How Bessie had bacon for the first time, got sucked into the mud monsters lair and nearly drowned. By Bessie

Today we went out with the Basset Hound Walkers.  Mummy made picnics for the humans and Daddy said him always gets starving on these walks so Mummy made extra food and she made snossij and bacon rolls for them to eat when them got there.  We houndy girls is not allowed to eat before we go out in the car or we is sick so we not have no breakfast.  When we got there we was starving and then Mummy took the snossij and bacon rolls and handed them out.  And her had made us houndies rolls too!  Them was the tastiest things we ever tasted.  We was so happy.

Lucky we did get there first and we got a good parking spot cos the car park got full up and all the basset people did double park so we could fit more cars in.  Then we did go on our walk.  We all posed for Mr Dave's group photo and him did a count and him think there 22 bassets and 4 other dogs.  Lotty not want to walk with us cos there was some little terriers and her loves to run with them so her did run off and play with her new friends.  We went on the beach and then we walked down a VERY muddy path.  Sometimes there was massive deep puddles and the humans climbed over the barbed wire fence and went through the farmers field instead but us houndies had to get wet and muddy cos we couldn't climb over the fence.

Then we got to this bit where the water was so deep and wide that the humans all had to shimmy along a fence to get to the other side but us houndies was sposed to walk through.  Well Lotty did run through and all the other houndies ran through but me and Carly didn't want to get wet and we waited for Daddy to come back but him say no so Katie did try and come back but her couldn't reach us so everyone say we have to wade through the water.  Carly goed first and everyone did clap and cheer and then me did stand and cry and me think me has to go through cos my Mummy on the other side calling me and me really want my Mummy.  So me did wade through the deep water and it very cold and very wet and everyone cheer very loud and do lots of clapping and Mummy give me big kiss and cuddle.  Me hope Mr Dave didn't get that on his video, it be very embarrassing.  Daddy say he think the video camera was turned off while Mr Dave went through the water.

Then me did have a little snack of cow poo but me got a little bit on my chin and ears and Mummy say "Ugh Bess stinks" and Daddy say "Your breath stinks?" and Mummy say "Yes cos that's exactly the kind of thing I'm going to announce".  Anyway then Mummy not want to cuddle me anymore cos her say me smell kind of rank.

Then we walked up the mountain, it was a long way up and we was very tired when we got to the top.  The humans opened their picnics and Mummy gave us all some treats and we had a little rest but then we thought Mummy looked like her was struggling with her big picnic so Lotty ate all her pizza for her and Carly ate half her scone and I ate half her caramac.  Her was not very grateful for our help though.  Humans are very strange creatures sometimes.

Then we walked down the mountain.  Down was much easier.  Mummy was chatting to this lady and them was chatting for ages about this and that when suddenly them realised them already new each other and had spoked loads on the phone cos this lady was also a basset welfare rep.  Them was laughing and them did think it was very nice to meet each other.

When we got to the bottom of the mountain we did cross the main road and we was sposed to run fast across the road and jump through a stile.  We had to take it in turns cos the stile was right next to the road and there was only room for one human at a time to stand there without being runned over.  Anyway we was waiting when Mr Dave realised Matilda was missing so Mummy and Katie and us went back and Katie helped him go and look for her.  Katie did find her sitting in a farmers field munching on a cow poo so her brought her back and we did all line up to cross the road.  When it was our go Mummy ran with me and Carly but we did panic cos this lady was trying to pull us through the stile and we not want to go through the stile so we both backing up into the road and another lady ran over and helped Mummy push our bums through.  That was a bit embarrassing (again) and we hope Mr Dave not put that in the film (again, him was filming this time).

Then we walked through some farmers fields and over a stream and Daddy tried to wash my face in the stream but it very cold water so me did fight him and me did win.  Then we went in the tea shop and this woman what worked there came over to some of the people with us and say "who organised this outing" and someone say "Him is in the toilet" and her say "You should have phoned ahead, we might run out of scones now".  One of the men in our group says "it ok, there's not that many of us, if you run out we will have something else" and her say "Me was thinking of the people what come in after you, if I run out it be your fault".  It be 4 o'clock on a Sunday afternoon in October, it be 7 degrees out, me not think they be getting much more business in  an outdoor tea shop.

Then her realise her a cow and she say "Not that I don't appreciate your custom and I love your beagles" and then her goes off and everyone is laughing, even people what is not with us.  Then Mr Dave comes back and them tells him what her said.  So when the waitress lady (a different lady from the other one) brings his cream tea him says I only wanted one scone and her say "a cream tea is 2 scones and a cup of tea, half a cream tea is one scone and a cup of tea.  You ordered a cream tea, not half a cream tea".  So him say "But I only want one scone, can you take the other one back please?" and her say "but you already paid for it" and him say "that's OK, I only want one though so please take one back" and her say "but you paid for it, you can't have your money back" and him say "I don't want my money back but if you leave 2 scones I'll eat them both and I shouldn't eat them both.  So why don't you take one back so you don't run out" and her say "I can't do that because the records will say more cream teas have been eaten that have been eaten".  Then one of the other men picks up the scone and sticks it in his mouth and says"there you go, the scone is gone now".  And the waitress stomps off and everyone is laughing and the man and lady at the next table what is not with us comes over and says how funny that was and how rude the staff all is and them does have cuddles with us and Mummy says them should not touch my chin or ears and them gives me a stroke on the head instead.

Then the minihumans had an icecream and we had some treats and after all the other basset people had gone home we went to play on the beach on our own.  It was freezing though and Carly was sat on Mummy's lap on the beach shivering and whimpering so Mummy say her think it time to go home now so we went and got in the car and went home.

When we got home we had to have a bath and then we had our tea and then we watched X Factor.

Here's a video of our walk. 5:00 you see me nearly drown