Put them boobs away. By Bessie

Friday morning we are sat in the lounge watching out for burglars/delivery men when we seen the strangest sight walk past our window.   Two women walk past in identical outfits except one is all in black so she looks fine but the other one is wearing the exact same outfit, even down to the logo on her body warmer, but every item is a different shade of pink.   She looked like a summer pudding.    Very bizarre.   Anyway on to the interesting (in my head) stuff...

We didn't have any viewings this weekend so Mummy and the boy minihumans decide they will sell some old tat down a car boot sale.   Daddy wants to work on the garden so we houndies say we will help.  Katie is staying at her friends for the weekend.

Saturday morning Mummy and the boys go to the car boot sale.  Tom never been to one before so he didn't know what we meaned when we said watch out for the zombies.   Well, him does now.    Oh him really does.   Them backed the car into their spot and before they has even got out the zombies has the boot open and is pulling stuff out.

"Have you got any lego?"
"Have you got any stickle bricks?"
"Have you got any boys clothes age 7?"
"Have you got any priceless antiques that you might accidentally sell to me for 20p?"

They has to keep pushing the crowd back so they can put the trestle table up.   Tom is a bit freaked out, him is hyperventilating a lot and looks scared.  Mummy and Bryn do just laugh cos them is used to this zombie behaviour.   Anyone who has never sold at a car boot sale before, you has to do it just once in your life.   Put it on your bucket list, it's a crazy experience.

After the initial zombies have moved on to the next person it is pretty quiet after that.   It's the first car boot sale of the season so not many people come and it freezing cold but them stick it out til lunchtime then they pack up the car and come home and count their pennies.   Them made £24.57 after them took the £5 off for the pitch.   It not going to make us rich but it money for old rope Mummy say, it not like she had anything better to do today.

Mummy and Bryn decide while they still got all the stuff in the boot they will go on the internet and find another car boot sale to go to tomorrow.   The lady next door used to like one in Lydney so Mummy look and find one every Sunday morning there.

That evening at dinner Tom telling Daddy about these foam boobies what was in the dressing up box.   Mummy had filled a washing basket with old dressing up clothes, including these plastic comedy breasts that her bought from poundland years ago but can't remember why. Anyway Tom was just telling Daddy after dinner how embarrassing it was that the only people that looked in that basket were little girls and old ladies and that Mummy shouls spray paint them gold and sell them as Blackadder merchandise (that will make sense to anyone who remembers the episode where Blackadder's aunty comes to stay). So Daddy says "'Ere have a look at these naughty parchments" cos it was the first Blackadder line what come into his head. And Mummy says "If you want naughty parchments you can have a go on my boobs." And then the minihumans go white and Daddy drops the washing up sponge and Mummy realises what her said and her did laugh and laugh and laugh. Nobody else did though. We just thinks her is very rude and is embarrassed.

Saturday night is Lola's hen party.   We watch some boys doing dancing for us and drink lots of pink drinks and dance lots.   Me can't wait for the wedding next week.   It going to be the best wedding ever I think.

So the next day we stays home with Daddy and Tom.   Tom say he never ever going to another car boot sale in his life, it was horrible.   Mummy and Bryn goes off to find this car boot sale.   Them doesn't have a clue where it is though, all them knows is it's in the car park of one of them cheapo supermarkets.  Anyway, eventually after going up and down the high street a couple of times then find it in the car park of a Nisa supermarket.  Well, me say IT, what me means is 3 cars with people pulling rubbish out and laying it on wallpaper pasting tables.  So Mummy do go in and park up and go to talk to the people in the car next to us.  Them a old couple and them say them not been here for 10 years but it used to be good but if it not good there another car boot sale in the next village what starts at 11.  So Mummy and Bryn decide them will stay for an hour and if it rubbish them will pack up and go to the other one.  

This is the total sum of the car boot sale:   5 cars.   3 people on foot (not even got cars or car boots) selling what looked like stolen goods to feed their heroin habits off dirty bed sheets.   We does think everyone in Lydney is related to each other but not in a good way.
The whole time there was only about 10 visitors to the car boot sale and them was people what had come to shop at the crappy supermarket and was just having a nosy before them went back home.  One man bought a box of crackers what we finded in the attic for £1.  The man what run the burger van come over for a look and bought two bent frying pans for £1.   When him walked off with them bryn was laughing cos there was a rubber casing for a xbox controller stuck on one of the handles.  Him said the man proply thinks it a pan handle protector and was laughing at the thought of the man with his thumb in one end and his finger in the other thinking him has a fantastic handle holder.   Mummy say well her hope him not let it get near the heat cos it will melt onto his hand.

Then Bryn go and buy Mummy and him a burger from the burger van and Mummy say the white dog hairs in her onions looks familiar and Bryn say yes that's cos the man cooked them in her frying pan and then them laughs a lot.

Then the old people next to them pack up and go to the other car boot sale and Mummy say her will come too seeing as they only made £3.50 but at least it was free to go to.   Her said her would have asked for a refund if they'd been charged.  So them pack up and go to the next car boot sale.

When them gets there it is amazing.   It massive and people is queueing to get in.   Them park up and there so many peoples milling around, like zombies but a slightly more polite version of zombies than the ones yesterday, it takes them 20 minutes just to unload the car.   In the end them makes £31.80 after the £5 fee.  So them is happy and them doesn't have too much to take home.   Them says it was a good day out and them coming again in a couple of weeks.  

Oh and Mummy sold the foam boobies.   To an old lady.   Her said one of her friends wore a pair once to a fancy dress party and everybody thought they was hilarious so her wanted some (me don't ask).  Anyway she ask Mummy if she got a bag but Mummy say her only got pedal bin liners and the lady say anything will do and Mummy say "You just don't want to walk round with your boobs out do you?"
Lucky the lady laughs and not slaps Mummy for being so rude AGAIN.

And that's about it for the weekend.