What we have learned so far about selling your house. By Bessie

We, me and Mummy, has read millions of things on the internet and seen all the property telly programmes and read property magazines in the dentist waiting room and talked to everyone we knows about selling houses.  And we has been given a lot of advice.  Some of it is quite conflicting and confusing, like depersonalise your house cos people can't imagine their stuff in there if there's too much of your stuff.  But then they also say empty houses are harder to sell cos people can't imagine their stuff in there if there is no furniture *screams*  Are people really that stupid?  Don't answer that.  Anyway we have written a list of things we think work and don't work.  Of course you has to bear in mind our house has been for sale for 5 months, we have had 9 viewings - them do say on average 12-15 people will view before someone buys - so we is clearly no experts.

• If your estate agent offers to take people round, let them.  That is what you is paying them for and they knows best.  Probably though you will get most of your viewings on a Saturday and if your estate agent is like ours they is too busy to accompany viewers on a weekend so you have to do it yourself anyway.  
• Don't have too many people in the house when people come to view cos it makes the house look crowded and smaller.  If the estate agent is showing them round, then let him in and go for a walk round the block.  Most people don't stay longer than 10 minutes anyway.  If you is showing people round yourself then just the adult grown ups should be there.  If you has little children one of the adults should take them out.
• As above, make sure the children are out of the way and the pets too.  Hide all the dog and cat bowls and beds.  We always put them in the boot of the car when we has a viewing.  If you has a fishtank turn the lights on even if the fishies are supposed to be asleep, cos they look dirty and gloomy with the lights off.  Get the children to take the dogs for a walk at least half an hour before people come so you can hoover the hair up.  
• Make sure you pull weeds up off the path and drive, and sweep the step and pick up any crisp packets that have blown onto the lawn or poos that next door but ones cat has done on your garden (grr norty cat).  If people don't like the front of your house, they going to make their mind up they don't like the rest of the house before they even go inside.
• Don't do all them tricks like putting a loaf of bread in the oven or making fresh coffee.  People is not fooled by that sort of thing, they would rather smell a nice fresh air freshener smell.   We does open all the windows for a few hours before then close them just before people arrive, light a few decorative candles, nothing too stinky though and spray a air freshener called clean linen in every room.  It just smells clean not overpowering.  
• Them say take all family photos down and hide all your knicknacks.  We don't entirely agree.  We has a few family photos up cos they look nice and is in nice frames and we has a few ornaments.  Mummy did put her huge collection of basset crap in the attic but her still has her favourite basset crap on the mantelpiece.  
• When you show people into your house don't be super friendly, them will think you is desperate.  You have to be nice but professional.  When they have finished the tour then ask them if they want to look round on their own while you go in the garden.  If they is still there after half an hour it OK to offer them a cup of tea but don't offer them one when they arrive.  They is coming to look at the house not be entertained by you.
• Don't talk about money, that is the estate agents job.
• Show them into the nicest room first and open the door and let them walk in first.  
• Don't say obvious things like this is the kitchen.  Point out any period features or things you did to the house, like a fireplace or things that are included in the price like the cooker or dishwasher.
• Don't talk about DIY disasters or tell them about things that are broken.  Better to mend them things yourself then you don't need to worry about them.  People will knock you down for far more than the cost of repairs.  Like if a carpet is threadbare and will cost about £300 to replace then you should do it because people will try and knock much more off the price because of it.
• Don't slag your neighbours off or the area or schools, try and think of something nice to say about these things if they ask - but don't tell lies.
• Try to get people to come and view the house at a time when the street is normally quiet.  Between 9 and 3 on term time weekdays is good or Saturday morning.   But on the other hand try and be as flexible if you can.  The most we have ever put anyone off coming to view the house is 2 hours, we try and make ourselves available at all times.
• Try and keep the house show house tidy at all times.  It's hard when you've got a family and pets but you should really be aiming for it to take no more than 2 hours between a viewing being arranged and the house being ready to accept them.
• Be ready to show the house half an hour before the people are due.  If they come early or if you are running late you don't want them coming in to the hoover still plugged in and the floor still wet from mopping and you hot and sweaty in jogging pants.
• If you've got animals that shed hair then don't let people take their shoes off when they come in, unless they do it automatically - they will think you're very weird if you tell them to put their shoes back on.   No matter how well you hoover you will still miss some hair and when the people get back home they will notice hair on their socks and think your house must be dirty.
• If you changed rooms around to weird things then change them back, like if you turned your dining room into a kids messy room or office then change it back to a dining room.  
• If a bedroom is double sized then put a double bed in it, or push two singles together to show the room is big enough to put a double bed in.
• Set your price realistically.  Get valuations from 3 estate agents.  You don't have to go with the price that they suggest, so go with the one you think will  be best for you but choose the price that you are happiest with.  Don't go too high, people do like to barter but if it's too high for the area and type of house then people won't put it into their search criteria on rightmove/zoopla etc.  And don't go so low that you're not willing to negotiate.   Everyone likes to think they have got the best deal so they will always offer lower than you are asking.
• Replace any broken lightbulbs, inside and outside the house. 
• Redecorate with neutral colours, it will make the rooms look bigger.  Bright colours or patterns might put people off.  Paint all woodwork gloss white.  Repaint the front door and garage in a classic gloss colour like Black, Oxford Green or Buckingham Blue.
• Mow the lawn.
• If you have too much furniture in a room or furniture that is too big or the wrong style for a room then take it out.  Put it in the attic or in storage somewhere if it is stuff you are going to want in your next home.  If you won't use it again then sell it or take it to the tip or the charity shop.
• Declutter.  Get rid of any old toys, books or general bricabrac that you don't need.
• If you have more than one car in your household then park one on the drive and one in the garage.  If you haven't got room in the garage then park round the corner.  If there is nowhere to park other than your drive or the spot outside your house then park all your cars round the corner and look out for them arriving and direct them into your drive.  If the viewer can't park directly outside your house then they won't want to buy your house.
• Get the patio furniture out and clean the cobwebs off.  The outside of the house should be an extention of the home so make it look like an inviting place to sit out.  Have pots of bright flowers or a hanging basket at the front of the house.
• If you haven't got a window cleaner, get one.  And either pay him to do it or clean the guttering yourself.
• If you're leaving the oven then clean it.  They won't open it if you're showing them round but if the estate agent is and you're not there then they will.

I think that's everything we learned so far.  We doesn't always practice what we preach.  Once the people turned up half an hour early and we dogs were still here.   And once we forgot to put the step ladders away and there was a set of rusting paint splattered step ladders on the landing when they came upstairs!  And another time Mummy went to the bathroom after the estate agent had shown someone round and noticed there was hair all over the floor where she'd forgotten to hoover.  We don't know if these things were enough to stop the people buying but they didn't buy anyway.