saturday morning we got up nice and early to go camping and got all the caravan ready.  Only me was going cos the weather forecast wasn't great and Mummy and Daddy thought Carly and Lotty would be silly if they were stuck inside a caravan all weekend.

Mummy was in the bedroom and Daddy came up and said, "Do you want the bad news or the bad news?"
Mummy said, "Erm bad I spose."    "The car has a flat tyre."   So he fitted the spare but he said it was only a space saver so he couldn't pull a caravan on it and off he went to find another tyre.  When he got to the tyre place he had a good look and found out that there was a nail in both rear tyres.  We blame them bloody gypsys who come into the car park at work at night to steal pallets and leave nails lying around all over the place.  As you can imagine Daddy was extremely cross.   Anyway he phoned and told us that they had to order two tyres and they would be there by lunchtime so we sat down and wondered if we would ever be going camping.  We hoped so cos we had already paid for the campsite.

Then Katie came downstairs in a tizzy cos she had looked out the window and Daddy's car was gone and she thought we were mean enough to go without her.   Mummy said if she had just leaned another inch to the right she would have seen the caravan was still in the drive.  Anyway it didn't take as long as expected and Daddy came back about 11.30 with two new tyres and he wasn't in as bad a mood as we thought cos it had cost a lot less than he thought it would and he said he had been told at his last MOT that he would need two new tyres soon.

Mummy and Katie had finished packing the caravan while Daddy was out so they hitched it up and me and Katie got in the car and Mummy gave Carly and Lotty lots of kisses and felt bad for leaving them.  She didn't feel bad about leaving Tom and Bryn cos they were invited but they would rather stay home.

The campsite was only in Ross on Wye 45 minutes away so we were there by 12.30.    The campsite was down the back of Morrisons and through a bus graveyard but when we got inside it was a lovely place.    We parked up outside the hut and I got out and Mummy went to leave me outside but the man said "Come in, all of you, we are all dog lovers."   And the lady looked just like Shirley Williams.  Mummy loves Shirley Williams, she is like her heroine.    The man showed us where to park and it was all very nice and all the spots were all marked out and quite big so everyone had their own space.   The toilets were HUGE and very clean and there was even a BATH!    So they parked the caravan up and Mummy did all the daft stuff to make the caravan homely even though we were only staying one night like putting out cushions and a bath mat (even though we haven't got a bath, only a shower) while Daddy made cups of tea.   After I had some water and the humans had some tea we went for a walk into town.  It was very hot but Mummy checked and she said the ground was cool enough for me to walk so it was ok.

Ross on Wye is the most dog friendly town we ever saw in our lives.   Mummy, Daddy and Katie had baguettes from Greggs for lunch and they were sat on a bench eating and Mummy was giving me bits of her baguette when Daddy said "Has Bessie not had her breakfast?"  and Mummy said, "Oh no.  I didn't feed her before we left so she wouldn't be sick and I forgot when we got here."  So Daddy went back to Greggs and asked the lady if they had any cool snossij rolls cos it was for me.   And she said I was a nice doggy and she gave him a nice cool snossij roll and when he got his money out she said it was free.  How nice was that?  

Then we went for a walk and we had icecream and Mummy gave me the end of her cone with some honeycomb and fig icecream in it.    All the shops had water bowls outside and there were dogs everywhere for me to meet and greet.  We went down by the river and I tried to make polite conversation with a Mr and Mrs Swan and their children but you can't make polite conversation with swans cos even though they look all nice and posh they are actually the chavs of the bird world and they just kept swearing at me so we went for a walk instead.

When we got back to the caravan I had a long sleep cos I was very hot and tired and Mummy damped a towel and laid it on me to help me cool down.   There was a huge storm with thunder and lightning which was a bit scary and the icecream man came right in the middle of it which was a bit surreal.  Then I had my tea and the humans had burgers and potato salad and coca cola and we went out again to the pub.  We went to a pub called the Man of Ross and it was a nice pub and there was a greyhound in there.

When we got back it was so nice to get back in the dark to a caravan with a roof and lights and a proper bed instead of when we go away in the tent and you are scrambling round in the pitch dark.

The next day it was raining again when we got up but we decided we would stay for the day cos otherwise we wouldn't have even stayed for a whole 24 hours.  So we waited for the rain and Mummy read her Jane Austen book and Daddy and Katie played Sims on Katie's laptop (they have free wifi on the campsite).   Anyway it got to lunchtime and the rain hadn't stopped so we went out anyway.  We drove into town but the car park we picked was so far away it was nearly as far as it would have been to walk from the campsite.   We went to a restaurant called Bistro Mondo and it was dog friendly and the man brought me some water and a family came in with a beagle and he is my new best friend now and the humans had Sunday lunch.  Katie was looking forward to her first Sunday lunch since she had stopped being a vegetablist but they had no chikkin or turkey today so she her and Mummy ended up having nut roast and Daddy had lamb.

After lunch it was still raining so walked back along the river to the car and then we went back to the campsite and packed the caravan up and went home to see Carly and Lotty and the boys.

That there London again. By Bessie

Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to London for the weekend.   They set off on Friday morning but only got as far as Tesco cos Katie and Daddy wanted bacon rolls for breakfast.  Mummy had porridge.    Then they set off properly to London.      They went to Louise and Dave's house first and had some lunch and cuddled with Frank, Penny and Bertie.   Then Mummy, Daddy, Katie and Dave went on the tube to London and they all stopped and bought oyster cards so now they think they are all cosmopolitan now.

They went to Euston to meet Katie's friend Zoe but they got there a little bit early so they went for coffee.   Mummy needed a wee but someone had projectile weed ALL over the one toilet so she said she would hold it in til they got back to Louise's.   Then they went back to the station and looked on the arrivals board and it said the Glasgow train was in so they went to see and Zoe was there so they all hugged Katie goodbye and left her to wander round London on her own for a few days,  Then Mummy, Daddy and Dave went back to Louise and Dave's house and Louise had made dinner and they had a lovely evening playing Cards against Humanity and drinking wine and beer.   Katie and Zoe went to their hotel and their other friend who lived in London phoned and they said she should come and stay with them so her dad brought her over and then they all had a chinese takeaway for their tea.

The next day Katie and her friends went to Summer In The City at London Excell.    Mummy, Daddy, Louise and Dave had brunch then went into London on the tube.   They went for a walk along the south bank or is it Southbank?  Anyway they went in the Tate Modern and Mummy promised Daddy that she wouldn't say "That's shit."  But then accidentally broke her promise as they walked in to the first gallery.   Mummy's excuse/defence was "For Gods sake, it's three dead crows skewered to the wall with arrows.  Of course it's shit."   Daddy - who has a degree in colouring/fine art depending on who's version you believe - was also embarrased by Mummy and Louise:
Shouting nice gash at a painting which was basically a canvas with a slash in it.
Pretending to study a painting that was just a big sheet of black.
Standing upside down to examine a painting that was - and it really was - hung upside down.
Renaming the gallery "Ten pints of Stella" on account of a) it looked like most of the art was created after consuming this and b) needing to consume this to enjoy the art.
Telling Daddy that a painting of a naked man and a dog having a nap was me and him.
Asking if an installation was actually a heating duct that had fallen off the ceiling.
Asking if another installation was a result of a leaking roof.
Declaring that their favourite piece in the entire gallery was a chair with a tissue under it and loudly discussing this piece of art.   It was actually just a chair that one of the staff had vacated to go and do a wee or something.

So they left before they got forcibly removed and went to Wetherspoons for drinks.   Then they went for a walk round the City of London which was the weirdest place on earth cos it was a Saturday afternoon and the place was deserted.  All the shops were shut.  All the pubs were shut.    Daddy took loads of photos of the Lloyds building, he liked that a lot.  Mummy wanted him to take pictures of a lovely Victorian shopping arcade what they used for Diagon Alley in the Harry Potter films but Daddy isn't as interested in Harry Potter as Mummy is.

Then they went to a German bar for tea.  Mummy and Dave had snossijs and sauerkraut and beer, Louise had schnitzels and wine and Daddy had stew and wine.  They had a nice tea anyway and then they went to Wetherspoons by the Tower of London for pudding and cocktails cos the German bar only sold apple pie for pudding and they wanted sundaes.

After tea they went on a Ripper Tour which was lots of fun and they found out all sorts of gory stuff although Mummy does keep annoying us by saying "See what a jolly bonnet I've got now" which doesn't make any sense to anyone.  By the time they finished it was quite late so they went home to Louise and Dave's house and Daddy slept on the tube and lolled about all over the place and showed them all up.

On Sunday they went to see the airmans memorial which was a very nice peaceful place ruined by some obnoxious brat bouncing a football the entire time they were there.

Then they went to Windsor and had a walk round and said hi to the Queen (I don't believe this happened at all cos I know for a fact she was staying in London that weekend for the D Day parade).   Then they got a picnic lunch from Waitrose and went and sat by the rive and ate their lunch and fed the ducks and saw some nuns taking photos of each other with an iPad.    When they got back to Louise and Dave's house Mummy and Louise took Frank, Penny and Bertie for a walk.   Then they had a Sunday Roast and some pink wine and played guess the year on the music channel.

On Monday Mummy and Daddy went into London on their own to collect Katie.   They went to look at the shops first.  They went to Harvey Nicholls but Mummy said they only went in there to use the toilets cos it's a horrible shop that sells fur.   Anyway she said she was unimpressed with the toilets.  Then they went to Libertys and Mummy bought some nice cards and then it was time to go to Euston to meet Katie and Zoe.

After they said goodbye to Zoe they went to see if there were any lockers to store Katie's bag so they could go to the museums but they were really stupidly expensive so Daddy said he would carry it.    First they went to the British Museum.  They had lunch at a fish and chip restaurant just outside and then they went in but Katie only wanted to look at Mummys and then leave which was a bit of a waste of a journey if you ask me.    Then they went to the Natural History Museum and they had a nice look round there but there was a very long queue to get in the dinosaur room so they didn't bother with that bit.   They were going to go in the Science Museum too but there was a lady standing next to the donation pot forcing everyone to put loads in and Mummy said the place was closing in half an hour so she wasn't paying all that money so they decided it was getting late and their feets were tired and Katie's bag was very heavy so they got back on the tube and went back to Louise and Dave, had a cup of tea then came home to see us.  I made Mummy suffer for leaving me by ignoring her for a few days of course.

Caravan gotcha day. By Bessie

Lotty went to the V E T and she got antibiotics, ear cleaner, ear drops and painkillers.   The V E T said she had to take them for one week.  By the end of the week her ears were all better.  Better than they had ever been in her life.   But then a week later the infection came back so we are just putting all the medicines and drops in.  Mummy doesn't want her to have any more antibiotics cos she thinks it might be bad to take too many.  Lotty has to wear the comfy cone.  She really hates the comfy cone.

The night before Steve's wedding Mummy tried her new dress on to see how well her diet had gone and it hadn't gone very well at all so she went into town and bought a different dress from Blue Banana.  She likes this one better, she says it's more weird so it goes with her spotty shoes and cat handbag.   It was a lovely wedding and it was a hot day.    Amanda looked beautiful.  Most of the people in work were really mean though and they went home before the evening reception had even started.    Mummy and Daddy stayed til 10pm but then they were desperate to get home and go to bed.  No, not for rudies.  So they could wake up and it be caravan gotcha day...

...Katie said it is not called caravan gotcha day.  She says that is the most stupid name ever.  So I will name this entire blog post "Caravan gotcha day" just to spite her.   It was raining the next day.  Mummy and Daddy went off to Bristol to bring caravan home.   They nipped into the mall on the way to take the first dress back.  Mummy says she is too busy to diet.  Too busy eating.

When they got to the caravan shop the lady said "I put your number plate in the back window cos it won't stick in the rain."  Never mind that we gave her the number plate two weeks ago and asked her to stick it on the caravan.  So they hitched the caravan up and drove home with the number plate in the window like gypsies.   Daddy never went over 20 all the way home (practically) and stopped every mile (almost) to check everything was OK.  We hope he gets better at driving the caravan cos we are going to spend a lot of time driving otherwise.

When they got home two of our neighbours were behind the caravan and they stopped and offered to help Daddy get it in the drive so that was nice and stress free.  Then we all had a sit in the caravan and Mummy filled it with all the crap she has been buying for the last 18 years to put in her caravan.

Bryn went to a theme park on a school trip but he didn't have any accidents which was nice.   Tom still has a job, and he likes it.   They have baby chikkins at his work, we want baby chikkins.   Daddy has finished our pond and nearly finished our vegetable garden.   Next job he has to put the new gate in the other side of the garden so we can park the caravan there and then we can get a chikkin house.

For Bryn's birthday the humans went to Bristol for the day.  We didn't go this time, we went to Bristol for Bryn's birthday the other year and it was a bit too hot for us really.    They went to Subway for their lunch which was a nice subway cos it was down a side street and was really quiet and cool...and clean.   Mummy accidentally ordered Katie the wrong sandwich though and she had to eat it herself cos it was her own fault.  And it had beef on and Mummy, and Katie, hate beef.  In the evening they went to Pizza Hut for tea.   Bryn got some money and some jeans and shorts off us family and he got money off everybody else.  We hope he doesn't waste it on cans of pop but he probably will.

On Thursday Harvey the foster dog came to stay for the night.   He was very well behaved.    Mummy was so tired cos she is full of a cold that she said he could sleep upstairs in their bedroom.  A foster dog never got to do that before, not even Nelson, her favourite.  Well, except Lotty, but after three years and two months in foster I think we gotta admit she's staying.

Anyway, Harvey got into his basket and went straight to sleep, no pacing or whining.  He was really good.   When Mummy woke up Harvey was under the duvet spooning with her.  Not quite sure how that happened but I don't think she minded!

The next day Mummy packed up the caravan and when Daddy came home from work Mummy, Daddy, me Bessie and Harvey the foster dog went on our summer holidays...two nights in a caravan in Wiltshire.  The mini humans were all invited but none of them wanted to come so Carly and Lotty stayed home with them too.   We drove to the campsite and Harvey and me were good in the car and didn't poo or sick or cry.  Maybe we cried just a little bit but not much.   When we got there the lady showed us where our friends were camped and where we could put the caravan.  Our friends had gone for a walk so we got everything ready and by the time we were finished they came back.   Ronnie, Rosie, Poppy, Bella, Daphne and little tiny baby Wilma who I love tons and I am now her favourite Grandma.

We had a barbeque tea and then we went for a walk round the river.

The next day Humphrey and Snoopy came too and we all went for a walk into the town and went to the pub then we went to the pie shop.    In the evening May came and her Daddy, Mark, did a big barbeque for us which was amazing.

On Sunday Harvey went home with Poppy and Bella and I came home with Mummy and Daddy and Carly and Lotty missed me loads and was dead pleased to see me.  

In the meantime Katie had some friends over for her birthday on the Friday (her birthday isn't yet, we didn't leave her on her birthday) and they watched films and had an Indian takeaway.  On the Saturday Katie went to a party at another friends house but it got gatecrashed and there was some stuff going down and things got stolen, including the family car!    The Police came round our house on Sunday to take a statement but Katie didn't see nothing cos she was inside the house with the curtains shut when the car got stolen so the police said her evidence was useless (they didn't say that in a mean way but she was glad anyway cos it would be a bit pointless her standing up in court and saying I didn't see anything and the judge saying thank you that was a complete waste of time and her saying I know, sorry your honour or your majesty or whatever.)

What happened this week. By Bessie

We're in the middle of a mini heatwave so not much activity going on in our house.  Mainly sleeping. We were all sick yesterday so we only had rice for our tea.   Then Lotty sicked that up too.   Me and Carly kept ours down though.    Lotty's got another ear infection so she's going back to the vet tonight.

Katie had her prom, she looked bootiful.  A hairdresser, who was bridesmaid at Matt in Mummy's works wedding, came to the house to curl Katie's hair and Mummy practiced putting make up on her own face but Katie ended up doing it herself.   It rained all day but luckily stopped just before it was time to leave for prom.   Katie had a nice time and then she came home, got changed and went to a house party.   She was a good girl and didn't get drunk and puke in the flower bed.

Tom had an interview on Monday and got the job so now he goes off to work every morning like a proper grown up.  Katie is home in the day now cos she's finished school for the summer so we are not on our own.   When Katie goes back to school Mummy will change her hours so she can come home every lunchtime and take us for a walk.

Mummy found those dumb shoes she was going on about.  They are black with big spotty bows so she has been wearing them round the house to break them in for the two weddings she's going to.

We are getting a caravan on Saturday.  You might think this is some snap decision but Mummy has been asking Daddy if she can have a caravan for 18 years.    We have already bought loads of nice things to go in it and booked our first weekend away.

And Blod and her daddy came on Saturday with Blod's grandad.  Blod's new brother Wilbur came with his humans and they had a nice meet and greet and then Wilbur went home with Blodwyn.

A very sad tale. By Bessie

A sad story.    Last Monday Mummy, Daddy, Katie and me went to do a home check in the valleys.   It was a good home check and Blod and her daddy passed (and they came to our house on Saturday to get Blod's new brother but that's another story).   On the way back Mummy was driving when she suddenly slams the brakes on and shouts "Oh my god there's a Basset in the road."   Mummy and Daddy both jumped out the car.   Mummy ran down the road cos there was another Basset running and Daddy ran to the Basset lay in the road.   She had been hit by a van and we think she must have died instantly.   The van driver said the two of them just ran out from nowhere.   A lady stopped and got a blanket out of her car.   Daddy carried the little girl Basset to the grass verge and wrapped her in the blanket.

In the meantime Mummy ran after the little boy Basset.  He must have suddenly realised that his sister wasn't running with him any more so he stopped to look for her and Mummy grabbed his harness.   Katie got the spare slip lead out of the car (we always keep a spare lead for emergencies like this) and they put him on the lead but didn't take him back to where his sister was cos they didn't want to frighten him.     Then Mummy phoned the police on the second emergency number, told them what had happened and they put her on hold for 5 minutes.   Then the man came back and said the police aren't going to attend but did she get the registration of the van?  She said the van driver is still here, he didn't drive off.  All the police were bothered about was getting his registration so in the end the van driver said "give the phone to me, let me talk to them."  So he gave the police all the info about the accident and then he gave the phone back to Mummy.   So again he says they are not going to attend the scene.   "So what am I supposed to do with these dogs?"  says Mummy.    He said the highways agency would pick the girl up 'within the next few hours' and she should take the boy home as the dog warden closes at 5pm and it's about 8pm by now.

So she says OK she will take both dogs home.  She will take them to our vets and get their microchips checked and then go from there (both dogs were wearing harnesses but not collars or tags).     Her and the van driver are just about to exchange phone numbers in case they find out who owns the dogs when a man comes down the hill and says they are his dogs, they were walking off lead and the dogs ran off.   The dogs are 15 month old littermates called George and Wilma.    So he takes George home and says he is coming back for Wilma and we all go home and my humans are all very tearful.

We were very cross with the police's attitude though.  What if Mummy hadn't stopped?  What if the owner hadn't turned up?  What if there had been nobody who could take George home?  

I've seen the future and it's flat. By Sam

I had an epiphany...of sorts...yesterday.   Hobbling round Tesco on my way home from work in heels.  It was boiling hot, my feet ached and I found myself looking longingly at the flipflops.  Anyone who knows me will understand this was a serious situation.

And I had a sudden thought.    Why do I wear heels?  How many days/nights out have been ruined by heels?   Take the other weekend for instance.  We went clubbing.  I wore heels.  They were from the "comfort" range in New Look but were far from comfortable.  After approximately half an hour I took off my shoes and spent the rest of the night treading carefully through lager, sick and broken glass in my bare feet.  At one point a bouncer came over and asked me not to sit on a wall as there may be broken glass on it.  Never mind the wall, I thought.   I've got no bloody shoes on, I'm pretty sure the floor has got broken glass on it.

There was a lady on the dancefloor in trainers.   God but she looked comfy.  I wished my converses weren't back at the house under the settee.   Admittably she also looked like a lesbian.  I think she was a lesbian.   But that's not necessarily a negative.

So, anyway, from now on.  No more heels.  It's comfort over sexy, sassy, sophisticated, all those words that I fail miserably at.   I always look like Barbara Windsor in heels anyway.

My new mission in life is to find flat shoes that will still look good for weddings/nights out/stock controller training courses in fancy hotels.  I'm not sure such a thing exist.   But I will make it my business to find them.  Watch this space...

When Grandma and Grandad came to visit and we went to a fete and a fun day. By Bessie

On Friday Grandma and Grandad came to stay for Mummy's birthday.    Tom had an appointment and Katie needed to pop into school to take her art folder for an exhibition (Did I tell you she got an A* in art?)   so they was running round all afternoon running errands.  Then Daddy came home so they could have dinner and wine for the ladies, beer for the men.

On Saturday it was raining all morning so we just sat in the conservatory and admired me mainly.  In the afternoon it stopped for a bit so we went to the fete in the next village.   Well, if you can call a goat on a string, a coconut shy and a stall sending tat someone found in their village a fete.    Thank god for Avril and her chutneys or it would have been a complete waste of time.    The humans all paid 50p to get in then Mummy and Grandma both guessed the weight of the goat for a chance to win the goat.    Then they bought some chutney and left...after about a minute and a half.

So we went for a walk through the village instead then came home for a nap/cup of tea depending on your species.

In the evening the humans went to the eat as much as you can fit in your gob restaurant in Cardiff.   This is what my Mummy had for her birthday tea:   Sushi, chilli, chicken korma, biryani, chips, egg fried rice, prawn crackers, poached salmon, cauliflower cheese, salad, noodles and olives.  And for pudding she had trifle and cheesecake with custard. 

On Sunday it was the basset club summer fun day.   We got up super early cos we had to pick up two foster doggies on the way.    Grandma and Grandad said they had seen enough Bassets for one weekend so they went home.  Tom and Katie didn't want to come but Bryn did so us houndies, Mummy, Daddy and Bryn got in the car and drove to the fun day.   When we got there Mummy and Mr Wayne went to fetch the foster dogs, Bill and Ben.   Mr Wayne's houndies, Ronnie and Rosie and his son Ben sat with us, Daddy and Bryn and waited.   

After a while Mummy and Mr Wayne brought the foster dogs back.  They were very good foster dogs.  Ben was a little bit whiney but Bill was super laid back.    Aunty Louise and Uncle Dave and the houndies were there too, then Tilly and Bert and Jazz and Fin came.  We had a super fun day.   It was quieter than usual cos a lot of the people had gone to a dog show but we still had a good time.  Daddy said Mark's barbeque was the best he ever tasted.   

Lotty won the sausage race.   Rosie won Miss World.   We came second in the fancy dress to a little girl and basset in fairy costumes.   Mummy was keen to use the lion costume again.  We have already done Wizard of Oz and Lion King so we did Lion, the witch and the wardrobe.   I think the lion costume has had it now.    Thank god.   And then Bill and Ben won the trophy for dog the judge would most like to take home, so we get to keep the trophy for a whole year.   It is on the mantelpiece now.

Then it was time to go home so Bill and Ben went home with Mr Wayne in the bassetmobile and we said goodbye to all our friends and had a little nap in the car and when we woke up we were home.

p.s. the prize in the guess the goat competition was actually a bottle of wine.  I just said it was the goat for comedic effect.

Back at the lakes. By Bessie

On Sunday we went for a Basset Waddle at Cosmeston Lakes.   We were a bit worried cos there was a family fun run being held on the same day and we thought it might be busy but I think more people turned up for our walk than the fun run.   We had 28 bassets and 4 honoury bassets (ie dogs that are not Bassets).   We had a brilliant day except for losing Tilly and Bertie's cousin dog Bentley the sheepdog.  He followed the wrong dog and ended up back at the car park.    Bertie, Tilly and Lotty took some humans back to find him.  Luckily he made it back and was waiting by the cars.  So we waited for them to catch us up and all was fine.

It was a beautiful sunny day and we stopped at the lake for a picnic and luckily there were no dead fishes there this time.   Shirley stole a dentastik out of the bottom of a strangers pram and it was at that point we decided we had probably been sat picnicking long enough and carried on with our walk.  As we passed the main lake where all the people were, an old man sat on a bench KICKED Carly as she walked past.  Mummy told him if she ever saw him do that again she would kick his head in.  (Cos she's polite like that)    Then Lotty started running towards a family having a picnic.  Mummy could see a bread roll lay on top of a tupperware so she shouted "PICK UP YOUR SANDWICH" but they all just sat there smiling.  When Mummy got there she managed to pull Lotty away just before she snatched the roll and apologised like a million times and the family just carried on smiling.  Afterwards Mummy said she didn't think they spoke English and Daddy said they spoke perfect English.  "Then why didn't they pick up their rolls?"   Bryn said "It wasn't a roll, it was a chapati."     Oh well that's ok then.

I blame One Direction for everything. By Bessie

Chalky and Revel stayed with us for just over a week.  Last Tuesday Miss Elaine came to collect them.    They were very good foster dogs and we loved having them around.  It was just that one dog too much though having five.  Even Mummy admits that.

Lotty has an ear infection.  Mummy took her to the vets.  She cried all the way there (Lotty not Mummy.  Mummy's not great in the car but she's slightly better than Lotty).    She cried the whole time in the waiting room.  When the vet examined her she did the scream of death so loud people fell out of bed three streets away (most likely).    Then the vet charged £130 and Mummy did the scream of death too (probably).

Anyway she's been having her antibiotics twice a day for over a week now and she's still no better.   She bites too when she has her meds so Mummy has a lot of new scars.

On Friday Mummy went to Wantage to Aunty Spam's house for their annual night out with Aunty Looby.  She was planning on leaving work at 4 and going straight there.  So she franked Grandad's birthday card ready to stick in the franking post box at the end of the road.  But then just before 4 Rhys, the TNT driver, came in and said it had taken him an hour to get from town to work and that every single road in Newport was at a standstill.  One Direction were playing the Millenium Stadium and Manic Street Preachers were playing at Cardiff Castle and there was a 45 mile traffic jam on the M4 so everyone was coming through Newport.

So Mummy thought well I'm not going anywhere so she decided to wait in work until the traffic had calmed down a bit.    Then Bryn phoned and said he was at Tesco and could Mummy come and pick him up.  She said no she couldn't cos she couldn't get to Tesco.  So he said ok how about KFC?  She said she literally couldn't leave work cos there honestly was standing traffic right outside the window by this point.  And anyway, she said, if you're going to walk to KFC you may as well walk home.  So she told him he could either walk home and be home in half an hour or he could walk to work and be home whenever the bloomin eck they get home.  

Anyway ten minutes later he turned up at work and said the traffic is ok up to the corner so Mummy thought she knows a route home so her and Bryn left and they got to the corner but the traffic was stopped and they couldn't get to the franking post box so Mummy said it's OK I will post the birthday card at the next post box and hope she doesn't get a nasty letter from the Royal Mail for putting it in the wrong post box (again).  So they went through the back alleys of the industrial estate and came out on the marshes where there was no traffic and went home under the really low railway bridge which is a bit scary and they only use in emergencies.

Then Mummy dropped Bryn off at home and went to Aunty Spam's house and Aunty Looby was already there so they got their party clothes on and went nightclubbing.  It was an 80s night and there was a tribute band who were amazing.   They danced all night and their feeties are still hurting like five days later.  Oh and when she got there she found Grandad's birthday card on the passenger seat and finally got to post it.

South Wales Dog and Family Fun Day. By Bessie

Bank holiday Monday was the South Wales Dog and Family Fun Day at which we, the Basset Rescue Network of Great Britain were having a stall.  It was our first show and we were all terrified it would be a complete disaster.   On Sunday Jeffersonmummeezellen, Jeffersondaddeezdarren, Bumble and Bridget came for Sunday dinner.  After dinner Sam came with our new foster doggies Chalky and Revel.    We 7 houndies helped the humans wrap all the prizes for the doggy lucky dip.

The next morning we had to get up at 6am to go to the show.   Looby and Dave came and then it was time to go to the show.  We had to be on site and set up by 8.30.  Carly and Lotty stayed home with Daddy and the rest of us and Katie went to Barry.  

We got there at 8.20 but the gazebo popped up fast and we was set up nice and quick.   It was a good show, loads and loads of people came and bought our doggy pick n mix.   That was good cos Mummy had been baking every night for an entire week and she would have cried if nobody had bought any.   And the lucky dip was popular.

Everyone wanted to cuddle with Chalky and Revel.  Mummy and Sam took them into the ring for the dogs looking for homes parade.  It was all a bit embarrassing really.  They didn't know there was going to be a parade so they never wrote a speech.  Mind you they wouldn't have had one ready anyway cos Chalky and Revel only came to us at the very last minute.  So when the lady gave Mummy the microphone she didn't have a clue what to say and muttered and stammered and said about 3 words.  When they got back to the stand Looby and Jeffersonmummeezellen were still laughing at her speech.

Theresa and Doug came too with Poppy, Bella and their foster dog Navi and we now have someone wanting to adopt Navi, which is super awesome.

We had a VIP area at the back of our stand and there was 11 houndies in there in the end.  Apart from the gazebo blowing away and knocking the entire contents of the table over and it being cold and windy we had an amazing day and made loads of money and got loads of people wanting to adopt bassets.

Then we went put all our things in the cars and we went home and had tea and Chalky and Revel are staying at our house for the week.  They are very good foster dogs and Carly loves them which is a big bonus.

Basset Picnic. By Bessie

On Sunday we went to a Basset party at Miss Paula's house.   Us houndies went with Mummy, Tom and Katie.  Bryn stayed home to help Daddy with the pond.

We wanted to get there at 11.30 to help set up.  Well first we were running 15 minutes late cos Katie wouldn't get a move on then we got stuck in a classic car rally about two miles away from Paula's house.   It took 45 minutes to drive the quarter mile through this village.  All the people had come out of their houses and were sitting on the kerb on their garden chairs waving flags.  Mummy waved at the people and Katie was embarrassed.  She was most embarrassed when this man was taking photos of the classic cars then put his camera down when he saw our car.  Mummy wound down the window to shout "OI TAKE MY PHOTO" and Katie said "NO. There's a line and you SOOO crossed it".

Anyway when we got to Paula's house we went for a walk in the woods with our friends.  There were 32 bassets and 2 non bassets.    Some people said 31 bassets and 3 non bassets but they counted Navi as a non basset and that is mean.    There was a couple eating their lunch in the middle of the path and they wouldn't move or pick up the bag with their food in it.  So, naturally, 32 bassets and 2 non bassets stuck their heads in the bag and the people were very cross.    We say very stupid though.

When we got back the humans had lunch and we had snossijs and there was a raffle and we all had our photos taken.  We had good fun playing with our friends.

On the way home the M4 was closed at junction 13 so we had to do an enormous diversion and we didn't get home til 7pm.   Daddy had taken Bryn to McDonalds for tea cos they couldn't possibly cook.

Goodbye Nelson. By Bessie

Daddy and the small minihumans went away for a long weekend.  Mummy and Tom took Nelson to his new home.  First they went to Miss Liz's house to pick Tibs up.   Tibs and Nelson were very pleased to see each other.     Then they went to Nelson and Tibs new home to do the homecheck which was a big success so Nelson and Tibs got tot stay forever and ever and ever.    

We miss Nelson but we are very happy him and Tibs are back together and their new mum and dad are lovely.

Last weekend we went on a pack walk to Cotswold Water Park.   It was a nice walk but it was very cold.  We met some people - Oscar and Max - what we are friends with on the facebook and now in the real true life too.  We like it when facebook friends become real true life friends.  And we got to play with our friends Shirley and Ollie.   Carly always shows off when she sees Shirley cos they had that weekend in that there London together last year so she thinks Shirley is her friend and not mine. Poor Mr Guy had to do the whole walk twice cos he thought we had got lost so he went to look for us but we had just taken a short cut.    Good job he is fit and healthy, I would probably have dropped dead if I had to do the walk twice.  

Home made Instant Porridge recipe. By Sam

Finally I have perfected my home made instant porridge recipe.  You know those little sachets or tubs of porridge that you can buy?   The ones where you just add water are about £1 each to buy in the supermarket.   Here it is:

4 dessert spoons oats
1.5 dessert spoons skimmed milk powder
half teaspoon brown sugar (sugar to taste really, I don't like it too sweet)
and whatever the bloomin eck you want to put in to make it interesting:    I like mixed spice and raisins one day, freeze dried strawberries the next, anything dry really, nuts, dried fruit.  You don't want to put anything wet in if you're saving it to heat up later.  

I put my ingredients in a little thermal mug and take it to work, when I'm ready for brekkies quarter fill with boiling water, stir and leave for 5 minutes.

Save yourself a fortune if you're like me and don't want breakfast at home but then realise you're starving hungry when you get to work...

...in theory.   Then the sandwich man comes in his little dingaling icecream van and I NEED a potato dog NOW.

What we did for Easter. By Bessie

On Thursday Mummy and Daddy went to fetch Gertie from Aunty Lesley's and then on Friday Mummy took Gertie to Looby's house.   It was Looby's birthday and Spam and Ellen came too and Spam said she thought Mummy would have brung Bessie.  But she never brung Bessie, she brunged Gertie instead.   Bessie was a sad girl being left behind.

It was Looby's birthday so they bought her some nice presents and she opened them all and then Gertie's new mummy and Grandma came to pick her up and some of Looby's friends came over for birthday tea.

In the evening the humans drank a bit of wine and vodka and stuff and played silly buggers.

On Sunday it was Easter and we went for a walk with the pack to Somerset.   Nelson came too.  He was very good and went off lead and didn't shout or snap at anybody.  There were 15 bassets and Chester the Doberman and we went to the pub and Mark made fudge and apparently it was the best fudge ever.

Nelson has a new home to go to.  Daddy is going to Grandad's house tomorrow with Katie and Bryn and Tom and Mummy are taking Nelson to his new home on Saturday.  We will miss him.  Mummy is already a big blubbery mess thinking about him leaving.

photos and video of our pack walk

Things what happened lately. By Bessie

Hi Guys!  (as all the best bloggers say).  I have been so busy I haven't had time to blog in forever.   We have a foster dog at the moment, Nelson.   He's been here for two weeks now.  

But I will get to that later.    In February we had our youngest dog ever come into rescue.  Honey was only 14 weeks old.   Looby picked her up from her home and brought her to our house and she stayed overnight.  We were all a bit nervous about having such a young baby in the house but she was very good.   The next day Mummy and Katie took her to her new home in Oldham.    They stopped on the way to see Aunty Diane, Millie and Lola.    Millie was in a good mood and let Mummy give her cuddles.   Honey got a bop on the nose off one of the puddytats, she didn't like that.

Then Aunty Diane went to Rachel's house with Mummy, Katie and Honey.   Lulu and Bill loved Honey and the humans too of course so Mummy said ok she can stay with you forever and ever and ever.  Then they took Aunty Diane home and went to Grandma and Grandad's.   When they got there baby Louisa was there cos Aunty Mic, Uncle Rob, Sasha and Ben had gone to the pictures and Grandma and Grandad were babysitting.   Baby Louisa must have thought Mummy was Aunty Mic though cos she kept getting excited then looking again and crying so Mummy had to try and sit where Baby Louisa couldn't see her.  

After Aunty Mic had taken Baby Louisa home they had tea and watched telly and stuff.  The next day they went to Wigan to do a homecheck.  Mummy and Grandma did the homecheck while Grandad and Katie went for a drive.  It was snowing in Wigan but not anywhere else, which was a bit weird.  Then they went to The Range and had hot chocolate and bought stuff they didn't really need.    And after that it was time for Mummy and Katie to come home to see their favourite dog in the whole world.  

On the way Katie wanted to go to Ikea Birmingham cos, well it was there.   Tom said Daddy was doing a job in the kitchen and there was dust everywhere so they decided they would go to Ikea then.   Ikea in Birmingham was very strange.   Even though it was 5pm on  a Saturday and it should have been super quiet, it was busier than a Saturday in December in Cardiff Ikea.    They shuffled round for a bit, decided not to have tea cos the restaurant and the hot dog stall were both chaos, then they left and stopped at KFC instead at the end of the M50.   But this man who looked like homeless Jesus was hanging his skanky long hair and his skanky long beard all over the food on the counter, including the two cokes they had poured out even though the food was nowhere near ready (Mummy hates that).  So when the man gave her the tray of food she said he forgot the cokes and he pointed to the two cokes on the counter and said they were hers.  Mummy said no they weren't she would like fresh ones please.  And homeless Jesus, swung his hair and muttered that they were hers.  Mummy just glowered at him and waited for her new drinks.   Then homeless Jesus decided he wanted to sit at the very next table.   Pffff.

I had to go to the vets cos I had another ear infection.  The vet was mean and I was scared and growled at him the whole time and he sat on the table and told me to shut up.  Then he told Mummy I was probably completely deaf in that ear.  He was a quack.   When he opened the door I ran so fast into the waiting room I knocked over a cat box and a King Charles Spaniel.   Their mummy was not impressed but I blame the vet.  He was mean and I didn't like his accent.

Looby invited Mummy, Spam and Ellen to lunch so Mummy took Lotty too cos she thought she might like a day out.  First they went to Spams and then they all got in Spams big red bus and went to pick up another rescue dog, Charlie.   Then Charlie got in the big red bus with Lotty and they went to pick up Looby and Ellen.  Then they all went to a park in Windsor to meet Lisa and Paul and the mini humans and bassets.  Charlie was going to stay with them for a few days before going to his new home in Devon.

Then they went back to Looby's and she had made a most stupendous lunch and they all had a lovely time and Lotty played with her boyfriend Bertie and Frank.   Penny had a bad leg so she couldn't play but Lotty cuddled on her bed with her to make her feel better.  I wish I had been there, I am a qualified nurse and everything.

The next day there was a basset walk in Wiltshire but Daddy didn't want to come cos he was finishing the pantry and Mummy didn't feel like driving all that way twice in a weekend so we just went for a walk up the hill instead.

Mummy and Daddy had a wedding anniversary so they went out to dinner.  We weren't invited but neither were the minihumans so that's ok.

Carly had a gotcha day.  Mummy baked biscuits in the shape of little bones and we had a tea party.

Tom doggysat for Beau, Bones and Loki.    Mummy had to go and look after them for a bit cos Tom had a job interview.    Then she had to go to Cheltenham to meet Ryan at the holiday inn.   To pick Nelson up, not for no funny business.  She did say shall we get Nelson to take our photo going in but Nelson was a spoilsport and said no.   So Ryan went home to his home and Mummy and Nelson came home to our home.  And he has been here ever since.

Daddy went away for the night with work last week so we had the whole bed to ourselves.  Of course we still all slept on Mummy's head though.

Yesterday we had the Basset Hound Takeover at the indoor dog park in Cardiff.   Some of the people came over to our house first for a pre party party.  So we had 9 dogs in the house and then we all went to Cardiff in convoy.  We got there a bit early to set up the raffle but we weren't allowed in til 4 cos they had to let all the other dogs out first.  Two German Shepherds were the last to leave.   I bet they wished they hadn't left it so late though cos when they came through the gate there were 40 basset hounds waiting in the entrance.  I bet they never expected to see that.

It was good fun at the dog park, we could all run about off the lead for two hours and run and chase and Elle was teaching all the dogs agility.  She is a good agility teacher, especially for a six year old human.  We met loads of friends and some new people we were friends with off facebook but never met before like Poppy and Matilda.   We can't wait to go again.   Nelson was a bit grumpy but he has got an ear infection and I think it was a bit overwhelming for him with so many dogs wanting to play.

Next week is Easter Holidays so we have the minihumans home all day and we are going to Somerset with the walking club on Sunday.

Who is Robert Wagner anyway? By Bessie.

On Saturday we had a committee meeting at our house but really just an excuse to drink too much and eat too much.    Spam, Looby, Jeffersonmummeezellen and Jeffersondaddeezellen came with Penny, Bumble, Bridget and Daisy.    The mens went to the pub to watch the football and the ladies had a meeting.  They did talking about important things and stuff despite what the photos that I can't show you might imply.

Then the mens came back and everybody did tequila shots and we houndies had our dinner and then the humans had party tea.   Then we went in the lounge and played games.     Board games I mean, not throwing your car keys in a bowl type games.  We don't have enough beds for that and even if we did there would be houndies asleep on all of them.

Looby painted a moose-tache on Spam's face then labelled her own boobies Phil and Grant.   Like you do.  Mummy said after it would have been funny to swap the dry wipe marker for a permanent marker but I think Aunty Spam would probably not agree.

And Robert Wagner won at Trivial Pursuit.  Who would have guessed?

It's all go at Houndy HQ.    I don't know how we manage to fit in running round like feral beasts on top of everything else we have to do.

50 shades of shut the f*** up. By Sam.

I am bored bored bored of all this 50 shades talk.   There's something a little distasteful about a load of middle aged women all giggling about potentially having the crap beaten out of them by the serial killer from The Fall.

UGH.   Behave.   Be different.

And I will most definitely not be buying anything from the bondage underwear department in Tesco.  If I did want to buy bondage underwear I would choose somewhere a bit more niche...who am I kidding?    Primark all the way.

Happy Valentines you bunch of weirdos.

this is why I won't be going to the cinema

Childhood ruined. By Sam.

I wanted to read the Enchanted Wood again to see if it was as good as I remember.   Bad idea.  Childhood ruined.    When I was little this trilogy was my favourite.  I reread them over and over.   I remember being terrified of the Snowman and Dame Slap and actually feeling real terror, when your heart starts pounding and you go boiling hot.    I thought the children were so amazing and Moon Face was kindly.  

But now I realise it was all a con.   Jo is a rude obnoxious little boy who needs a good slap.   Their parents are lazy and irresponsible.   Bessie is a doormat who is made to do all the work just because she is a girl and she just sits back and takes it.   Moonface is rude and disrespectful.    The danger is non existent, the snowman is less menacing than Winnie the Pooh.   The tree doesn't even seem so big.  Now as I'm reading the only danger I can sense is the branches snapping under the weight of them or being bitten by a wild animal.   I wish I had never read it again.    I'm sad now.  

Maybe tomorrow I will reread Malory Towers and realise that Alicia is a big slag and Darryl is a lesbian.

I know these books were written for a different time but were things so old fashioned when I was a child that I thought the family dynamics in these stories were normal?   No wonder modern day children refuse to read Enid Blyton.  She wasn't right in the head.

Tuesday wrote Mr Kipling. By Bessie

Yesterday Mummy had a day off.  Friday is supposed to be her day off but she swapped it for yesterday cos Katie had a hospital appointment.  So they went to Asda first and did half the food shop.  They didn't have time to finish so they said they would come back later and finish in the chilled aisles.  

They walked to the hospital and waited way longer than ten minutes.  There was a sign on the wall that said "if you are kept waiting more than ten minutes after your appointment time please tell reception" but it seemed a bit rude so they just waited.  Then Katie went to see the physiotherapist and she gave her some more exercises for her bad hip and checked she was doing the ones she had been given properly, which she had.

Then they went back to Asda but by now they had been nearly three hours so they couldn't stay any longer or they would get fined so they went to Lidl and got the chilled stuff, which is always a a bad move cos now the fridge is full of german snossijs which they didn't really need but couldn't resist.

Then Daddy phoned and asked Mummy if she was busy and she said she was busy but he said he needed her to come into work cos they needed to take the annual team photo for their bosses budget meeting and today was the only day everybody was in before Monday, when the meeting is.  Mummy said "But everybody isn't in.  I'm not in."  But Daddy said she didn't count cos she was only round the corner.  Except she wasn't cos she was actually in town.  So Mummy said she would come later after she picked Bryn up from school.

Then she went to the chemist and collected her prescription, picked Bryn up from school and then went to work to have the photo taken.  Daddy and their boss were pretending not to be annoyed cos she was wearing a Gryffindor hoody, jeans and doc martens and the day before she had been wearing a pretty dress and high heels.  But she had been in work the day before, she wasn't going to walk round town dressed like that now was she?  So her boss fetched a coat with the company logo on and she said "Don't you like my jumper?"  And he said he was a slytherin man himself and Mummy said no he was a Hufflepuff and he knows it.

Then about an hour later they finally got everybody in the right place at the right time to take the photo but then the phone rang and someone ran off to answer it then someone else told Mummy about a really big spider that had come in that morning in a delivery from India so she went to look for it cos there was an old fishtank in the car park and she thought she could have kept it in it as a pet.  But it turned out that whoever found the spider had panicked and squashed it dead so she doesn't have a pet spider this time.

Then finally the photo was taken and Mummy could go home and unpack the shopping even though all the frozen things were starting to melt.  Then it was time to take us to the V E T.  Me and Lotty were having our vaccinations which winds Mummy up every year cos she knows we don't need them but we can't go to softplay or in kennels - if there is an emergency - without them.   Carly wanted to come along for the ride and we were all going to have our nails done.   We had to wait ages in the waiting room cos it was really busy and emergencys kept coming in and by the time we got seen we had been waiting 40 minutes and Carly had decided she owned the entire waiting room and was starting to lunge at dogs coming in.   We got weighed, I am 23kg, Carly 18kg and Lotty 17kg.  Mummy said she thought I was loads more than that cos I am big and fat and full of poo.

We went into the V E T room and we had our jabs and then two nurses came in and cut our nails.  They did a really good job and they are nice and short even if when she touched my broken toe I cried and she had to leave that one.

Then we got back in the car (that Lotty had weed in) and came home and had our tea then we watched Eastenders and a programme about the top 100 dum dum dums in Eastenders but we missed the end cos Daddy wanted to watch Silent Witness.  That was a story about a man who wanted to do sex with his own sister - who only wore see through clothes - so he killed her boyfriend but all the way through everyone thought it was a story about the KGB and stuff but really it was just a jealous incesty man.

Daddyisms

You might have noticed that a few months ago I accidentally deleted the entire page of Daddyisms by accident.  So it has taken a long time but I have managed to remake the page but I made it on a different blog so I couldn't break it again.   Here is the link:

http://daddyismsbybessie.blogspot.co.uk/

NO CHIPS??? By Bessie

On Friday Mummy finally had her first day off all month so her and Tom went to Cwmbran to get him a new phone as his is broke and Mummy cancelled his contract.    They found a good deal in the EE shop so they signed up and got the phone then went to buy shoes in the sale in Primark.   Mummy got a pair of boots for £5 and shoes for £4 so she was happy.  Then they went to Asda to buy a bag of salad for tea but after carrying it round all day remembered Daddy was taking them out for tea so she needn't have bothered.

On Friday night my humans went to the Beefeater for tea on account of Daddy having a half price voucher and fancying a meal out (aka being bored of eating things out of the slowcooker I bet).    When the man sat them down at the same table they always sit in even though Mummy was muttering please don't sit us at that table, he said "Just to let you know we have no fillet steak, grilled salmon or fish and chips."   Daddy wasn't listening properly though and went "NO CHIPS??"    So the man sighed and bent right into Daddy's face and said it all again, very slowly and very loudly.    Everyone else was trying not to laugh so hard they couldn't tell him what they wanted to drink for choking.  Mummy said they were all going to get their drinks spat in now and it was Daddy's fault.

Then the waitress came and they all ordered and ONE WHOLE HOUR later the food arrived but the air conditioning had been turned on about ten minutes before and the place was absolutely freezing, especially for my humans as the air con unit was directly over the table.  They all put their coats back on and Daddy asked the waitress to turn it off.  She said someone on the other side of the room complained it was too hot so she would wait a few minutes then turn it off again.

Anyway, she did and it was all nice and cosy but then ten minutes later it went back on again so they just gave up and ate their food with their coats on.   But other than that it was nice even if Daddy did complain that his portion was too small.  He said it wasn't far that Tom's chicken linguine was a bigger portion than his chicken and chips but Tom said they were completely different types of food so how could the portion sizes be the same but Daddy said they should all weigh the same.   Mummy said they should all shut up and look at her dinner.  It was served on a chopping board.  She said it looked like something Jamie Oliver had dished up and how was she supposed to eat her dinner off a chopping board.   Daddy said serving food on a chopping board is unhygienic.

On Saturday Mummy, Daddy and Katie went to Ikea on a so called pricing exercise.  Next job on the house is the pantry so they found some nice shelving and measured up and decided what they need.   Mummy almost managed to leave Ikea without buying anything.  She made it past the candles, the picture frames, the cushions, even the potted plants but then couldn't resist a hot dog.  

Then they had the bag of salad for tea that Mummy had carried all round Cwmbran in her handbag.

Today we have had a nice lazy day.  On Tuesday we are going to the vet to have our vaccinations and our nails cut.  I broke a toenail jumping on the bed on Friday.  It hurted.

Louisa's Christening

The first weekend of January Daddy, Katie and Bryn went to visit Grandad.  Mummy and Tom stayed home to look after us.   On the Saturday we sat and watched Food Network, went for a walk to the golf club and back and then they were inspired...not to cook.  Just to eat.  So they went to Tesco to choose something for their tea.  We were all wondering what exciting thing they would come back with after watching Sweet Genius and Jamie Oliver and Barefoot Contessa all day long.

For their tea they had a chicken sandwich, a bag of crisps and a bottle of coke.   whhhooooo.

On the Sunday me and Mummy went to do a homecheck at Tilly's house.   We had to check that they had a good supply of dentastix.  Check.   And that the tea was good.  Check.    They passed and now Bertie lives at their house.  Not Louise's Bertie, a new Bertie.  We have now rehomed 5 Berties.

Louisa was Christened last Sunday.  Mummy is now her fairy godmother.  We all went to the Christening, on account of Mummy forgetting that Lotty's vaccinations were out of date so we couldn't go in kennels and it was too long to leave us at home on our own.  So we all got up at 6am and the humans put their bestest clothes on and we washed our feets and then we got in the car and we drove to Aunty Mic's house and then we got out and went for a walk to the park and then we stayed at Aunty Mic's house while they went to the Christening.   Louisa looked beautiful in her Christening gown.  The vicar was funny, he spoke really fast and he even said he did and he was trying not to and he read everything at 400 miles an hour and the christening lasted about 30 seconds.

Then the humans came back and Mummy let us out in the garden and we had a cuddle and then they went to the pub for a couple of hours for a party and then they came back and we went for a long walk to a place called Fiddlers Ferry which sounded interesting but turned out to be a power station.   It was very cold, much colder than it is in Wales but we had a fun walk and we met a friendly Boxer and a shouty Chow.

Then it was time to go home so we got in the car and we drove home.  The humans stopped for tea at FranklymydearIdon'tgiveadamn services but Mummy stayed in the car to look after us.  Everyone else went inside and had a burger king but she had a cup of lukewarm tea out of a flask for her dinner.

Things we did in December. By Bessie

Penny, Frank and Bertie came to play for the day.   Apparently that's called a playdate but that sounds lame.    We took them up the hill to the big house and to see the horses in the field.   Bertie weed under the Christmas tree but Penny and Frank were very good.

Aunty Mic, Uncle Rob, Ben and baby Louisa came to visit us the Saturday before Christmas.  We had never seen a human baby before, we like baby Louisa.  She was a bit scared though and cried when we shouted hello at her.  We all went for a walk, baby Louisa got to sit in a pram.  I wish I had a pram.

The Sunday before Christmas was the Branch Christmas party.   It was loads of fun, there was a fun dog show and we did win some rosettes but I can't remember what in.   Lotty came second in prettiest girl, I do remember that.    We didn't win the fancy dress though, we was absolutely gutted, we have never been beaten.  I blame Mummy.  Cos Daddy was in bed with the flu the whole of the week before she didn't have time to make us decent costumes cos she had to work every day and then do all the at home stuff too so she rushed our costumes the night before.  We went as a primary school nativity with teatowels on our heads and a hush puppy dolly as our baby Jesus.  Mummy says it was supposed to be ironic, I say it was just plain lazy.  Serves her right.

There was a vet there doing eye testing for the Basset Health Group so we all had our eyes tested by the sexy (according to Mummy) and under dressed (according to Daddy) vet.    My eyes were 90% abnormal so I very high chance of glaucoma but vet said that was expected in ten year old houndy.  Lotty's eyes were worrysome, he said she got bad eyes for a young dog and will need testing again in a year.  Carly's eyes were perfect.

We saw another baby at the party too and now we are all experts at babys and we would have babysitted and taken the baby on the field for a run about and everything but Miss Zoe didn't offer to let us and Mummy said it was rude to ask.

For Christmas I got a blue dolphin and Carly got a sheep and Lotty got a choklit flavoured bone.  It wasn't real choklit, it just smelled like choklit.   Mummy said it smelled like plastic and slobber but what would she know.  She's no scent hound.   After I ripped up mine and Carly's presents we all lined up for a chew of Lotty's bone and I was first in line but then I fell asleep and missed my turn.

This is what the humans got for Christmas:   Tom got a new coat and a game called cards against humanity and a controller for his PS4.  Katie got a laptop and perfume.   Bryn got a remote control helicopter and a pedal for his guitar.   Daddy got a tablet computer thingy and Mummy got a giant slowcooker and Daddy framed three really lovely basset pictures for her.  They have pride of place in the hall now so they the first thing you see when you walk in.  Actually, not the first thing.  The first thing is the dead parrot holding the collection of leads.   So the second thing.  But anyway...

Mummy made a big fancy dinner, but not in the slow cooker but she says every other meal from now on will be cooked in the slow cooker.   Katie and Bryn say they are moving out.  As Katie is not a vegetablist any more she didn't have a pot noodle for her Christmas dinner, which made a nice change.

After lunch we went for a walk and then Daddy and Bryn played with Bryn's helicopter in the field and we watched.

On Boxing Day Grandma and Grandad came to stay.  We had another christmas and it was loads of fun.  We played Cards against Humanity and Trivial Pursuit and we went for walks and we had another christmas dinner.

Mummy went to Aunty Spam's on the 29th cos it was Aunty Spam's birthday.  They went to the pub and then Ryan made buffet tea and they played games and did loud stuff and Aimee had to make a formal complaint about the loudness.