Top million things I hate today. By Sam

I was going to compile my five things that wound me up today list but it went a bit beyond five.  Is it me or is everybody really annoying today?  So instead here is my list of things that annoyed me in town this morning:

1.   HSBC bank who employ a part time business manager.  Why?  It's a bloody big branch.
2.   Short people with umbrellas.  Actually anyone with umbrellas.   Double actually, just umbrellas.  Put your hood up.  I have nothing against short people really.  I wouldn't dare.
3.   People who stand in shop doorways smoking.
4.   Ambulance chasers.  
5.   Monster.   Saw a boy sat in the doctors wearing his school uniform, probably about Bryn's age, drinking the biggest can of monster ever.  It was the size of a petrol can.  Whatever is wrong with him, I don't think that's the cure.   Although...it did lead to one of those inane conversations Tom and I frequently have.  One of the 'what if' conversations.   Tom thought that maybe the boy claimed he was too tired to go to school (like Katie had tried this morning) so his Mum had given him a giant can of energy drink and taken him to the doctors.   We decided we would get one and go in to Katie's room at 7am tomorrow, crack it open and tell her to get up and drink it.  Then five minutes later she would come running downstairs in her underwear shouting, "COME ON.  LET'S DO THIS."   Tom said maybe I had an exaggerated opinion about how energy drinks work.  I reminded him it was a very big drink and she is a very small girl.   Anyway, we laughed.  I guess you had to be there.   You usually do with these things.
6.   People who want to have a conversation with someone they've seen (usually a conversation that ought to be private, about medical problems or money issues) but they start it the minute they see each other.  So instead of waving, then closing the gap and standing next to each other to talk, they shout "Alright love?" And then proceed to discuss their piles or debt management from a distance of fifty yards and at a volume a town crier would think was too loud.
7.   People who go out in really large groups.   Why would an entire extended family all need to go to Asda together?   If they all want to be part of the decision making regarding which brand of oven chips they are having for tea then why not all sit down and write a list together and then send the least smelly one to the shop.  Alone.
8.   People who wear inappropriate clothing for the time of year.   It's not time to look at cracked heels, yellow toenails and varicose veins.   I thought I had at least another three months to prepare myself (visually speaking obviously. I neither have nor would show them off if I did have any of those things)
9.   People who don't own a bra and should do (that includes some men).  You can buy one from Poundland now, there's no excuse.
10.  People who push in from the back when they hear another till being opened.  If I worked on a till I would refuse to serve those people.  I would insist on waiting for the person who was next in the other queue to come over to my till.
11.  People who slam their car into reverse and start their manoeuvre even though you were already reversing.  One of these days I won't stop.  I'll just let them hit me and see what they do about it.   Mind you if it's anything like the old fella I saw in the Kingsway Centre last week they'll probably just drive off.   Tom and I were coming down the ramp when this old guy, looked at least 85, started driving up the down ramp.  So I stopped while he attempted to back up.  It took him ages, he just couldn't steer the car backwards.  Eventually he got himself into such a position where the side of his car had scraped right along the front of a parked car.  I couldn't stop as there were no spots and he had caused a massive tailback.   So I pulled up alongside and looked him straight in the eye, shaking my head and pointing at the damage.   By this gesture I OBVIOUSLY meant, "Don't you dare drive off, I saw everything."  So I drove round the floor looking for a place to stop but when I got back round the little bastard had driven off.  What a shit.  And you know what?  I'm such a thicko I didn't write down his registration number.  I could have kicked myself.  Such a stupid thing to let happen.
12.  People who let doors slam in your face.   Pig ignorant.
13.  People selling stuff in the street who get arsey with you when you say no thank you.
14.  People who wear Ugg rip offs that don't fit.   You're supposed to walk on the soles not the sides.  Between them and crocs the next generation won't be able to walk properly.  It's not bad enough that they can't spell anymore what with predictive text and auto correct.
15.  People who indicate left then turn right.  I'm not great at my left and right under pressure but I do know that if I want to turn that way then I indicate that way and if I want to turn the other way I indicate the other way.