Bugger off with your lifestyle survey. By Sam

Where do these piggin people get our number from anyway?  This one tonight, says her name's Mel.  Doesn't sound like a Mel to me.  So Katie answers and she says "Is this Mrs Samantha Morgan?"
So Katie says "No, I'll go and get her" and 'Mel' says "Hello my name is Mel.  I'm calling to do a short lifestyle survey".
And Katie's shouting "No, wait" but she's just wobbling on so Katie passes the phone to me and she's still going "And is this -inserts my name, address and postcode (creepy)".
"What the hell?" I ask Katie, "is this one of them answer machines?  I'm still not Alison Vettus".
"Who is this?  How did you get our number?"  I bark.
"Hello my name is Mel.  I'm calling to do a short lifestyle survey, it will only take 5 minutes".
"I haven't got 5 minutes" I say.
"It will only take 2 minutes" she says.
"I still haven't got time" - I'm in the middle of a very important game of solitaire. (I don't tell her that, I don't think she'd listen anyway).
"It will only take one minute".
"Sorry, I'm feeding the dogs" I say, waving the tub of treats so they'll bark (they don't for the first time ever in the history of my dogs world), "Bye" and as I put the phone down I hear her say "It will only take 30 seconds".

Sorry love, I know you're only doing your job but surely there must be a better way to earn a living?  Like a funeral parlour make up artist maybe?  Or emptying the sanitary disposal bins in public toilets?

And more to the point, where did they get my name, address and phone number from?

And isn't lifestyle a euphonism for swinging?  I don't do swinging.  Nobody would have me.