15 dogs go camping. By Bessie

Last weekend we went camping with the bassets.   We met up with everybody at the motorway services and had a meet and greet in the doggy area.  We met an Italian Greyhound.  We thought he was a baby whippet.  None of us had ever seen an Italian Greyhound before so we didn't expect one to be quite so tiny.  I think all the mummies fell in love with him a bit.   Then the humans went inside and had a burger king while we waited in the car park.  Mr Wayne got his lunch and waited by the cars to make sure nobody tried to steal us cos you never know who might be wanting to steal 10 basset hounds.   The humans had to queue for ages for their food even though there was only one other person in front of them.   The man behind the till said to the person in front that he was sorry the food took so long but they was ever so busy, at which point Mummy, Daddy and Louise all did a big comedy looking round for the crowd.  And when they did finally gets served they got the order wrong and had to start again.   Mummy would like it to be known, she had already announced this back in September but had it reiterated on Saturday:  Knutsford Services is the worst motorway services in Britain.  I challenge you to find a worse one.

That reminds me of a story from a few weeks ago.  And it also reminds me that I never told you about Mummy, Tom and Katie's trip to Doncaster.  I will tell you about that later.  Anyway, on the way to Doncaster they stopped at a motorway services for lunch just outside Sheffield and Mummy said to Katie "If you like celebrity spotting motorway services is the best place to do that.  You're unlikely to see a celebrity in Tesco in Newport but everybody has to wee and eat."   Katie didn't believe her and then not five minutes later they were walking towards the footbridge when they passed Seann Walsh.  OK so he's not exactly A list but he's very funny and all three of them were very excited to see them.  And just to be sure it was really him and not some lookylikey Tom checked his tweeter and he had just tweeted "Just left Doncaster, going for something to eat."   Tom said he was looking at Seann with an expression that said "Is that Seann Walsh?"  And Seann Walsh was looking right back at him with the same expression haha.  Anyway, more about that trip later.  I am telling you about my camping holiday.  I don't care about Doncaster, I didn't go.

So after the humans finished their lunch they went in convoy to the campsite.  Mummy said she knew the way cos it was in Warrington where she lived like her whole life nearly.   Except when they got to the junction where they should turn right someone had flipped the sign round so it said campsite 100 yards straight on.  So everybody had to turn round at the next junction and get stuck in a massive traffic jam at the roadworks.   By the time they got to the campsite it was 2.58.   They stopped and all the human ladies and Mr Wayne went to book in and the rest of us waited in the cars.   Mummy phoned Susan cos she had made the booking and was already there and she said she would walk over.  While they was waiting for Susan some woman came out of the shop and said "Do you want owt?"    Mummy said they wanted to book in.  The lady said they had better hurry then cos the shop shuts at three.  Luckily Susan arrived at that moment so they all went in the shop.   The woman behind the desk was really annoyed cos it was now three and she wanted to shut the shop.  She didn't make the slightest effort to pretend she wasn't annoyed and was incredibly rude to everyone.   Then she got annoyed cos Mummy tried to pay with a £20 note and she claimed to have no change.  Which is a bit strange considering it was supposed to be a shop that had been open all day.  Anyway they had a whip round and found enough of the right change to pay everybodys money and then the lady said we could pitch ANYWHERE we liked.   So we drove the cars round to where Susan's caravan was and we all got out and us dogs had to be on leads the whole time in the campsite, which we was not impressed about but ho hum.  So Louise got some stakes and tied us all up to them and the humans started pitching their tents.  Anywhere they liked, liked the lady said.  I don't know why I keep calling her a lady.  She was no lady.   The woman.   Within 5 minutes this man who was the campsite manager came over and screamed at us, literally screamed at us, to be quiet.  He said the campsite was for humans not dogs and we were rude.  The humans tried to explain that we had only just got here and had been sat in cars for 4 hours and if he gave us time to settle down we would be quiet.  But he just gave us a load of abuse and stormed off.    Then the woman thing came over and told us we couldn't put our tents where we had put them and we had to move them.  So we did.   Then the man came over again to just stand and stare at us for making a few barks.

Inside the toilets was signs that said (and I paraphrase cos I can't remember the exact wording but I will try and be as accurate as I can remember):
If you foul the toilet use the brush to clean it.
Don't steal the soap.
Don't get grass on the floor.
Mop the floor after showering.
Don't foul the toilets.  It is disgusting.  We know who you are.
Somebody has stolen all the paper towels.
Don't steal the soap.  We know who you are.

Then Diane and Ann came to visit with Millie and Lola.    We loved to meet them and Diane brought snossijs for us all to share.   We went for a walk but it started raining while we were out.  By the time we got back to the campsite we were almost completely drowned.  Everybody was soaking wet and muddy.   Diane, Ann, Millie and Lola had to go so we gave them all hugs and then Mummy, Mr Wayne and Mr Dave went off to look for food while the rest of us tried to get dry.  

Mummy said they could go to the chip shop where her and Jenny used to get their lunch from when she worked in Warrington cos it was the closest to the campsite.  Only when they got there the chippy was shut.  At 6pm on a Saturday.  So they went to look for another one but every chippy they came to was shut.  Eventually they went into a co-op and asked and they were sent to a chippy next door to the railway station and luckily they managed to get everything they wanted except Sam's beans turned out to be mushy peas which is her most hated food in the world so she swapped it for Mummy's gravy.

By the time they got back to the campsite it had stopped raining and everyone was drinking and they had a nice evening.   The other people on the campsite were very nice, just the staff that were vile.   It was freezing cold though so we all went to bed at 9.30.   It was very cosy in our tent with five humans and six hounds but we had an ok nights sleep until 5.30 when Lotty woke everybody up.  So all six dogs went for a wee and a poo in the pitch black and Mummy and Louise were staggering round in their pyjamas looking for poo in the dark.

When we got up we had breakfast and we packed up the tents and the woman from the shop gave Mummy a dirty look in the toilets cos there was grass on the floor, which was really annoying cos Mummy had wiped her feet about forty times cos she didn't want to get interrogated by the SS.

Then we went to Tatton Park to meet the pack for a walk.   Luckily Mummy directed everyone the right way and there were no U turns.   Grandma and Grandad came on the walk with us and it was lovely to see them.   Jayne and Winston came too, Winston was scared of all the bassets though, he was so cute.    And Miss Donna came to see us at the beginning which was really nice of her.   Her and Jayne brought us some stuff to sell or raffle to raise money for the rescue.    We met Martha and Ruby and tonnes of other people.   There were 24 bassets and 4 honoury bassets on our walk.  We charged a pound a hound and we raised enough money to pay for a vet visit.   The weather was beautiful and we had a lovely walk, it was very long but it was lovely.

Here are some of the things we heard on our walk:
Are they the same dogs the Queen has?
They must really like beagles round here.
Oh look a beagle convention.
Oh look a beagle club.
Are they beagles?
Are they sausage dogs?

So anyway I was going to tell you about Doncaster.  So Tom had this assessment weekend so Mummy drove him up there on the Friday and her and Katie booked a hotel in Wakefield and arranged to go and visit Aunty Gilly, Sadie and Fudge.   On the way they stopped for lunch, I told you about that already, and then they took Tom to the outward bounds centre.  I think he must have been very nervous cos just as they were pulling into the road where it was he suddenly shouted that he really really needed a wee and Mummy had to stop right now.  So she did and he ran to the nearest bush and did an enormous wee which he said another second and it would have been in his pants.   They dropped Tom off, there were about 60 people at this weekend.

Then Katie and Mummy went to Wakefield to see Aunty Gilly,Sadie and Fudge.   Sadie and Fudge are so sweet, they loved to cuddle and Aunty Gilly is lovely and kind.   They had tea and cake and a chinese takeaway for their tea.  Then Mummy and Katie went to find the hotel.  But Wakefield has had a massive makeover and the town centre has been rebuilt since they bought the sat nav so it couldn't find where they were staying.   They were driving round and round and ended up in the city centre at 9pm on a Saturday night.  There was drunken tarts falling out of doorways all over the place and gangs of lads, it was not a nice place to be.  Eventually after driving down a bus lane, through the pedestrianised area and backing the entire length of a one way street they found the hotel.   It was a newly refurbished hotel so was supposed to be all super duper lovely.  It was not.   These are the things Mummy commented on booking.com about the hotel:
There was a pub across the road which was playing loud music until 3am, at which point all the customers came outside to have a fight.  In the middle of the road.  Right next to where Mummy's car was parked.  The police came.  It was also a gay bar but that is not relevant.
The website said the restaurant was serving breakfast.   There is no restaurant, and therefore no breakfast.
The television took half an hour to turn on and the picture was crackly.  It was like watching telly in the 1980s.
The toilet leaked and they had to mop the floor with toilet roll everytime they flushed it.
There was no soap or toiletries of any kind in the bathroom.
The carpet was filthy.
The bedside lamp had no bulb.
The walls were so thin every time anybody on the same floor or in the rooms above and below closed a door the walls shook.
At 8am on Saturday morning somebody was hoovering the corridor directly outside the room, banging it against the door as they did so.
The website said wi-fi in every room.  It failed to mention this would cost £5 for the access code.
They had put them in a room at the front directly across from the noisy pub with the fights and the police and the noise and the flashing lights.  Even though they knew it was a family staying there.

Mummy and Katie finally got to sleep about 4am and were woken at 8 by hoovering, doors banging and other people farting.  So they gave up trying to sleep and got up and dressed and left the hotel.  They went into the town centre to find some breakfast.   They went to McDonalds and then they looked round the shops for a bit and Katie bought some shoes and a jumper in New Look and then they went over to Aunty Gilly's and spent the morning with Sadie and Fudge and then they decided they ought to be getting back to Doncaster to pick Tom up.   Katie tweeted in the car and it came up with her location and a friend of hers who lived in Doncaster saw it and said she wished Katie could visit her.  So Mummy said she could if she wanted cos once she had picked Tom up he would probably want to go and get some lunch so Katie could go to her friends for a couple of hours.  So they got the address and Mummy took Katie to her friends house and met her Mum and checked Katie's friend was a 14 year old girl and not some paedo and then she went to get Tom.   He was very tired and hungry so they went to Asda and got some sandwiches and Tom told Mummy all about his weekend and about the funny things people had chosen to do their presentations about.  Everyone had been told to prepare a five minute presentation.  Tom did his about basset hounds.   Some other topics were:
The rules of cricket
The rules of rugby union
An accident I had on my motorbike
Fishing
The day I met Kate Middleton
Famous people I have met as a bouncer (that one actually sounded quite interesting)
Jamaican Martial Arts

Then they went to pick Katie up and they all came home and gave me lots of cuddles cos they missed me most.

So anyway, back to the present, we are having a kitchen fitted.   It will be where the dining room is cos Mummy said that room is too big for just a dining room and the kitchen is so small it is useless as a kitchen.  It is only 5 foot by 8 foot so she's probably right.  When the new kitchen is finished she is going to turn the old one into a pantry.  So far all the cupboards are built and the sink, hob, oven and microwave are working.  But the cupboard fronts aren't on yet and the worktop doesn't arrive til Thursday cos it had to be made to order.   Then when that is done they can tile the walls and put the slate floor down.   Mummy, Daddy and Bryn went to Ikea and B & Q today.   They bought:
A barbeque.
4 Rods to put on the wall to hang pans and stuff on and some hooks to go on them.
2 new pans.  One for beans and one for when you just want to cook half a tin of beans (according to Daddy.  Mummy said he's not right in the head).
teatowels with roses on cos Mummy said we can't live in Rose Cottage and not have a single thing in the house with roses on.
8 cushions for dining chairs (but no dining chairs or table cos there wasn't room in the car, they are going back next week for them).
A glass with flamingos on it cos Mummy said she needed it.
An apple candle cos Mummy can't go to Ikea without buying a candle.
2 recycling boxes.
spotlights for the kitchen and bulbs.
And hotdogs.  Of course.

Yesterday we went to the groomers to get our nails cut.  Kate, the groomer, hurt my toe and I bit her.   Not hard.  She didn't bleed.  Honest.  But she did muzzle me.   Lotty always gets muzzled anyway cos she would bite for fun.  Carly is a girly swot and just gives Kate kisses while she is cutting her toe nails.

Then we went outside and Hope Rescue had a stall outside so we bought a biscuit each and Carly got a new jumper.  It is pink and sparkly.   I want a pink sparkly jumper.